Recently I had quite an interesting insight about the way that I defined my own value. I was busy working with a group of people and I noticed myself going into an energetic experience of anticipation towards them applauding or being impressed with what I was saying. As I later investigated the experience through self-forgiveness I realized that I had defined my value as an energetic experience, meaning: when someone applauded me or said something complimentary about me, I would create an experience of being valuable within myself. If they then did not applaud me or if they would criticize me, I would create an experience within me of being without value and/or being worth-less. As I started investigating the point of valuing myself I realized that I had defined value as an experience and then to gain value, I would have to seek out the experience of feeling valuable which I had attached/associated to others for example applauding me. I would then have to be strategic about what to say and how to say it in order to hopefully, maybe impress others to then applaud me. What this would mean is that I would compromise my expression, I would go into competition with others, I would speak only to get that energetic experience of feeling valuable and I would most certainly not listen to others, support them or be interested in what they had to say. I realize how it is similar with other points, in how I have perceived/interpreted them based on energetic experiences – examples could be having an experience of confidence instead of actually living confidence as an expression of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, believe and define my value as an energetic experience of feeling valuable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as valuable only when others explicitly show or say that I am valuable
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an addiction towards the energetic experience of feeling valuable that I generate within myself when others compliment me or when I perceive them as being impressed with me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the energetic experience of feeling valuable that I generate within myself when others compliment me or when I perceive them as being impressed with me, is not something that they are creating within me – but that I am creating within myself based on a belief that my value is derived from others recognizing value within and as me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately speak and write and do things in order to get others to compliment me or be impressed with me, so that I can generate an experience of feeling valuable and thereby believing that I have value
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of excitement and euphoria when others compliment me or applaud me where I get high on the experience of feeling valuable, for a moment perceiving, defining and believing myself to be valuable – until the energy wears off and I again have to go chasing the experience
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to equate others indicating/recognizing me as valuable with being valuable and thus that I have made my value depending on an experience and on others recognizing my value, completely separating value from myself as something that I create and that exists within me unconditionally
I forgive myself that I, because of the relationship of separation of value from myself that I have created, have created a want/need/desire within me to seek out other people’s approval/recognition/validation, where I do and say things – not because of a natural expression of myself, but strategically to gain value
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel devalued and worthless if others criticize me, where I go into an experience of shame, self-judgment, self-blame and depression because I believe and have accepted that my value is something entirely volatile that can be given to me or taken away from me in an instance – where even though it changes from one moment to the next I believe it to be defining the totality of me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately go into competition with others because of my addition towards creating an energetic experience of feeling valuable based on being complimented by others, where I try and be better than others so that I can maximize my experience of feeling valuable
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, when speaking to others, not listen to them or be here with them, because my mind is preoccupied with what I can say so as to get them to value me so that I can get my energetic fix of feeling valuable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself and my physical body through trying to impress others and get them to compliment me so that I can experience myself as valuable
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be willing to compromise myself and to cross my own self-honest and physical boundaries just so that I could create an experience of feeling valuable based on others complimenting me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize the extent to which I’ve compromised and enslaved myself based on the addiction I’ve created towards generating an experience of feeling valuable when others compliment me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and desperate when people would not applaud/compliment me in spite of my advances for them to do so, not realizing how people pick up on the fact that I am not genuine or authentic in my expression and that I am desperate and therefore may or might create a resistance/resentment towards me because they sense that I want something from them
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an innate belief/assumption that ‘who I am’ must be felt – such as feeling confident or feeling valuable and that if I don’t feel it, then I am not it – when in fact real confidence or value is something that I can only live as an expression of myself as actually becoming/living the word/virtue
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in a constant state of trying to prove my value to others – thus making value something entirely volatile that can change from one moment to the next, instead of being a constant, stable and real expression of who I am
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how – the more I look for value outside of myself, in others, the more I actually separate myself from the value of myself here through being preoccupied with value as being something that I don’t have and that I have to gain from a starting-point of ‘lack’ and self-interest, not realizing that the only place that I can find and develop value is within myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perceive and accept it as physiologically impossible for me to value myself without being validated by others, like that option simply does not exist within me – because I inherently see myself as not having value – or rather: do not understand what value is because all I’ve ever known it as has been an energetic experience
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not consider how value is the extent to which I am beneficial or useful to existence/the world/myself as a practical measurement of my movement and impact, not as any energetic experience or feeling
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not consider or understand that self-value is thus the understanding and recognition of my own usefulness, both within real-time application and as a potential of who/what I can become i.e. what I make of myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how, when I allow myself to chase an energetic experience of feeling valuable, I am actually ironically devaluing myself, because I am not making practical use of myself to the utmost of my potential – but am instead valuing (making use of) only myself in/as the mind
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how value is simply a measurement of usefulness in terms of how beneficial something or someone is, but also within this how value is in essence a construct and not something that defines me as more or less in this world
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in an optimal world, value wouldn’t even be relevant because everything and everyone would be living according to their utmost potential and as such there would be no need to value/devalue anything or anyone as measured against one another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must value myself, that self-value is an important part of the process of walking out of the mind, when in fact I realize that when I appreciate myself here, when I recognize my own actions and the impact they have in self-honesty, there is no need to measure myself based on a construct of value
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto value as an energetic experience of feeling ‘more than’ in comparison to an experience of feeling ‘less than’ as an energetic high through which I can feel that I have a purpose in this world
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to experience an ‘urge’ as a movement within me of energy to speak/act from a starting-point of wanting to impress others or prove myself to others – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here to the stability of myself. I clear myself and speak when I am clear in my expression, that I am not expressing myself to ‘get something’ but simply as an expression of how I am in that moment or as a point of practicality where I see that it is supportive to speak/act in a certain way.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to react when others compliment me or when I perceive that they are impressed with me, where I see that I experience myself energetically high I stop. I breathe and stabilize myself here.
I realize that I’ve separated myself from value as myself which is in essence simply the recognition of myself here, where I don’t have to either value or devalue myself. I realize that I’ve made myself addicted to an energetic experience of feeling valuable based on feeling validated by others through their compliments or my perception of them being impressed with me and that this is inherently linked then also to an experience of myself as being worthless/unvalued. I realize that value is simply a form of measurement and that I don’t actually need to value or devalue myself – because I can live and exist here in an recognition of myself and my potential in self-honesty.
Something interesting that I am seeing is that in Danish the word/sounding of the word value is like ‘Being-I’ where ‘being’ is a verb, so ‘value’ in that context is simply the recognition and living of who I am and I realize that the word ‘value’ in itself as a measurement is only relevant in the context then of not knowing/recognizing/being self-honest about self and thereby having to measure self.
I commit myself to stop the addiction I’ve accepted within and as myself to the energetic experience of feeling valuable/devalued. I commit myself to stop looking for value inside and outside of myself. I commit myself to stop accepting myself as valuable/worthless and I commit myself to focus on bringing myself and being here in a recognition of myself here in self-honesty where I decide and express myself without creating an experience of myself. I commit myself to stop speaking/acting to deliberately ‘get something out of it’ but to focus on speaking/acting as the expression of myself. I realize that I don’t have to be ‘valuable’ in the eyes of others or even in the eyes of my own mind/myself because with value comes devalue and as such I would accept devalue as much as I accept value. I realize that this is not necessary for me to recognize and appreciate my own expression and to self-honestly asses my own contribution in this world.
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