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ImsostressedoutIn this post I will continue from the last post with the point of trying to keep everything in my head, resulting in an experience of stress, nervousness and anxiety. This is something that many of us experience in the daily rut of running around the hamster wheel that is this world-system, where we think and believe that we can control and hold everything within the mind and then direct it from there, when in fact that isn’t possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and keep all the information about the things I have to do in my head, believing that I can manage all the information by constantly thinking about it and calibrating it

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone with a ‘good memory’ and within that take pride in and feel superior within believing that I have a good memory and therefore can hold everything in my head – when reality has shown that I cannot as I forget things and miss things on a regular basis

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as ego within myself priding myself off of being able to hold things in my head believing that I don’t need a calendar to remember things and as such be delusional and unrealistic for the sake of seeing, experiencing and defining myself as ‘more than’ in my mind

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how I have used the idea that I have a good memory and within that the experience of being superior to entertain and feed the mind and hold myself in the mind in a constant state of generating energy through participating in thoughts

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to allow the holding of information in my mind to escalate from a point of practically looking at things within myself to an obsession and possession with ‘holding’ information in my mind to a point of outright paranoia and stress

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wake up, go to sleep and virtually spend almost every waking moment preoccupied in thoughts about the things I have to do resulting in me in no way being or living here in actual practical reality because I’ve separated myself from what is here believing that I am being more effective by constantly thinking about what I have to do

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that constantly listing and thinking about what I have to do during a day makes me more effective – when in fact a specific reason why I have done this is because I fear not being able to hold all the information within me and because I am actually not able to hold the information within my mind and therefore constantly have to remind myself of what it is I have to do

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a polarity of superiority and inferiority where I in superiority believe that I can easily hold a lot of information in my mind and remember it and in inferiority fear that I don’t remember everything

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the point of deliberately calibrating and holding information in my mind escalate to a point of me being paranoid and anxious and stressed virtually all of the time, accumulating so much energy through the mind that doesn’t get released until I faced the consequence of a headache/migraine attack which was like the body being forced to release the energy in and onto itself resulting in immense pain which was highly unnecessary – had I been self-directive and seen what I was accepting and allowing earlier on and stopping and correcting myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts, when I allow myself to exist in conflict or fear or anxiety, that I am generating energy through the body and that this is a form of torture for the body where the body now has to bear the consequence and responsibility for my abdication of myself to the mind – instead of me simply directing the mind and the body here in equality and oneness with all parts of myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to actively and constantly participate in thoughts about being late, about not doing enough, about not being good enough, about trying to be better – to the extent where these thoughts accumulate into energetic experiences and eventually into mind-possessions where I allow the energy to become ‘who I am’ in a moment and take over my body and myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in and accept experiences of stress, anxiety, nervousness and self-judgment in relation to my daily schedule and responsibilities – no matter what these are or in which context they are related, also indicating that the energetic experience isn’t reflecting reality or my relationship to the point I’m facing, since I have the same experiences towards all my responsibilities during a day

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to continue day after day accumulating more and more thoughts about what it is I have to do, resulting in me manifesting a resistance within myself due to the pressure I’m placing on myself in the mind, literally trying to direct my reality through/within the mind resulting in me going to the opposite of being active and effective where I become lethargic and tired from constantly thinking about all the things I have to do – only leading me to doing less and thinking more

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a desire within me to please all the people in my world and be perfect within that and be of service – especially in my job – based on a fear that I might lose my job if I don’t please and satisfy my ‘customers’ when this in fact is not realistic in the context in which I’ve placed it in my mind

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to walk my daily life within a polarity design of inferiority and superiority where I in/as superiority have an idea/ideal about me being perfect, getting everything done, satisfying everyone, being professional, keeping everything effectively in my mind held up against and compared to an experience of being inferior where I compare this ideal to what I see myself doing in reality where I for example make mistakes or forget to send mails or do not get things done within a deadline that I’ve placed for myself and then judge myself because I’m not living up to my own ideals – not realizing how this is impossible because I’ve created these ideals within a containment in my mind, like an image that just is perfect but that isn’t subject to the movements of reality where one cannot control an outcome

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become less effective than I can be within my daily activities, because I’ve been more preoccupied with being perfect in my mind, than actually making sure that what I do is effective within the context that I am in in any given moment and the time I have available to do it

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in stress and to feel like I’ve got 50 balls in the air that I need to catch at the same time, when reality doesn’t in fact move as such as I can only direct one moment at a time any way

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold everything in my mind in a rigid way where I want to control everything to know exactly what is going to happen so that I can feel a sense of control and direction over my day – which actually leads me to the exact opposite experience of feeling powerless and not directed in any way what so ever

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not apply the simple correction of effectively writing things down that I have to do in a way that works for me and that I’ve instead made my daily plan and responsibilities a point of conflict within myself when in fact it is simply a practical point of logistics and calibration for which I could have used the mind constructively as a tool to cross-reference points that aren’t physically here within the moment

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, as the mind – highjack the point of scheduling and planning my day and instead of assisting and supporting myself to be effective and get things done I have focused on generating energy to sustain myself as the mind because that is my priority within and as who and how I’ve accepted myself – instead of realizing that generating energy does not give me more life, it does not make me more alive, it does not give me control over life – in fact it does the exact opposite

stressed outSelf-Corrective Statement

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in obsessive thoughts about my daily activities, I immediately stop myself and bring myself back here to the stability of my physical body through directively breathing and stabilizing myself here. Because I realize that it is through participating in such obsessive thoughts that I generate energy and create experiences of stress, anxiety, worry, frustration, fear and nervousness and that this energy is resourced from the physical body which means that the body now has to focus on feeding the mind with energy as life-source which means that the body cannot focus on being alive or nourishing it/myself as life and therefore suffers and can have the consequence of creating such a massive energy build-up that the body has no where to lead the energy than into itself causing pain, suffering as discomfort. I realize that I am not more effective when I obsess in my mind and that I in fact become less effective when I do so and therefore it is pointless. So I commit myself to stop participating in and creating obsessive thoughts about what I have to do and I commit myself to instead direct my mind constructively to be a tool for support and assistance that I can use when I have to cross-reference something that I’m not able to physically do. Like for instance when I’ve looked up a train and bus schedule, I can look in my mind and see what time the bus is leaving and when I then have to leave a lesson to make it in time for the buss – as a practical point of looking at the information, but without attaching an energetic experience of for instance stress within that. I commit myself to write the things down that I have to do during a day, instead of expecting myself to be able to hold everything in my mind. Because I realize that the mind simply cannot hold or contain physical reality in such a complex way and therefore I commit myself to support myself through simply writing stuff down, making notes, writing post-its or whatever – so that I can let the point go until I have to direct it and then be able to focus on what is before me in this moment here.

Thank you.

Investigate Desteni, investigate the forum where on is invited to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship courses as well as the FREE DIP Lite course

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