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Introduction:

This has become a joined blog post of three blogs as I, in the days I have been visiting my mother, have had the opportunity to see and expose for myself the characters I have been playing in my relationship with my mother. So it was cool to dedicate these days to investigate and explore the characters I’ve been playing in my relationship with my mother. It is also cool to be able to walk through these characters in ‘real time’ and also being able to test the corrective application I script for myself in these blogs. I can see how the idea of family as a ‘loving core’ of safety, security and support is non-existent and that the family is an equal-and-one battleground with the rest of the world, yet even more so, because of the deception of ‘love’ that exist in families, where the tactics have to be more subtle and indirect for the members of the family to not lose their image as ‘loving family characters’. But the fight for survival as separate individuals is as present in families as anywhere else. (For context, read the first blog post here, where I started investigating the characters I’ve played in my relationship with my mother.) I also suggest reading Creation’s Journey to Life blog Day 85: And God Created Slaves for context of how we invent ‘Creator Characters’ to abdicate self-responsibility for ourselves as creators.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I MUST and HAVE TO compete with my mother or else she will win and I will lose and I will lose a part of myself if she wins and therefore I HAVE TO win over her to ensure that I don’t lost a part of myself – not considering that in competition there can only be one winner and so if I win, it means that she loses a part of herself (obviously this is not real) but I have not cared about that in any way whatsoever, because all I have cared about was my own fear of losing a part of myself, through which I have justified for myself being willing to do and say anything to win

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a competition character that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and play out, specifically with the people I am in a close relationship with, yet which I have kept hidden and secret from myself – as yet another character, the character of keeping ‘who I am’ as the characters I accept and allow myself to live as and play out, secret, so that I can maintain an image of myself in my own mind of being ‘the good guy’ – because as I am the ‘main character’ of the movie/play in my mind that I project onto my life and the people I am in a relationship with as my ‘supporting actors and actresses’, I cannot accept or allow myself to present an image of being the ‘bad guy’ because the rules of the movie/play in my mind exactly as it is projected out onto actual movies and plays in the world system – stipulates that a ‘bad guy’ cannot be the main-character as the main character is always the ‘hero’ and the ‘good guy’ even if it sometimes is a ‘bad guy’ he will always somehow redeem himself and so win over the audience – and therefore, if I were to admit to myself the characters that I have accepted and allowed myself to life and play out that cannot be characterized as ‘good guys’, I could no longer be the main character in the movie/play on my mind and as such I fear losing myself  – not seeing, realizing or understanding that neither the good guy or the bad guy are real – they are characters that I live and play out – that I assume upon myself, but that is not me in fact because they are external symbols and representations of my separation of and from myself, but even still, I have in fact created the good guy to justify my self-proclaimed existence as a ‘hero’ in the movie/play of my mind and therefore I must maintain this image at all costs – because that which I’ve defined as ‘the bad guy’ is in fact exposing me to myself, the true nature of who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become, whereas the ‘good guy’ is merely a cover-up to not expose myself to the ‘bad guy’ and to maintain and self-justified position of superiority and self-interest in and as my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother and to be frustrated with and angry at my mother and feeling constricted, trapped and enslaved by mother when I perceive her as forcing me into a character of agreement, a character of being a friend or a loving daughter when she asks questions that demands an answer – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I am creating my mother as a character, equal and one by defining my mother as ‘my mother’ and by in that characterization accept and allow that my mother has the right to demand an answer from me, because I define myself as ‘her daughter’ and therefore as ‘hers’ and as such submit my character as a daughter to my mother’s character as a mother and thereby and within that hold us both trapped in characters

