So the context of this blog-post is that I for quite some time have slacked on certain responsibilities and I couldn’t understand why. I was doing them, but I had to drag myself through it. I kept trying all sorts of methods to change what was happening and nothing I did was effective. I kept falling back into a state of apathy and inaction.
This was interestingly enough happening as the same time as I was busy expanding my potential and my life had started to change and more opportunities had become available to me. I could not understand why, with all the potential that I had started developing and with all the opportunities opening up in my life, why it was that I was moving in the opposite direction.
I was literally sabotaging the opportunity that was available to me and I could not understand why. I kept thinking that I just had to ‘man up’ and ‘get over it’ but obviously within that, I was looking at the point from within self-judgment.
I realized that I had made my potential into a pressure, I had separated it from myself and myself from it and I had created an experience of inferiority and resistance towards it, within fearing to lose my potential.
Here I am sharing a self-forgiveness and correction process I have walked in relation to this point through which I am supporting myself to step out of this rut and embrace my potential. Through opening the point up in self-forgiveness I have come to realize why I was sabotaging my own potential and based on this self-realization process I have scripted practical corrective actions for myself that I can take, when/as these habitual patterns of behaviors activate – to not sink into them and perpetuate the cycles of self-compromise, but to stop the momentum entirely so that I can once and for all step into my potential in equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and experience that I am too small for my life, that I am not good enough and that I do not deserve the expansion that my life has taken
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am too small for the opportunities that are available to me to expand myself and my life in ways I never thought possible
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be able to live up to my potential
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my potential is not something that exists outside of me as separate from me, but that my potential is within me, as me and that the spark of potential that has started growing within me is a seed I have planted myself and created myself and therefore that it is up to me to manifest and grow my potential into creation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see and experience my potential as something that I have to live up to, as a pressure that I have on me that I fear that I will not take care of and that I will waste
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through fear of not manifesting my potential, where I literally sabotage my own expansion because I fear – and thereby accept – that I am too small, not good enough and that I don’t deserve my own potential
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it does not make any sense to say that I fear not living my potential, because within that I am implying that my potential is something that exists outside of me, as an ideal or pedestal that I have to live up to and be good enough for, when my potential is in fact right here, in me, as me, through my creation – and therefore that whether or not I live my potential is up to me as a decision I either make or do not make for myself – regardless of whether I think or believe that it is possible to manifest or not, within understanding that what matters when it comes to manifesting my potential, is physical practical action and steps – and not premonitions about the possible future, since that is what potential is: a possible future. That is what makes it daunting and it is also what makes it an adventure, an adventure into the unknown. But there is no way of knowing what it will be until I get there, until ‘there’ is Here.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make the potential I have seen for myself, first as a vision and now as a real potential reality, into something that is bigger than me, that is more than me, that is an ideal I have to live up to – that I then place as a pressure and burden upon myself instead of realizing that I got myself here exactly the same way I am now – I came from nothing and started to create something and now I stand with nothing and see the potential to create something and I got scared the minute that ‘something’ started being a real reality potential
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have never really had any aspirations for myself, that I have always existed in a tension field between having elaborate fantasies of grandeur that were based on ego and that were totally unrealistic and taking the easy road of deliberately going under the radar so that I don’t stand accountable to myself or others – and now where I have started manifesting a real potential, I got scared because it means I have to stand accountable, that I have a responsibility to manifest my potential
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to manifest my potential, that I will drop the ball instead of run with it – not realizing that I am within that busy creating my own downfall, by accepting it as real and by abdicating responsibility for directing that manifestation into reality, because within fearing it, I am implying that I don’t have directive power over myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my potential and the potential reality that I see that I am able to create for myself and within and through that start sabotaging my potential, because it has become my comfort zone to never reach too high and risk falling and I would almost rather remain there than risk losing something that I so desperately want for myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a positive energetic attachment of comfort and safety to a life without ambition, to not being good enough, to being ‘free’ by not having any expectations
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make my potential into this big thing in my mind, that I now fear not living up to, to such an extent that I would rather sabotage it than risk failing at manifesting it
