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Real ValuesIt is fascinating how we human beings talk about values; ‘family values’ , ‘life values’, ‘religious values’.  As children we grow up learning the values of our culture. We learn for example that ‘family is all that matters’ or ‘blood is thicker than water’ suggesting that the most important thing in life is family. And yet even in such families, there exist neglect, abuse and betrayal. As such what we say is our values and how we act and live is often very different – sometimes even completely contradictory.

So what are values? Are values that which we say we honor, that which we believe we honor or are our real values that which we live according to?

It is certainly a problem if our values are causing harm in our own life and in the lives of others, but it makes it even more problematic, when our real values and our perceived values are completely different and we even exist within a state of self-delusion where we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re living according to specific principles – when we’re not in fact. Obviously we can only lie to ourselves to a certain degree, because after all we know that we’re lying to ourselves. And the fact that we’re living contradicting to the values we claim we hold, makes us live on edge, having to keep up the lie we’re telling ourselves. And if we have a look around the world and in our own lives we’ll see that this is the case for most of us. Very few people actually live and adhere to the values they claim they hold.

This obviously creates a ‘schizoid’ world where we have the actual real things that we as human beings do and participate within and as, and then there’s the made-up fake world that we talk about – which can be seen evidently in everything from news to entertainment and how we communicate with each other on a daily basis.

The problem within saying one thing and living another is obviously that we’re then living on a lie, living a deceptive life, which obviously makes it the more difficult to actually change the under-lying problems (the problems under the lies we tell ourselves). When we live this way, we furthermore undermine our own self-integrity and self-respect because we obviously know at a self-honest level that our words cannot be trusted and this then has the effect that we distrust others as well, creating massive paranoia and setting up all kinds of ‘safety nets’ to protects ourselves from the possible abuse of others – not considering how we’re doing this because we know that we’re exactly the same. And then we seek out all kinds of therapy and self-help literature to understand why it is we can’t stick to a diet, or stop an addiction and we come up with all kinds of diagnoses to define this ‘entity’ that apparently ‘live inside’ us, but that we in no way have taken responsibility for or faced as ourselves. And this is obviously also why we can’t and won’t stop, exactly because we’ve separated ourselves from the root of the problem: ourselves. And what is even worse, we’ve created an entire consumer system that is specifically designed to feed off of these secret values that we pretend we don’t have, through subtly seducing us to consume and telling us that it’s alright, that it’s just a ‘little sin’, that its ‘okay to indulge once in a while’ and so through this we can go on living our entire lives in this dichotomy between our proclaimed and our real values, lying so hard to ourselves that we can’t see or fathom a way out of the mess.

So this is the point I will be working with here, continuing from my writings on integrity, self-care, and relationships and as of late the point of value.

Because I have seen within myself how the problems I face in my daily living with where I am not yet fully standing absolutely in every breath in/as the decision to live what is best for all – has to do with the fact that I am accepting and allowing myself to value things that aren’t best for myself and so not best for all. When I look at such points, I find it astounding that one can hold something valuable that is absolutely detrimental for oneself and even know this and for example know that it is brainwashing or programmed behavior – AND THEN STILL DO IT! So this is what I will be investigating for myself. How and why and what mechanisms and points of self-dishonesty/abdication are ‘at play’ when I act contrary to what is best for me – and from there to establish practical solutions in and through which I can place a corrective application through which I can anchor myself in a consistent commitment to change.

In addition to this blog-post I recommend reading the following blog-posts by Sunette Spies that specifically focuses on the exact points I’ve been describing here from an existential starting-point:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and convince myself that my values and the principles in life that I support, are those that I proclaim that I am supporting/holding as when I speak to others or to myself – not realizing or admitting to myself that these cannot be my ’real’ values or principles if I am not in fact living absolutely according to them as that would indicate that I don’t actually stand by them or hold them in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live on a lie – to live a life of self-deception where I proclaim to have and hold the values and principles that I see would be best to live according to, while living in completely contradiction to these, even for ‘just a moment’ throughout my day – not realizing or admitting to myself, how values and principles are only real in fact, when they are absolute and that there is a difference between seeing what values and principles is best yet admitting that one isn’t yet living according to these and taking responsibility for changing and correcting oneself – and then proclaiming to have principles and values, pretending to live according to them, while actually living according to another set of principles/values that stand in contradiction to one’s proclaimed principles and values

