What is the battle between good and evil? Why does it feel so important to win a discussion? Why do we experience discussions as battles on life and death?
This is in continuation to:
Oops, You Missed a Spot! DAY 112
Bad Cop vs. Pure Evil: DAY 111
Staff Sargent F.E.A.R Thomsen: DAY 110
Wrestling Imaginary Alligators of the Mind: DAY 109
Becoming a Person of Integrity: DAY 102
When and as I am participating in a discussion with another, I simply breathe and remain here and listen to what they are saying. When and as another and I disagrees on a course of action or a principle, I assess the point in common sense and look within and as myself at what the practical common sense solution is and I direct the situation accordingly. When and as I see that I require further information to be able to assess what is best for all, I let go of the discussion for the moment until I’ve acquired the information required for me to assess what is best for all.
When and as I see that I am reacting to another’s words when participating in a discussion immediately as I hear them speak, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back here to my physical body in and as self-integrity.
I see, realize and understand that when and as I am in a discussion with another and I’ve perceived another’s words as a threat and a danger it is not because of them or have anything to do with them in fact – but is in fact that which their words reflect of myself that I’ve separated myself from and hidden from myself and that which I believe that I must control/contain/suppress in/as myself as that which I perceive and believe to be stronger than me and superior to me
I commit myself to stop reacting when having discussions and disagreements
I commit myself to stop participating in an experience of feeling threatened and in danger if/when another disagrees with me or I disagree with them
I commit myself to develop common sense practical communication with and within myself and with another as myself where I assess what is best for all within and as the moment of participation
When and as I see that I am participating within and as a belief/experience/acceptance that my experience or reaction in the moment is something that ‘happens TO me’ and that I thus ‘cannot help’ (but participate within/as) – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body – because I see, realize and understand that I’ve projected the responsibility for and creation of my experiences and reactions onto an unspecified ‘other’ as ‘life’, ‘the world’, ‘karma’, ‘my mother’, ‘genetics’, ‘biology’, ‘psychology’ through which I’ve justified my own self-abdication – and I also, see, realize and understand that it is in fact through doing that – through deliberately abdicating my own self-responsibility for/as myself as the creator of my experiences/reactions that I’ve made myself subject/a slave and powerless towards the experiences and reactions that comes up within and as me – and thus I’ve taken away my own ability to change myself through abdicating self-responsibility. And thus – I see, realize and understand that the only way for me to change myself is to take self-responsibility for myself as the creator of my experiences and reactions – which means that I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application give myself back the responsibility of myself as the creator of my experiences to investigate and understand how I have created myself and thereby give myself the power and directive to change myself in fact.
When and as I am participating in a discussion with another and I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in fear of them twisting and manipulating my words and their own words and that I am in danger of ‘caving in’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body – in self-trust and self-integrity.
I see, realize and understand that I have been holding to a belief/idea/fear/expectation that people in discussions will twist and manipulate my words and their words and so manipulate me to feel bad about myself and doubt myself when and as I do in fact see what is going in self-honesty – based on a memories of past relationships where I accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated and I see, realize and understand that I, through this and within this expectation/belief/idea about discussions and how people are in discussions – have created and invented an inferior/victimized character where I fear the others as ‘a monster’ that I believe and justify that I have to ‘match’ and thus become angry and brutal towards because I fear, that if I don’t ‘stand my ground’ they WILL ‘knock me over’ and so I ‘push them before they can push me’
I see, realize and understand that I have feared/defined/experienced and accepted discussions with other people as matches on life and death where there is only two outcomes – either I win or I lose and if I lose, I lose a part of myself and if I win, I gain a part of the other
I see, realize and understand that who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as discussions with others is a competition and battle for energy as superiority and inferiority
I commit myself to stop participating in discussions from a starting-point of competition and wanting to gain and fear to lose energy
I commit myself to redefine discussions and conversations with others from a starting-point of communicating in equality to clarify points of participation and principle in two or more being aligning themselves in a common understanding of a particular point
When and as I see, that I, within a discussion with another am accepting and allowing myself to step into and as the controlling character from and within which I believe that I must control and contain the other in not trusting them – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body. Because I see, realize and understand that the person who I don’t trust, is in fact myself and that I’ve created a relationship with myself where I have accepted that I can’t trust myself and therefore I must instead contain/control myself and such I’ve treated others the exact same way.