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I have created my mother as a character as a ‘mother’ and as ‘my mother’ so that I can maintain my character that I have accepted and assigned for myself of being a ‘daughter’ born by a ‘mother’ and so within that feel, experience and believe that I have a place in the world, that I have a place to belong as my relationship with my mother – that I have someone that ‘knows me’, and thus accept that to have someone that ‘knows’, ‘loves’ and ‘supports’ me, I must pay the prize of being the character they want me to be so as to not lose the relationship and the security I experience therewith, not seeing, realizing or understanding that I am creating the character of ‘a mother’ and of ‘my mother’ so that I can maintain my own character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that the reason why it can be so difficult to step out of character with family – and why we hold onto the characters we’ve assumed and accepted for and as ourselves, through and with family, is because of the deception and illusion that ‘family is always there for you’ and ‘the love of family is unconditional’ and thereby we’ve made the characters we’ve assumed and accepted for ourselves through and within our families , ‘fixed’ and ‘permanent’ and as such experienced ourselves ‘anchored’ in the world and inside ourselves, perceiving, defining, identifying and accepting the characters we live and play out in and through our families as ‘who we are’ and because of the need and desire to define and anchor ‘who we are’ – we’ve accepted the restrictions, limitations, lies, manipulation, abuse we’ve exposed ourselves and each other to in our families to experience that we ‘belong in the world’ not seeing, realizing or understanding that our want, need and desire to belong, was based on our separation of and from ourselves, where we continued looking for ourselves IN and THROUGH separation, not ever accepting or allowing ourselves to let go of our separation within fearing that we ‘d lose ourselves, were we to stop accepting ourselves as separate and separated – and thus, that which we seek in and experience through our participation I in family, is actually the constant and continuous separation and abuse of ourselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within and as an experience of contraction of my muscles and in experiencing anger, when I perceive my mother as deliberately putting me down, either directly or subtly where I feel and experience that I cannot do anything about it, because if I were to expose her and what she is accepting and allowing herself to do, she would not understand it and would become sad and angry and my time with her would not be as comfortable and as such within this blame my mother for being a victim, when in fact it is I, myself who is accepting and allowing myself to assume a character of victimization, wherein I experience myself bullied by my mother – and specifically take it personally because it is my mother doing it based on the belief that ‘mothers are not supposed to bully their children’ and also based on memories where I have experienced myself being bullied by my mother in the past that I have held within and as me, and activate when I perceive and experience my mother bullying and spiting me deliberately where I experience that I cannot do anything about it, because confronting my mother about what she is accepting and allowing leads to confrontation and confrontation leads to me feeling that I am evil because I am hurting my mother – not seeing, realizing or understanding that this is a manipulation game that I have accepted and allowed myself to play based on accepting myself of and as a character of being ‘my mother’s daughter’ and within that believe, feel, experience and accept myself as having a responsibility to keep my mother happy and accepting that if my mother feels sad and reacts to what I say, I have hurt her – instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that hurting someone’s feelings as something bad to do, is an enslavement-mechanism of deception utilized in families and societies for people to keep themselves and each other enslaved to the common agreement of “I accept your bullshit, if you accept mine”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, manifest and participate within and as a character of fear of a confrontation with and fear confronting my mother, because of memories of past experiences where I was ‘bad’ when I was a teenager and where my mother, as a character that I accepted and created her as, as weak, so that I could feel and experience myself as strong, felt scared of me and hurt by me and where I accepted myself in and as a character of being evil, but at the same time feared myself as this evil and therefore resigned into and as myself and internalized all experiences of conflict and confrontation with my mother, so as to never have to face or experience myself as evil or as hurting my mother – which has resulted in me completely submitting myself to and complying with the character I have created my mother as, as manipulating, deceitful, bullying, spiteful and judgmental that I could compare myself to and as such accordingly define, perceive and experience myself as ‘good’ because I did not ‘steep to her level’ when in fact I have accepted and allowed the exact same character within and as me – I simply refused to allow myself to see and admit it to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason why I react, become angry, feel hurt and take it personally when my mother comments on my looks, how much I eat, how my temper is or how I am in playing games, is because I have already accepted what she is saying as true within and as myself – so all she, as a reflection I reflect back to myself, is showing me, is how I already judge, define, experience, perceive and accept myself, as lazy, fat, ugly, competitive and greedy and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own relationship of conflict outside separate from me onto my mother and as such abdicate self-responsibility for myself and for the creation of myself as the character of judgment that I have simply accepted as me accurately reflecting and seeing ‘who I am’ – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I am seeing myself through a character that I have created in my mind and that I have even molded myself accordingly so as to live up to my own judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and to internalize this reaction within and as myself because I promised myself years ago that I had to accept my mother as she is if I want her to be in my life and within that created a character of being ‘the bigger person’ and as such of superiority and that I liked so much identifying myself as this character that I was willing to take any shit from my mother and from anyone else because I believed that  this meant that I was being ‘the bigger person’ (this was in my early spiritual days and was based on something I read in a book) and I would rather be a ‘bigger person’ than being an oppositional teenager

