body disassociation, disconnected from my body, hating your body, how to connect with your body, loving your body, Physical body, reconnecting with your body, Self-Loathing, Social Construction of Reality
“On the one hand, man is a body, in the same way that this may be said of every other animal organism. On the other hand, man has a body. That is, man experiences himself as an entity that is not identical with his body, but that, on the contrary, has that body at its disposal. In other words, man’s experience of himself always hovers in a balance between being and having a body, a balance that must be redressed again and again.” – (Berger and Luckmann, 1967, The social construction of reality. A treatise in the sociology of knowledge. Harmondsworth. Penguin).
I am continuing here with the process of redefining my relationship with my physical body.
These are the previous posts in this series:
- Wrinkles and Aging and Death Oh My! DAY DAY 271
- The Body is a Temple… Where We Worship the Mind: DAY 270
- Self-Respect for The Physical Body: DAY 269
- Who Does Your Body Belong To? DAY 267
After having been ill a couple of times – I’m actually rocking the flu at the moment – I have started to see how little I am in contact with my own physical body. It has astounded me to see how we simply take for granted that we don’t know anything about our own bodies, let alone being able to feel it or see it or communicate with it. Obviously we can feel if we are in pain or if we are hot or cold, but we cannot feel the organs or how these are doing or how our vitamin levels are doing. Most often we only notice that there’s an unalignment when we actually get so sick that we have to seek treatment in some form or another. And so instead, we pull all our trust in ‘professionals’ from doctors to dentists to naturopaths and massage therapists. We put our bodies in their hands and often they will obviously have extensive training that allow them to see and diagnose misalignments in our bodies that we couldn’t have seen for ourselves. But unfortunately this blind trust is often abused. This happens for many reasons, but most prominently is the profit motive where corners are cuts for someone to make money off of our ignorance and lack of knowledge about our own bodies. I for example saw a bulletin for an article the other day that suggested that in many cases where breast cancer is diagnosed in women who are then urged to opt for invasive surgery or chemo therapy, the women don’t actually have cancer and such the treatment is not only redundant and unnecessarily expensive but can even put the women at risk for contracting other diseases or damaging their immune system. Obviously I don’t know if any of this is true. And this is exactly the problem – that we exist in such a state of disconnect from our own physical bodies that we in most cases have no choice but to trust the information laid out in front of us. And when it comes to doing independent research, the medical world and the health world is a literal jungle where it requires schooling in information screening to even be able to do effective research.
So the next step in my investigation of my relationship with my physical body is the realization that I know very little about my body. And I also don’t know how to effectively asses information about my body, whether through research I’m doing myself or through the advice of a medical professional. So I Googled the phrase “How to get to know your body” and to my surprise, virtually all the results showing up had to do with sex and becoming more sexually aware. This is quite indicative for how we’ve seen the physical body in society in general and like I mentioned in the beginning, how we take it for granted that we don’t know or understand our own bodies. Sure, we’ve all taken some classes on biology or nutrition, but how many of us can actually say that we know and understand our bodies’ needs and signals? Even when one is professionally schooled in some medical field, these are often very one-dimensional in that they focus on one perspective of the body, whether it is traditional western medicine, eastern medicine or any sub-category within the alternative healthcare system. So I would say that getting to know one’s own body in a real and substantial way would require an extensive educational process of learning about all the topics within the medical and healthcare fields as well as all the alternative methods, the holistic and interdisciplinary theories as well as a more personal process of simply becoming intimate with and as one’s own physical body. And from there one would then obviously also have to have the ability to effectively cross-reference and check the information within oneself to make sure that whatever one is learning is accurate in relation to one’s own body. An example of this could be the extensive propaganda that has been involved with promoting cow’s milk as incremental to a child’s development. I remember when I was in school how we got ‘school milk’ but because I was milk-intolerant I couldn’t drink it anyway and still to this day, my body doesn’t favor the dairy. And a lot of research has now shown that cow’s milk obviously isn’t an absolute must in our diet and that for many people it’s actually more harmful than supportive to consume a lot of milk. So besides learning about the body from an academic point of view – being able to cross-reference and check information within oneself is even more important. Because without that we’ll simply be followers of specific belief-systems where we often don’t realize that there’s a profit motive behind it. What is also problematic is that many alternative forms of treatment are often focused on ‘spiritual’ and very ‘flimsy’ forms of healing for example where one is asked to ‘think positive’ or ‘visualize’ – something that doesn’t restore one’s natural contact with one’s body, but instead often distance one even further because one now is preoccupying oneself in a ‘head space’ in one’s mind. And with the western forms of treatment the problem is often opposite in how the body is merely seen as a ‘machinery’ where the connection between the body and our beingness and the mind isn’t seen or understood.
