Why do we manipulate, deceive and twist information in our relationships with other people? Because that is the type of communications strategies we have seen growing up and few of us have actually learned how to communicate directly and effectively with others. We then turn to subtle acts of manipulation and deception to get our points across, to avoid persecution and to get what we want out of a situation – but how to change this? What can we learn about ourselves when reacting to others that we perceive to be manipulative and deceptive?
Recently I have experienced quite a intense reaction coming up within me when I am in a discussion with someone and I perceive them as twisting the information, being deceptive and manipulative in their words. Now, this is a very subtle point where I ‘pick up on’ subtle points of manipulation in another’s words. But instead of then directing it in common sense – I’ve reacted within an experience of panic and desperation followed by blame and eventually rage. I have realized that this is a reaction that can be traced back to my childhood where I perceived/saw people being deceptive within their words and reacted in panic because I did not know how to direct the situation to so to speak ‘bring the truth to light’.
I will here walk a self-forgiveness and self-corrective process to stop these reactions and develop an effective way of directing such moments within myself and with another.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of feeling helpless and desperate when I try to explain the point to another and I perceive them as fucking around with me, trying to manipulate me and laugh at me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react in a state of panic and from panic, rage when and as I perceive another as being deliberately manipulative and twisting the information
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a reaction within me from when I was a child, where when it triggers again due to me perceiving another as being manipulative and deliberately twisting information, where I react in the exact same way as when I was a child, first within an experience of panic and desperation and then try and convince them/show them what they are doing and then because I’m not effectively able to ‘break through’ the deception – I go into a full-blown rage
I forgive myself that I, when I perceive another as deliberately twisting information and being manipulative, go into a reaction of immediate panic – within experiencing that I see what they are doing but I do not have the vocabulary to expose it or direct it and so I feel panicking because I feel like my lack of verbal abilities will result in the other person getting away with being manipulative
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not consider that maybe my reaction of not having vocabulary to direct the situation and being stunned within that process and then trying to fight the other to show them what they are doing, actually comes from my childhood experiences of experiencing myself being manipulated by my mother and others but where I actually did not have the vocabulary to direct it effectively – whereas now I do and so I see that if I simply don’t allow myself to react but instead remain calm and don’t feel threatened or attacked by another being manipulative, I will be able to direct it. It may not even be necessary or relevant to direct immediately – so this sense of desperation and panic to ‘get the truth out’ is not actually valid as it is based on a reaction and not on a common sense assessment of the situation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is justified for me to start yelling and attacking someone if/when I’ve percevived them as manipulative and deceptive with the justification that I don’t know what else to do because they’re not listening to me or willing to see what I am showing them
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the justification that I don’t know what to do when I perceive someone as being manipulative and deceptive when in fact, if I had slowed down and not allowed myself to go into a reaction, I would have been able to assess how to best approach the situation in common sense
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use blame as a justification for attacking another and yelling at them within blaming them for not listening to me or seeing what I am showing them as though me yelling was going to make them listen which it obviously does not
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame another for what I perceive as them not listening to me or seeing what I am showing them, when I am in fact coming from a starting-point of a reaction and know that when I speak in a reaction, the other will only be able to hear my reaction and not anything else I’m trying to say
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed, to judge myself and feel disappointed with myself that I yet again accepted and allowed myself to get swept away by a reaction where I abdicated self-direction
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that judging myself for a mistake I’ve done, is an act of self-manipulation because I then do not focus on taking responsibility for correcting myself, but instead trigger another reaction on top of the first reaction
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be manipulative and deceptive in my words when I speak to others, to the point where I don’t have any direction over my own deceptiveness because it has become such an integrated part of my way of communicating with others
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel shocked and disappointed towards what I perceive as another being manipulative and deceptive within expecting more from them and not expecting them to be like this, when in fact, if I look at myself in self-honesty I can see that I still accept and allow myself to be manipulative and deceptive – and so it makes no sense to expect others not to be
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when I perceived/saw others being manipulative and deceptive in their words when I was a child, specifically within reacting to the experience that I am not able to direct the words/situation ‘back on track’ in terms of having the truth come out – where I must actually admit that even though it feels quite clear to me that I see what is true, I cannot even trust that because I’ve been so immersed within the mind – which is in essence an entire operating system based on deception, that I can’t with certainty say what is true or not – and I know for a fact that I have done the same to others, have twisted information and been deceptive to support my own secret mind agenda
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself in my mind as innocent and honorable and to go into a state of self-proclaimed righteousness and superiority in perceiving myself as someone who knows the truth and who is only interested in getting the truth out, when in fact I have been equally deceptive and manipulative as I perceive others to be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place myself in the shoes of another and consider why someone would speak manipulative or deliberately deceptive in terms of how I know from myself that it is a mind-mechanism that is developed in and through childhood based on picking up on seeing others being manipulative that is specifically being used because we haven’t learned how to effectively communicate directly with one another – and so we have come to accept deception and manipulation as a strategy to get our points across or avoid repercussions or to get what we want out of a situation – and so I realize that if I see another using manipulation and deceptiveness, to assist them to see what they are doing and develop an effective way to communicate, not from a starting point of moral judgment within seeing manipulation as being ‘bad’ and therefore deserving punishment, but from a starting point of equality and common sense