I commit myself to stop controlling and containing myself as that within and as myself that I see/realize/understand/know is not best for all. And I commit myself to embrace myself as that I see/realize/understand/know is not best for all – and to develop self-trust within and as taking responsibility for myself to change myself as that of and as me that I see/realize/understand/know is not best for all – so that I can in fact trust myself without using suppression or control to merely contain myself and thus not in fact change.
When and as I am participating in a discussion/communication with another and I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as morally superior within and as the definition of such as being ‘honorable’, ‘noble’ ‘good person’ within and as defining myself as ‘someone that stands by the principle of what is best for all’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body.
Because I see, realize and understand that if I have any form of experience – be it inferiority or superiority – I am not in fact here, I am not in fact speaking, listening or seeing in common sense self-honesty, and thus my words and who I am within and as the moment of participation is not real as I am busy playing out a character based on memories and experiences
I see, realize and understand that I have used the morally superior character to energize myself as empowering myself within and as the mind where I would feel better about myself and experience myself as separating – as elevating myself from ‘the bad’ as the morally inferior that I’ve essentially defined and accepted myself as and that I am now projecting onto another so as to separate myself from myself as being morally inferior – where I in this character of being morally superior believe that I am battling/winning over the ‘beast within’ as that which I’ve judged and defined as ‘morally inferior’ as ‘evil’
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience that I must control and contain a situation where another presents an argument that I see and perceive as not standing in the best interest of all – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
I see, realize and understand that if I am in any way reacting within and as an experience within and as myself towards the words of another, that I have in that moment stepped out of the practical physical reality and into a state-of-mind where I have allowed a memory to be triggered and that I am now busy acting out according to how I’ve programmed myself in relation to the memory. As such, I see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to react, I am not capable of seeing what is best for all, because the reaction is overriding any common sense self-honest assessment of the moment and the words of another. Therefore I commit myself to when and as I see that I am reacting to the words/expression of another – to immediately stop speaking and bring myself back here to my physical body in/through breath and breathing where I stabilize myself here and bring the point back to self, because I see, realize and understand that when I react – I am not longer here participating with another in equality but are accessing a personality/character and thus require going back and either write myself out or see the personality/character in the moment and immediately release it.
I see, realize and understand that when I in a discussion with another are speaking about what is best for all and I am reacting, I am in fact deceiving myself and manipulating myself as well as another – because the very fact that I am reacting is indicating that I am in no way standing as an example of what is best for all and thus my words are deceptive because I am speaking about something that I am not standing equal to/as.
Within this – I see, realize and understand that I have separated myself from ‘what is best for all’ as a principle/concept that I’ve understood and defined in relation to myself as separate – because otherwise I would not speak it and not live it and thus I see, realize and understand that I’ve abused and misused ‘what is best for all’ as a way to manipulate another to see things my way – because I cannot speak about what is best for all if I am not living what is best for all myself
I see, realize and understand that if I in fact see what is best for all in a moment in terms of a change required in the participation of another, where I am reacting in for example judging the other, this means that even though I see what is best for all, I am not living it as myself and therefore by projecting this onto another, I am attempting to get them to change that which I have not changed within and as myself – and thus I require bringing the point back to myself and equalize myself to live what is best for all – and only when I stand as an equal and one example can I direct and support another – as myself which is as easy as breathing, no experience or reaction involved, it is simply sharing and showing equal and one here.
I see, realize and understand that only by standing as an example within and as myself, can I stand as an example to others – because if I am speaking about something that I am not living to others, I am projecting that which I am not living onto them and I am thus deliberately abdicating self-responsibility in separating myself from what I am accepting and allowing within and as myself
I see, realize and understand that the only way I can stand as an example to others, is if I am standing as an example in/as myself and thus assist and support another equal and one to how I am assisting and supporting myself and that anything else than this is relationship bullshit self-deception and manipulation that simply requires to be removed from my participation and living through me taking self-responsibility and bringing the point back to myself
I see, realize and understand that what is best for all is not something that can exist outside or separate from me as an external point that I can then place into myself to transform myself – but that I actually have to transform myself into a being that lives myself in a way that is best for all – and I see, realize and understand that I will never understand/see what is best for all in fact, until I live what is best for all as myself – and therefore that if I speak to others about what is best for all as though I am already living it or believe within myself that I am representing ‘principle’ without standing equal and one to/as the principle as myself in my actual physical and practical living – then I am in fact deceiving myself and further perpetuating my own self-separation by not being self-honest about who I am as who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become
I see, realize and understand that living principled means actually and in fact living it and as such speak it equal and one with my actions – otherwise I am living the principle of self-deception and lying, which is also a principle but not a principle that is best for all and as such it is a principle that has devastating consequences for everyone because we’re living one principle while pretending to be living another and thus cutting ourselves off from seeing what it is we’re accepting and allowing and thereby abdicating both self-responsibility and the ability to stand up and change
I commit myself to stop speaking that which I am not living equal and one. And thus if that means that I will speak a lot less than what I am doing now – then it’s cool. And so I commit myself to place a guard/guardian in front of my mouth of self-honesty and self-integrity where I bring myself to awareness so that in the moment of participation where I am communicating with another, I direct my words here and when and as I see that I am speaking something I am not living – I immediately stop.
