A couple of days ago I noticed an interesting pattern when I experienced a conflict with another person. In this particular instance the other person was reacting to me and something I said and I noticed how I reacted to them reacting to me. The reaction was one of feeling attacked without cause and resentment towards the person and I noticed how this experience lingered with me for a while within not wanting to speak with them or look at them because I felt betrayed by them.
While this was going on, I was at the same time looking at myself and asking myself what was going on within me and why I was reacting. I had come to take it so much for granted that I hadn’t questioned it or whether or not it was in fact commonsensical. I realized that it makes no sense – there is no practical reason for me to react simply because others react, and it often causes a lot more harm to the situation – it certainly doesn’t help!
It made me look at where else in my life I experience this and I noticed how this is a common experience within me, resenting others for reacting and judging them for reacting, as though reacting in itself is ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’.
Because I had now made myself aware of this pattern, the next time I experienced someone reacting to me, I deliberately stopped myself from going into a counter-reaction towards them, and it made it possible for me to support the other person by explaining to them what I was seeing going on and I was able to make a suggestion for how to solve the point, which in turn supported the person to stop their reaction. I was able to explain to them what I saw them reacting to, in how they saw me, and also share where I was coming from within the situation. I’ve experienced that when you react to someone, it helps to understand where they are coming from, and it adds more dimensions to an otherwise one-dimensional point of view, which can support the person to stop their reaction.
Now – if I had counter-reacted when seeing that the other person was reacting (as would be my pattern), I would have perpetuated the moment of reaction, intensified it and most likely it would have caused the other person to react even more.
So here, I am going to follow up on the point of change, to apply self-forgiveness and prescribe a self-corrective statement for myself, so that I can walk this change through, in any moment where I see another is reacting to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a pattern of automatically reacting when I see and perceive that another is reacting to me or something I say or do, from within a starting point of blaming, judging and resenting them for reaction within seeing it as wrong and bad to react
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/judge it as wrong and bad to react when others react to me and I think/see that I haven’t done anything wrong and as such it is unfair/not ok for them to react to me because I believe that they are essentially attacking me without cause as I perceive others reacting to me as an attack – while at the same time I have accepted and allowed myself to react to others in the exact same way
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and believe other people reacting to me as an attack, because I can feel their reaction energetically within the shift taking place from before they were reacting, and because I automatically take it personal and feel it as though it is penetrating my body and causing me to experience energetic and physical discomfort, when I in fact know from myself that when a person reacts it is always about themselves and the person they are reacting to, are merely a mirror for their own reaction within/towards themselves and as such they aren’t even reacting TO another person and as such that means that the other person isn’t actually doing anything TO me when they react to me, even though I am picking up on their reaction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, define and believe it to be ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ when I react and therefore judge myself for reacting, and therefore judge others for reacting too
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reactions are a sign that a person is not in control of themselves and that not being in control of oneself is ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, when in fact that is the entire premise of who we have become and so the opposite of not being in control of oneself in this context, is actually equally detrimental because it means that one is merely denying, suppressing and holding reactions back and then that is supposed to be ‘good’ and ‘right’ – when in fact the reactions are still here within us and thus, we are still not really truly in control of ourselves
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, define and believe it to be ‘good’ and ‘right’ to deny, suppress and ignore reactions as what I have been taught growing up, as a part of fitting into society and ‘getting along’ with other people, when this is in fact based on a self-dishonest starting-point where one isn’t taking responsibility for one’s reactions whatsoever, which is in fact also what tends to lead one to eventually explode because one cannot control/contain one’s reaction forever and hold it inside oneself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and embrace reactions as a part of who I have become within and as my abdication of and separation from myself to the mind, that is showing me where I am specifically abdicating responsibility for myself by projecting parts of myself outside myself onto others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace another when I see that they are reacting to something they are projecting onto me, within and as standing with them, as a mirror of stability and self-honesty, instead of being a mirror of reaction within taking their reaction personal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself when and as I see that I am projecting something onto another, that I have created a conflict/separation with/towards within myself, and so stand as a mirror of stability and self-honesty within myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that simply because I can feel that another is reacting, it doesn’t mean that this is influencing, changing or harming me in any way, simply that I am picking up on a change in the environment, similar to a change in temperature, only here being an energetic change
When and as I see or perceive that another is reacting to something they are projecting onto me and I see that I am reacting towards them, I stop and I breathe.
I realize that simply because I am feeling/picking up on another being in a reaction, it doesn’t mean that their reaction is affecting, influencing or harming me.
I realize that when another reacts to something they project onto me, it isn’t actually about me and so there is no reason for me to make it personal
I realize that when I react to another reacting, I perpetuate that reaction within them and within me and I sabotage a potential moment of support and change for another and for myself
I commit myself to not take it personal when another is reacting within projecting a reaction within themselves onto me
I commit myself to remain stable and sound within me when I see another is reacting and to embrace them in their reaction within seeing how I can assist and support them to move through their reaction