For context of what I will be walking, here are the points I’ve walked so far beginning with an introductory post where I laid out the components of the mind-movement character:
- Drowning out the Sound of Self with the Noise of the Mind: DAY 172
- Positivity is Nothing but Momentary Absence of Negativity: DAY 171
- I Pledge Allegiance to the Physical and Stop Crawling in My Skin: DAY 170
- Confessions of a Child: Internalizing External Conflict: DAY 166
- Offering Oneself Impunity from the Mind through the Mind: DAY 165
- Confessions of a Child: Initiation of the Giving-in-and-Giving-up Pattern: DAY 164
- Confessions of a Child: Time-Line of The Mind-Movement Character: DAY 163
- Confessions of a Child Capitulating Life to the Smothering Embrace of Lies: DAY 162
- CONsciousness FORMed Babies: If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them. DAY 161
- Travelling at The Speed of Light of the Mind: DAY 160
- The Mind Movement Character – Introduction: DAY 159
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and as myself here in the physical in and as my physical body through/because I started moving myself within and as the mind as a survival strategy/mechanism based on how I interpreted my own reaction to my environment and within that turned against my own body and blamed my body for my experience of discomfort and fear as I started feeling energy inside myself
When and as I see that I am blaming the physical, as my body or as my external environment for how I am experiencing myself, I stop and I breathe and I bring the point back to myself as I see, realize and understand that I am the creator of my experience of myself and the only reason I would project my experience outside myself is through separating myself from myself in and as the physical in fact through abdicating self-responsibility and creation. So therefore I commit myself to stop blaming my external environment for my experiences of myself as I see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as the external environment in the context of how I’m experiencing it here in this pattern, as that which I am experiencing as external is really that of myself that I’ve separated myself from – through which I’ve come to understand everything in complete reverse, in blaming the physical in separation for my experiences when in fact it is who and what I am within and as the mind through which I’ve created my experiences in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I experienced energetic reactions of fear and discomfort inside myself – or actually it was not even fear defined at first, it was simply energy – and I experienced it as an intense physical pressure or invasion on my body similar to how one would react to hearing a loud sharp sound that feels like it is penetrating one’s body – that’s how I felt, so I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see and experience my body as an enemy because it was IN the body I was experiencing the discomfort and it was because I was IN the body that I could not move myself away from the experience – instead of realizing, seeing and understanding how I was totally and completely misunderstanding what was going on, as I had already separated myself from myself as the physical and was busy identifying myself as consciousness. This I realize is no different from how I today will look for physical/external solutions to my inner experiences such as moving myself away or using consumption to suppress
I see, realize and understand that I’ve turned myself inside out in such a way where I will blame a part of myself that I’ve separated from myself and myself from for who I am, thus creating a mirror-house effect of infinity as constantly reflecting myself in the image of my own separating and then pushing myself away again. So therefore I commit myself to walk a process of bringing my awareness – hereness – back to myself and return my focus to myself instead of trying to turn myself inside out and finding both the problem and the solution in my external reality while perceiving myself as a ‘blank canvas’. So – when and as I see that I am reacting to something in my external environment, I stop this mind-movement. I simply stop and I push myself to breathe through the reaction. I remind myself that I am busy in that moment participating in the infinity-loop and that I can simply stop by not accepting and allowing myself to react.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through how I created the mind-movement pattern, to have created a relationship with the physical – both with my environment and with my body of exploiting and abusing the physical, where I saw the physical’s only function as how I could use it to alter and manipulate how I experienced myself inside of myself and how I had come to be suspicious and disconnected from actually being and living here in the physical. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hide inside my mind, in and through splitting myself into pieces and compartmentalized individualities through thinking
I see, realize and understand how I’ve created a relationship of friction and conflict projected towards the physical as separate from me in seeing, experiencing and defining the physical as a threat and as ‘something’ that has betrayed me and that I can no longer trust. I see, realize and understand how it is in fact myself that I am pushing away and running away from in a constant tugging at myself of self-abuse. And I see how it is absolutely redundant for me to be against the physical and to believe that I can push bad experiences away by pushing the physical away – because the physical is me. And so I commit myself to walk a process of stopping my deliberate dishonoring and disowning of myself as the physical body. And I commit myself to stop treating my physical body as an enemy and as a threat and as a ‘partner’ that have betrayed me, because I see, realize and understand that I never actually betrayed myself in or through the body, but through the mind.
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- * Hell Spoof
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