Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I’ve been wanting to do a 10 year review, because I know that these types of exercises are supportive for me. I tend to have a rather bleak look at my own progress/success, so this type of exercise is supportive for me to push myself to ALSO look at how far I’ve actually come in 10 years. So a couple of days ago I signed up to join Mel Robbins #Bestdecadever prompt, in which we during 6 days in the beginning of January will be exploring our dreams for the decade. This is the first exercise:

Write down the three times you felt most excited or energized in the last ten years. Think of what you were doing, who were you with, and where you were.

I will take Mel’s words and then I will explore them from a starting-point of looking at when I was most ME, at peace with myself, in total flow of my being and who I am with my beingness opening up.

1. 10 years ago when I first found Desteni and started listening to and reading the Desteni material. It is the first time in my entire life, that information has penetrated my very core so profoundly as that did, and I’ve read a TON of self-help books and spiritual books. So how I view my life now, there’s a “before Desteni” and “after Desteni.” It is literally two different lives. And those first months, I would sit and absorb everything I possibly could get my hands on. It was like my entire self was cracked wide open, and as painful as it was, it was equally glorious and such a huge relief to finally understand this existence and (to some extent) myself in it. It was literally like finding water in an endless desert.

2. When I teach, write, do tarot readings and support people through my unique way of communicating. I can understand how artists sometimes feels like they are muses of divine inspiration, because it is like all of existence opens itself up, but in a kind of boundless, liquid type of way, where I can see everything at once, yet grab nothing, and all I can do is to let it flow through me, as a point of being creative and a creator. The other aspect of this is when my words and actions support others on a fundamental level. This is my favorite thing in the whole world, to be an instrument of helping all of us on our way Home. It is also why I love Mel Robbins so much.

3. Giving birth to and being a mother to my daughter. I have never enjoyed myself so much as I do with her, and being her mom is a constant source of inspiration and motivation. I am proud of who I am as a mother, and I am proud of who she is as a person. And I simply love being with her.

What big goals have you accomplished in the last ten years? What are you most proud of?

10 years ago, right before finding Desteni I was: 

  • Homeless by choice (bouncing around house sitting in an attempt to free myself of the Matrix. Joke was on me as I realized later that I AM the goddamn Matrix, i.e. it is inside of me.)
  • I had several addictions, including a daily marijuana and cigarettes addiction.
  • I struggled severely with connecting with others on a deeper level. I had few close relationships.
  • I had cut off all contact with my family.
  • I was on welfare or working odd jobs
  • I had no plans for the future
  • I was an emotional mess
  • I avoided paying my bills or doing my taxes.
  • I did not eat well or treat my body well. I ate a lot of sugar and junk.
  • I did no exercise.
  • I talked to no one about how I truly felt inside.

Today after having walked with Desteni for the past 10 years I: 

  • Haven’t touched a drop of alcohol or any form of drug in 10 years.
  • Live on a beautiful and big farm together with my husband, child and mother in law (she owns the farm) and a bunch of animals.
  • Together with my husband I’ve been able to create a small savings account (something I’ve NEVER done in the past)
  • I have a Master’s degree in educational sociology.
  • I have several long term jobs behind me, including, teacher, counselor for refugee youth, process leader, and educational director and community college teacher.
  • I’ve created a new course for teaching assistants all by myself. (my current job)
  • I’ve supported 10+ people as a coach in the DIP program
  • I’ve been an admin and main director for a Facebook group for porn addicts that had over 20.0000 members before Facebook shut it down.
  • I’ve been an admin and creator of many other Facebook groups.
  • I’ve been an admin on DIP Lite.
  • I’ve had a paying coaching client.
  • I’ve run a Women’s circle online for 1 year (had to stop it early due to illness).
  • I’ve written more than 1600 Instagram posts that has been liked over 20.000 times.
  • I’ve written at least 400 personal blog posts, and around 200 blog posts in my Teacher’s Journey to Life.
  • I’ve done a training session/workshop for parents at a festival about Deschooling
  • I’ve brought a class of 20 students through a 1 year degree to become teaching assistants (and am bringing another 20 through now). I’m teaching them everything I know about children and education.
  • I’ve been an activist working for children’s rights for the past 6 years.
  • I’ve gotten married and birthed my first child
  • I’ve changed my diet significantly and now love to cook and experiment in the kitchen.
  • I eat supplements and brush my teeth (I struggled with this in the past).
  • I work tirelessly to inspire parents to change the world from within (and through their parenting) on a daily basis through sharing my insights and journey through parenting on Instagram and Facebook.
  • I am a published author with a chapter written in the International handbook of progressive education about the french educator Celéstin Freinet
  • I have written a foreword to a book about punk in education.
  • I have done more than 100 videos
  • I have started a podcast
  • I have created a family co-op and work to inspire others to do the same
  • I have written several featured articles in national newspapers, both in swedish and in danish.
  • I wrote my master’s thesis in english and now master english nearly as my mother tongue, and I’ve learned to speak swedish. I use all three languages every day.
  • I have two cats that I take care of and about 20 houseplants that are thriving.
  • I’ve decorated a beautiful home.
  • I drew and designed our kitchen.
  • I’ve started learning to master my emotions, and I can now move myself from a ‘mood’ or emotional state and into stability and clarity.
  • I’ve reconnected with my family.
  • I’ve been with the same man for 10 years.
  • I’ve become a part of my partner’s family and love them dearly.
  • I’ve gotten close friends all over the world, that are near and dear to my heart.
  • I’ve gotten feedback from people I’ve never met that I’ve changed their life.
  • Started reconnecting with my beingness and my inner strength, and opened up my inner vision.
  • Have done a ton of Pilates and Yoga.

What did you not complete that you wish you had accomplished?

  • I am overweight, which I wasn’t 10 years ago, but it’s something I want to change, more than anything for my body’s sake.
  • I have the exact same body issues I had 10 years ago, despite weighing 40 kg more.
  • I still have some self-worth issues that I am working on change.
  • I would have liked to have my own (successful) business by this point, and not have to be employed by others.
  • I am not yet effective at being in a relationship.
  • I still tend to get emotional from time to time.
  • I haven’t yet fully learned how to work with money and administrative tasks.

What do you think held you back or kept you stuck?

  • The fact that I still rely too much on my mind and trust what comes up in my mind
  • That I don’t dare to trust myself
  • That I follow and listen to my insecurities
  • That I try to get ahead of myself and forget to bring myself with me
  • That I’ve swung between extreme polarities instead of developing equilibrium
  • That I haven’t stuck to the basics of doing self-forgiveness, breathing and writing
  • I created and founded a network of schools around Sweden.

That’s it for now for Mel Robbins exercise. Next we’re looking at goals for 2020 and the next decade.

I AM READY. BRING IT ON. 

I’d also like to say that I’m a bit gobsmacked in realizing how much I actually accomplished and moved myself in 10 years. And this is by no means an exhaustive list. I could have kept going. And I’m happy to report that yes, I am proud of myself.