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all in my headThis is an addendum and follow-up to my previous blog-post about finding oneself wanting in an experience of stress.

So – something interesting happened: After I had discussed the point with my partner and had written out the blog-post, it was like a deflation of a contaminated point within me that had ballooned and grown to an overwhelming size. As I was discussing the point with my partner and even as I was writing the point out I was quite sure that I had to make some changes in my daily life, simply because the stress of it all was taking its toll on me and I could see that I had too many balls in the air to be able to effectively catch them all. So after I had written the blog-post, I set out to get to all the things I hadn’t gotten done and that had piled up to a high level of stress within me. As I sat down to do the things that needed to be done I was in absolute shock that it took me approximately 2 hours. In my mind I had created this mountain that I believed I had to climb and that I couldn’t possibly climb, but when I actually faced the point in practicality, it turned out to be a little pebble that I could pick up with ease and place where it needed to be. I had to laugh a little at myself, but it was also tragic in a way; because here I’ve been walking around for weeks and months building up this massive stress within me due to all the things that I had to hold inside my head in terms of giving mental focus and attention to it, when all the while, the practical execution of the things I had to do was surprisingly simple and easy.

So what I realized from all of this was that the actual ’problem’ was not in my practical reality, because my practical reality isn’t impossible for me to direct if I only prepare myself and plan my time effectively. What I realized was that the problem had been in my head all along. I realized that a significant part of the buildup of stress that I experienced was due to me postponing taking care of certain responsibilities and for each point I postponed, a new emerged requiring me to direct it, but because I already had a backlog I kept getting behind and was unable to get things ‘out of my head’ and into practical application. That’s why it all piled up! Lol – because I was piling one thing onto another inside my head.

I realized that with increasing responsibilities in various areas of my life it’s simply not enough to keep it all ‘organized’ in my head. Interestingly enough the mind simply isn’t equipped at maintaining a level of overview when dealing with a certain amount of things. I remember the days where I proudly proclaimed that I didn’t need a calendar because I had an excellent memory, only to later realize that I simply didn’t have that many things to remember on a daily and weekly basis and that now where my responsibilities had expanded, a calendar was a most welcome edition into my life.

So from all of this I have realized that the main issue is a matter of organization. I have seen previously how, when one writes things down, it clears ‘space’ inside the head. It was quite interesting to realize all of this only after I had written my emotional reactions out and removed the underlying moral judgments. This additionally made me realize how important it is to clear oneself of emotions and reactions because as long as we are reacting we’re not seeing things clearly.

Once I had ‘calmed the storm’ inside myself I could see that the problem was not at all as big as I had made it out to be in my mind and even more so; that the actual ‘problem’ was something entirely different than I had first thought where I had focused so much on my practical situation being unsustainable and me having to let go of certain responsibilities (which still is relevant) but where the actual problem that had caused my emotional reaction of feeling overwhelmed came from me trying to contain everything in my mind BUT also that I postponed causing the points to literally ‘overflow’ and causing the experience of chaos and feeling overwhelmed.

So this has been a cool and surprising point to walk through where I initially walked through highly energized experiences of feeling torn between responsibilities and literally thinking that I had to choose between them, to realizing that the actual problem was more in my head and me trying to manage things inside my head while not effectively transferring them into reality. So I have realized how important it is to actually write things down, use notes, notepads, calendars and schedules, especially once one’s life becomes busier with all kinds of little things that have to be directed on a daily basis.

I’ve realized that the very act of postponing has the effect of magnifying things and blow tasks out of proportion. Why? Because when we postpone a practical task, we keep it ‘on hold’ in our minds and through keeping it in the mind only and not directing it in reality it literally becomes a ‘mind point’ instead of the physical practical point it original was and should be, and sow it becomes more mentally magnified and warped the more we don’t deal with it on a practical level.

The lesson here is: don’t postpone. The ‘reward’ that one thinks one is getting from going “I’ll deal with this tomorrow…” actually transforms into a ‘burden’, because one is ‘burdening’ oneself in the future rather than directing a point in the moment. This is fine when it comes to one or two points that one practically has to postpone due to practical limitations. But when we’re talking about multiple things it becomes a problem because the next day new things to do will emerge and suddenly one is faced with an overwhelming amount of tasks that one cannot practically direct.

It is a much more comfortable and effective way to live to direct things immediately or within a structured manner where we don’t have to try and balance and mange our entire world inside the limited confinements of the mind.

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