Imagine that your physical body is a car. Who or what is driving the car?
If we have a look, at the moment the car that is our physical bodies is being driven by the mind, while we’re tucked away on the backseat. Let’s look at two versions of this analogy that has equally alarming consequences:
One is that the mind is a form of ‘automated driving’, a ‘cruise control’ if you will, where we’ve willingly handed over the steering wheel to the mind saying: “you take over, I’ll sit back here and take a nap.” But the autopilot is flawed or it is programmed to drive us off a cliff and so because we weren’t aware of where we were driving we’ll soon collide with another car or literally drive off the cliff. The other analogy is that the mind behind the wheel is a drunk driver that we’ve accepted and allowed to drive the car that is our body. This driver says: “Don’t worry, I’ve got it all under control. You just stay there in the backseat.” And we’ve trusted the drunk driver, perhaps because we think they’re superior to us, like a drunken parent behind the wheel. Again the consequences may be devastating. So what is the solution? That we become the designated drivers of ourselves, that we take the steering wheel of ourselves and our bodies with a clear direction of where we are going. We can thus safely place the mind as the drunk driver in the backseat to sleep it off or we can use the mind as the autopilot or cruise control system as a practical tool for driving, while we remain the driver of the car, driving ourselves directly and safely to our destination.
Becoming the designated driver of myself is what this blog-post is about.
The other day I had a ‘bad day’. ‘Bad day’ meaning that I experienced myself becoming more emotional than I have for quite some time. What is cool about it is that I’ve become much more sensitive to emotions whereas previously I would accept emotions as a completely acceptable and normal part of my daily life. I actually went as far as honoring emotions and believed that it is good to you’re your emotions out. However while it is obviously not suggested to suppress one’s emotions, it certainly isn’t supportive to let them rave. When I say that I’ve become more sensitive towards emotions what I mean is that I’m more aware of how emotions affect my body and me. I also saw how, when I am unstable in relation to one point in my life, I am so much more likely to become unstable in relation to other points as well. The question that I’ve thus asked myself is: how did I create this? Because emotions do not just appear ‘out of the blue’, they compound due to an accumulation process and through utilizing the tools share by Desteni we can actually trace back the origin and see what triggered us to become emotional and as such implement preventive forms of correction. So within my particular experience here, what I found interesting was that it started with one point in my world/reality that I reacted towards and took personally, but then because I had already opened the door to becoming emotional, I was much more inclined to also become emotional about other points, so it was like a chain reaction happened, where my instability towards one point, made me unable to remain stable when it came to facing other points. So the elements that I’ve seen came together for me to become emotional was the following:
1) Not breathing. What I mean with this is that I can only become emotional if my focus has been on being IN thought instead of being here, focused on my breath and thus my stability here in the physical.
2) Believing thoughts to be real, accepting thoughts to be real and thus entertaining them as such.
3) Taking something personally as though what is being shared/said/what I see, reflects negatively back to me, thus making it about me personally when in fact it was not.
4) Speaking from/in/as emotion. Here is the point where the emotion goes into a full-blown possession. What I mean is that once the emotions escalate to this stage, obviously due to my participation, I’ve seen how I use my voice, voice tonality and words to compound the emotion even further. Now I don’t only believe it or accept it to be real; I become the emotion.
5) The aftermath of this process of emotional possession is that I feel regretful and ashamed and judge myself for having participated in emotions and for having reaction. What is fascinating about this is that in this ‘stage’ of emotional possession I switch polarities and think that I’m ‘out’ of emotions, but here they can actually escalate into yet another possession like for instance depression, self-judgment and self-pity, not being any different from the emotional reaction that I experienced previously, but I actually experienced this as even more real because it is based on a ‘self-reflection’.
6) The way I’ve then handled such emotional possessions is to eventually let the energy run out and suppress myself, ignoring what has happened. This obviously leaves a backdoor open for me at any time to re-create and re-activate the possession, burying the emotions within the depths of myself causing pressure on my body. But at this point I would be like: “Oh phew, it’s over now, I no longer feel emotional. Okay then, I can move on.” But obviously because it would happen again and again, I haven’t actually stopped or directed this cycle. It’s more like the mind then regroups and starts gathering ‘arsenal’ to activate another cycle of emotional possession.
