Bernard Poolman, Desteni Group, Fear of men, feeling inferior to men, Female, female submission, gender roles, male dominance, male/female gender roles, Men, men get the last word, Psychological manipulation, relationship advice
Why do Women become Submissive when they discuss with Males? Are Males inherently Dominant and Women inherently Submissive? Is this who we really are? I am continuing here with the self-commitment statements from yesterday’s post on how I’ve reacted towards males in particular using emotional manipulation, here specifically anger, within perceiving and believing that males ‘always get the last word’ as I mentioned in my first post on the point.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in blame and resentment towards a male in a discussion where I would see the male as acting out a dominant role as being a male through which I would justify my role as a female as submissive to use emotional manipulation to get the man to agree with me, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to the common sense of the discussion I am participating within in speaking with an equal as an equal. Because I see, realize and understand that I within confirming my role within my mind as a submissive female in seeing the male as dominant because he is male, I am filtering my perception of the discussion through optics of seeing roles and characters and accepting myself and the male I am discussing with as characters, in and through which I am in fact not seeing what is actually going on, because I am filtering reality through a filter.
I commit myself to stop seeing, experiencing, defining and accepting males as inherently dominant and females as inherently submissive – because I see, realize and understand that these roles and definitions are characters that I’ve accepted and assumed for myself that is not actually who we are in our physical practical participation and I see, realize and understand that the one character cannot exist without the other, so if I accept myself as submissive because I am a female, I am equally as one responsible for assuming the male in a position of dominance completely disconnected from who he is and who I am in fact where I would in fact force the male into a character of dominance simply because he is male, where I am not seeing him as who he really is, in any way whatsoever.
When and as I am participating in a discussion with a male and the male does not agree with me and I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in a perception, belief and judgment that the male is deliberately refusing to agree with me and that he is stubborn and that he is within that ‘being a typical man’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to the practicality and common sense of the discussion I am participating in and I stop my reactions. Because I see, realize and understand that if I am filtering my perception of what is going on in the discussion I cannot see what is actually going on and what my own starting-point is and what is best for all in the moment and I can also not assist and support the male as an equal if he is for example being stubborn for no reason, because I’ve already taken it personally and made it a part of my story that I’ve created in my mind of how males are and how females are in a discussion through which I would judge the male and place myself in my mind in a position of self-righteousness. And I see, realize and understand that it is from this starting-point that I would then justify using emotional manipulation in believing and perceiving that ‘there’s nothing else I can do’ in which I would in fact blame the male and give the male the responsibility for my experience of powerlessness – when in fact, I am the one who has defined and accepted myself as powerless, simply because I am a woman and the male as exerting power over me simply because he is male.
And so, I commit myself to stop reacting towards males when I discuss with them if they don’t immediately agree with me and I commit myself to stop using emotional manipulation to get what I want and to make another see things from my point of view. And I commit myself to stop defining myself as inherently powerless because I am female and I commit myself to stop defining the male as inherently dominant because he is a male and I commit myself to stop defining females as powerless and males as powerful and to disconnect and deconstruct that definition I’ve created in/through/as my mind of the relationship between males and females
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience and backchat of blame towards males for whatever reason because they are males, where I would say to myself in my head or even to another female or another male that something is ‘typically male’ , I stop and I breathe. I stop participating in judgments towards males in general because they are males. Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve been deliberately holding on to a definition and judgment of males as the abusers of this world and the ones who fucked this world up and the ones who are to blame for how and where we are in this role because of their position as being dominant. But I now see realize and understand first of all that male and female as it has been designed and created by ourselves as characters, are merely that: characters that have nothing to do with who we are in fact in practical reality. And I also see, realize and understand that I within accepting and defining myself as a female in defining females as inherently submissive and powerless have equally participate in and created the current situation on earth and that there is no difference between who is submissive and who is dominant in the roles we’ve played. We’re equally as one responsible for who we are and what we’ve created in and as this earth. And I also see, realize and understand that I’ve used my acceptance and definition of myself as a female as submissive to abdicate self-responsibility for myself as the creator of this existence, where I could conveniently blame the males because of their position of power and thus deceive myself into believing that I was not responsible for what is here or even for who I am here.
