One of my core issues this life is my relationship with my body. As a child I had severe food allergies which caused a lot of pain and limitations in what I could eat and what not. Here I’m exploring that from a perspective on having deliberately dissociated with my body, because I blamed it for limiting me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pressure myself and my body, by constantly being and doing everything for everyone and everything else, placing myself and my body at the very last priority, often not having time to even care for myself in a basic sense.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist changing this pattern, because I’m quite satisfied with it, and see myself as a good person, who’s doing good and is sacrificing themselves for the higher good, and because I then don’t have to focus on, or confront myself with difficult points in my life.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to develop unhealthy habits and addictions to cope with the situation I’ve created for myself, where I feel like I must have a small, tiny corner of the world that is mine and mine alone, that is hidden and secret from everything and everyone, where no one can reach me or take from me, thinking with fuzzy logic that this is somehow giving me the recharge I need to carry on with everything, despite the fact that its actually yet another thing in my life that takes me away from truly caring about myself.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist slowing down, and resist changing how I approach my situation, because it in fact, suits my mind perfectly, to live as though I’m invincible and the body doesn’t matter, thinking that I can go on like this forever and ever, even though I know that it’s not possible.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to NOT take responsibility for developing healthy ways to cope with the situation I’ve created for myself.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist my body, because I fear it.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear my body because I believe that it is bad and wrong.
I forgive myself myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body is bad and wrong, because I believe it is limiting me by causing me pain and other problems
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, as a child, dissociate with my body, because I was angry at it for the problems I believed it caused for me.
For me to actually live the life I want to live, and be the person I want to be, I have NO CHOICE but to give more priority to myself and my body.
I realize that a theme throughout my life, has centered around avoiding, ignoring and abusing my body, and I see that its not a sustainable way to live or exist.
I realize that it scares me to focus on my body, because I believe my body is bad and wrong, because of the limitations that it causes for me.
I realize that I’ve never really given my body a chance, and then I’ve just been building limitation after limitation on top of each other.
I am seeing that I’ve been missing the point all along, that I could have, as a child, changed my perspective and seen the opportunities in my situation, instead of only seeing limitations.
I realize that I’ve never really known what the body is capable of because I’ve never given it a chance.
I realize that I’ve been blaming the body for limiting me, when its in fact me who’s been limiting myself.
[Image by Anthony Tran for Unsplash]