Over the last couple of years, I’ve build up a specific experience in relation to animals. It has recently ‘peaked’ in intensity and so I’ve decided to now walk the point in writing so that I can direct it within myself in self-responsibility and as such stop the reactions that I’ve allowed to build within me. The experience is simplistically reacting towards animals being abused. However it has throughout time built to the extend where I experience the most intense reactions to seeing animals that are presented in a positive light, for example on Facebook or in the news seeing stories about two species of animals bonding or an animal saving another animal from death or similar stories. I don’t have a positive reaction to these stories, even though I do understand that they’re supposed to be ‘feel good’ stories. An example is the following story I read today about a boy connecting with a dog.
Now – I would also like to say that from a common sense perspective it certainly is deceptive to present such stories of ‘hope’ as though “there’s good in the universe after all” – because that certainly doesn’t help the animals that are brutally abused by humans every day. However I also see how I’ve been reacting within a distinct negative experience towards seeing these images and hearing these stories. So basically what I feel within me when I see such images is immense sadness, sorrow, apathy, anger and desperation. I feel sick inside myself and I often avoid reading the stories or even looking at the pictures because of how intense the experience is. Because every time I see such ‘feel good’ pictures, it reminds me of the extreme and brutal abuse by humans towards animals. And it’s like these positive stories are making it even worse, because I see the interconnectedness in how they actually only serve to postpone the point of stopping the abuse.
It also reminds me how innocent and vulnerable animals is, how they represent life in a way we as humans never have and it thus reminds me of the extremity of the brutality that is the foundation of the relationship we’ve created towards animals; the entitlement do reign over life and death, the ignorance, the sadism, the self-deception. All of this is what I’m reminded of when I see such images. But it is fascinating that it’s the ‘positive’ stories that make me react the most. One of the points I definitely see that I react to is the way I’ve perceived people sighing in relief when they see and hear ‘positive’ stories about animals, because it’s like it makes all the bad stuff happening seem less bad and that there’s hope, a sense of restored hope for the human race when someone is nice to an animal. Something similar happens when I see people walking their dogs. It’s gotten to the extent where I have to literally turn my head away to prevent myself from reacting when perceiving the dog walker as yanking their dog on the leash.
And then the other day, after I had decided that I would walk this point in writing, I listened to an interview from Eqafe by the Gorillas. One of the points that is mentioned in that the only reason why people would vehemently ‘feel for’ the gorillas and simultaneously be angry at those who abuse them, is actually because we feel guilt, because we KNOW that somehow, somewhere in our lives we’re doing exactly the same. And then today I listened to a different interview on Eqafe, from the Death Research series about a woman who had drowned. And in this interview she talked about the relationship she had with her body throughout her life and how she had never considered her body as a living being. Well for me, the point that I see is also that I’ve treated my physical body the same way that I see animals are treated on earth in general.
So to investigate this point structurally for myself, I’ll start at the reaction, which is towards seeing a ‘positive’ story about animals in the news or on Facebook. When I read these stories I experience sadness and grief. I in fact, react negatively to these stories that are created specifically for people to have a positive experience. One point that I see that I hadn’t considered before is how there’s a part of me that wants to delve into the ‘message of hope’ but then I don’t allow myself and in turn I create friction, because this is a form of suppression. I’ve had similar experiences when people do something selfless for others for example, where I also react with feeling angry and sad, because I know how this story is just a drop in the ocean compared to the extensive abuse carried out by humans towards life.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in and generate a negative emotional reaction when I see ‘positive’ stories in the news or on Facebook about animals where animals are being compassionate towards other animals or where humans have saved animals
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in and generate anger towards the humans that post ‘positive’ stories about animals on Facebook, because I think that they’re being delusional and self-deceptive in generating ‘hope’ believing that there’s ‘good in the universe’ or that ‘humanity is good after all’ and as such contribute to the continuation of humans relationship with animals and life in general of abuse and exploitation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to secretively want to participate in the hope and positive experiences towards animals being compassionate and wanting it to be real and wanting to have a positive experience myself and because I judge this as wrong and bad, I suppress it and thus project it onto others in blame as separating myself from the fact that I’ve got a desire to participate in hope and positive experiences
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to view animal/human compassion from a starting-point of negativity and positivity instead of looking at the actual practical expression that I see within the interaction and the potential therein
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to my perception of people sharing ‘positive’ stories about animals from a starting-point of ‘hoping’ that ‘there’s still good in the world’ – instead of simply looking at what I’m seeing from a practical perspective
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to see that something is cool, even if the context in which it exists isn’t cool
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the compassion that I see within animals, is a potential that exists within all of us and thus within me to and that potential doesn’t have to mean hope, but can in fact be a point of direction, instead of being something that makes us sit back and do nothing (as hope)
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not bring the point of compassion back to myself – compassion as unconditionally caring for another living being – and investigate where/how I’m not living compassion as myself and where/how I can expand myself to live compassion as myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to shun and suppress the compassion that I see in animals because of the shame pain and sorrow that I’ve experienced towards how we as humans are treating them instead of actually honoring the animals and humans that are living compassion and let them be an example for me as how I want to live and express myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see animals as victims and slaves and ‘innocent creatures’ only instead of seeing them as beings existing equally on this earth, who actually can stand as examples of what it means to live unconditional compassion, even in the most wretched conditions – and if they can do that, so can I
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in an escalating negative experience towards people sharing ‘positive’ stories about animals on Facebook, because I judge them for doing so from a starting-point of ‘hope’ and thus self-deception instead of seeing and realizing that if I understand and stand equal to the context in which such stories are shared, then I don’t judge it, because I understand that hope is yet another mind-program programmed into us as humans to prevent us from standing up as life as that would be the end of the mind’s ‘reign’ of ourselves as life — and as such, the fact that I judge it, indicates that I’ve not yet sorted out my own issues with hope
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to admit that I’ve allowed hope to exist within me and because I judged hope as bad within myself, I suppressed it, instead of simply looking practically at hope as a self-deceptive mechanism and program of the mind – nothing more, nothing less
SELF-CORRECTIVE AND COMMITMENT STATEMENTS
When and as I see that I’m reacting within going into a negative experience towards seeing ‘positive’ stories about animals being compassionate, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back here. Because I realize that the story in itself isn’t positive or negative, it’s simply a practical example of something that exists on earth. And I realize that I’ve been reacting negatively because I’ve been focusing on why/how the pictures are being shared by the people that share them, thus merely going into the opposite polarity of negativity instead of positivity – which is essentially exactly the same, instead of simply looking at the pictures practically and within a context of seeing these animals as examples of the potential of what is possible to live. So therefore I commit myself to stop participating in the polarity game and I commit myself to instead look at the stories in practicality and common sense. And I commit myself to let animals who express unconditional compassion be an example for me, for how I too can live compassion. I commit myself to investigate compassion for myself, how I’ve defined it, how I’ve lived it and not lived it and accordingly redefine compassion practically for myself into and as a living expression of myself here.
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