Principle 3. Living by the principle of self-honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa
Read all the principles within The Desteni of Living. My Declaration of Principle. 294
Self-Honesty is the most difficult principle to live and apply. The reason why that is, is because our lives and entire existence have been built on a net of lies.
“Remember – self honesty is the most difficult thing you will ever face as it will be your own self deception as the part you play in the mess as civilization that you will confront and must change if you ever want to become a real living being.” – Bernard Poolman
Before I found Desteni, I was walking a process of trying to free myself from my inner mayhem of emotions and feelings. I perceived myself to be trapped in a body and a personality that I desperately tried to get rid of. I tried ascending and enlightening myself through all kinds of remedies and spiritual paths and at the end of a decade of doing that found myself feeling more and more frustrated. I felt I had exhausted all my resources and no matter what I did I couldn’t get rid of or escape from the parts of myself that I felt weighed me down and prohibited me from participating effectively in my life. So one day I sat down and I had a look at all the paths I had taken and all the tools I had applied from A Course in Miracles to Eckhart Tolle, Louise Hay, Ayahuasca, Deeksha and any and all other personal development and spiritual tools of enlightenment. I was frustrated and I couldn’t understand why nothing had worked, why I hadn’t changed and why I time and time again found myself back at square one, being stuck with the ‘same old me’ that I so desperately wanted to get rid of. So I looked back at the process I had walked and in my mind searched for the tools and remedies that had supported me to accelerate in my process of self-change.
As I was doing that a memory emerged from when I was around seventeen years old and I was sitting alone with myself in my room and I realized how much I had lied to myself throughout my life. In that moment I decided that from now on I would be 100 % honest with myself. From a certain perspective, that was yet another lie because I didn’t actually understand what it meant to be 100 % honest with myself, however making that decision in itself and realizing how the problem was me lying to myself, changed me. And as I was looking back at this memory, I realized that of all the spiritual paths I had taken, of all the money I had spent on books and crystals and seminars, this simple moment alone with myself in my room, had changed me beyond comparison. When I say ‘being honest with myself ‘ in this context, it was about getting real with myself, facing myself where I was and looking myself in the eye so to speak and it especially also had to do with seeing where I was compromising myself in relation to other people. One of the prominent changes in my life that came out of that moment was that I started making choices more based on being honest with myself. I have for example never liked drinking alcohol and yet I would do it anyway to fit in with other people and to be part of the social community with my friends. Since deciding to be honest with myself, I slowly but surely started pulling myself out of the entire party-scene. At first I would go home early from parties and I remember how good it felt to stop forcing myself to try and be part of the group and instead chose what I saw was best for me. Eventually I stopped drinking all together. I remember the first New Years Eve where I didn’t have a drop to drink. I woke up early in the morning to a house where drunken people were scattered everywhere on couches and chairs. I carefully walked over them, got my jacket and went outside. It was one of those winter mornings where the sun is piercingly bright and there is frost everywhere. Everything smelt so fresh, so bright and I took a long walk. It felt so good to have chosen myself and what I knew was right for me. It took me some years to stop drinking completely and to also stop attending such parties and gatherings entirely but I could see how it all sourced back to that moment where I had decided to be honest with myself. I had started a process of giving myself back to myself. When I years later was looking back at my process of self-development, it shocked me to realized that this single decision to be honest with myself had changed me more than any spiritual tool or remedy. It was fascinatingly simple to realize that the answer to changing myself had always existed within me. So when I found Desteni I realized that it was this decision to be honest with myself that had made it possible for me to listen to what was being said in the interviews and on the Desteni forum. I knew and could cross-reference for myself that self-honesty was the single most important component to self-change because I had seen it quite literally for myself. However – I did not yet fully understand what Self-Honesty was and I am still walking the process of discovering Self-Honesty for myself. Self-Honesty is fascinating and complex in that the more I walk my process, the more I realize how dishonest I am. That’s the process of self-honesty. Something that was self-honest earlier in my process I know realize is self-dishonest. An example is how I early in my process stopped attending family gatherings and holidays. It is something that I never enjoyed doing and I never saw the purpose of. So at the time, I was being self-honest in recognizing how there was no real purpose in me attending these gatherings. I only did it because it was expected of me, to keep up appearances and because “That is how we’ve always done it.” It was so liberating to finally stop moving with the turning wheels of tradition and being able to step out of the entire consumerism scam of having to give gifts on birthdays and holidays. But as I continued with my process, I realized how I had blamed my family and how I had judged these gatherings, when in fact it was my own experience within them I was trying to escape. Now I can more freely decide when to attend and when not, where it isn’t based on a sense of duty and obligation when I do and where it isn’t a matter of judgment and resistance when I don’t. So there are layers to self-honesty where, as we become more self-honest we keep expanding our self-honesty and it never really ends. The more I push myself to be self-honest, the more I realize how extensively I’ve been lying to myself. On the other hand there is also what is referred to as Absolute Self-Honesty and this is what I am continuously pushing for in my process, because, as I have realized, our entire existence is based on lies. This means that virtually every gesture, every word; every blink of an eye is saturated in lies. And so from that perspective, even the idea that self-honesty is layered according to where one is in one’s process, is a lie. So it is a multi-dimensional process where nothing can be taken for granted and where we must in every moment keep peeling off the layers of lies that we have engrossed ourselves within. What I have found is that it is very easy to fool and placate oneself into a time-loop and a plateau where nothing changes because of beliefs and ideas. As such self-honesty is not something that can be taken for granted and if one does, one can be sure that one is lying to oneself. It is the essence of the esoteric expression: “If you see the Buddha, kill him.” If you think that you’ve become enlightened and that you’re now done with your process, if you find yourself in a place of serenity and bliss, that’s when you want to be worried and go back to square one of Self-Honesty asking the basic questions: “Where am I?” “What is my starting-point?” And “Who am I?”
“There is no Truth, only Denial of what is Here” – Bernard Poolman
When I read this statement back in the early days of my process it made a significant impact on me, because all my life I had been searching for ‘the truth’ in one way or another. And this ‘truth’ that I had been searching for was now, with one statement, invalidated to oblivion with the simple basic fact that what we should be searching for are all the lies that are preventing us from seeing what is Real, what is Here in fact. So while my spiritual process emphasized escaping myself on one hand and on the other embellishing who I believed I was, the process I started walking with Desteni was about removing the layers that prevented me from simply being and Living Here. The simplicity is so striking that our minds cannot fathom it as it thrives on complexities and unsolved mysteries. Becoming Self-Honest is the single most important part of this process and it is something that I have to push within myself on a daily basis. Within this, writing has been the anchor, the lie detector that is so important and so empowering. Through waking with Desteni these past 5 years I have learned that Self-Honesty means to Stand-With Myself, no matter what I am or what I have lived. That doesn’t mean that I have to accept what I have been or how I have Lived or that I cannot expand or change myself. It means to stop pretending that I am something and someone that I am not, neither good or bad, neither more or less. Self-Honesty means to stop running and to start facing myself, in the bare naked truth of what is here as Who I am, to first remove the lies, so that I can discover what was underneath it, all along. No one can be Self-Honest for me and within that is the realization that our processes is in our own hands. I Stand Responsible for me. And so I walk.
Here are some more links to Expand on the Principle of Self-Honesty:
Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course