As we walk our process in the journey to life, a key-element is to stand equal to the mind. We cannot direct the mind and thus stop existing as minions to the mind if we are not equal to it. There are two aspects of this point of standing equal to the mind that I will be exploring in this post. One is the level of specificity and diligence required when working with the mind and the other is how we see, relate to and interact with the mind.
The reason why I am writing about these two aspects of standing equal to the mind has to do with what I have recently noticed in my process. I have noticed for example that I tend to ‘brush off’ thoughts and experiences that comes up within me, often with the excuse and justification that I’m in the middle of something and that I don’t have time to stop what I am doing to sit down and write self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. So instead – I tend to ‘let it slide’. What this means is that I don’t direct what comes up in/as/through the mind effectively, that I suppress it and it eventually has consequences in for example accumulating back chat or becoming emotionally possessed. The other example is where, when I see something about myself and how/who I am within/as the mind that I don’t like or find embarrassing or shameful and I then go into self-judgment, taking what I see personally and again suppress myself or go into an emotional reaction. Within this I have seen that I tend to see myself-as-the-mind as a ‘flaw’, as a ‘flawed’ version of myself that ‘shouldn’t be there’, thus indicating that I have expectations towards myself that I am not meeting. This is interestingly enough happening in and through the mind, thus showing how we will within/as the mind even attack ourselves and in this state of mind believe that we’re coming from a ‘elevated’ perspective – when in fact these reactions shows that one has not moved oneself out of the mind. These two examples show how, when one does not stand equal to/with/as the mind, one is giving the mind ‘free reign’ and is thus also defining and accepting oneself AS the mind, instead of directing the mind AS Self where the mind becomes a virtual tool, like an app on a computer that isn’t meant to override the computer’s basic functions but to instead be an added program that supports the basic functioning of the computer.
So I will here be applying self-forgiveness in relation to these two examples of not standing equal to the mind – so that I can align myself to stand equal to the mind and as such direct the mind as myself in equality and unconditional self-support.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, experience and define the mind as a flawed part of myself, a broken part of myself, a dysfunctional part of myself, an evil and wrong part of myself that shouldn’t exist and that I have to disassociate myself from to not get ’tainted’ and ’corrupted’ when in fact the mind is so integrated into and as me that the mind is all I have become and existed as, it’s not ’a part’ of me and the mind is in essence simply a tool, a virtual reality simulator that in itself isn’t flawed, or broken or evil or wrong, because let’s face it: the mind is working just fine. It is how I have programmed myself within and as it that isn’t.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge the mind for who and what I have become within and through my participation in the mind and as such I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project the responsibility for who and what I have become onto the mind and thus abdicate responsibility for myself – when I am in fact responsible for the mind as the mind could not exist without my permission and active participation in and as it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as the mind within and as perceiving and experiencing and defining the mind as a separate entity or a separate part of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge myself for who and what I have become as the mind – as self-interest, as ego, as superiority, as emotion and feeling and as being addicted to energy without any consideration for life – not realizing that within blaming and judging myself I am separating myself from myself and thus disempowering myself to change because I am abdicating responsibility for myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become embarrassed and ashamed and to judge and blame myself when I see aspects of myself that I don’t like and that I would prefer not to associate myself with, not realizing how this experience towards my mind indicate that I’ve separated myself from these aspects of myself and that I am existing in a delusion of expectation towards myself of being ’more than’ and ’better than ’who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become in fact
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to an ideal image and expectation of how and who I think and believe that I should be and then when I expose sides of myself or aspects of myself that isn’t in accordance with this image, I react and judge myself and blame myself because I’m not living up to my own ideal of how I should be – not realizing that this ideal isn’t real, that what is here is here, whether I like it or not and that whatever I accept and allow to exist within and as me is in fact ‘who’ I am – and not an ideal image or expectation that I’ve created towards myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I create idealized expectation of who and how I am supposed to be, I am not in fact ’in touch’ with myself as the reality of who and what I am here and that I create internal conflict within myself and start separating myself from what in fact is here and that I cannot then face what is here and move with and as myself in self-honesty and self-support because I’ve created a delusional and unrealistic definition of myself that I cannot live in reality and thus corner myself in an ’impossible’ situation because I cannot live the ideal and I won’t admit the reality of me here to myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize my relationshipt to myself because I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idealized image of who and what I believe I am supposed to be and then when reality does not live up to this ideal, I start blaming reality and judging reality negatively because it doesn’t live up to my expecations, instead of realizing that it was my expectations that was unaligned with reality and not the other way around