I commit myself to when and as I am having a discussion with another where I see that what they are living/presenting is not best for all and I react to this – to stop participating in the discussion. I stop and breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body. I commit myself to bring the point back to myself and investigate through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in self-honesty how I am seeing what is best for all but not living it as well as reacting to myself and thus change/transform/align myself in and as my participation/living to what is best for all
When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and shitty and ashamed after having accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by an experience – as for example within fighting with another – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
Because I see, realize and understand that reacting to the fact that I am reacting – obviously only perpetuates the point of reaction and I see, realize and understand that the only point of reactions is to generate energy through the friction and conflict that I create, manifest and participate within myself and for me to abdicate self-responsibility for myself through projecting my own inner relationship of conflict onto another/my relationship with another
Furthermore – I see, realize and understand that feeling guilty and ashamed is a way of justifying my reaction where I ‘soften the blow’ because ‘at least I feel bad about it’ believing that feeling bad about it is the same as taking responsibility – exactly as how adults will teach children to say they are sorry without in fact teaching the children to understand the origin and consequence of their actions and so I don’t in fact take responsibility and thus only grant myself permission to do/be/become the same again – because I did not take responsibility for understanding how I created or abdicate myself in and as the moment and in and as the origin point within and as myself
Therefore – I commit myself to stop and no longer accept or allow myself to feel guilty or ashamed when I have accepted and allowed myself to react. I commit myself to instead give myself and take the responsibility of and as myself as the creator of my reaction and experience to bring it back to myself and through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application align/equalize myself with/as/within myself as the origin/creator of and as my experience/reaction – and such give myself the power/responsibility to change myself through understand how I created myself in and as this point of reaction/experience as self-abdication and separation and within and as understanding the consequences of what I accept and allow
When and as I see, that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as an experience/belief/justification that it is righteous and necessary that I become at another when/as I perceive them as saying or doing something that according to me is ‘against principle’ and thus ‘not acceptable’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
Because I see, realize and understand that I’ve used anger to cover up for fear and as a character that I step into when I experience myself as inferior towards another/their expression/words and where I perceive their words as possible threats/dangers to me within experiencing myself as wavering – and I see, realize and understand that the origin of this experience has nothing to do with anyone else – because it is reflecting my own relationship with/within/as myself within and as the polarity relationship I’ve created to/towards myself of respectively controlling/containing/dominating myself and the opposite of giving in/giving up/submitting myself – where I’ve not seen, realized or understood that these two characters/personalities/expressions exist in a co-dependent relationship-structure because I’ve existed within and as separating myself into and as the two, where I’ve had them fighting against each other, where I have seen/defined the controlling character as the righteous character as morally superior and as who and how I should be where I’ve seen the giving in character as a threat and danger, but where in fact this is who I have been at the bottom of myself in secret – which is why I’ve seen it as a threat and judged it as inferior – because it was in fact superior – I was in fact superior within and as my dominion of/as myself as the mind in how I’ve directed and lived in and as myself
When and as I see that I am perceiving/experiencing another’s words as a threat to ‘what is best for all’ as I’ve defined and perceived that in myself and that I must thus ‘come down hard’ and ‘contain/control’ the situation and the other being through being ‘firm’ and ‘fierce’ – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
I see, realize and understand that I have projected my own relationship with myself onto my relationship with others and thus see and perceive others as how I perceive myself in my relationship with myself where I believe that I must be hard on myself and ‘come down hard’ on myself as a ‘sinner’ and ‘contain/control’ my ‘inner beast’ and thus because I’ve accepted this relationship with myself as ‘who I am’ I’ve equally as one projected it onto others where I will treat others exactly as I treat myself – but also where I am separating myself from my own relationship with myself and project my own ‘unbalance’ onto another and thus abdicate self-responsibility from my own relationship with myself
