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In this post I will continue from the last post with applying self-forgiveness on positivity specifically in relation to the point of wanting to remain ‘on the high peak’ within and as feeling and believing that when I’m positive, I am ‘more able’ and when I’m negative I am ‘less able’ — something that has pretty much been governing my life and my daily participation rendering me inconsistent because my participation is largely based on whether I’m ‘on the high’ or ‘the low’. As such I’ve also limited my capabilities to be dependent on feeling positive and have thus made myself entirely dependent on energetic experiences to either move myself more or less effectively.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take note of the fact that I’ve stepped into a ‘peak’ experience of positive energy where I feel energized and feel like I can do anything and be anything and that I’ve got tons of energy and in spite of knowing that this is an energetic experience and that it is not real, I’ve gone along anyway because of the experience of myself as being ‘more than’ who and what I otherwise perceive and experience myself as

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to remain on ‘the peak’ because I experience and perceive myself as being ‘more than’ who and what I otherwise am and within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I can stay in the state of being ‘on the peak’ if I just contain it and hold onto it long enough, even though the same thing happens every time, that I eventually crash and go into neutrality and negativity only to revisit the peak again, holding onto it and crashing in a never-ending pendulum experience

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can’t remain as or contain or hold onto positive experiences or experiences of being ‘on peak’ because these experiences aren’t based on an actual real living self-expression but on fluctuating and conditional energy that is unbalanced and ungrounded

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately go into denial when I access a positive experience because although I know that it is an energetic experience through which I’m causing myself to suddenly see and experience myself differently, I deceive myself into believing that it is real and that I’m somehow ‘broken through to the surface, like I’ve accomplished something and finally NOW are ME again, when what I’m experiencing is in fact an experience of superiority in feeling like I am ‘more than’ who and what I usually experience and perceive myself as which is then actually the negative side of the polarity. So it is like: “I’m finally coming through, hell no, if I’m gonna leaves THIS experience, I’m awesome, I can do anything!”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see, realize, understand and acknowledge that who I am when I am ‘on the peak’ is not in fact WHO I AM – certainly not if this experience can be changed at any moment into its total polar opposite because I wanted it so bad to be true, I wanted to be better and I wanted to be more

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that expanding my abilities and my capability, changing how I see and respect and accept myself is not about feeling good or better or more about or than myself – but about practically, physically changing myself both in terms of expanding and not accepting myself to limit myself – but to do so as an actual practical application and self-expression and not as an energetic fluctuation that can change at any moment

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that being positive, feeling positive is in fact good and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify remaining in my experience of positivity because of how I experience and see myself as being able to do more and then think to myself that: “but hey, this is good – I’m good, now I’m getting work done, I’m disciplined and can handle everything and can support everyone in the process.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how me being positive is actually based on my acceptance and experience of myself within and as negativity where I experience myself as ‘less than’, where I’m not directing my own capabilities or abilities but am accepting and allowing myself to exist conditioned to moods and feelings and emotions and thoughts and limitations – so that when I get ‘on the peek’ is like freedom from myself where it feels like I’m free from my limited self, but it is all about a chemical imbalance in my body and mind like being on drugs

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that ‘who’ I am and experience myself as when I am positive is not actually who I am but merely an example as who I am is what is here all the time, constantly and continuously while I’m busy preoccupying myself into and as energetic experiences

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not stop participating in positive energetic experiences and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not stop defining myself according to how I experience myself energetically and instead develop myself into and as real, physical and practical application where I decide and live who and what I am as a self-directed self-expression that is constant and continuous and that cannot be waivered or moved by any influence but is simply who I am.

In my next post I’ll commence with self-commitment and self-corrective statements.

 

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