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wanting to give up

Do you know that feeling when you are holding something heavy and you have to lift it or carry it and you start experiencing your muscles weaken and it feels like they are turning into mush, and it is like you cannot hold the thing for much longer and eventually you give up and you let it go?

Turning into mush within one’s mind is the experience within oneself where one ‘caves’, ‘collapses’ and ‘weaken’ within oneself and eventually gives up.

Some people naturally have a strong stamina, where, when it gets tough and shit gets heavy, they find the strength within them to hold on, to push. Others, like me have not developed that same inner ‘drive’. There can be many reasons as to why it is so easy to give up to some whereas to others it is not even an option, one of them being learned helplessness that we learn growing up where we find that we can’t control or direct our lives anyways, so why even try.

I have always found it easier to give in and to join them when I couldn’t beat them. In a way, it became a survival strategy – to make myself as malleable and mushy as possible, because then at least I wouldn’t break. It became a habit.

A very common example of how I easily give up is in how, if I have told someone not to do something once (sometimes I’d stretch it to three or more times before giving up) and they don’t listen, I give up. I cave. If I have tried something a couple of times and it doesn’t work, I give up. But not always. I have found myself in moments, especially working with physical material/equipment eliciting a stubbornness within myself, where I know that I HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK to get the outcome that I want, and so I keep trying until it does. So it is not that this ability does not exist within me, it is rather that it is context specific.

What I realize is that the things that I easily give up on are things in which I believe that I have no control, no power and that it is pointless to keep trying. With the points where I do push through and power through ‘the impossible’ I have a strong sense of determination, like I don’t even consider that I might not be able to control or direct the outcome. I know that if I keep trying I will eventually get it, even if I have to be creative and ask others for help or find alternative solutions – and so I keep pushing until I get it.

I also see a point of convenience and comfort within easily giving up, like it feels like I am being ‘kind’ to myself by not pushing myself to do something that I am struggling with and so the moment I give up it feels good, I feel relieved that I ‘escaped’ the hardship of having to power through it. I suppose it is equivalent to that moment of lifting something heavy where you strengthen your muscles and keep going, despite it being momentarily painful OR you give up and relax your muscles and it feels good because you didn’t have to strain yourself.

The thing is though, in those moments where I have powered through something difficult and not given up when it seemed impossible, I didn’t concern myself as to whether it was strenuous or not, even when it was. Sometimes it might’ve been outright painful, and I obviously did register that, but my focus was so clear on the point of solving this issue that the momentary pain didn’t matter to me and once solved, I could let go and relax with a sense of satisfaction because I had actually accomplished something. So the question then is: would I rather be soft and mushy and easily swayed by my desire to give up to experience a momentary sense of comfort from having escaped the strain of pushing OR would I rather be satisfied with having pushed through and powered through something difficult?


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define and accept myself as a ‘mushy’ person with a weak spine who easily gives up and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that “This is just who I am” when in fact it is not, as it is not all I am and it is not who I am in all contexts, but a pattern that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in context where I feel disempowered and don’t believe in my own ability to direct

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear, resist and avoid anything that is hard and difficult and painful based on a belief that anything that is hard, difficult or painful automatically isn’t worth it and so create a polarity experience where I, when I give on on/don’t do something that is hard, difficult or painful feel automatically comfortable and believe that I’ve done ‘the right thing’ according to my belief-system and so prioritize and value being ‘free of struggle/discomfort/pain’ as more important than going through hardship, pain and discomfort to be satisfied with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise standing up and pushing through and getting through something that is difficult to expand myself and my ability to create and being satisfied with myself, for an experience of momentary comfort within experiencing that I am avoiding/escaping hardship and pain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and accept that I am weak when the fact of the matter is that there are moments where I naturally push through because I have confidence in myself, because I trust myself and because the outcome is so important to me that I know that if I don’t push through, I am not going to be able to manifest what I want – and so I don’t care if it is difficult or seem impossible because I trust myself to find a solution and make it through

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become mushy inside myself when I am faced with a moment where I don’t know what to do, where I don’t trust myself to direct the situation and where I feel disempowered and so justify giving up because I don’t believe that I can make it and so justify that it is not even worth to try and it is better to just give up and at least be comfortable and not be in pain, emotionally or physically