Now – obviously for most of us pursuing a doctorate degree in medicine isn’t a practical option and neither is educating ourselves on any and all possible forms of treatment and theories about the human body. From this perspective it is therefore beneficial to have people in our society who specialize on certain parts or aspects of the body. Only it would be so much more beneficial if these experts would collaborate and cross-reference their work with each other to form a holistic understanding of the human body that each person would be able to benefit from in their own lives. Currently most of us also aren’t able to access our bodies interdimensionally, meaning where we stand so equal with our bodies that we’re able to communicate with, see and understand even the most intricate parts of our bodies as ourselves – like for instance being able to investigate our own cells or muscle tissue at an intimate and real level where we could direct the cell to for example regenerate itself if it was somehow damaged. For myself I can say that this contact with the body at an immediate level where I feel myself AS the body and can direct myself accordingly is currently a potential. But because I don’t even understand my own mind and how it interacts with the body and because the mind is currently still residing at a level of governance, such a connection isn’t possible – simply because we’re existing separate (in the mind) from the body. So the steps required to be taken are long-term and requires an extensive process of re-connection with ourselves as the physical as we slowly but surely reclaim governance of ourselves from having abdicated it and thus our responsibility for ourselves to the mind.
As I’ve been researching the topic of connecting with one’s body and getting to know one’s body, I came across some supportive posts. Obviously one has to sift through the ‘positive thinking’ and spiritual nonsense often included in such posts. But what I have realized is that while this kind of ‘spiritualization’ of self-supportive tools has to do with a lack of understanding, it doesn’t mean that the tools shared aren’t useful. It’s simply a matter of applying them with commonsense, self-honesty and awareness. One of them is the following list describing how and why we are disconnected from our bodies:
* We blame our bodies for the emotional or physical pain we feel.
* We feel trapped and confined in a body.
* We feel out of the norm: too thin, too fat, too ethnic, too different.
* We feel fat or ugly and blame our body for betraying us.
* We feel the body is abnormal, unpredictable, untidy.
* We see our bodies as an object and push it around with diets and exercise.
* We may have been physically abused.
* We fail to value emotions as a source of wisdom, fail to follow inner wisdom, and inadvertently end up creating a more painful life.
* We don’t want to “feel” certain experiences of living.
* In addition, many of us don’t like to breathe too deeply because we haven’t consciously decided we actually want to be alive. Another way of saying it is that we don’t like the experience of being human.
What is really cool about this list is that one can actually take it as a ‘grocery list’ for re-connecting with one’s body through walking a self-forgiveness process on each point on the list. So that is something I will be working with and sharing in time to come.
Here I will commence with self-forgiveness in relation to the point of taking the disconnect from my body for granted
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself so readily to be and exist disconnected from my physical body and from myself as the physical body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question being disconnected from my own body and within this simply accept the body as a ’tool’ that I as the mind use to move around and have experiences in, like a toy or a vehicle that I could discard at any time, except I can’t – without the body, no mind, no life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my physical body for granted by deceiving myself into believing that I can do whatever I want to the body without it having consequences for my life, as though the body isn’t even real or a part of me and that I can thus discard the body once I am done with it which is obviously a delusion of major grandeur hat I, within and as the mind have conjured up
I forgive myself that I have never accepted or allowed myself to question or investigate my relationship with my physical body and within and as that unquestionably accept every piece of information that I have been given by others or by the media about the body as real and true – because I have accepted myself as completely unaware of and not in any way the director of my own body and thus have accepted that I required something/someone else outside of me to tell me how to feel, what to eat, how to respond to my body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as unaware, unconscious and undirected within and as my physical body as though I just happen to be here and that it is in no way my responsibility to know and care for my physical body and that this is instead the responsibility of others outside and separate from me, as my parents, my teachers or the general system telling me how to dress, how to eat, how to breathe without me ever considering whether this is best for me or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately rebel against the physical support that my mother enlisted in my life, specifically because it was given to me by my mother and because I felt restricted and enslaved by it through her, believing that ‘doing what I want with my body’ is real freedom, when in fact I merely adopted another set of physical-body-doctrines where the sole focus was on getting the most intense experiences possible at all costs. I realize now that my mother actually (at least to the degree possible) cared for my physical body and that the restrictions she placed before me was based on this support and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not listen to my mother or be grateful for her support and then I instead interpreted her support as suffocating and enslaving – causing me to deliberately not care for myself just to spite my mother