So within the particular emotional reaction I had this time, I applied self-forgiveness out loud and in writing. Yet I kept facing points in my reality that I reacted towards and I wasn’t satisfied that I had completely cleared the point within me. I could feel that I wasn’t clear or stable within me to the point of continuing to direct myself in my reality effectively. So I will here apply self-forgiveness on having accepted and allowed myself to go into these ‘stages’ of emotional possession and as such take responsibility for abdicating myself to the mind and allowing the emotions to escalate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the importance of breathing as the most basic foundation of remaining stable within and as my physical body and myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, when noticing that I wasn’t breathing directively, to simply ignore and disregards this, when I know that not breathing directively in awareness means that I am then focused on being ‘somewhere else’, namely in the mind and as such not here in this physical reality, setting myself up to become possessed and directed by the mind because I’m not directing myself here
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself and convince myself into believing that “It’s not that big of a deal that I’m not directively breathing, because I’m otherwise quite stable” – not realizing how I within that was using thoughts to deceive myself from a starting-point of superiority within me and already there was accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself here as the basic foundation of my stability which is breathing directively and in awareness
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility for myself within and as breathing where, if I don’t breathe directively and in awareness, it means that I’m letting the mind ‘breathe’ for me and thus ‘live’ for me and as such accept myself as the mind, instead of standing within my commitment to become a living breathing and self-directed being who isn’t directed by the past, by emotions or thoughts
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not consider the implications and consequences of me not directing myself to breathe in awareness in every moment within how that means that I am then not here, which means that what is here as ‘me’ is the mind as that is where my focus and attention is
I forgive myself that I, because I am not here breathing directively in awareness in a directive decision of who I am, have accepted and allowed myself to let my main focus of attention be in/on/as the mind and as such when thoughts emerge, to listen to them from within and as them, through already having accepted them as real, because I’ve already accepted that I am not here and that the mind is thus my directive principle
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not hear and see thoughts as they emerge AS thoughts but instead immediately accepting them as real, as a real reflection of what is real, as what is important and as ‘who I am’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create a solid foundation within and as myself as a decision of who I am and who I decide to be hence forth and as such based on habit, memories and an automatized decision, accept myself as the mind, thus believing that whatever the mind presents as thoughts, images or emotions is inherently real, valid and true
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize, consider or take seriously that if I am not here within a directive decision in awareness of who I am and who I will be hence forth through the practical application of breathing in awareness, it means that I am in the mind and as such that who I am will be directed and decided by the mind and as such I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize or admit to myself in self-honesty that there are only these two ‘choices’; either I am here directing myself in awareness or I am directed by the mind. There is no ‘grey areas’ or ‘half’ directing myself in awareness. Obviously there are degrees of directing myself in awareness as I walk my process which means that as I continue to create myself here in awareness, I become more aware and less in the mind, but when it comes to the decision of who I am, there are only these two options. I am either here or I am not.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept that “believing thoughts is just part of the process” not realizing how I’ve within this have given myself permission to remain in the mind, believing that I can be with one foot in the mind and with one foot in awareness as though “believing in thoughts a little bit is okay, because I’m in the process of changing myself” not realizing how I’ve within making this statement, have justified and given myself the excuse to follow thoughts and believe them to be real, thus opening the door for me believing in and accepting all thoughts. I see now how accepting just one thought, means accepting the next and the next which is what eventually accumulates into emotions and from emotions into a full blown possession which has detrimental consequences for myself, my physical body and my life
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take things personally, in particularly when I make mistakes and these mistakes are shown to me by others or that I see for myself, where I’ve created an automated pattern of taking it personally, believing that the mistake automatically reflects negatively on me, indicating that I within the core of my being am ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ and ‘not good enough’ and ‘useless’ and ‘worthless’ through which I then spin myself into an emotional pattern of reaction where I blame others, pity and judge myself and eventually spiral into depression and self-abuse
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how me taking the mistakes I make personally is in fact a pattern of self-sabotage, self-deception and self-dishonesty because this pattern has the direct effect that I don’t focus on changing or correcting myself but instead actually gives me an excuse and justification to keep making the same mistakes because I through taking it personally accepts that “This is just who I am”
I forgive myself that I have, within having seen and understood this pattern of making mistakes and the emotion reaction I’d spin myself into because I’ve taken mistakes personally, have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for keeping an eye out for the trigger points that activate this pattern, so that I can effectively prevent it from triggering and thus escalating
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be aware of the fact that I’m changing in a moment, where I clearly feel that I am no longer stable, that something is churning within me, however undefined it may be at this point, but where I brush it off and ignore it using the excuse within and as me that “I’ve got it under control” “I can handle it” “It’s not that bad” or “I’ll direct it later, I’m too busy right now” – when I know for a fact as I’ve proven it to myself over and over, that anything that I allow to linger within me as an emotional reaction will not simply go away or take care of itself and will eventually fester or come out as I didn’t take responsibility for directing myself but instead accepted through denial and ignorance
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for myself when I clearly see and know the difference between being stable here and directing myself in awareness and the ‘shift’ that happens when I allow myself to be directed by the mind and as such implement a support system based on this point of cross-reference where I, immediately as I see myself shift, stop and take responsibility for myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or take seriously how using my voice, my voice tonalities and words is one of the most potent ways to immerse myself in a mind-possession
(It is quite like an actor uses their voice, their body language and their environment to ‘become’ their character in order for the audience to believe it is real and as such enjoy the play or the movie through being able to immerse themselves in it, identify with the character and imagine it to be real.)