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to cast moral judgments on someone that I perceive to be manipulative and deceptive in their words and based on that justify it as something that must be punished because it is ‘unacceptable’ behavior – I realize that this comes from seeing and experiencing how adults approach children making mistakes, within seeing them as ‘evil’ and using punishment to essentially suppress and break them down and make them feel bad as though this will make them better people – – which is obviously not effective because the person still won’t understand the point and will now make it a taboo within themselves and perhaps go into internal conflict about it, yet because it still isn’t understood, will keep acting out in secret
I forgive myself that I, as a child reacted not so much to the fact that another was being manipulative and deceptive, but towards the fact that I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it and therefore felt trapped within my own inability to communicate effectively, I felt weak, inferior and overpowered by what I perceived as another’s superior communications skills
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, from a starting-point of experiencing myself as weak and inferior, justify trying to overpower the other person and lash back at them with the same intensity and power that I perceive them as coming at me with, when this is in fact a perception and an experience that I’ve created within myself – where I then lash out on them to deal with my own experience of inferiority, to feel superior towards them by casting moral judgments on them and yelling at them
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior and weak because I am not able to effectively direct a situation wherein I perceive another as twisting the information and within that perceive them as intellectually superior because they are able to twist the information and because of this perceive myself as powerless and unable to direct the situation – when in fact, by not taking it personal, by remaining calm and stable within myself, by not automatically accepting another’s words as valid or thinking that I have to, or that I have to convince them of the truth, I can look at ways to effectively direct the situation. As such the problem is not that I am not able to direct the situation, but that I took it personal and went into a competitive mode of trying to convince them that they are wrong, whereby I actually accepted the premise of their words by reacting to them and inferiorizing myself to them
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that simply because someone says something, it doesn’t mean that I automatically have to believe what they are saying or act according to it and as such I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that another’s words are not a threat to me, unless/until I make them so within my mind and act/react accordingly, which then has nothing to do with the other or what they say, but with how I perceive and react to their words by taking it personal
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not question how this reflects back to my relationship with myself and how I’ve been frustrated and felt desperate towards the fact that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manipulate with and deceive myself in/through the mind. And so I realize that this entire scenario can be brought back to myself and show me a relationship that I’ve accepted and allowed myself with myself of inferiority/superiority mechanisms within myself. As such, if I exist within this dynamic within my own mind, it will be reflected in/as how I handle similar situations in my external reality with another person.
When and as I see and perceive another being deceptive and manipulative in their words and that they are twisting information, I stop and I breathe. I make sure that I am clear of reactions and only if I see that I am stable and that there is no reaction within me, I look at how I can direct the situation effectively and in common sense support the other to communicate directly and within self-honesty. I commit myself to stop casting moral judgments on another if/when I see them being manipulative and deceptive in their words, because I realize that this is a mind-mechanism that comes from us not having developed effective communication skills – and so the solution is just that: to create effective communications skills and realize that we don’t have to deceive or manipulate to get our points across. As such, I commit myself to also investigate and expose my own mechanisms of manipulation and deception so that I can develop effective communications skills.
When and as I see that I am reacting to what I perceive as another being deceptive and manipulative in their words and that they are twisting information, I stop and I breathe. I do not try to convince them or fight with them to get them to see what they are doing, because I realize that when I am reacting, I cannot trust what I see and so what I see/perceive may just as well be a projection – and as such I commit myself to first and foremost clear my reaction rather than focusing on what another is doing. I realize that as soon as I am reacting to anything in my world/reality that this is the first and only point I have to sort out and that when I am reacting, everything else must be placed on the backburner until I have cleared my reaction, because I cannot trust myself to see or direct a situation effectively when I am reacting.
I realize that the ability of me being manipulated and deceived by another can only exist, if I am already accepting manipulation and deception to exist within me, which means that I am already accepting and allowing manipulation and deception to exist within me – and as such, the solution is to first and foremost to stop manipulating and deceiving myself.
I commit myself to also investigate and work with the point of self-manipulation and self-deception and I commit myself to stop judging myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive and manipulate myself and I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as being powerless and helpless towards my own self-deception and instead apply the practical correction process that I outlined above in relation to another, to myself equally – so that I can develop effective, self-honest and direct communication with myself that I can then utilize as an example and a foundation in my communication with others.
In conjunction with this blog, I recommend reading the following blog which touches upon some of the points brough up here: http://leonperry.blogspot.se/2015/05/wining-to-get-point-across.html
Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where one is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course