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize and that I haven’t brought myself to the realization that there is no place or person that I am ’supposed to be’ – and that what is here is here and that is all I have to direct, that is all I can direct – and so when I created this idealized image of myself I actually disempower myself to see myself as who and what I am here in fact and thus disempower and sabotage my opportunity to change, correct and expand myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize ideals constructively in using them as practical guidelines for how I see it would be cool to expand myself and how I see I can expand my potential, instead of using them as positive polarities that I compare myself to and then judge myself negatively in comparison to and therefore actually miss the point of expanding myself entirely
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a habit and a pattern of letting thoughts and emotions ’slide’ where I use the excuse and the justification within my mind that I don’t have time or that I am too busy to sit down and write the point out, when I can in fact simply take a moment to myself to breathe, have a look at the thought or experience in self-honesty and then correct myself immediately within the moment, direct the thought or experience, forgive and release it and take responsibility for it and then return to what I was working with
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself and to deceive myself into believing that it is ’okay’ and ’harmless’ to let thoughts and emotions ’slide’ – where I see them coming up and then push them away with the excuse that I don’t have time to look at them or direct them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or admit to myself that letting thoughts or emotions ’slide’ is not harmless, because I have seen the consequences of what happens when I do, where one thought picks up another and gains ’momentum’ and sooner or later I’ll go into an emotional possession or a reaction which means that I separate myself from myself here in and as the physical and abdicate myself to the mind which has additional consequences for my physical body as well as for other people in my reality and my general participation
When and as I see that I am judging what comes up within me as a ‘flaw’, as ‘bad’, as ‘wrong’ and negative because it does not live up to my expectation of how and who I believe I should be – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I realize that I’m judging myself because I’m comparing myself to an ideal expectation in my mind that doesn’t have anything to do with reality. Therefore I commit myself to let go of and to stop this ideal expectation of myself so that I can remain here with me in reality and direct whatever comes up within me in unconditional self-support. And I commit to stop judging what comes up within me as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ or ‘flawed’. I realize that it is what it is – and whatever comes up within me, is my responsibility, my creation because I have accepted and allowed it to exist within and as me as myself. I commit myself to stop blaming my mind and seeing my mind as something that exists outside and separate from me, because I realize that I am my mind and I am responsible for my mind and I can’t just get rid of my ‘flaws’ or push them away from myself – because nothing is going to change until I change myself.
When and as I see a thought or an experience come up within me, where I see that I go into the thought and backchat of pushing it away, I stop myself and I breathe and I give myself a moment to direct myself, to forgive, release and correct myself. I realize that I’ve been lying to myself and deceiving myself into believing and convincing myself that letting thoughts and emotions ‘slide’ is harmless when I know for a fact that they are not and that letting thoughts and emotions slide is an act of abdicating responsibility and if I accept and allow that in one moment, I open the door to accept and allow that in all moments and in the next moment and thus I realize how important it is to direct the thoughts and experiences as they come up. As such I commit myself to become diligent with directing thoughts and experiences in the moment and I commit myself to stop making excuses and justifications for letting thoughts and emotions ‘slide’. I realize that there is no such thing as letting points slide. Every moment is a moment of creation. As such I commit myself to stop letting points slide. I realize that it is going to take practice to stop doing because this has become quite an integrated habit – but I commit myself to diligently practice directing points in the moment until it becomes a natural habit.
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