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This writing is an introduction to the Mind Movement Character that I will be writing about. For context this is a Q and A between myself and Sunette Spies from a chat that I will be utilizing as the starting-point for this writing in terms of flipping the point around from fear of being here to desire to be in/as the mind.

Q: Why would one be afraid of being here in silence/darkness/stillness with oneself? I experience this as a primary point though I don’t see much reason for it in term of ‘issues’ to sort out. That it is more like a basic point that one simply requires pushing through. Is this so?

A: The Mind plays a nice trick on you with that one – it’s not in fact that you FEAR silence/darkness/stillness, what you’re actually experiencing is an excitement that manifest towards your Mind, cause you DON’T WANT to be silent/still/in darkness – so, you say you “fear it”, but actually you don’t want to go there, because there’s something else you WANT that you think/believe your mind-life can give you / get you


I am the most comfortable in an environment with sounds and lights and movement and people speaking. I enjoy being alone but only if I am moving myself. I enjoy laying in the dark about to go to sleep but only if I let the mind chatter likes a radio. Silence scares me. Non-movement scares me. Some time ago I recalled a memory from when I was a baby where I was not yet able to move myself or otherwise were conditioned to remain in the situation I was in or at least experienced myself as such and I remembered how I, because I could not move myself away from that which I feared, I started moving myself inside myself and started splitting myself and started developing thinking as a separate awareness where I literally disconnected myself from my body here. It could have been because of hearing my parents fighting though I don’t recall that specifically. I simply recall wanting to get away and move myself and not being able to and then it was like I started moving faster and faster inside myself and ‘loosened’ or ‘broke off’ a part of myself where I then felt sort of safe. And so ever since I’ve been on the move. Whenever something traumatic or difficult happened in my life, I’d dust myself off and keep moving. All I knew was that I had to keep moving. And so the result has been that I don’t want to stand still or stop or relax or rest even for a moment. ‘Instinctively’ I simply keep moving. I am the most comfortable when I am busy and when there’s loads of practical stuff to do. I tend to get kind of wonky in my mind when I am at home all the time. Because then I start moving inside my mind instead, turning on the radio of back chat chatter. When I work, it is easier for me to keep the mind quiet and focus on what I am doing. So this is what I will be walking here in greater detail. I will have a look at the individual dimensions of this Mind Movement Character so that I can effectively walk myself through it and step out of it so that I can remain here and face and embrace myself instead of spending my life and time on trying to run away from myself. I’ve written about this point in several blogs so for context here are the previous blogs I’ve written on this point:

The Mind Movement Character Dimensions:

For context on what I will be walking and how to write out Character dimensions, please read the following blog by Sunette Spies:

Character Dimensions – Introduction (Writing): DAY 162


  • Seeing myself shooting forward through the universe away from darkness and stillness into light and sound


  • Desire to move/be in/as energetic movement, generating energetic experiences
  • Desire to feel energies moving inside myself


  • Fear of standing still/being still/darkness
  • Fear of not being able to move


  • Imagining myself being swallowed and drowned by the darkness if I stop up
  • Not knowing what will happen if I stop up
  • Imagining myself being progressive and self-moving
  • Imagining how much I will get done
  • Imagining how it will be to be locked inside myself in total silence and darkness infinitely
  • Imagining what I have to do (anything!) that is not remaining here in silence with/as/within myself


  • “I am doing important stuff”
  • “I am moving myself to help someone else”
  • “I HAVE TO move”
  • “I can’t help myself”
  • “I know I shouldn’t but it feels so good to move myself”
  • “I don’t want to sit still; it feels like I’ll burst if I don’t move myself NOW”
  • “I’ll just to this… then I’ll return to sitting still”


  • Panic
  • Feeling desperate
  • Feeling trapped
  • Feeling relieved when I move myself
  • Feeling happy and ecstatic and anticipating when I move myself
  • Feeling like I’ve dodged a bullet when I move myself
  • Feeling comfortable when I am moving myself like I am ‘getting somewhere’
  • Feeling uncomfortable as soon as I sit down to focus on something


  • Feeling like I am crawling in my skin when I am sitting down
  • Feeling jittery
  • Feeling movement


  • The consequence is that I don’t step out of the mind
  • The consequence is that I kill myself in and as the physical
  • The consequence is that I never get to relax or rest or be intimate with myself
  • The consequence is that I don’t get to know myself
  • The consequence is that I remain within and as the mind


In my next blog I will continue with writing out self-forgiveness on the first dimension: thought.

Art by Agostino Arrivabene

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