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fear of complaining about food at a restaurantI am continuing here with walking the change and correction of the pattern that I wrote about here:

Decisions That Are Not Made. DAY 293

“The other point emerged when I was out to eat with my partner and got served a very stale, hard and cold piece of fish. For years I’ve had a fear towards this kind of situation where I am to ‘stand up for myself’ specifically in terms of sending food back and fear that the waiters or the chef will be angry at me and see me as a nagging person. I’ve mustered up the courage to at least say something now, where I would in the past just have eaten the stale fish while churning in fear inside myself because I was so scared of confronting the restaurant about it. This time I thus did say something but I still went into fear and thus accepted a replacement meal that was no way satisfactory. When my partner told me to go back again and complain I refused and we ended up switching meals. The memory that comes up in relation to this point is my experience of my mother being a nag when I was a child and teenager and how I would be so embarrassed by her and see the reaction in other people, for which I experienced her being totally out of line in many instances and as such made a ‘pact’ with myself to become a ‘good person’, being considerate and nice to other people, never wanting people to look at me the way they looked at her and judge her the way I judged her through the eyes of others.”

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in an intense experience of fear and anxiety and within that a change of my overall physical experience when I am eating out and I am served food that is blatantly dissatisfactory i.e. Cold or stale or incorrectly cooked because I am in that moment confronted with the projection of seeing myself having to complain to the waiter/chef about my food and because I have logged many memories of the exact same experience, I go into an automated state of fear and anxiety in anticipation of what I know I should do but what I fear doing

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to log and hold onto memories within my mind and in my body of past times where I was confronted with having to confront a waiter or chef about the food I have been served, where I, when it happens again, trigger all the emotional experiences of fear and anxiety from all the other times it has happened and where I feel an intense pressure within myself towards having to complain about my food

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be so afraid of confronting a waiter or chef and complain about food that I have been given, that I would rather just eat the stale or otherwise dissatisfactory food and thereby compromise myself and my self-integrity and self-value by submitting and subjecting myself to fear and by allowing fear to be the principle with which I direct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in that moment of being served food that is so dissatisfactory that I know that I have to complain or I will be compromising myself, participate in thoughts and backchat of thinking: “Oh no, it happened again, I don’t want this to happen, I hate when this happens, I don’t want to complain, maybe the food is not THAT bad, maybe I’m being overly perfectionistic, maybe I’m just a complainer, maybe I should just shut up and eat my food and at least I won’t have to get into a conflict.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through my thoughts where I justify and validate my experience of fear and further compound it within myself by accepting the fear as valid and so convince myself that it is ‘okay’ if I compromise myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to value fear more than myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept that it is okay and acceptable that I compromise myself, my physical body and my self-integrity, as long as I don’t have to face or be confronted with the fear of being in a conflict with another person – and thereby justify for myself that I am a willing slave of fear and that fear decides my value and direction

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold onto an image in my mind that I trigger and activate within me when I see that I have been served food that is dissatisfactory, of the chef or waiter frowning and looking insulted and judgmental when I complain about my meal where I imagine how they see me as a primadonna (word from Italian used in Danish to describe a sort of annoying ‘diva’ like character who is self-centered and obnoxious) and a hassle and as being petty and how I then because of this feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself imagining how I’m wasting their time and being ungrateful and disrespectful towards the time and effort that they have put into preparing a meal for me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the reason why I react so strongly when I am served food that I know is dissatisfactory and that I should complain about is because I have held onto this image within my mind that I have charged with a lot of energy and self-judgment and that I, in a split-second trigger and create an automated projection for how I believe (insist) that the situation will play out where I to complain, thus locking myself into an extremely limited frame of mind that I carry so much fear towards that I’d rather eat the dissatisfactory food

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the image and imagination that I’ve created and projected onto the situation of complaining about bad food, is a negatively charged image/imagination that I have created as a child seeing my mother complaining about or other services to waiters or other service personnel and where I saw and interpreted the waiter or service person’s reaction to be one of anger and judgment towards my mother and seeing her as a hassle, as a primadonna and as being petty

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of as a child seeing my mother complaining about or other services to waiters or other service personnel, where I saw and interpreted the waiter or service person’s reaction to be one of anger and judgment towards my mother and seeing her as a hassle, as a primadonna and as being petty create a reaction of shame, embarrasment and self-judgment in taking that perceived reaction personal and integrating it into myself as though their reaction was directed towards me – because I identified myself as being part of/associated with my mother