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the moment I made the decision to accept my mother as she is, that I was making an important and profound and big decision that was evidence of my spiritual maturity instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I did not in fact let go of or stop or delete or even take responsibility for the characters and personalities that I have created in and through my relationship with my mother and so the only way I could ‘make it work’ was by changing my character from ‘opposition’ to ‘compliance’, where I actually internalized and suppressed all reactions towards my mother as I believed myself to have ‘stopped the war’ with my mother – but in fact I internalized the war inside myself and while I acted as ‘the perfect loving daughter’ on the outside, I was in constant inner conflict inside myself because I had made an agreement with myself that I had not clearly defined for myself or realized the consequences of or whether it was best for all and therefore ended up compromising myself and my mother and created a false truce between us that made our relationship tolerable, wherein and from which we both created characters of ‘a loving relationship’ and ‘harmony’ so as to remain in a relationship with each other wherein and from which we each could continue a positive self-definition of ourselves, wherein and through which we felt that we belonged in the world and that someone is taking care of us and is supporting us in our characters we have assumed of ‘mother’ and ‘daughter’ not seeing, realizing or understanding the extent to which we were compromising ourselves and each other – I see, realize and understand that I could have simply stopped seeing my mother as that was the choice I was looking at in that moment, and it was through accepting and allowing myself to participate in sentiment and nostalgia that made me decide to accept my mother as she is, instead of making a decision wherein I did not compromise myself or my mother

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with my mother based on memories about the characters we’ve each played, where we will tip toe around each other to not create a conflict and where we are playing out characters of guilt and apparent love towards the other, while on the inside, in our back chat, we spite and fear and blame and judge the other and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my mother in and as this character of being double sided as I required that for me to play out my character of ‘spiritual benevolence’ where I’ve held us both as prisoners to my idea, definition and belief about myself wherein and form I believed that I was redeeming my past as a ‘rebellious teenager’ not realizing, seeing or understanding that this was merely another character that I played and that does not define who I am, unless I make it so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume and accept myself in and as a character of opposition towards my mother, wherein and from I believe that if I don’t oppose her, she will ‘get to me’ – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I within and as standing in and as a character of opposition have already been gotten to, by and within creating a character of opposition – which can only be opposition to parts of myself that I have separated myself from, into and as and as such have projected out onto my mother as a character that by its relation and association to me risks exposing me to myself as that which I do not want to take responsibility for myself as, by reflecting myself back to myself through the character of being ‘MY mother’ and as such a direct reflection of me, towards which I have placed myself as superior in believing and claiming for and within myself that “I will never be like that” or “I hope I am not like that” – all the while I AM THAT and I have created the characters that my mother live and play out, because they make my character of opposition possible, where I, as long as I have a character to oppose, can justify myself as “not that” and as such superior, while in fact I am exactly that and have inferiorized myself to the characters I have separated myself from, within and as, by not taking self-responsibility for myself as the creator of and as them and thereby given myself the opportunity to change and stop these characters