I see, realize and understand that I’ve adopted a relationship with/within/as myself of polarity between ‘the law/police’ and the ‘criminal/villain’ where I’ve stood and lived equally as one as both characters within and as myself in a relationship with myself – but where I’ve suppressed and hidden myself as the villain as a secret mind character which is in fact also my ‘real’ self from the perspective of it being the pure desires, pure self-interest, pure evil as the decision of ‘who I am’ that I made in the beginning to only care about myself as an experience-chaser and where in fact I’ve through this deliberately invented morality and ‘goodness’ as the opposite character of standing in/as ‘morality superiority’ – but that this was in fact a cover-up character that I used to keep the villain character secret, because I understood the power of keeping secrets and essentially as I kept this character secret from myself and developed a relationship of fear towards this character, I locked myself into an infinite relationship between the two where I most prominently experienced and perceived myself as the ‘lawful’ character – or rather that was the character that I knew was socially acceptable and thus that I had to use to survive – while in fact it was the secret character that was running the show – both of them in a complete synchronicity originating from the same starting-point of self-interest and self-deception – so within fearing ‘the monster within’ and inventing a ‘battle for my soul’ between ‘good and evil’, ‘god and the devil’ I created a diversion and a justification for who I was at the bottom of my soul and heart as pure self-interest and within the fear – what I was actually fearing was getting caught and having to face the consequence and essentially having to ‘lose’ or give up myself as pure self-interest
I commit myself to deconstruct and delete the policeman-in-the-head as well as the staff-sergeant characters within and as me because I see, realize and understand that I’ve created and invented these characters as cover-up characters through which I’ve existed in fear of myself as ‘the villain’ and ‘the monster within’ believing that I had to control and contain and suppress myself as ‘the monster’ – while in fact being in complete cahoots with the monster of/as myself, all one big strategic self-deceptive relationship – including the moral-judgment character through which I have suppressed and denied myself as the monster – and thus have granted myself the permission and opportunity to keep existing as the monster within as pure self-interest in the secrets and shadows of my mind
I commit myself to embrace myself in and as as the secret mind – which means to stop the judgment and fear of myself as the secret mind – as the pure self-interest as evil that is the bottom of myself as a souldier of the mind – and through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application bring myself as the secret mind out onto the paper for myself to see and face myself in absolute self-honesty – so that I can take responsibility for myself and enable myself to in fact change myself – which I can’t do as long as I am keeping parts of myself secret from myself, like strings on a puppet that no one can see – why? Because they’re not there. That’s the trick.
When and as I see that my words are not aligned with what is best for all, I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body in and as self-integrity.
I see, realize and understand that I’ve made myself untrustworthy – in not being able to trust myself because I’ve been lying to myself and everyone else as myself through speaking words and representing something that I am not and thus I see, realize and understand that I’ve sabotaged my development of self-trust and self-integrity through presenting myself as something that I am not living in fact and thus have prevented myself from in fact seeing and realizing who and what I am in fact and accordingly change and correct myself so that I do and can in fact stand by the words I speak within and as the principle of what is best for in equality with and as myself here and as such with another equal and one
So – I commit myself to develop a vocabulary of self-trust where I debunk, deconstruct and remove all words from my vocabulary and server the relationship-connections that I’ve made within and as myself based on memories and personal experiences – so that what stands as my vocabulary are words of equality and oneness as what is best for all
And I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application bring all words back to myself and equalize myself to/as the words so as to direct the words in oneness and equality to redefine the words in a way that is best for all and common for all and to remove any word and word definition that is not best for all
When and as I see that I am changing/have changed my voice tonality – I Stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here in and as myself in and as my physical body – because I see, realize and understand that changing my voice tonality is an indication that I have stepped into a character/personality and that I am using a different voice tonality to make the character believable and so as to manipulate another through me deliberately and resonantly influencing them to respond/react in a specific way
I commit myself to investigate all the different voices that I have accepted and allowed myself to use to support me in becoming and presenting myself as characters and to match the voice tonality within and as writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to the character behind it so that I can equalize myself to the character and as such take self-responsibility for myself as the character and as such step out of and delete this character – so that who I am here in and as my participation is constant, stable and self-honest without using voice tonalities to manipulate and affect others as well as myself
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