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have been sabotaging myself because I prefer not being in a position where I can fail or lose something, not realizing that I am manifesting that which I fear by subjecting myself to that exact fear
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a habit of deliberately failing because it makes me feel comfortable and secure to create my own failure rather than creating something and putting myself out there and not know if I am going to fail or not
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, when I started manifesting my potential into creation, react to seeing that it was possible for me to manifest my potential into creation within fearing its greatness – rather than simply recognizing it for what it was, celebrating the gift as well as sharing it with others and assisting and supporting them as I have been assisted and supported
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give the mind the direction on the point of seeing and manifesting my potential whereby the mind interpreted the point of manifesting my potential in polarity through inferiority and superiority patterns of making my potential something separate from me that I now have to live up to and therefore will fail at
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that manifesting my potential into creation is my single most important responsibility in this world – that it is through this that I give my life and myself value and that it is not something to be squandered by me giving it to the mind to direct and interpret through memories and patterns of fear, ego and self-sabotage
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in and to be blinded by that moment of seeing that it is possible for me to manifest my potential into creation, that I even have a potential to begin with – instead of simply seeing it and then moving on with my practical application and creation process, not making it a big deal in my mind, but also taking a moment to celebrate and be grateful for this opportunity that I have – that I’ve always longed for, that I knew deep down was possible and that I have never accepted and allowed myself to step into before
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not stand within an expression of gratefulness and humbleness towards those who assisted me to see my potential and that I have instead created a point of blame and negative obligation by seeing my potential as a burden and a pressure – and thereby separating myself from it as myself and as such create a resistance towards it, rather than celebrating my potential and focusing on the practical actions required to manifest it into creation, while assisting and supporting others to do the same
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize that I am not special, that I do not have a special mission in life – and that everyone has the exact same potential that I do, and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in the wonder of seeing my own potential, from a starting-point of ego and self-interest and within that making my potential something that I fear losing, as though it is something that has been given to me by someone else that adds value to me and my life, makes me a special person – not realizing that my potential is the potential of who I can be and what I can do, not to ‘be someone’ or to gain value – – – but to actually make a real impact and difference in this world and thus add value to life, to this existence
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a delusion of grandeur where I think and believe that I am so special that I don’t have to do any work or apply myself because I am apparently ‘so advanced’ – when in fact reality shows something completely different, where it is absolutely necessary for me to create a foundation for myself to stand on and walk from and thereby stay grounded
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in my own expansion process, where I’ve stopped up and reacted to my own expansion through ego, within and as seeing it as something amazing and special, not realizing that this reaction comes from a point of being surprised at my own potential and then simply recognizing that, being grateful for that and moving on
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that being assisted and supported to see and develop my potential is not a burden or a pressure, but a precious gift, a gift through which I can empower myself and that I have the power to manifest and that this is my responsibility, not something that can be lost – only by my direct decree
When and as I see that I am reacting to responsibilities within an experience of resistance, of seeing my responsibilities as a burden and a pressure, as something that I am giving reluctantly whereby I am taking time away from myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the ‘myself’ that I believe I am taking time away from, is my self-interest, my preprogrammed personalities and I realize that the resistance I experience is indeed coming from my preprogrammed nature, from me separating myself from my responsibilities as though they are not my own but forced upon me by someone else. I realize that this is not true. I realize that the responsibilities that exist within my life are my decision. I commit myself to stop separating myself from my responsibilities within seeing them as a burden as something I want to avoid and escape from. I realize that my responsibilities are all towards creating a life that is best for all and creating myself as a being that is best for all life and as such for myself, and as such that there is no reason to fear or resist them. I commit myself to honor and celebrate and be grateful for my responsibilities as it is through honoring my responsibilities that I expand myself and develop my potential to eventually manifest it into reality and become that which I have the potential to become. I realize that no one is telling me to do this or forcing me to do this and I commit myself to stop fighting my responsibilities. I realize that to live my potential, I must give up that which has become my comfort zone, my security blanket, and my preferences.