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it in fact IS possible for me to stop living and playing out characters with my mother and that I am not dependent upon the relationship with my mother within and as the characters of ‘daughter/mother’ to exist or live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I stop playing the character of ‘daughter’ with my mother and she because of that denounces me because I am not longer supporting her character of ‘mother’ that she will be all alone with no one to take care of her and that she will die in misery alone and it will be my fault and I will feel guilty – not seeing, realizing or understanding that what I am caring about is not my mother’s wellbeing, but in fact my own character of being ‘benevolent’ and ‘a good daughter’ that I fear losing and giving up because I’ve created a positive and superior self-definition from, within and as it, that if I let go of, I believe and fear that I don’t have a place to belong in the world, no one to take care of me, I will be all alone – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own fear of not surviving and as such being all alone onto my mother – binding myself to my relationship with my mother, solely because of fear of being alone – where I’ve been willing to compromise myself and my mother to the utmost extend, just to keep the illusion of ‘family’ as ‘support’, ‘love’, ‘safety’ and ‘security’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let my relationship with my mother go, even though it has been clear to me for years that this is what is required – that who we are together is merely playing a character-game to keep up an illusion of support that was never fundamentally real to begin with – however, I also see, realize and understand that while it might be the easiest for me to simply stop the relationship in the physical and as such be done with it, it might be a shock to my mother that she does not require – yet I do see that she has others who can support her and the question is if it actually would be experienced as a ‘loss’ to her if I were not around or if she is merely playing along for ‘my sake’ so that she can maintain her character as a mother – in this, I see, realize and understand that I have been holding onto my mother for my own self-interest instead of letting her go inside of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I do not know my mother in fact, in any way whatsoever – because all l have known are the characters that has supported and that has been supported by my characters as well as my mother as a ‘supporting actress’ character in the play of ‘my life’ and never actually as a human being here, equal and one and that it is because of this, that I have accepted all kinds of shit  – equal and one – out of an illusory sense of ‘loyalty’ called ‘family’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take virtually everything my mother say personally within and as perceiving, experiencing, believing and accepting her to be a ‘combatant’ character that is ‘out to get me’ and ‘take me down’ and diminish and belittle me – not seeing, realizing or understanding – or allowing myself to admit, that this is exactly what I have accepted and allowed myself to do, in seeing, defining, experiencing and accepting myself as superior to my mother and as such accept and allow myself to compete with my mother and combat my mother to win authority over her so that I can diminish and belittle her so that I can present myself to my mind’s eye/I – as a ‘winning’ character of power and I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own inner conflict in my relationship with myself as combating characters, where I belittle, judge, diminish and push myself down, onto my mother – which is thus why I take my mother’s words personally, because I have already accepted them as real and true inside myself and thus what I am showing myself through the reflection of my mother, is ‘who’ I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in my relationship with myself – as judgment and bullying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by my mother’s actions and the characters I see, define, perceive, judge, experience and accept her as, within and as fearing the association to me, my association to my mother, as I fear that her actions – that I judge – reflecting back to me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that what I am seeing, is not my mother, but myself in and through the primary character I have created of and as myself of judgment and as such what I in fact fear when I see my mother through judgment, is myself – as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, but through judgment  so that I don’t see myself in fact – all I see is judgment and judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and through this judgment see, perceive, define, experience and accept my mother – resonantly as ‘my origin of character’ as ‘crude’, ‘vulgar’, ‘weak’, ‘deceitful’, ‘childish’ and ‘vain’ – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I have projected my own judgment of myself onto my mother and because it is my mother I reflect onto, I experience myself as the characters of superiority and benevolence I have hidden myself behind and within, threatened, as I see everything my mother does and is, is reflected back TO me – not realizing that how I see my mother through judgment is a reflection OF me, independently of my mother, that I cannot blame onto her or make her responsible for, because it is how I have accepted and judged myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that the reason why I have never accepted my mother, is because I have never accepted myself – not the other way around – as all and everything I have seen in, as and of my mother – has always been myself and in my fear of my mother being reflected back to me and me thus risking to lose ‘status’ in my definition of myself – I was in fact fearing to face myself and face my own judgment of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being ‘crude’, ‘vulgar’, ‘weak’, ‘deceitful’, ‘childish’ and ‘vain’, and instead of investigating myself in and as these characters of self-definition and how I have created myself as such and whether it is actually who I am, have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and hide myself within and as inventing positive definition characters of opposition – equal and one with how I perceived myself as being in opposition to and thus superior to my mother – of ‘grace’, ‘pure’, ‘strong’, ‘honest’ and ‘mature’ – both of which are merely polarity characters that I have played out inside and as myself