According to an article in the Daily Mail, the first Monday in January is the day of the year where people are the most depressed and where most people file for divorce. This happens to coincide with experiences I’ve been having lately towards going back to work after the Christmas holidays. So in this blog post I will share my self-support where I will walk through this specific point of depression and resistance that comes up towards going back to work and as such also within this share a perspective on why the first Monday in January is such a depressing day lol – to assist and support those who might have the same/similar experiences.
Lately I’ve been feeling increasingly stressed towards my work situation and the future in terms of which way is the best to go – but what I’ve done is to simply let the point ‘simmer’ in my mind without giving it directing causing it to eventually boil over into a constant experience of stress. I dream a lot at night and have a hard time waking up in the morning. I’ve also had headaches and various pains.
So I will be walking through the points here in and through self-forgiveness so that I can clarify them within me and ground myself as I release the reactions.
Self-Forgiveness on not wanting to go back to work after the holidays
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to during the Christmas holidays, accept and allow myself to participate in the thought: “I don’t want to go back to work” and since accepting and allowing this thought within me, to not direct this thought or myself within it or the reaction that I accepted within me and instead and allow this point to compound and accumulate within me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into an experience of resistance when I think about going back to work again and how demanding it is physically and how stressed I become and how I don’t have time for anything else
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel sad, separate, depressed and apathetic towards going back to work after the holidays specifically because we are in January and I am now looking at the beginning of a new year and the end of an old one and within that seeing the coming year as an exhaustion that I believe I should have ‘recharged’ myself for during the holidays, but that I didn’t and now feel unmotivated to go back to work because I’m not recharged as I believe I should have been and there’s absolutely nothing ‘new’ about the year
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see and experience my work as a ‘trap’ and a ‘prison’ that I experienced myself trapped within and because of how I have seen and defined the beginning of January as a time where I plan and look at the new year and am supposed to ‘reinvent’ myself I foresee an entire year of feeling trapped, thus creating and activating desires within me to change jobs – as though that would change how I experience myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel like I want to sleep the entire day within and as an experience of desperately trying to ‘recharge’ myself for the coming year – but because I’ve already created the idea of the year being a ‘trap’ I don’t actually relax or utilize my time effectively but instead go into a state of apathy and depression knowing that I cannot prevent what is coming or undo what is done
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the thoughts and reactions to not wanting to go back to work accumulate and compound within me without directing them and stopping them and directing myself to look at the point in common sense because if I had I would have seen that my thoughts and reactions about my work doesn’t actually have anything to do with reality because reality is simply a physical patterned structured that doesn’t in itself hold any positive or negative qualities – especially not in my job where I’m not exposed to physical harm or mental harm in any way
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see my job in my mind as demanding and hard – not placing what I’m seeing in my mind into a reality perspective and actually looking at what is involved in my job and if there are points in my work practically speaking not cool, then to simply look at practical solutions
When and as I see that I’m accepting and allowing thoughts to exist within myself of not wanting to go back to work and of resisting going back to work, I stop myself and I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I realize that if I accept and allow this thought to exist and fester within me, it accumulates and simmers until it grows into a reaction that I justify within me, when I could have in fact stopped as soon as the thought emerged and directed the thought back to reality through looking at the practical situation that I’m facing. And I commit myself to look practically at my reality and if there are any practical problems I will solve them with implementing practical solutions for myself and within my life.
When and as I see that I’m accepting and allowing myself to see and perceive January as the month where I’m supposed to be ‘ready for a new year’ and supposed to be ‘recharged ‘- I stop myself and I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I realize that there isn’t anything specific about January that makes it the time and place to review one’s situation – in fact I realize that it is important to regularly review my situation and make a practical assessment about what is best to do – instead of placing this pressure on myself as having to do that in January as though that month marks some real and substantial beginning of something new – when in fact it is up to me to create changes in my life and it is up to me to establish a way to direct myself to rest. As such I commit myself to let go of my definition of January as the beginning of something new and within that the pressure of having to feel recharged and renew myself. I commit myself to simply walk each day in equality without assigning any ‘special’ experiences to any days of the year and instead simply direct myself within and as practicality.
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