A prominent example of this is how females will ask males to do physically heavy stuff, like moving furniture and within that confirm and validate specific gender roles and also use emotional manipulation in playing the ‘small little weak woman’ from a starting-point of laziness and simply not wanting to move the furniture and where the males would often readily agree because they could then confirm and validate their roles as males as powerful but also in fear of not being seen as such. And so what I’ve experienced as a female is frustration towards not being able to do things for myself like putting up shelves because I believed and accepted that I was dependent upon a man to do such things. And when I was on the Desteni farm and started using power tools, I realized how much I in fact enjoy and have always enjoyed such work and how I had prevented myself from learn in accepting and defining myself as a female as ‘too weak’ to do such work but also within convenience in laziness for example and also because I enjoyed the role playing of a ‘strong male’ against a ‘weak female’ not seeing, realizing or understanding how I was in fact the one disempowering myself through my self-definition.
When and as I see that I am becoming possessed by emotions in discussions with males deliberately to manipulate the male to get what I want, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to use emotions to manipulate, I also have to allow myself to dwell and wallow in the emotions and as such I accept and allow myself to become possessed by emotions and thus allow myself to be taken over by the emotions where I give myself over to the emotions and give up my self-direction and thus abdicate my self-responsibility and deny myself any ability to direct myself or change my experience
When and as I see that I in the moment before presenting a point of discussion to a male, like where I have a suggestion to a change or something that must be done, where I see that I am already expecting there to be a fight, where I am already expecting that he will get the last word and as such where I’ve in fact already decided in my mind how the discussion will play out and ‘who’ we will be in the discussion through playing it out in my mind – I stop and I breathe and I stop participating in this backchat and expectation. Because I see, realize and understand that I through already playing out this scene in my mind and through participating in an expectation, have already decided that ‘who’ we each are in the discussion is only the characters of males and females as dominant and submissive and as such when I enter into the discussion, it does not matter what the point is or what the other says because I’ve already create the scene and have decided how it will play out regardless of practical reality and thus I see, realize and understand that I within that am creating the exact role play between males and females where I force both of us into these roles through insisting on in/through/as my mind that ‘this is how it is’ and ‘this is who we are’
And so I commit myself to step out of the character that I’ve assumed and accepted for/as myself as being inherently submissive and powerless because I am a female and I commit myself to redefine what it means to be a female or a male as simply being an expression of difference in physicality that has nothing to do with the worth, value or ability of a person in relation to anything or anyone else and I commit myself to assist and support males in my environment to stop and step out of the character that I’ve given to them and that they have assumed and accepted for/as themselves as powerful and dominant through developing equal and one discussion and communication here, where I don’t communicate from a starting-point of being female and the features of the character that I’ve attached to that as being powerless, weak and inferior and I commit myself to redefine
When and as participating in a discussion with a male where the male for example says ‘no’ in a way that I would perceive as ‘steadfast’ where I’d trigger memories of experiences where I’ve felt myself to be treated unfairly by males, where I’d feel powerless and unable to move myself through which I would justify for myself to activate anger possession – I stop and I breathe and I stop myself from reacting and simply hear what the male has to say and look at the points we share in common sense and practicality where I do no longer interpret what another is saying from a reaction but simply in hearing what they’re saying here.
Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve used anger deliberately to win over a male in a discussion based on accepting myself as inherently powerless and I see, realize and understand that I’ve created a relationship towards a specific tonality that I interpret males to be speaking from/within/as, as dominant and final where I’d experience, perceive, define and accept myself as powerless towards. And I see, realize and understand that I through and within this, have accepted and allowed myself to recreate the same relationship towards males that is based only on my own interpretation and reaction towards a tonality through which I am in no way listening to what is being said, because I am interpreting it according to my own personalized reaction
So I commit myself to sever and disconnect the relationship I’ve created towards my interpretation as males words and sounding of their words and I commit myself to let go of the memory I’ve held onto of males always getting the final word and how I’ve experienced myself as powerless within and as that
When and as I see that I after having accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards a male in a discussion with shame and self-judgment towards myself, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here and I stop judging myself for having allowed myself to feel angry. Because I now see, realize and understand the starting-point of my anger as a point of deliberate emotional manipulation based on my acceptance of myself as a female character that is inherently inferior and powerless to a male character that is powerful and dominant and I see, realize and understand that it is not necessary to use emotional manipulation and that it in fact is possible to develop equal communication and discussion within and as stopping the definition and acceptances of men and women as characters of dominance and submission
I commit myself to show how extensively we’re limiting ourselves through defining and accepting ourselves in and as roles and characters of males and females as submissive and dominant and I commit myself to show that we are not the roles and characters that we’ve assumed and accepted ourselves as males and females and that it is possible to live and communicate and interact as equals
I commit myself to show how it is necessary that we reeducate ourselves in how to communicate with others and I commit myself to show how we require developing a new way of communicating that is equal
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