In this post we are going to be walking the self-correction process in relation to the point of ‘falling in love’ with someone other than one’s partner while being in a ‘committed’ relationship. The purpose with the self-correction process is to prepare oneself to both prevent oneself from even going into such experiences as falling in love as well as falling in love with someone other than one’s partner as well as stopping oneself from participating in the experience if and as it does emerge and one ‘suddenly’ find oneself ‘in love’ with someone other than one’s partner.
Now – some might experience towards this point and say: “But why shouldn’t I fall in love?” or “But I can’t control who I fall in love with.” Here I suggest reading the previous posts in this series where I walk through the concept of falling in love and why it is not an actual real or substantial experience as well as the potential consequences that are really unnecessary when one falls in love with someone other than one’s partner.
- The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants – (Relationship Paranoia Pt.8) – DAY 219
- Brainwashed to Love – (Relationship Paranoia pt. 5) – DAY 214
- Falling in Love as the Meaning of Life: (Relationship Paranoia Pt. 4): DAY 213
- The Insanity of Falling in Love – (Relationship Paranoia – Part 3): DAY 212
- Discontinuing The Sexual Hunger Games: DAY 211
- She’s A Man Eater: DAY 210
SELF-CORRECTIVE AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts about being with someone other than my partner I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand first and foremost that wanting to be with other people than one’s partner is both a general point in that it is programmed into us to constantly want more than what we have/are as well as always seeing the ‘grass’ as ‘greener on the other side’ through which we constantly separate ourselves from ourselves here and also that because of the nature of ‘love’ and relationships as they currently exist are based on generating energetic experiences that we start looking outside our current relationship once the energy has run out – but also that it is specific to me and my situation because otherwise I wouldn’t have accepted and allowed these thoughts to come up within and as me.
Therefore I commit myself to when and as such thoughts come up, to reassess the relationship and myself I am currently in and investigate whether I am actually committed to my partner. Because if I see that “Yes, I am committed.” Then I know that these thoughts are automated and the point is then to simply not accept or allow myself to participate within and as them or entertain them and to commit myself to stop participating in the ‘relationship paranoia’. Within this I then also commit myself to look at and investigate who and how I am existing within my relationship to energy and the desires for ‘more’ because I see, realize and understand that this is the starting-point of the thoughts that I am accepting within and as me. And if I however see that “No, I am not actually committed to my partner” then I commit myself to investigate my relationship and who I am within through writing and within bringing myself to clarity and self-honesty make a decision to either commit myself to the relationship or stop it based on a practical and commonsensical assessment of myself, my partner and our relationship.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts of justification towards me seeking out someone else to be with other than my partner where I see that I am making excuses that “It’s natural” and “It’s normal” – I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that I have blamed my lack of self-direction and self-responsibility onto nature/biology as well as society when in fact the only reason why I would seek out someone else to be with is because I’m not clear and stable in my commitment to be with my partner – either because I am accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an addiction to energy or because I simply haven’t made an actual commitment to be with my partner. I also see, realize and understand that because I have abdicated my self-responsibility towards what goes on inside of me as thoughts/experiences/feelings/emotions I have made myself powerless and unable to direct these experiences because I have made the mind responsible for directing me instead of me directing myself and deciding who and what I want to be.
So therefore I commit myself to stop blaming nature/biology/society for me seeking out other people than my partner to be with and I commit myself to direct myself to take self-responsibility for who and what I am in my relationship to my partner – so that I direct myself in the decisions I make and either decide to be with or not be with my partner based on a practical and self-honest assessment of whether the relationship is best for myself and my partner or not.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to experience that I am falling in love with someone other than my partner and that it is because this person is ‘special’ or ‘magical’ or that I somehow possess some quality that I want, I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that it is not another person’s qualities that ‘make me’ fall in love with them, but that I had already opened myself up for the possibility of falling in love with someone other than my partner by leaving a backdoor open of ‘what if…’ and then when I see something in someone that I would want for myself I think and believe that I am in love with them, when in fact I am only seeing my own perception of the other person which is extremely limited. I see, realize and understand that I am not actually seeing the other which is evident by the fact that every time I’ve experienced falling in love with someone, I always change my perception of who they are after we enter into a relationship together where I start seeing more of who they really are, which is never what I thought they was in the beginning where I believed that this person is special and that this is why I am in love with them. I commit myself to stop associating seeing something awesome in other people as me being in love with them and I commit myself to instead, when and as I see something in another that I would like to live for myself to simply investigate how I can live that or even ask them how they’ve walked the point for themselves.