self-awarenessWhy is it that, if we do not direct ourselves in awareness, we cannot actually say that we are alive?

I am here continuing from the previous blog where I opened up the point of not only being specific but also being assiduously specific, meaning where specificity is a consistent application that I apply in every moment with whatever task, project or point I am working with.

Read the previous parts here for context:

Assiduous is a new word to me, which is interesting, because it means that I have no preconceived ideas or attachments to this word. Instead I started with an application of specificity that I saw in another human being and I Googled various words until I came up with one that most accurately described the application that I’ve seen in this other person – and something that I haven’t yet developed in myself. Fascinatingly enough, investigating this word opens up many dimensions I hadn’t considered in relation to this point.

On it for example says that:

“If you call someone assiduous, it’s a compliment. It means they’re careful, methodical and very persistent. Good detectives are classically assiduous types. Assiduous comes from two Latin words: assiduus, meaning “busy incessant, continual or constant,” and assidere, meaning “to sit down to” something. (Funnily enough, we also get the word sedentary, meaning someone who doesn’t move around much, a lazy couch potato, from this same last word.) Although we tend to think of sedentary types as being the very opposite of assiduous ones, many assiduous activities (like writing, thinking, or detective work) are best done sitting in a chair.“

I would like to also in this context bring in the word diligent as it is strongly related to the assiduous application that I’ve seen in the person I wrote about on day 329 and that I’ve not yet fully stood as or absolutely applied within/as myself.

This is how diligence is defined on

” Someone who is diligent works hard and carefully. If you want to write the epic history of your family, you’ll have to be very diligent in tracking down and interviewing all of your relatives. Diligent comes from the Latin diligere, which means “to value highly, take delight in,” but in English it has always meant careful and hard-working. If you’re a diligent worker, you don’t just bang away at your job; you earnestly try to do everything right. Although being lucky and talented doesn’t hurt, it’s the diligent person who eventually succeeds.”

To be directively specific in our processes and in our lives in general means to be both assiduous, as that hardworking, constant application and it also mean to be diligent as acting with care and consideration for the actions we take.

Interestingly enough, while I was writing this, an idiom also came to mind: ”taking it in stride” – which essentially means to power through problematic or unexpected situations.

All of this is what I’ve seen in the person I wrote about on day 329 and in their application of specificity. They are assiduous, diligent and they take things in stride. This is therefore the words and the expression that I will be working with here in terms of implementing them into myself, my own life and my daily application.

Interestingly enough the word assiduous has to do with being busy and constant and also the act of sitting down. The way I see it, in the context of specificity, the ‘sitting down’ aspect of the word does not so much has to do with actually sitting down, but more what ‘sitting down’ in this context represents, as a self-directed focusing where one ‘sits down’ specifically to work on a certain task, project or point, whether that is writing an email or folding a piece of clothing.

So what this made me look at is the question of who I am as I sit down in front of my computer on one hand, since that is also often where the ‘problems’ come in, in terms of not being consistent with the tasks I have to take responsibility for and then also the point of ‘being Here’ with what I do, no matter what it is.

If we look at the sounding of the word ‘assiduous’ it is interesting to note that it sounds like ass-sit-do-us and the connection I can bring in here is the directive decision to sit down and actually contribute my time, my skills, my support and myself to making a difference in this world which is essentially something that is an undercurrent for everything that I do. However – when I do not do this effectively, it is because I have counter-intuitive priorities as programs running within my mind that are based on self-interest, for example in the context of fear and resistance. If I then listen to that, I am more likely to be inconsistent and I am more likely to react to what is in front of me, therefore not directing it to the best of my abilities.

Earlier today I listened to an amazing audio recording (I don’t remember which one but was from Eqafe) with someone who suggested to have a look at why we are sometimes effective in our communication with others and why sometimes we are not. When I looked at what it is within me that is different when my communication with others is effective, expansive and supportive, I realized that it is because my mind is quiet, I am self-directive, I am stable, I am naturally here breathing, unconditionally participating and listening to the other person as well as sharing myself. If a reaction comes up, I don’t let it upset me or shake me. I simply take note of it, forgive it, investigate it and release it – so that I can ‘clear the path’ in terms of being able to communicating with someone without the mind interfering.

When my communication with another is on the other hand not effective, is precisely because I’ve accepted and allowed the mind to interfere and so direct me in the conversation, where all I am in that moment is reactions, is personalities, is memories, is programming – and so there is no self-directive awareness and instead I am fueled by self-interest.

I realize that it is no different with the application of sitting down and working on a point like writing an email. Either I am self-directed, specific, assiduous and diligent – OR I am in the mind, being directed by the mind, by the mind’s agenda, which is nothing more or less than self-preservation. There is no in between.

So this is something I hadn’t realized before; that diligence and assiduousness and so specificity is not something that just magically comes over me. I have to make a directive decision, even if that decision is a decision I have to continuously make in every moment of breath or with every key-stroke as I type – especially when/if I am still prone to allowing myself to be taken over by the mind and as act from/as the mind.

I realize that this is where the application of assiduousness and diligence starts; to direct myself in awareness in every moment. Obviously it’s something that requires practice, especially if/when we’re not used to making self-directive decisions in awareness based on principled living and so the diligence and assiduousness are supportive tools of self-direction to make sure that I consistently bring myself ‘back on track’ of self-direction and awareness.

If I then take a closer look at diligence in this context, what I see is that it is the dimension of this application that has to do with, not only being hardworking and consistent or persevering, but also to do so within a starting-point of care and consideration.

What that means is that, as I apply myself within directive awareness in every moment, I do so based on an understanding of my interconnectedness and so responsibility for all things, exactly as I described in the previous blog about the butterfly effect.

So when I for example sit down and write an email, it is not merely a point of being specific or being assiduous – but also of applying myself within care and consideration for that other person who will receive my email, for their mind, for their situation and for the larger context that we are both immersed in.

If I on the other hand write that email in a reaction, even a subtle reaction it is guaranteed to create ripple effects, ripple effects as consequences that I might not even be aware of because it happens silently within the other person – and so because I allowed myself to write in/through a reaction, I let the mind direct me instead of directing myself.

Like I said; there are only two options – either I am self-directive in awareness in/as a decision about who I am and who I am becoming (through for example taking responsibility for when I do react) OR I am being directed by the mind, which means that I essentially make myself blind and paralyzed. And instead of creating ripple effects that has the potential to contribute to a significant change in this world, I perpetuate the abuse, the diminishment of our beingness and the prevalence of the mind’s dominion over man.

Let me reiterate it again for myself and for you in case you also need to hear it one more time: There is no middle way, there is no grey areas or in betweens. Either we apply ourselves in specific, assiduous, diligent and directive awareness or we belong to the mind and so to the mind’s agenda – a mind that we have created, a mind that is not alive, a mind that only works through delusional simulations, a mind that has as its only goal to preserve itself even if it means killing all life in the process, a mind that only has as much power as we abdicate to it.

What that means is that there is no excuse for not directing myself in awareness in every moment, but this obviously doesn’t mean that simply because I see this, I am now magically going to go out and actually do this in every moment. No – in fact it means that I will push myself to transform every moment where I see and realize that I lost myself to the mind, that I abdicated myself to the mind – to moments of self-directive awareness; moment by moment, breath by breath.

In the end, there is no choice – because either I direct myself in awareness which means taking full responsibility for myself – and thereby also means knowing and understanding myself OR I don’t exist, because the mind exists for me – which is no existence at all.

That is what it means to ‘power through it’.

That is what it means to ‘take it in stride’.

That is what it means to learn to walk and so eventually to stand.

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