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in an experience of anger and judgment towards my mother in judging her as being a hassle, a primadonna and as being petty and because of this feel emabarrased and ashamed of being with her and being associated with her

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mother is a hassle, a primadonna and a petty person based on interpreting others judging her as such and within that believe and accept their perceived reaction as valid and as a real reflection of who my mother is in that moment and in general

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, because of how I saw and perceived others reacting to my mother, create an intense fear and anxiety towards others seeing me as a hassle, as petty and as a primadonna because I’ve associated those words with feeling judged, with judging myself and with feeling ashamed and embarrassed

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to decide in the moment of reacting to how I see others reacting to my mother that I don’t ever want to be seen that way by others and as such make a ’rule’ or a ’law’ within me that I must never do anything that could make others see me in this way, such as complain about food or services with the purpose of avoiding being faced with the fear of being judged and thereby the experience of self-judgment, shame and embarrassment

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to the fear of being judged, of judging myself and feeling ashamed and embarrassed about myself and because of this enslave myself to act against my self-integrity and to deliberately compromise myself to not be confronted with this fear

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to be seen by others as ‘tolerant’, ‘friendly’, ‘compassionate’ and ’emphatic’ specifically because I DON’T want to be seen as I’ve perceived others seeing my mother as a hassle, as being petty and a primadonna.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I don’t actually know what the people who I saw reacting to my mother was experiencing and even if they did judge her or see her as a hassle, as petty and as a primadonna, this would be their personal experience which for one isn’t valid as it then wouldn’t be something my mother was creating within them, but an issue within themselves being triggered by the situation with my mother and secondly, simply because others judge or see someone a certain way, does not make this experience automatically valid or mean that I now have to take it personal and define myself according to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that whatever experience another has towards me – or that I perceive them as having – automatically defines and determines who I am in fact, not realizing how absurd this belief is, as I perfectly well know by now that a person’s reaction is created by themselves and in essence has nothing to do with the person they are reacting to

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as being part of my mother and thus take everything that happens to her personally, where I would even internalize my own judgment and shame and embarrassment towards her and project it onto myself

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I am on a restaurant and I am served food that I see is dissatisfactory in accordance with what is to be expected in the particular situation, and I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into anxiety and feeling pressured I immediately stop myself. I place my feet on the ground and I stabilize myself within the center of my chest and I breathe. I realize that I’ve accumulated and compounded a massive experience of fear towards this situation for years to the point where I have automated it due to my endorsement of and participation in it and that I have done so based on a memory of seeing people react to my mother and me then validating that reaction and taking it personal within me through seeing myself as part of my mother. I realize that it is common sense to complain and send food back that is not satisfactory and that doing so is an act of self-respect and self-integrity where I honor my own value and the value of the situation where I have paid for a service that does not live up to its price. I realize that I have a responsibility to value my physical body and myself and to push through the fear and experience that I experience towards complaining over food. I realize that if the person to whom I complain about the food reacts, that this has nothing to do with me, it does not influence me, it does not define me. There can be a thousand reasons why a person reacts. I also realize that in many situations where food is served that is dissatisfactory it is actually because the restaurant or establishment is not of a high quality and that there may be a compromise of the quality of food, because a restaurant with good quality would never serve so blatantly dissatisfying food. I also realize that what is often the problem is that the waiters and chefs aren’t owners of the restaurant they work in and because they ‘simply work there’ they may not take absolute responsibility for the food they are serving and as such not care. As such, I don’t owe them anything as I have paid a certain price and can accordingly expect a certain standard of quality in which there is nothing personal. I commit myself to, if I am served food that is blatantly dissatisfactory to within self-trust, self-integrity and self-confidence asked to have it sent back without making it personal, without reacting to it, without going into fear about it. I commit myself to let of the memory and image of seeing someone react to my mother and judging her and the subsequent negative energetic reaction that I thereby created in relating to complaining over a service. I commit myself to let of the fear of being seen as a primadonna, as petty and as a hassle if I complain over a service or a purchase I have made. I also realize that I actually can learn something from my mother in how she has had the self-respect, confidence and integrity to complain if she receives a product or a food she is not satisfied with and I realize that this doesn’t have to mean that I will then be a hassle or a primadonna or petty – but simply that I am honoring the business exchange made which is a perfectly commonsensical point of self-support.

Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course

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