In this post I will be walking self-corrective and self-commitment statements in relation to the pattern of using negativity as a way (or as an attempted way) to control myself, my surroundings and the possible consequences I might face in my life. I am releasing myself from this pattern so that I can stop deliberately saying no to opportunities that emerge in my world and so that I can stop fearing consequences and instead enable myself to practically and physically embrace consequences in self-trust and through self-direction move myself through whatever I may face in life.
When and as an opportunity presents itself where I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into and as an automatic resistance where I experience fear of the unknown presented by the opportunity and then want to control the outcome by saying ‘no’ just to ‘be on the safe side’ – I stop myself in that moment. I breathe through the resistance and I look at the opportunity in common sense self-honesty and asses whether or not it is something that’d be cool to participate within and as and instead of trying to control the consequences from a starting-point of fear, I commit myself to walk into consequences in developing self-trust within and as myself so that I can direct whatever may happen in self-honesty and common sense. I commit myself to stop saying ‘no’ to the unknown just because I don’t know what might happen. As such I commit myself to embrace the unknown. I see, realize and understand that I’ve missed out of opportunities that I didn’t even realize that I was missing out on just by saying no automatically in a belief that I can control the outcome through saying no, not realizing that I might be saying no to opportunities that could expand me and my life.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into and as a positive energetic experience where I feel in control through saying ‘no’ or through pushing someone or something away, I stop myself and I remind myself that I can’t in fact control consequences or outcomes by saying no and that the only reason I am saying no so automatically is because I am viewing and seeing the opportunity from a starting-point of being afraid of the consequences and as such from a starting-point of accepting myself as less-than and inferior to consequences and as such in saying ‘no’ I attempt to place myself as superior to the consequences and therefore create the illusion within and as myself that I am more than the consequences if I say no – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I’ve got absolutely no control over consequences, whether I say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the opportunities that appear themselves, because first of all: consequences are a physically manifested determined outcome based on events that are playing out their cause, meaning that when the deed is done, the ball is rolling and the consequence is already manifested. And secondly: when I don’t even understand myself, my mind or my physical let alone the world – how can I possibly control outcomes and consequences. As such I see, realize and understand that I have been arrogant, naïve and presumptuous in believing that it is possible for me to control consequences. As such I see, realize and understand that the only way for me to become equal to the possible consequences of my actions and participation is by not fearing them first and foremost, by walking straight into them and simply direct myself within and as them in and as the moment of participation when I am facing them and then it is by getting to know myself, my mind, my physical and this world in absolute detail and specificity in and out – because only then will I be able to actually see possible consequences and take preventive measures and make decisions as well as being able to direct consequences to run their course in such a way that what comes out is what is best for all. As such I commit myself to let go of the belief that I can control outcome or consequences and the positive energetic experiences that goes with it as a polarity to the negative energetic experience of fear of consequences.
When and as I am presented with an opportunity and I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as backchat and thoughts that “I better say no, just to be on the safe side” – I stop myself right there. I flagpoint this backchat as a point where I stop myself. As such I breathe and have a look at the opportunity in common sense and self-honesty – looking at the possible consequences and outcomes within the scope of my ability to see such consequences and then I simply make a decision as I walk a process of developing self-trust that whatever might come, I will direct myself in the moment in self-honesty as what is best for all. I see, realize and understand that when I say that sentence to myself in my mind that is actually the moment where I am trying to move myself from fear and inferiority towards consequences into superiority through saying ‘no’ and that a real solution would in fact have been to stop my experience of myself in and as fear and inferiority as well as investigate why and how I’ve created a relationship towards consequences of fear – instead of trying to sort it out through creating more reactions. I see, realize and understand that it isn’t possible to ‘get a head’ of things by saying ‘no’ them beforehand because without trying something out I won’t actually know what it is. So – I commit myself to stop participating in the backchat where I’d convince myself to not participate in something just to be on the safe side and to instead simply look at the opportunity here in common sense self-honesty.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to ‘lowballing’ my own capabilities and capacities where I go into and as an experience of feeling more ‘safe’ by deliberately diminishing myself – I stop. I see, realize and understand how I have sabotaged myself through participating within and as this pattern – where I’ve believed that by expecting the worst I could get a head of things, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I was actually deliberately creating that which I feared within and as believing that then I at least knew what I had coming – which I now see, realize and understand is utterly stupid because all I’ve done is sabotage myself just so that I could feel in control – all the while I never had any actual control. So – I commit myself to stop lowballing and diminishing my own capabilities and capacities and I see, realize and understand that this is a pattern that I’ve participated extensively in to the point where it has become automated so I realize that it will take time and dedication for me to stop an step out of this pattern. I commit myself to stop trying to control outcomes and circumstances and I allow myself to try things and expand myself without knowing exactly where I’ll be going.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to deliberately not talk to people or contact them or when I want to end relationships with them because I fear that they won’t want to be in a relationship with me, where I feel better about myself because I’ve ‘dodged a bullet’ – I stop myself and I breathe and I see, realize and understand that I’ve been living from a starting-point of fear of being rejected by other human beings and I’ve created a ‘safe zone’ out of ‘leaving them before they can leave me’ just so that I didn’t have to face the anticipated ‘shock’ of possibly being left. I see, realize and understand that I’ve missed out of some cool relationships and communications where I could have expanded myself and gotten to know another human being – all because I was submitting and subjecting myself to fear of being hurt and ‘shocked’ through events that I had no control over. I see, realize and understand that since I had experiences as a child where I was caught off guard where I made mistakes that led to ‘shock’ I decided to prevent myself from experiencing this again – in blame of the people and circumstances involved for creating the experience of shock within and as me. So I commit myself to stop rejecting other people before even getting to know them and I commit myself to, if I’d like to get to know someone to simply ask them for coffee or whatever is appropriate for the situation and simply be direct with them and direct myself according to what is appropriate for the situation. I commit myself to stop submitting and subjecting myself to fear of being rejected and shocked by events I can’t control. And I commit myself to stop believing that I can prevent myself from experiencing shocks from unanticipated events – because I see, realize and understand that I don’t have control over what might happen. I see, realize and understand that I can instead direct how I respond to unexpected events in not accepting or allowing myself to react but to instead breathe and remain here and direct myself in common sense. So I commit myself to walk a process of not reacting in fear when unexpected events occur and happen and to develop stability within and as myself to remain stable even when I am presented with unexpected events.
I commit myself to stop blaming and holding others responsible as ‘the world’ or ‘life’ for my pattern of negativity in saying ‘no’ because I see, realize and understand that I within and as that have accepted and allowed myself to project my self-responsibility for how I accept and allow myself to react onto others/the world/life and within and as that I’ve inadvertently also made myself powerless and inferior to what might happen because I’ve made others responsible for my reactions. As such I commit myself to stop using spitefulness and rejection as a way to get back at those that I perceive as having hurt me and done me wrong. And instead I commit myself to develop stability within and as myself so that I can face whatever may come my way.
In the next post I will continue with the next dimensions of negativity.
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