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how precisely and specifically the mind uses the body to assert itself as real, especially through experiences within the body, movements of the body and the voice/voice tonalities and as such how important it is that I remain stable and aware of how I move my body, how I experience myself in my body and how I speak and express myself – it is literally like becoming a marionette puppet, where in a twist of irony I’m the one holding my own strings.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, when hearing that my voice tonality is changing, to not stop myself and asses the situation in self-honesty and instead brush it off and continue only accepting and allowing myself to compound even further into a mind-possession where speaking in/as it solidifies it to such an extent that I cannot stop even when I see what I’m doing and it is like I’m sitting way back inside myself watching my hands and arms move and my voice speaking but without it really being me doing it, but a character that in fact isn’t real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider or take seriously the power of words and how words are powerful through us placing ourselves into them, thus using words to back up who we are, as a declaration of who we are, whether in writing, speaking or through using words in the mind
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the power of words to assert myself in and as the mind, instead of focusing on using the power of words to assert myself as a real living being here in the physical
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for the power of my words within and as placing a guard in front of my mouth and my fingers when I write so as to ensure that when I speak, when I write, when I speak words in my mind, that it is me directing myself, specifically to walk out of the mind and into the physical and to use my words to create myself as a being that can be trusted and that live what is best for all in every moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am “just speaking” and that “words are innocent, it doesn’t have to mean anything” when in fact my words show and determine who I am as I assert myself through my words as the decision of who I am, and as such words are not ‘just words’ as they are a direct reflection of who I am as a declaration that I’m making – meaning that words themselves are innocent, but who I am within and as them is a declaration and direction of who I am as who I decide to be
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, when I after having become possessed with an emotional reaction feel bad afterwards and judge myself and feel ashamed, I am in fact still reacting and I am just as reacting as I was in the possession, I have now simply shifted within my mind to a different set of emotions which is no different and thus equally unsupportive for me, even though I now see that what I accepted and allowed was unacceptable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or admit to myself that feeling bad about accepting and allowing myself to react and become emotional is not in fact a ‘good sign’ that I am now self-honest and that I’m taking responsibility, because within and as this I’m again taking the mind personally and I am diverting attention and focus from actually being self-honest and changing and correcting myself and am instead immersing myself in a new ‘round’ of emotional reactions instead of bringing myself back here to the physical where I can practically correct and change myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest about the ‘after-math’ of an emotional reaction where I know the exact pattern that I step into if I allow myself to react to my own reaction and so instead of stopping at that point and bringing myself back here, instead accept and allow the reaction to escalate leading to the eventual consequence of me abusing myself, giving up on myself and becoming apathetic and depressed – which is basically an acceptance of the mistakes I’ve made as “This is just who I am”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself and convince myself into believing that when the energy runs out and I don’t feel emotional anymore, it means that I’ve then effectively dealt with the point, when I know in self-honesty I have not, as I didn’t do anything. I simply let the energy run out but didn’t otherwise take responsibility for myself in self-honesty
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and believe that if I don’t feel a point or feel any conflict towards it, it automatically means that “It has been dealt with” – when I know for a fact that it hasn’t because I certainly didn’t direct it and I know the difference between directing a point and not directing a point
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not take full and absolute responsibility for what I accept and allow within myself and to within that take responsibility for directing myself and what comes up within me so that I know myself in detail and specificity and I know that I have effectively released and taken responsibility for a point and have placed a corrective and preventive action to directively support myself to change myself hence forth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that when I simply let a point go without giving it direction in awareness, in terms of deciding who I am in relation to the point and how I will correct myself hence forth, it means that I’m abdicating responsibility for myself as that point and as such abdicate responsibility to the mind, letting the point back into the mind for the mind to deal with, not realizing that the mind does not have the tools that I have or the principles that I have decided to live and as such that whatever happens will be based on the mind’s directive instead of me directing myself here in awareness.