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how we as human beings, through our inner living in self-deception in a dichotomy between proclaimed and real values, are in fact creating an infected, diseased world where we are making ourselves incompetent towards solving the problems we are facing on earth, because we are living on a lie, through which we prohibit and prevent ourselves from facing ourselves in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility and as such that this way of living is passed on from us as parents to our children in how we teach by our direct example – tacitly yet resonantly– while believing we’re teaching through our words – thus teaching our children to live the same lie we’re telling ourselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see and understand that the fact that I am living in a way that isn’t best for me and so not best for all – specifically when it comes to caring for my physical body through nutrition and body-awareness, that I am not doing so because “it’s simply who I am/how I was born/my parents fault/I can’t change who I am” – – – but in fact because I specific values and desires that I’ve held onto that I’ve accepted and allowed to be preprogrammed and brainwashed into and as me to such an extent that I would never even question them, I would never even consider being able to change them and I would simply accept them as a part of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that there isn’t anything ‘natural’ about the fact that I have allowed myself to mistreat and abuse my physical body – because it would in fact be natural to live in harmony and equality with and as the body – that would be the way of the body – but I have accepted and allowed not only my mind but also my body to become conditioned through specific desires and values that I have integrated into and as myself, into and as the very flesh of my body – to the point where I’ve been able to justify addictions by blaming them on the body – where I’ve been able to consume things that weren’t good for me without experiencing instant consequences, because the body has become so suppressed and conditioned that it integrates the toxins into itself as a state of acceptance of this being ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ where even the body has accepted a starting-point of self-abuse through greed and indulgence as ‘who I am’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as the merging of Beingness/Mind/Body make the physical body that I exist in/as/inhabit a literal slave that I have used and abused to an utmost extent, even deliberately causing myself harm and pain and suffering because of values and desires that I have created and defined myself according to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate in an experience of shame, disappointment and frustration towards what it is that I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to do to my physical body, where I go into a ‘state of mind’ of thinking that I have no control over myself, that this ‘primitive instinct’ is taking over and in charge of me so that I cannot make directive decisions to change how I interact and live with my physical body – when in fact as I have just established, this way of living isn’t natural or normal and therefore who and what I am within and as this point of self-abuse towards my body, is an ‘entity’ that I have accepted and defined as ‘who  I am’ that is brainwashed and programmed behavior, repeated and energized into and as a character/personality/entity

— I realize now that the analogy of the ‘primitive instinct’ is actually quite accurate, in that I see how this character/personality was formed in my childhood and even before I was born in the lineage of people who come before me, like my father and mother both being addicts in their own way and my father being self-abusive because of a mental illness. Because I see that this ‘who I am’ is in fact very primitive – very one-dimensional but also very strong/intensely experienced for me, where I feel ‘driven’ to do certain things, like overeating or eating foods that aren’t good for me or placing myself in awkward positions – as though I have no choice, don’t want a choice, just want to do this – no matter the consequences.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not consider and remind myself that simply because a behavior is automated, doesn’t mean that it cannot be stopped, corrected and changed – – because I have proven this to myself and as such I’ve deceived myself yet again by making the excuse and justification that “I can’t help it!” “It just happens” “It’s automated” “I have no control” – because I have in fact proven to myself that it IS possible to take self-directive authority and responsibility over and of such behaviors – through a self-honest realization about ‘who’ one is within and as this behavior and how one has accepted and allowed oneself to follow brainwashed backchat with detrimental consequences and how one has an opportunity to change and actually prevent consequences and expand oneself and live in integrity and self-respect

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to find and seek ‘freedom’, ‘independence’, ‘self-control’ and ‘pleasure’ through specifically doing things that I KNOW aren’t best for me – because I’ve associated ‘Best for me’ with when I was a child and I was told that something was best for me, like not eating a whole bag of candy or I would get a stomach ache (obviously true) or go to sleep early cause otherwise I’d be tired in the morning (not necessarily true). Basically I’ve associated ‘best for me’ as something that is dictated by others and that I have no control over – and so I decided to take matters into my own hands and deliberately act in spite of what was best for me. So I for example ate the whole bag of candy – but when I got the stomach ache I didn’t care because I had decided that it was worth it – because it made me feel powerful, independent and free – and because I felt and believed that what I ‘got out of life’ was much more interesting and exciting this way (like candy vs. vegetables or sleep vs. staying up).

Okay I am gonna go up to here for now and I will continue in the next post.

Art by Matti Freeman

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