I commit myself to apply the same principle that I apply when I see things lying around the house and for a moment go into a resistance towards taking the action of picking it up, where I for quite some time have pushed myself and practiced the point of immediately pushing through my resistance – to not obey the thoughts/experiences, but to immediately act and do what needs to be done – instead of resisting to act on my responsibilities, and so not make it a huge point in my mind, but simply a matter of moment to moment application and specification of my commitment to my responsibilities to, when I see that something needs to be done/is Here, I push through the resistance and do it.
I realize that this is the process of reprogramming and retraining myself to live principled rather than preferenced and so in time make principle my preference, as I step out of the fog of the fuzzy logic of the mind.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into a fear of failing to live up to my potential, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am the one who has gotten myself to where I am now, from being the exact same person who was flawed and not perfect and therefore that I have proven to myself that I can create something from nothing and therefore there is no reason why I can’t do the same now. It is not like the stakes are higher or the odds more difficult. It is simply that the contrast between my potential and my past way of living has become more clear now, whereas before I was acting more or less on a whim, in blindness and now I have more awareness of how my preprogrammed nature is a limitation to manifesting my potential. I realize that the steps needed to manifest my potential are simplistic and practical and doable and that it is in fact about doing it, rather than thinking about how I am going to do it or if I am able to do it. I realize that it is my decision and responsibility to manifest my potential and that if I let it be up to chance or circumstance, I will fail because my default nature is to act based on the mind and the mind is not programmed to manifest my potential and so cannot be expected to do so.
I commit myself to make a clear plan for myself so that I know what I have to do and don’t have to make decisions in the moment in which I am more likely to allow myself to be tempted by going with my emotional preferences of doing that which I feel like rather than that which must be done and that might be tedious or difficult or that I don’t yet know how to do.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to sink into the experience of not feeling like doing anything, through immediately when I experience this change in my experience, where I feel like sinking into myself and I bow my head, to instead lift my head up, take a breath and breathe the experience through my body, reminding myself that this experience is a self-manipulation and self-sabotage mechanism and that I am here, stable and therefore this experience is not real or a real account of where I am/who I am/what is going on.
I also commit myself to be more specific with outlining a plan of action for myself, so that I prevent myself from creating these moments of having to decide what to do in the moment, in which I have been more inclined to decide based on what I feel like. I commit myself to instead decide before hand (obviously within remaining flexible to change) what priorities I must act on in that day/week/moment.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to justifying not doing the things that must get done, and I commit myself to push myself to be self-honest within those moments and to discipline myself to deter from not doing what needs to be done.
I realize that to manifest my potential requires consistent action and impulsing and as such, I commit myself to take that seriously and to be diligent with those steps.
When and as I see resistance coming up within me in regards to doing things simply because they are a responsibility and not because I feel like doing them, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself to honor my commitment to myself.
I realize that I am not to small for my life because I am the one who has gotten myself here, exactly through small steps and actions where I empowered and expanded myself and that I am the one who has created the foundation of potential that is now possible for me to life. I commit myself to honor my potential, because I do not see anything else worth more living for.
I accept the fact that creation may at times be tedious, daunting or that I may not always know what to do. I accept the fact that there will be resistance because I am going against that which I am preprogrammed to do. I accept the fact that I have the potential to push through resistance and I commit myself to will myself to do so. I commit myself to not squander my potential and I commit myself to let go of the past and the acceptance of myself as flawed and broken.
I realize that I’ve been hiding within deliberately making myself flawed and weak and emotional. I realize that I’ve been using my own flawed nature as an excuse for not stepping fully into my potential, because I did not want the responsibility. I realize now that I have proven to myself that I can create beyond my weaknesses and my flaws and I therefore commit myself to no longer use my weakness or flaws as an excuse to not take responsibility for creating myself into my potential.
I realize that potential is not something that I must ‘reach’ or prove myself worthy to. Whether I will manifest my potential or not is totally and completely in my hands, as it is up to me to create the path for me to manifest my potential, by taking one practical step at a time.
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