An interesting point opened up when my partner was giving me a massage. I have been having issues with ‘numb/buzzing/sleeping’ hands for quite some time and it has only gotten worse despite me seeking medical support, which has turned out to be rather unsatisfactory. I wake up every morning with both my hands being ‘asleep’ and it takes about 10-15 minutes before I can effectively move/use them. It is even worse when during the day; I can barely hold things with my left hand for more than 10 minutes before I get pain in it.
So as my partner was giving me the massage we looked at the origin point of the pain and despite what medical professionals had told me I felt that the pain originated behind my shoulder blades. The pain will ‘shoot’ from the point under the shoulder blade up into the shoulder and down into the elbow and then into the hand.
So we looked at what this very specific point under the shoulder blade represented and I noticed how you can compare the shoulder blades to the wings of a bird or where the wings would have been if we as humans had wings. The point to me therefore has to do with limitation/freedom/liberation connected to the image of the bird spreading its wings and flying away.
To source the point more specifically I started moving my hands as if they were wings and I noticed that the specific point where the pain originated was right at the base of the ‘wings’, the point where the movement of the wings would’ve been initiated. This was a cool clue because it then meant that the point we were looking at had to do with ‘initiation of movement’ and the experience I had there was that of ‘compression’, ‘constraint’ and ‘tightness’. I also shared with my partner how I saw the movement (or lack of movement) into the shoulders and the elbow and finally into the consequential outflow of pain in the hands as being significant in how the shoulders has to do with support/responsibility, the elbows with decisions and the hands with how we ‘handle/approach’ things in our reality.
We then started talking about where in my life I am constraining and limiting ‘initiation of movement’ – not necessarily movement itself but that movement of initiating movement specifically and I shared how there are two areas of my life where I experience this.
My partner then noted a really interesting thing which is that I have a tendency to sort of stay at that point before initiating movement, trying to force myself to move (in my mind) and within doing so actually preventing movement, and so I remain in a moment of constraint and fighting within myself and have believed that to be ‘movement’, then blaming and judging myself and distrusting myself because ‘it didn’t work’ while not realizing that I haven’t actually moved at all.
And so the question becomes: what is movement? What does it mean to initiate movement; you know that moment where the bird gets the impulse to open its wings, spread them and prepare to take off?
What we talked about is that movement is simply movement. It is the literal sense of DOING IT, that ‘it’ often being very complicated in the mind – why? Because we try to ‘move’ within/through the mind, through energy – and that isn’t real self-movement.
So this is what I will be focusing on, initiating physical self-movement while stopping the fighting/restraint within the mind while TRYING to move, to actually get myself to lift off from the ground and do what needs to get done which is a physically movement that doesn’t start with a thought but a physical ACTION, a DOING.
Artwork featured by Leslie Anna O´Dell