This is a continuation from: My Fairytale Prince and The Ever After that Never Comes: DAY 117
When and as I see that I am entering into and accessing a symbolic definition of myself and my world and reality and relationship with other people, such as relating who I am and who others are to symbolic figures such as for example fairytale character – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here in and as my physical body.
I see, realize and understand, that because fairytales was one of my first introductions to the world and because they were repeated over and over in my youngest childhood, the characters were literally brainwashed into me, into and as a database I could draw from and activate and associate to as I had no awareness of the difference between reality and story as everything I heard adults telling I integrated into me as part of the world and relationships with people simply because that was the information that was introduced to me
I see, realize and understand that I’ve deliberately created fairytales as a fantasy I could escape into and thus used to escape from myself into and as an illusory world in my mind
I commit myself to let go of the fairytale stories and fairytale characters that I’ve stored within and as myself in a database in my mind as a collection of memories in a combination of words, words charged with positive and negative energetic polarities, images and physical body experiences that I’ve interpreted myself, my relationships with others and my world according to
I commit myself to let go of the memories and the relationship that I’ve created towards fairytales where I’ve interpreted my reality, myself and my relationship with myself according to fairytales, the fairytale characters and my own experience of myself when listening to fairytales so as to cope with myself and my experience of my reality and relationships with others
When and as I see that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the experience of wanting/needing/desiring for someone to save me when and as I experience myself, my relationship with others and my experience of myself in the world as powerless, hopeless and helpless – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to myself in and as my physical body.
I see, realize and understand that I’ve created the want/need/desire for someone to save me because I have separated myself from myself and my own ability and responsibility to direct myself and change myself and my experience of and as myself through and within which I feel powerless, hopeless and helpless and thereby have projected the point of changing myself and my situation onto another as the reflection of my own self-separation
I commit myself to let go of and stop the belief and experience that I am powerless towards changing myself and my experience of myself and my life and I commit myself to stop and let go of the belief within and as me that I am helpless and that everything is hopeless – because I see, realize and understand that I’ve created this belief and acceptance of myself and my world of being powerless, hopeless and helpless BECAUSE I have separated myself from myself as the creator of myself and thus from myself as being the one who is responsible for and in fact the only one who can change myself and my experience of and as myself as well as the life situation I am in, which is the life situation all of us are in together – and I see, realize and understand that as long as I abdicate my ability, power and responsibility to change myself and my experience of myself and my life situation, nothing is going to change, in me, in my relationships to others or in this world as a whole
I commit myself thus, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to let go of all the ways and methods that I’ve used separate and separated entities and characters and inventions of the mind as illusions to manage me for me, to live me for me, to stand-in for me while I’m ‘getting my act together backstage’ in/through/as self-abdication of the responsibility for myself
(To be continued)
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