What we as human beings often don’t realize when it comes to mental slavery is that no one is holding us prisoners but ourselves. It is therefore ourselves we must emancipate from the slavery we’re holding ourselves in – within the mind. We therefore ironically tend to lose ourselves when we try finding ourselves in the mind, just like we enslave ourselves by trying to free ourselves in the mind. That’s what we’ll be looking at in this blog-post.
In this blog-post I am going to continue with the next dimension of the ‘Exhilarating Defiance’ Character, which is the reaction dimension.
Here is what I wrote on DAY 247:
”Reactions Positive: self-empowerment, feeling powerful, feeling in control, feeling relieved, feeling rewarded, feeling protected, feeling like I escaped something dreadful, feeling excited, feeling aroused, feeling ‘high’ Negative: feeling trapped, feeling fearful, feeling resisting, feeling weak, feeling guilty, feeling regretful, feeling ashamed, anxious, nervous.”
So a particular point that has come up in relation to these reactions and that I’ve also written about previously is how this particular pattern has to do with ‘cheating authorities’ and within that feeling like I’m emancipating myself. I see how this is actually at the core of the character’s foundation. So there is definitely a distinct experience of superiority within this. As I’ve explained in previous blog-posts, I remember this pattern clearly from when I was a child and it has carried on into my adult years specifically with regards to the food that I eat (or don’t eat) and with regards to taking care of responsibilities in my reality – – here especially studying. Something that I’ve also seen is how this is a pattern that I’ve resonantly picked up from my mother in how she directed rebelled against her parents and her strict religious upbringing. So for her there was a ‘real’ sense of emancipation, where she used defiance to free herself from an actual restrictive environment which in many ways was a cool and necessary thing for her to do in her life. But what I then did was to adopt this pattern within picking up on how it was ‘giving’ my mother a positive energetic experience, but the difference was that I wasn’t really rebelling against any real restrictive environment. And as such I’ve rather carried the pattern inside myself, thus creating both the restriction and the subsequent desire for emancipation – which is obviously what then also constitutes the time-loop, because the pattern doesn’t exist in relation to anything physical or practical, but only exists on an energetic – made-up – level.
So these positive reactions of how I experience myself when I participate in the pattern of defying authority is what I’ll be working with here through applying self-forgiveness and releasing myself from these reactions once and for all.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a positive energetic relationship-reaction towards defying that which I perceive to be a restrictive authority, based on resonantly picking up on my mother’s positive energetic experience towards emancipating herself from her experience of having had a restrictive childhood – thus creating an association within and as myself between defying authority and self-emancipation – when in fact I’ve not had a ‘reason’ as such to emancipate myself from a restrictive authority and as such I’ve made an inner scenario out of what my mother experienced in her physical reality environment so that I could get the positive energetic experience of emancipating myself.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an manifest an experience of feeling emancipated, empowered, powerful and superior when and as I perceive myself as breaking free of the restrictive grip of an authority – which doesn’t even have to be a person, but can simply be something that I perceive and experience as something that I must/should/have to do – without any self-honest consideration or assessment of whether or not this point is practical or not – not seeing, realizing or understanding that the restrictive authority only exists in my mind as a figment of my imagination that I’ve deliberately created to get to the positive energetic experience of emancipation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as having escaped something awful and dreadful and that I’ve dodged a bullet in the moment where I defy an ‘authority’ as something that I perceive/believe that I should/must/have to do and because of this feel exhilarated and ‘high’ and relived – not seeing, realizing or understanding how I was the one who created the restrictive grip in the first place, only so that I could get to the positive energetic experience of freeing myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the positive energetic experience of ‘self-emancipation’ that I create and manifest within and as myself based on having created a perception/belief/judgment about something being restrictive and authoritative towards me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have literally trapped and restricted myself into and as an addiction towards a positive energetic experience that I can only get to by inventing a negative energetic experience towards points in my reality that most often are things that simply has to be done and through which I thereby compromise and sabotage myself in my physical reality – because I’ve literally made myself a slave to energetic experiences and now believe that I’m actually emancipating myself when nothing could be further from the truth
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to create, manifest and participate within and as a positive energetic experience towards defying an authority in my environment, especially as something that I perceive that I must/should/have to do and that isn’t necessarily fun or enjoyable – I stop myself and I breathe and I bring myself back here to the stability of my physical body. Because I realize that I’ve made myself a slave to this positive energetic experience by allowing myself to become addicted to it and that I’ve equally made myself addicted to the corresponding negative experience of feeling restricted, because without the negative polarity, I couldn’t get to the positive polarity and as such I’ve trapped myself in a loop that I cannot get out of until I physically and practically stop the cycle. I realize that I’ve taken something that for my mother was a very real and to some extent valid point of self-emancipation and within how she created a positive energetic experience towards that, I assumed this positive energetic experience for myself and created a virtual scenario of needing to emancipate myself from a restrictive authority so that I could get the same positive experience that I saw her getting – not realizing how my situation was completely different from hers. I realize that self-emancipation in the context of who I am in this moment, is to emancipate myself from the addiction I’ve created towards and within the mind that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become enslaved within and as. I also realize that real self-emancipation is a physical and practical point that can both be emancipating oneself from a physically enslaving situation or condition but also me emancipating myself from and as the mind through taking self-responsibility for the creation of myself in and as the mind. I therefore commit myself to stop and break this time-loop by stopping participation in the cycle of positive and negative polarity experiences and I commit myself to redefine self-emancipation in the context of me stopping the enslavement of myself to/as the mind – but also as a point that is not real until it is real for all parts of and as myself in and as this existence. As such I commit myself to focus on firstly emancipating myself as an individual from the addiction I’ve created towards energetic experiences – so that I may be able to stabilize and expand myself to assist and support all parts of myself to do the same.
In the next blog-post I will continue with the negative reactions and expeirences.
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