As I have started to walk the Desteni of Living that is my Declaration of Principle I have been having a look at the principles that I am currently facing and walking within my process and that I for example do not yet stand one and equal with in terms of living this principle as an absolute expression of myself in self-trust and self-honesty. Here I have found the following two principles especially pertaining to ‘where’ and ‘who’ I currently am within my process:
22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth.
Read the full declaration here: The Desteni of Living. My Declaration of Principle. 294
The reason why I am specifically working with this two principles stems from the fact that I have for a while experienced myself as ‘unable to allocate myself in my process’ in a sense of feeling like ‘I don’t know where I am’. With this I am not referring to an experience of being ‘lost’. It is more an experience that can be compared to someone running a marathon race and at some point gets distracted or disoriented and loses sight of how many miles/kilometers are left, when the next service point is and so is unable to effectively place themselves effectively in the race in terms of for example speeding up or slowing down their pace in accordance with the body’s needs. Lol – so bringing this analogy back to myself, you could say that I know that I am in the race, I know which way to go, but I am unsure about ‘where’ exactly I am and so not effectively able to use my strengths to my optimal potential. However when that is said, all of this is obviously an experience and as such isn’t reflecting reality of the situation.
Through the suggestion of one of the people in my life that I am eternally grateful for due to their unwavering and consistent support, I had a listen to the following interview: Your Living Presence – Reptilians – Part 299
One of the things that was mentioned in the interview is that we always know exactly ‘where’ and ‘who’ we are in our lives/ourselves and thus in our processes of change. This is why I am saying that what I experienced was nothing but an experience, because through what was brought forth in this interview, I could see how I had created such an experience of “I don’t know where I am” deliberately so as to not confront and challenge my own positive self-image. Because this is exactly what we as humans do, which I actually made a vlog about the other day in relation to cognitive dissonance titled Confronting Cognitive Dissonance in Myself where I discussed how we come up with these neat stories about ourselves that make us look good in our mind’s eyes and so never actually confront the aspects of ourselves that requires to be changed and corrected. So in the interview it was mentioned how we tend to hide the reality of ‘where’ and ‘who’ we are from ourselves in fear of facing ourselves as well as in a resistance to changing who we are.
A practical correction that was suggested in the interview is to do a brutally self-honest ‘inventory’ of sorts of where one is in one’s life/process to actually bring oneself to see the reality of self and accordingly enable oneself to change, perhaps for the first time ever. If we bring this back to the analogy of the marathon-runner, it would be equivalent to then stopping up and looking at a map to asses where one is in the race to then be able to use one’s resources such as water effectively.
So as I was listening to the interview, I could immediately see ‘where’ I am and how there are specific points in myself/my life/my process that I am not satisfied with but that I have accepted ‘as is’ and have covered with a positive explanation so as to not have to confront myself within and as it. I was surprised how easy it was to see myself considering how I had come straight from an experience of feeling very confused about ‘where’ I am and within this I could then conclude how easy it is to deceive oneself when in fact, the truth of oneself has always been right in front of (or behind) one’s nose. In fact, as has been mentioned by several people, the truth of ourselves and thus the key to this existence has been hidden in such plain sight, in such obvious places that we literally can’t see it because we expect that it must always be complex and mysterious and not easily obtained. Thus the most perfect place to hide something is in plain sight and that is exactly what we’ve done to ourselves.
So this morning I decided to sit down and write out my ‘inventory’ and without having given it much thought I could later see that I had been within an expectation of this list being very long and revealing a lot of ‘big’ and ‘complex’ ‘problems’ about myself. I was therefore surprised to find that it took me five minutes or less to write out the list and I barely filled up an A4 with the points that I could see required changing in my life/myself/my process. It was so easily accessible and direct that I wondered if I had done it wrong. But here I had it, black on white, the exact points and aspects of myself that I hadn’t given direction, stood equal to or taken responsibility for. And to clarify, the reason why my list was relatively short and that it was so easy and simple to write out, is not because I am particularly less ‘burdened’ or ‘troubled’ than anyone else, most certainly not. No – what I found was that I already knew all the points that required changing, it was so in-my-face straight forward, that the only thing missing was simply me acknowledging and admitting to myself that “these are the points within me that I require changing at this moment.” What I also found as I had written it all out was that it was not as bad or as complex as I would have expected it to be. We tend to carry a lot of fear towards ‘the darkness within’ ourselves, especially when we keep those aspects and dimensions of ourselves hidden and secret from ourselves. It is like the monster that in the darkness terrifies you senseless but when the light is turned on, you realize that it was nothing more than a broom in the corner of your room casting shadows on the wall. So I am committing myself to take responsibility for changing these points that I have now written out, because I cannot pretend like they are not there or that I don’t know about them. I have already been there and done that and I would not recommend it. So that is the first principle that I have been and that I am working with here in relation to ‘Man know thyself’ in me getting to know myself – but to also be willing and self-willed to face myself whomsoever and whatsoever I find within the depths of myself and my mind. Because without knowing ourselves, we can’t change ourselves and without knowing ourselves in and as this world, we cannot change the world.
The second principle has to do with getting to know myself in and as the world-system so as to be able to stand as an example and a catalyst for change. This is something that I have rather neglected, at least to some extent for quite some time. But recently I have opened up this dimension for myself in terms of even being willing to start looking at what is here in and as this world, again however horrendous it may be – to be willing to stand one and equal with what is here and face it as a part of myself. Having a look at these two principles, they are two sides of the same coin and what exists within our relationships to ourselves, where we prefer the censored version where we look good in our own minds, exists equally on a global level with all of humanity hiding the truth of what is going on from each other and ourselves. So I see that these two principles goes hand in hand and that I cannot effectively enable myself to not only see and face what is going on in the world and in humanity as a whole on a collective level, but also direct that, if I have not already lived and applied that principle for myself. Because what is it that happens otherwise? We react, we become angry, we blame, we feel powerless, we suppress and we come up with all sorts of reasons and explanations to keep ourselves from facing what is here – and as such we merely compound the consequences of our living and of our impact and influence (or lack thereof) on this world and on ourselves. Something else that I have also seen in relation to this principle is an experience of inferiority towards information or dimensions of the world/world-system that I do not already have a familiarity with or knowledge about. Previously I would use automated escape-mechanisms to simply leave such dimensions be and not even bother myself to get to know them. But as I say to the children that I teach on a daily basis: “If you don’t practice, you won’t get better so you might as well do it now.” So I have been pushing myself to delve into new areas of information that I previously was scared of getting in contact with. I realize how much I have missed out on simply because I had allowed myself to not push myself when it came to learn new things or things that weren’t automatically natural to me. An example of this is how I’ve recently started becoming more interested in natural medicine and remedies and so within this, to actually understand how it works and so be informed to be able to make independent decisions in common sense, I would have to understand the chemistry behind it. But because I have never learned chemistry, as it was one of the subjects that I immediately gave up on learning, there is a dimension of this new interest that I haven’t been able to access or stand equal to and as such effectively direct myself according to. Therefore I have decided that I would like to, at some point in my life when my living conditions allows me to, take a course in chemistry and math. In fact, since starting to break this barrier within me towards learning new things, I have also started wanting to learn things which is something I haven’t experienced for many years as learned always within me have been laced with emotions of inadequacy, anxiety, suppression and self-deception.
This then concludes my blog on these two specific dimensions in relation to the principle of ‘man know thyself’ that I commit myself to change and perfect within and as myself.
I will return in the next blog-post with the point I wrote out in the previous blog-post regarding fear of sending food back when out dining on a restaurant.
Thank you for walking with.
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Image by Nichole DeMent