In the next blog posts, I will be writing out the final self-commitment and self-corrective statements on the “happiness doctrine” that I started writing out on DAY 143 as an aspect of the desire to have an easy life. Just now I looked up the word ‘easy’ in an etymology dictionary and it comes from the word ‘ease’ that from a particular definition actually means “to relax one’s efforts”. I can see how this is how I have been living the word ‘easy’ however the desire to have an easy life has been in context to not wanting life to be difficult or strenuous, basically as how it is more comfortable to ride a bike with the wind behind pushing one forward rather than having the wind coming towards oneself where one has to push against the wind to move. This perspective is most definitely cool in giving me insight into exactly how I’ve been living in a relationship to the word ‘easy’ in a desire/fear polarity. Another thing I also saw is that easy in Danish which is my first language translates to ‘light’ as in ‘not heavy’ which is also interesting considering the many energetic charges given to the word ‘light’. There are thus several dimensions in this that are relevant to open up, which I will commence within blogs to come.
When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in an experience that I HAVE TO ‘do what makes me happy/feel good’ and/or where I experience a great resistance towards doing things that ‘do not make me happy/feel good’ as though I would be committing a sin if I were to stray away from this doctrine, I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve created a form of religion around doing only what makes me happy, partly based on adopting this perspective from my mother and how I related to my mother in a way that I took everything she said as literal doctrines and prescriptions for how to life and partly from my external environment as advertisements and music and self-help books and from my friends who were living according to the same doctrine and the entire industry of ‘happiness’ that is pushing this doctrine in multiple different ways. And I see, realize and understand that I’ve within creating a religion out of only doing that which makes me happy and through believing in doing what makes me happy as the answer to having a successful and effective life, I’ve in fact sacrificed and compromised actual real living and real satisfaction within and as a self-expression in self-honesty. So therefore I commit myself to let go of the religion of happiness that I’ve held within me and I commit myself to show how the doctrine of only doing that which makes us happy is being impulsed extensively within the consumerist system and how we through believing in happiness as a doctrine we follow religiously are compromising reality because only doing what makes us happy is a flawed principle as that which makes us happy in generating a positive experience is not necessarily that which is best for us or best for all and therefore cannot be trusted as a living principle – which makes it suspicious the extent to which we’ve been impulsing the happiness doctrine in our and each other’s lives. And I commit myself to show and expose how within us following only what makes us happy, we are actually only caring about ourselves and are accepting and justifying abuse of others and of life in general.
When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in an experience of fear that if I don’t do what makes me happy I will be miserable and my life will be miserable, I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that this is a classic religious fear where one fears the consequences of not following god or the church. So I commit myself to stop participating in fear of my life being miserable if I don’t do what makes me happy.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to only focus on my own happiness, where I see that I am participating in only focusing on my life and my happiness I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here seeing, realizing and understanding that the only way I can live only doing what makes me happy is through ignoring what is actually going on, on earth and also that through only caring about what makes me happy, I am by default ignoring what is actually going on, on earth and even more so: the fact that I am living here only caring about what makes me happy has massive extensive consequences in the lives of others because I am endorsing a system that is based on exploitation, abuse and inequality of the lives of others because that is the only way I’ve been able to do what makes me happy. I commit myself to show how we deliberately make ourselves blind to the reality of what is here, so that we can justify only doing what makes us happy in deceiving ourselves into believing that what we do as we only care about ourselves has no effect on anyone else, while that is absolute bullshit – because why would we else actively and deliberately ignore what is here as the suffering on earth, as the destruction of the planet, as the extinction of the animals. I commit myself to have the world here with me in every moment, not accepting or allowing myself to be complacent because I now understand, see and realize that this is a deliberate tactic of the mind to avoid taking responsibility for myself and so I commit myself to walk with the world here with me and to daily keep myself oriented about the situation on earth
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately and with full intention disregard the fact that my ability to do what makes me happy is entirely contingent upon my access to money and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately insist that ‘happiness does not cost anything’ and ‘you can be happy anywhere’ and ‘I don’t need any material things to be happy’ instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that everything of what I’ve defined as making me happy, has been provided through me in one way or another through my access to money.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as excuses within my mind and in conversations with others where I say that “happiness is not material” and “you can be happy anywhere” – I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that these kinds of statements are direct self-deception as happiness is contingent upon having money in this world as only people with money have the luxury to feel happy but I’ve deliberately deceived myself into believing that happiness is not dependent upon money, so that I could lie to myself and pretend that it is not my money that is the reason for why I can experience happiness and as such I can justify using my money on only making myself happy. So I commit myself to stop justifying my happiness through pretending that it is not contingent upon money and I commit myself to show those who claim that happiness has nothing to do with money, how this is not so, and how the people in this world who do not have money also do not have happiness.
To be continued
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