Why do we do the things we do? How come there are certain things that we know we should do but that we just don’t want to or feel like doing? Why is it that we have no problem keeping up with certain responsibilities while with others we have to drag and pull and push ourselves every time? For some people it’s the dishes, for others it’s homework and assignments and for others again it might be things like shopping or even going to work.
As I investigated this point for myself and asked myself why I had no problem keeping up with certain responsibilities whereas I had massive resistance towards others, I realized something interesting: it all depended on my starting-point within how I saw, defined and experienced each responsibility within me.
So for example: with regards to going to work, it’s something that I have to do, there’s no choice and even if I have resistance to go to work, there’s not really any negotiation possible, so therefore it is fairly easy to push through. Moreover; because I have created myself within my work to a large extent, it is something I enjoy as well. What I mean is that with the work I have now, I had no preconceptions or expectations towards it. I got the job rather randomly and have since worked on creating myself within my work as an effective teacher, which has created a surprising environment for me to work in, because it to a large extent is created by myself. I therefore experience very few doubts, fears or reactions towards it or why I am doing it – because I created it, or rather I created myself in it and I am aware that I am still creating myself in it and therefore its something I enjoy and am passionate about. In other words, I had little to no definitions or beliefs about myself in this kind of work before I started and therefore I could walk into it with a relatively clean slate, which gave me the opportunity to then decide who I was going to be within it. Ideally that’s why we would want with any job, any project and any situation we walk into – so that it’s not defined by preconceived ideas and judgments, but that we can walk into it unconditionally and from there decide who we are going to be within it based on the principles that we’ve decided to live according to in our lives.
If we then take a different example that I’d been experiencing resistance towards doing as writing my blogs for example, I couldn’t understand why I was resisting it. I usually enjoy writing my blogs and it’s not something that takes a lot of pushing for me to do. But suddenly I was experiencing resistance towards doing it, not massively, but enough so that I would follow the thoughts through which I gave myself excuses and justifications not to write.
So I discussed the point with my partner and I realized that I had triggered a reaction towards writing as something that I did for something/someone else, as an obligation that I had to do. Basically I had moralized the point of writing within me and I had separated the point of writing from myself. It was no longer something that I was doing for me within/as a part of my self-creation process. I also realized that the ’problem’ was not that I had to do it, because as I have explained there are other responsibilities/tasks that I also have to do, which I had no problems doing. The problem was that I wasn’t doing it for me. I wasn’t doing it from a clear starting-point of a decision within me as to why it is I am sitting myself down to write on a daily or weekly basis.
What this assisted me to see is that, when my starting-point is not clear in terms of making a decision about why I do the things I do, I am no longer walking a self-creation process. Instead I am following belief-systems, moral judgments, ideas, projections and preconceived definitions through which I am separating myself from myself as the starting-point of my creation.
When we follow constructs such as beliefs, ideas and judgments, we may experience positive feelings and negative emotions depending on what beliefs, ideas or judgments we told towards the things we do. Within that we might experience fluctuations in energy causing us to be inconsistent with our application, or we might move automatically without much direction in awareness, because the belief, idea or judgment has already defined for us who we are within a certain action. As such, we will see, experience and direct ourselves and our reality according to set belief, idea or judgment. So if I for example have a moral judgment about writing, that “it’s something that I should do, because it makes me a good person” or “It’s something I must do because otherwise others might see me as lazy” – that will be my starting-point of ‘who I am’ within writing and obviously my writing will be accordingly; I am not here in/with my writing, because I am no longer doing it for me. I am doing it FOR an idea, FOR a belief, FOR a moral judgment, FOR a projection of who I believe I should be.
So when I was speaking to my partner about all of this, an interesting thing happened. In that moment I had a look at who I had been in relation to my writings and how I had started seeing it as an obligation I had towards others (which as I mentioned, was really an obligation towards a belief/idea/judgment) and I decided to redefine and change my relationship to writing.
I looked at how writing is that moment where I sit down with myself and investigate myself or reflect on a point that has come up during my day. It is one of the only moments where I get to spend time with and gift time and attention to myself. Being able to sit down and write and clear one’s head is a gift that I am immensely grateful for. Writing myself out has been and continues to be one of the cornerstones in my self-creation process. I can literally sit down just with my computer or with a notepad and I can map out how I created a certain reaction, I can investigate it in detail and specificity for myself, I can push myself to be self-honest in relation to seeing my responsibility in creating a conflict or a consequence involving other people – and I can forgive myself. I can let go of my reaction; I can come to understand myself in moments of feeling lost and confused. I can start by seeing events very limited to seeing how something unfolded multidimensionally and from there make a decision to change and correct myself. So writing is really a precious time where I sit down with myself, where I create myself through clearing the fog of the mind and establishing a new directive for who I am going to be and how I am going to handle situations differently the next time I am faced with similar situations.
And so as I sat there and I spoke all of this and I looked at how I can sit myself down with a cup of coffee and unconditionally give myself that moment to share myself with myself as well as with others as I do now, my entire experience towards writing changed. I not only no longer experienced resistance towards writing, but I actually couldn’t wait to sit down with myself and gift myself that moment of writing myself out.
However, it wasn’t a point of changing my perspective on something from being negative to positive. It was a decision to change who I was in relation to the decision to sit down and write. Writing is something that I do for me first and foremost. It is my gift and responsibility to myself that I have decided to do because I see, realize and understand how supportive and beneficial it is. Writing is also a place where I share myself with others as I do now, not to create an experience of myself, but because I know how supportive it can be to read the self-support and realizations shared by others. And if I can write this and share this and you can be supported by it, that is a gift too; and we’re all better off because of it. Then perhaps you don’t have to go through what I’ve been through and maybe that will give you the space to focus on something more important and relevant than avoiding something simply because you’ve created ideas about why you’re doing it in separation from yourself.
When we experience resistance, when we slack or postpone or procrastinate, it is because we’re not clear about who we are in relation to what we do. It is because we are accepting and allowing the mind to interfere and define our actions for us instead of us directing and deciding who we are for ourselves. We don’t have to live according to beliefs or ideas or judgments and when you look at it; when we do, we’re not living HERE in the real world. Instead we’re living in a simulated version of reality that we’ve created in our minds where we make decisions based on fears or desires or beliefs that are not created from a clear decision about who we are – and the world we accordingly create will be a world consisting of fears, desires, beliefs and ideas. That is not a world I want to live in.
So – with everything we do, it is important to look at why we are doing it. Especially if we’ve stepped out of (or not yet into) the self-creation process where everything we do starts with a clear decision of who we are – where we investigate and forgive and let go of any preconceptions we may have, so that we can start fresh, and from a principled living perspective change and create ourselves.
Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course