and never questioned the validity of because I feared facing myself and therefore separated myself from and of these self-definition characters and instead created an inner conflict of polarity inside myself as a war, through which I have fought to only keep and be the ‘good’ characters while dismissing the ‘bad’ characters and as such projected this inner conflict onto my mother in separation of and from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can never ‘escape’ my mother as a character, because I am the creator, cause and origin of that character – that character IS me as I have accepted and allowed myself to allow it to ‘live’ inside of and as me – as my mother not seeing, realizing or understanding that the only way to let my mother go – is to embrace her within and as myself and take self-responsibility for the characters that I have projected onto my mother, as myself and direct myself accordingly to change myself in and as practical, physical application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my mother as innocent, because I separated myself from myself as innocence and within and as seeing my mother as myself as ‘the origin of my character’ – everything I denied myself as, and everything I saw myself as, I saw as my mother – not seeing, realizing or understanding that my mother is myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with my mother over who knows the most and within and as this create, manifest and participate within and as a ‘competitor’ character and a ‘know it all character’ and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge my mother for ‘dragging me into character’ within and as blaming my mother in defining her as ‘the origin of my characters’ by the very fact that she is my mother – not seeing, realizing or understanding that I, have created my mother as a character to compete with and with whom I have justified competing with BECAUSE she is ‘MY mother’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that within defining the woman who birthed me through her physical body as ‘MY mother’ I have created a character that I have claimed possession over as ‘MINE’ and therefore within and as my mind believed and justified that I could do with whatever I wanted in creating a binding relationship based on ‘blood’ and ‘genetics’ upon which I could dump all the characters that I did not want to take responsibility for as my creation and say: ‘she create me, it is her fault, just look at her’ – while in fact it was the other way around – I created my mother in my own image and likeness so that I could abdicate self-responsibility by inventing a ‘creator character’ that I defined as ‘mine’ yet refused to take self-responsibility for – which is essentially what we’ve done in this world, creating a world that we’ve claimed possession over yet refused to take responsibility for as creators and as such invented a ‘creator character’ to take the blame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all the while I experienced myself being possessed by my mother and rebelled against her defining me and making me a character – it was I, myself who created my mother as a ‘creator character’ to take the blame for the parts of and as myself that I abdicated self-responsibility for as my creation in separating these ‘parts’ of and as myself from myself and projecting them onto a ‘creator character’ as represented by ‘my mother’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my mother responsible for all my flaws, genetically and biologically as well as mentally and emotionally and so within and as that perceive, see, define, judge, experience and accept my mother as a threat that I must avoid at all costs or I will be sucked in – not seeing in self-honesty that what I’m attempting to avoid, is facing myself as the parts of and as myself that I’ve abdicated self-responsibility for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that I have made myself dependent upon my mother as a mirror of reflection that is separate from me (in another body) yet who is me (the ‘creator character’ as ‘the origin of my characters’ as ‘MY mother’) that I could dump all the characters as parts of myself that I refused to take self-responsibility for onto and as such require to remain in a conflicted relationship with, to remain in a conflicted relationship of separation with myself – so that I don’t have to bring these parts back to myself and take self-responsibility for myself as the creator and separator of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave the woman who have birthed me through her physical body to play the character of ‘MY mother’ towards whom – as a separate part of myself – I can dump (as project and be in conflict with) all the ‘parts’ of and as myself that I refuse to take responsibility for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow myself and my mother to accept myself and to accept herself as responsible for the creation of and as me, within defining the relationship between mother and child as that of ‘creator’ and ‘created’ – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that we are equal beings, equally created and creators and equally enslaving and enslaved and that none of us are more responsible than the other and that I am as equally responsible for the creation and acceptance and maintenance of her characters as she is for mine and as we each are for ourselves  – in the relationship we’ve created and manifested and participated within and as, with each other and within and as ourselves in defining ourselves in relation to each other as ‘mother’ and ‘child’ and ‘MY mother’ and ‘MY child’ – not seeing, realizing and understanding that defining something or someone as ‘mine’ is not the same as taking responsibility as a creator in equality, but is in fact possessing something or someone as separate from oneself and as such in abdicating self-responsibility for ourselves as creators and created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I see my mother, see her through ‘eyes of memory’ where I don’t see the being in fact, but only see ‘MY mother’ as I have created a possessive relationship towards/with a character of representation of my separation of and from myself, where I have used and abused this character to define myself as the characters I WANT TO BE and the characters I DON’T WANT TO BE – always in a relationship with this character of possession that I have made ‘MY creator’ – not seeing, realizing or understanding or admitting to myself in self-honesty that the characters I have assigned my mother through memories are MY creation – because otherwise I could not define them as MINE