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to justify my experience of falling in love with someone other than my partner as something that is ‘happening to me’ that I’ve got no control over and that I am somehow being ‘pulled’ by ‘mystical/universal/spiritual forces’ towards this person as though there’s a ‘fate’ or ‘cupid’ directing me without my self-directive will – I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that just like I’ve blamed my experience of falling in love onto ‘nature’ I have done the exact same with ‘mystical/universal/spiritual forces’ that I have completely subjected myself to, not seeing, realizing or understanding how the process involved with falling in love is something that I am creating myself and that is based on an culmination of thoughts that I’ve entertained/participated within and identified myself within and as, as well as my memories and cultural experiences such as watching movies and listening to fairytales. I see, realize and understand that there is absolutely no ‘mystical/universal/spiritual forces’ that are directing me without my self-directive will and that even when my actions are automated and it feels like I’ve got absolutely no control over what is going on inside of me – it is still my directive will at play, because I was the one and I continue to be the one who gives the permission for myself to be directed by the mind, by energy and by emotions and feelings and cultural bullshit that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by. So therefore I commit myself to stop entertaining these thoughts of there existing something outside of myself that is directing me to fall in love because I see, realize and understand that this is a justification that I’ve created so that I don’t have to stand responsible for myself and instead can blame what I do who I accept and allow myself to be onto something/someone outside and separate from me.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as an experience of falling in love – I stop and I breathe and I investigate the thoughts that I’ve been participating in/within/as through which I have accumulated energy to the point of becoming possessed within/with/as the experience of falling in love. Because I see, realize and understand that falling in love is not something that happens ‘suddenly’ or ‘out of the blue’ – exactly as with any other energetic reaction. It is an accumulation over time that I have participated within/with/as and therefore it is my own will and creation and not something that is happening TO me. And I see, realize and understand that because my experiences are my own creation, I can stop them and I can decide to not accept or allow myself to become possessed by them with the possible consequence of fucking things up for myself or others just because of a flimsily emotional reaction that is not even real but totally and completely delusional. I commit myself to let go of the belief that falling in love is something that is happening to me that I have no control or direction over. So therefore I commit myself to stop participating in any and all experience of falling in love and I commit myself to when/if/as this experience comes up within me, to remind myself that it is my own creation and therefore I can stop it. I commit myself to also investigate in self-honesty what it is about the person that I am projecting an experience of ‘falling in love’ with, that I am feeling drawn to. Because I see, realize and understand that these points are specific, either as parts of myself that I haven’t yet realized or lived within/as myself in equality and oneness OR it is cultural and personal programming that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by and that has nothing to do with anything real or substantial and that I am therefore trapping myself within and as by taking it for granted as real even though it is not.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as an experience of falling in love where I specifically compare my partner to another ‘new’ person that I now experience myself as falling in love with – I stop and I breathe. Because I see, realize and understand that the reason why I experience myself falling in love with someone new compared to my partner is specifically because I have now reached a point in my relationship with my partner where we are facing the reality of ourselves and each other – which isn’t fun and a lot of ‘nasty shit’ is coming out and because I don’t want to face myself as this shit – in my partner as a reflection or in myself and because there is no longer a veil of energy ‘protecting’ the ‘veil’ of the relationship, I then start looking for someone else that I can have a relationship with within and as and based on the belief that I can maintain the veil of being ‘perfect’ and my partner being ‘perfect’ and the relationship being ‘perfect’ and everything being ‘perfect’ only in a new relationship – actually and in fact totally and completely fucking with myself, manipulating myself and deceiving myself not seeing, realizing or understanding that this ‘perfection’ is based on maintaining an energetic ‘veil’ within and as the experience of falling in love where both partners are presenting themselves at their ‘best behavior’ and instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this isn’t real or really who I am and in fact face the shit of myself directly and in self-honesty sort myself out I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that it is then my partner, myself or the relationship that there is something wrong with and that if I can just find the right person – then everything will be wonderful and perfect. And I see, realize and understand how I’ve done this relationship after relationship without ever stopping up and asking myself whether this approach is actually working or not. And I see, realize and understand that the only way to develop an effective relationship with myself and with others is through actually walking through the shit and facing it straight on in self-honesty and self-responsibility. So all I’ve ever been doing in my search for the perfect relationship was in fact to move myself further and further away from and actually postpone the point of developing a real, meaningful and substantial relationship with myself and with another. So therefore I commit myself to stop and let go of thoughts of comparing my partner to someone else. And I commit myself to stop the experience of falling in love with someone other than my partner. And I commit myself to instead focus on myself and investigate what it is of and as myself that I am trying to run away from – and instead face myself and embrace myself and direct myself straight, and self-honestly.
“love per se -is the act of life assisting the delusion to give up its illusion–that is in its very nature brutal — and not some fuzzy word that give some a place of superiority purely due to the genetic predisposition to have a higher intelligence” – Bernard Poolman
Suggested reading for expanded perspectives on the delusion and illusion of Love:
Suggested read for those considering going into an Agreement: When are you ready for an agreement.
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