When and as I see that I am not here breathing directively in awareness, where I direct myself to breathe and where I feel my breath, I stop and I gently and firmly bring myself back to breathing directively here. I realize that it is my responsibility to ensure that I direct myself to breathe here and that, since this application is not yet automated and since it is automated for me to ‘breathe’ through/as the mind, it is of utmost importance that I am diligent and deceive in my breathing so that it doesn’t become something that I ‘simply forget’ as though it is not important. Because I have now realized that directive breathing in awareness is the practical physical cross-reference and ‘anchor’ to my decision to live the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all as an expression of who I am, and as such is my point of stability and my platform from where I walk. Therefore I commit myself to be diligent to breathe directively and in awareness and to immediately bring myself back to breath when I see that I’m not here breathing directively in awareness.
When and as I see that I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts, I stop and I bring myself back to breath. I realize that there is a difference between hearing and seeing thoughts from the stability of myself in and as breathe where I’m able to observe and direct my thoughts but without believing them to be real, and listening to thoughts from within and as the mind where I’m already in a ‘state’ of accepting thoughts as real – as indicated by my participation in them. As such I commit myself to focus on this point hence forth to clearly distinguish for myself when I am listening to thoughts, so that I can effectively stop myself already at that point and prevent myself from going into emotional reactions based on an accumulated participation in and as thoughts
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to take something personally that is shared by another or that I see in myself and especially when I see that I have made a mistake or another shows me that I’ve made a mistake and I see that I’m accepting and allowing myself to react and take this personally as indicated by how I shift within my body and my entire experience of myself suddenly changes drastically, I stop and I bring myself back to breath. I remind myself that making a mistake does not reflect back on the totality of my being, being ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ and that simply because I made a mistake, it doesn’t mean that all of who I am is now a mistake. I realize that I’ve created a particularly ‘sensitive’ relationship towards making mistakes where my default reaction would be to take it personally, blame the other person for ‘attacking me’ and then judging myself and feeling sorry for myself – and I realize that this is a deliberate, deceptive self-sabotage and manipulation pattern where I react emotionally so as to distract myself from actually focusing on correcting the mistake I made and face myself in self-honesty within that and that I then use the point of taking it personally, of making it about me, to actually justify the mistake and as such abdicate responsibility by blaming it on ‘who I am’. I commit myself to walk diligently in redefining mistakes for myself. What I mean is that I’ve already seen this point previously and I understand now that mistakes are not bad. So what I have to do now is to be diligent within living this realization and continue to live it until it becomes a direct expression of myself, where I no longer take things personally when making a mistake but instead immediately focus on correcting myself.
When and as I see that my voice tonality is changing when I am speaking to someone, I stop and I bring myself back to breath. I realize that I within and as the mind have used voice tonalities and body language very specifically to manipulate myself into emotional states of possession and as such I commit myself to be diligent and disciplined and aware of this point as I walk my process and communicate with people in my world. I realize that I have done the same with words, particularly in writing and in the mind but certainly also in speaking. As such I commit myself to place a guard in front of my mouth and I commit myself to take responsibility for the words that I speak. I realize that it is going to be a process because I have automated the mind’s ‘coup’ where I often don’t even realize that I’m speaking myself into a possession until it is too late. As such I am not making this commitment lightly, but as a commitment of self-support and self-empowerment so that I can stop accepting and allowing myself to use my body and my voice and my words to become possessed by emotions.
When and as I see that I’m accepting and allowing myself to feel bad and to feel guilty and regretful and remorseful and to judge myself and feel ashamed after I have participated in an emotional possession, I stop myself and I bring myself back to breath. Because I realize that these experiences are simply another emotional reaction, no different from the first one and I realize that I’ve manipulated myself into such reactions to again divert attention from correcting and changing myself and so as to sabotage myself to give up on myself and to let the mind have full reign over me and my body by accepting that “this is who I am”. As such I commit myself to immediately stop when I see myself feeling bad about what I’ve accepted and allowed – and I commit myself to firmly and gently take myself by the hand and focus on correcting and changing myself.
When and as I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally and I see that I don’t feel possessed anymore and I see that I’m thinking that “It’s done now, I can move on” I stop myself. Because I realize that this is yet another mechanism of self-sabotage and abdication of self-responsibility that I’ve used to suppress myself and pretend like thoughts and emotions can just ‘go away’ without me directing myself to take responsibility for and as them. As such I commit myself to utilize the opportunity of no longer being possessed by the energy, to actually sit down and have a look at what played out, how I created the possession in the first place and how I can assist and support myself to prevent myself from becoming possessed again.
Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course