Self-Correction

I see, realize and understand that ‘mother’ is a definition we’ve assigned as a character for female bodies birthing children and that this is in essence a physical relationship – yet we have defined it as an emotional relationship of bond and ‘creation’ were the mother (along with the father) has been defined as the ‘creator’ of the child, through the fact that the child comes out of the female body and through the genetic disposition of transference between mother and child – yet what we have done is merely recreate and regenerate ourselves as life and within and as our separation of and from ourselves, we’ve created illusory characters of ‘creator’ and ‘created’ as parent and child where what is being transferred is the mind and what is being given from parent to child is the mind – but it is the same mind, the same life, the same creation and only in our separation of and from ourselves have we defined ourselves as separated into ‘creator’ and ‘created’ that both parent and child assume as characters and accept and allow themselves to define themselves according to, where the child can continue as a separate character through accepting itself as ‘created’ by the parent as a ‘creator’ and as such abdicate self-responsibility for itself as creator and blame the parent for who it is as a ‘creation’ and where the parent and continue as a separate character through accepting itself as ‘the creator’ of the child as the ‘created/creation’ and as such ‘create’ the child in its image and likeness  – while all along we were the same life, the same creator, the same separation of and from ourselves as life

As such –

I stop and delete all characters in and through which I have defined the woman who has birthed me through her physical body as ‘the creator’ of me and as the ‘origin of my characters’ because I see that how I have defined ‘my mother’ is as a separate character that I could abdicate self-responsibility for myself as the creator of myself to – through defining and accepting my relationship with my mother as one where she is ‘the creator’ and I am her ‘creation’

I stop and delete all characters in and through which I have defined the woman who has birthed me through her physical body as ‘MY mother’ because I see that I, within and as that definition and characterization have enslaved, bound and possessed my mother and myself as a character in a relationship with my mother so that I could abdicate self-responsibility by projecting the parts of myself that I refused to take self-responsibility for onto my mother – as MY possession to do with as I please and the parts of myself that I did want to define myself as, I defined as in opposition to my mother and as such also in separation of and from myself and as such I created a possessive relationship of separation towards the woman through who’s physical body I was birthed into this world as the character I could blame my creation on and project my self-separation onto as a mirrored reflection of myself that I possessed by holding onto it as MINE, in separation of and from myself as ‘MY creator’ and I see that whenever we define something/someone as MINE – we create a possessive relationship of separation, meaning that we can only uphold the separation through creating a possessive relationship in separation, because that which we’ve created a relationship towards/with,  can only be and is ourselves in fact and therefore the illusion of separation requires a relationship to be upheld which is done through possession

I commit myself to release the woman through who’s body I have been birthed from the characters I have held her in possession as being ‘MY mother’ as ‘MY creator’ through stop blaming her and holding her responsible for the creation of me – in practicality this means that I commit myself to, whenever I react to my mother, I immediately stop, breathe and bring the point back to myself in seeing what of myself I have projected onto my mother, why and how I have separated this point/part from myself and how I have created this point/part and accordingly take responsibility for myself in and as this point/part – bringing the point/part of and as myself back to myself

I commit myself to walk a process of bringing all points that I see, through reacting to my mother, that I have separated myself from and as, back to myself in self-responsibility