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to condition myself so much into a pattern of giving up, and of creating a positive association with giving up because I within that believe that I am avoiding/escaping hardship and thus experience relief/comfort, that it has become my default mechanism whenever I am faced with something difficult, that requires me to push through and stand through pain and struggle where I am not already confident and trusting in my own ability to make it through

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate and equate escaping/avoiding things that I find difficult and painful and that I do not yet know how to direct myself within, where I don’t have confidence in myself, with a positive experience of comfort and relief – – – when in fact, this isn’t a real comfort or relief, but a polarized experience where I postpone facing myself and suppress my experience of discomfort, thus equating that with comfort, when it isn’t

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see or understand that real comfort lies within trusting myself to walk through anything I face (this not saying that there aren’t things that should be given up on, though that is an entirely different discussion)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not clearly decide and substantiate for myself that I would much rather push through hardship and stand through pain and struggle and make it onto the other side of actually having learned something and expanded myself than I would continue to give up for a moment’s experience of comfort within avoiding hardship, only to have to face the exact same challenge later in a different moment/situation

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ever think, believe and accept that avoiding something is ever a solution, because avoiding something doesn’t mean that it has gone away, but that one is keeping oneself occupied in a field of tension pretending that it has gone away, which is very exhausting and sooner or later one is going to have to face whatever it is one has avoided

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to envelop myself in a story about myself as being someone who doesn’t have a spine, who doesn’t have integrity or discipline, who is weak and who easily gives up – not realizing that the more I envelop myself in this story about myself by confirming and validating that this is “who I am” the more I engage within it and accept it as real – instead of challenging this self-definition within myself and not accepting that this is who I am but instead understand how I am creating this pattern and investigate how I can change it, realizing that because it is not who I am in all situations and all contexts, it is not “who I am”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I give up on something that I know in self-honesty that I have the potential to walk through, where I know that it will be best for me to walk through, I am in fact giving up on myself and the potential of who I can become

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself facing a moment of wanting to give up on something that I know in self-honesty that I have the potential to direct/be effective within and that I know in self-honesty would be best for me to do/push through, I stop and I breathe.

I remind myself that the momentary comfort that I desire from giving up is not a real expression of comfort as it is created from a reaction towards the discomfort of struggling with the point I am facing and that it is not worth it, because in giving up, I limit myself and my potential, I postpone the point of expanding myself and I become dissatisfied with myself because I gave up on myself.

I realize that the process of creation as in learning something new and doing something I’ve never done before is sometimes going to be strenuous and difficult and even painful, and I realize that I may sometimes find myself not knowing how to direct a situation, even after having tried many times. I realize from experience that just because something seems impossible and it seems like there is no way to solve/direct/change it, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is so – but simply that I haven’t yet exhausted all options – that it may be time to think out of the box, try new solutions or ask someone for assistance.

I realize that I have the ability to strengthen myself and power through difficult situations where I stand at a point of not knowing how to make it through, because I have proven this to myself and I commit myself to focus on this when I feel weak and want to give up and don’t trust myself to make it through.

I realize that a ‘problem’ isn’t in fact something bad or dangerous or impossible, but more like an invitation to expand oneself, to learn, to grow, to take up the challenge of finding a solution – and thereby empower oneself and strengthen one’s confidence

I realize that confidence doesn’t have to mean that I am certain I will know how to do something, because in self-honesty I don’t always know how or if I can solve something. As such, confidence means that I trust in my own ability to find solutions and to not give up on something simply because it is difficult and I don’t know how to direct it

I realize that the moments where I’ve powered through a difficult challenge where I didn’t know how to direct it I had confidence in my own ability to keep finding solutions until I had solved the problem and that this is the ability that I now commit myself to expand to all other moments where I face difficult situations that I don’t know how to direct.

I commit myself to stop giving up on myself through giving up on things that I find to be difficult or even impossible to solve. I commit myself to stop associating giving up with a positive experience of relief and comfort of escaping the hardship of having to face and power through something difficult. I commit myself to stop defining myself as someone who easily gives up by actively living a different story – a story where I invite and embrace challenges and do not fear or resist something simply because it is difficult.

I commit myself to create a comfortable and playful relationship with problems, where I don’t fear problems but look upon them as gifts with which I can expand myself and get to know myself better and learn how to come up with solutions and direct myself effectively.

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