I am preparing myself to start
walking the Addiction Characters that I have lived and assumed for myself. And so a specific point that I have noticed is a sub character or a supporting character, the “Temptation Character” that I have lived extensively throughout my life, specifically as a character that supports the Addiction Character.
The temptation character comes ‘on stage’ with an image of a particular
temptation. It can be the temptation for a food I’ve agreed with myself not to eat or a cigarette or sex
– specifically it will be an image of something that “I’m not allowed to do.” And once the image is activated, I can obviously either act on it or not – but in most cases I’ve acted on it, as it has become a point of automation. The next point is the backchat, but it basically happens either in a split second as image -> backchat -> reaction ->action, but it has also been so in the past where I could ‘hold’ the temptation for quite a while before I acted on it – there it grew and grew and grew until I ‘caved’ in, almost like there’s an actual devil on my shoulder teasing me and nudging me to ‘sin’. Because that’s the historic definition of temptation.
Often, there won’t even be particular backchat except for “I feel like eating that..” or “I feel like smoking…” and then there is a sort of “pling” moment, where I make the decision
to follow the temptation, a rush of energy
, a feeling
good, feeling like getting out of a situation I don’t want to be in, like running away and I know that I’m running away. That’s the “ping”. Lol. So an example can be that I am sitting and writing
and ‘suddenly’ lol an image pops up about me eating a sandwich. And then it is the next moment where I have a moment of opportunity to not act on my temptation, but mostly I would act on it. However I have ‘successfully’ managed to live with restrictions, but only for periods.
This is obviously also why I am now writing about it. Because at the moment I am still living a definition of temptation as ‘sin’. I looked at two definitions in the dictionary of the word temptation, one being “inviting” and the other being “feel, try out”. So the way I experience the temptation is definitely within these definitions where it feels like that which I am tempted towards is inviting me towards it and I have this experience of wanting to feel it. However the origin point in the moment is within what it is I am facing in the moment where the temptation character comes to the stage.
Because I can see that its purpose is to take me away from facing what I am facing and as such It’s a suppression mechanism
and thus part of the Addiction Character’s suppression play-out
. So this is why it is the points I’ve been addicted to that I feel tempted towards doing, but it could also be other things that I am not addicted to, such as “Uh, maybe I should do the dishes” or “uh, I have to make a call.” – But that’s a different manifestation than the one I am looking at here
– here I’m looking at it in relation to the Addiction Character.
In my next post I will continue with opening up the temptation character in self-forgiveness, so that I can prepare myself to walk through the Addiction Character.