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how my reaction to the extended focus on my physical body when I was a child, partly explains why I later went into the opposite polarity of becoming destructive and indifferent towards my own physical body, because I associated the focus on my physical body and it’s needs as a weakness of a child, where I believed that stopping focusing on my body would make me strong and independent – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the emphasis on my physical body’s needs was due to particular allergies, sensitivities and illnesses when I was a child that I then took personally and judge as restraining instead of simply seeing and being grateful for the support given to me and my physical body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately disassociate and disconnect and separate myself from my physical body in a specific time in my life, because I associated the body with weakness and because it was within the physical body that I experienced emotional trauma and turmoil, so I concluded that suppressing myself and disconnecting myself from the physical body, would make these experiences go away and I would be able to be strong and independent
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spiritualize my disconnection from my physical body where I literally made it my mission to escape the body, judging the body for everything that had gone wrong in my life, for my emotional experiences and within reading books about spirituality come to judge the body as ‘excess baggage’ like the ‘dirty density’ of the physical that I now believed I had to uplift myself (as the ‘soul’) from so that I could ascend into the higher dimensions of enlightenment and thus escape myself and this world and live in a state of eternal bliss – while all along the only purpose with this was to disassociate myself with my physical body and the physical as this world so that I wouldn’t have to face myself or take responsibility for myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never respect my physical body, because I never respected myself and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply accept that I don’t know anything about the physical body or how to effectively care for it, because I didn’t care about my body or about myself – but only cared about my mind. In fact I realize that the majority of my ‘spiritual self-development’ had to do with trying to advance myself within and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider or care about the fact that the physical body (just like the earth) is a living organism, an ecosystem with specific requirements for optimal living conditions, nutrients and sustenance that without it, the body cannot function effectively and although the body (and the earth) is immensely adaptable and ‘forgiving’ in that sense, it has a breaking-point where it cannot sustain any more abuse or contamination and have no choice but to compromise parts of itself for the whole to survive or to simply give up and shut down – and that it is thus my responsibility to nurture and care for the body to prevent any further damage or destruction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never realize or accept that it is my responsibility as an individual to make sure that the body has the optimal living conditions, nutrients and sustenance to sustain itself and that it is our responsibility as humanity to make sure that the earth as a whole has the optimal living conditions, nutrients and sustenance to sustain itself and only then will we be able to live and thrive in equality with the body and the earth, co-dependent and co-existing Here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so disassociated, disconnected and destructive towards my body that I don’t even see, recognize or care about when I am abusing the body – for example through participating in the mind and how such participation affects the body and that I have instead deceived myself into believing that I am in full control over myself and that I am so superior (as the mind) that I decide what is best for myself – not realizing how my starting-point within that is completely out of whack with reality because all I’ve cared about is the next energetic experience of thrill and excitement, just like we as humanity are existing in our relationship to the earth, completely oblivious and ignorant to the fact that the earth cannot support and sustain us if we do not support and sustain it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel scared, apathetic, confused and powerless when I look at how to change my relationship to my physical body, from one of abuse, destruction and abdication to the mind to a relationship of gratefulness, unconditional support and awareness because all I have practiced within myself is how to USE my body to satisfy my ‘wants’, ‘needs’ and ‘desires’ within and as the mind, while having no clue how one actually supports a physical body in an optimal way. Within this I also forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel apathetic towards learning about how to care for my physical body because I know that I cannot become an expert in all fields of healthcare or medicine – instead of seeing, realizing or understanding that there’s nothing wrong with seeking the professional support of an expert on a certain field of medical training or healthcare, but that the primary point I can change and work with, is my own relationship, connection and awareness of myself within and as the body because I will through that enable myself to cross-reference information with my physical body, test it out for myself and make a self-honesty decision about whether something is supportive for me or not and slowly but surely walk the process of re-connecting and reestablishing myself here within and as my body – as myself.
Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course