In the last blog posts we started touching upon how the memories of feeling ridiculed and laughed at, actually were memories of blame and self-victimization hiding a point of self-righteousness underneath.
This is what I will focus on as I here write self-forgiveness to release myself from this pattern and personality of taking it personally when others laugh – whether or not their intentions are to ridicule or not.
This post is in continuation to the following posts:
- From Self-Victimization to Self-Responsibility: DAY 197
- Ganging up on Life with Loyalty to the Mind: DAY 196
- Fear of being Ridiculed and Laughed at: DAY 195
- It’s My Pity-Party and I’ll Die if I want to… Die if I want to: DAY 194
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to find a power within myself in victimizing myself and giving another the blame/responsibility for who/what I am as I in the ‘giving’ experience myself as powerful and can manifest the result of not having to take responsibility for myself and thus I’ve ‘won’.
I forgive myself that I’ve not ever accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand how the starting-point of my ‘inner victim’ is actually self-interest, ego and power in deliberately using inferiorization and blame to ‘win’ over others in making them look like the bad guy and therefore make them responsible for my experience
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to dwell on and take pride in being ‘sensitive’ and ‘vulnerable’ and ‘easy to hurt’ and ‘weak’ as though that made me a better person while in fact all of it was constructed characters that I had cloaked myself underneath as manipulation tactics
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how that which I experienced as vulnerability weren’t that in fact, but was in fact a deliberate character I’ve used to manipulate others to get what I want
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how through victimizing myself I am actually making myself weak because I end up believing my own scheme and through blaming others and making them responsible I am actually making myself completely powerless
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deliberately take it personally when I experience another person laughing at me where I actually have a moment of opportunity to be able to discern why the person is laughing but also who I am within and as it and accordingly direct myself in the best way possible
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand how I can only be ridiculed if I accepted and allow myself to feel and experience myself as ridiculed
When and as I see that I have a moment of opportunity where I hear someone laughing, I commit myself to breathe and to simply hear the laughing for what it is, not as anything that defines me. When and as I see that the laughing is in fact ridicule, I commit myself to not react or take it personally but to look at how I can assist the being to see what they’re accepting and allowing and take self-responsibility or if I see it is required or necessary, to simply walk away and not participate. When and as I see that the person’s laughing is not ridicule, but they’re laughing at the ridiculousness of my participation in the mind I commit myself to breathe, breathe and not take it personally but to instead embrace the opportunity I have in that moment as a gift that person and practice the point of actually laughing at and with myself as a point of self-support.
In my next blog post I will continue with the next point.
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