I see, realize and understand that my mother, as the being in and as a human physical female body, through which I was birthed – is NOT the creator of and as me, as creation is one and equal as life and that the illusion of creation assigned to parents, is a mirrored reflection of my separation of and from myself into and as ‘creator/’created’ that I invented as characters to maintain my self-separation – and as such life is creator, life is creation/created, life as all that is here is family and the characters we play are NOT real

I see, realize and understand that the role as a character a mother plays in this world as ‘who’ and how we’ve created ourselves in separation of and from ourselves, is NOT to give the child life or to take responsibility for the child AS life – because the parents themselves are NOT life – thus I see, realize and understand that the role as character a mother/father/parent plays is to stand as a ‘creator character’ that is in charge of supporting the child to create characters to survive in and as the mind in separation of and from ourselves – and as such the characters of ‘parent’ and ‘child’ are NOT valid or in support of life in any way whatsoever and therefore absolutely NOTHING is lost by letting them go – in fact, by accepting and allowing these characters to continue, we are continuing the separation of and from ourselves and as such the abdication of ourselves as life as creators and created

I see, realize and understand that my mother is not MY mother as the creator of me and as such my possession as my abdication of my own creation in how I’ve invented my mother as a ‘creator character’ as I am equally as one the mother of this world and existence and thus I release my mother and myself of the bond I have created as the relationship I have created between my mother and I, in defining us as ‘mother’ and ‘child’, as ‘creator’ and ‘created/’creation’ and I allow myself to discover and get to know my mother as a being that is here equal and one – and to not accept her or myself as anything more or less – which practically means that I commit myself to STOP all participation and STOP allowing myself and my mother to play out characters of ‘mother’ and ‘child’ – SO: when and as I see myself or my mother play characters of ‘mother’ or ‘child’ within and as how I have defined these characters, in separation of and from myself into characters of ‘creator’ and ‘created/’creation’ – I simply stop participating and I allow myself to breathe and not participate in fear of possible conflicts that might emerge from me not allowing myself or accepting myself to participate in these characters anymore – as such, when and as I see that I am experiencing fear of possible conflicts because I am not allowing myself to participate in characters of ‘mother’ and ‘child’ – I simply stop and allow myself to breathe, because I see, realize and understand that it is NOT BEST FOR ALL to allow myself or my mother – or anyone – to continue playing out these characters and that NOTHING REAL OR SUBSTANTIAL IS LOST – in fact it is the exact opposite – so I do not allow myself to limit myself or compromise myself in accepting myself to participate in fear of losing the relationship with my mother – because I see, realize and understand that it was not real to begin with and that it was in fact based on a lie and a self-deception wherein and from we created a relationship to maintain ourselves as separate from ourselves through accepting our own and each other’s characters

For extended perspectives on who have have become as ‘characters’ I suggest to read the following blogs:

The family Characters:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-stepping-out-of-character-with.html

 http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2012/07/family-charade-in-character-day-80.html

http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2012/07/rebellion-daughter-mother-character-day.html

http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2012/07/submissive-daughter-and-controlling.html

On Characters:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-85-and-god-created-slaves.html

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-stepping-out-of-character.html

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-stepping-out-of-character-with.html

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/looking-for-more-of-myself-day-78.html

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-44-character-game.html

http://rozelledelangeblog.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-22-me-as-main-character-within.html

http://journey-of-lindsay.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-kill-buddha-hes-just-character.html

http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-life-as-character-overview-day-79.html

http://spiritualjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-45-characters-i-allow-as-self.html

http://malingunilla.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-im-nothing-but-character.html

Follow the blogs daily at Creation’s Journey to Life, Earth’s Journey to Life and Heaven’s Journey to Life. Join us at Desteni, where a forum is available 24/7 with support on how to write oneself out in self-honesty and where any questions regarding the Desteni Material will be answered by competent Destonians who are walking their own process. Visit the Destonian Network where videos and blogs are streamed daily. Suggest to also check out the Desteni I Process and Relationship  courses for extended training and support. Walk with us in implementing an Equal Money System as a new System on Earth based on Equality as what is Best for All. Let’s Walk!

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