I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prepare myself to write, through thinking about the writing I will do in the future in allowing myself to participate in thoughts about writing, about who I will be in writing, about how my writing will be received by others and thus how that reception will be reflected back to me and thus see my writings as my stage that I walk onto and put on a play for which others are supposed to clap and cheer me on for being such a good writer or for writing so eloquently or for moving them in their core, while I stand there in the light and breathe in their appraisal and fill myself up with nice warm energies of positive recognition that only last as long as the spotlight is on me, a spotlight that only exist in my mind, in the preparation of writing where I think about what I shall write to invoke a positive response, as ‘who’ I shall write myself as, as the character I assume through my writing, and within the writing itself where I shape my words specifically as scripting the play of “me” where I am the total focus of attention and the writing thus becomes the lines I as the character in the play speaks to create a form of interaction with the audience as those that read and where I experience a rush of positive energy when I, in thoughts, as backchat think about what the title of my writing as my play about me shall be and when I come up with what I perceive as a good or awesome title, project myself into the future of seeing the audience as the readers seeing my title as seeing a title of a play on a poster and immediately think that THIS is a play they would want to watch and thus entice in myself another rush of positive energy in anticipation of the ‘curtain drop’ as when I post my writing and make it public as filling the theater and the audience as the readers are lined up and ready to SEE ME and after I have posted my writing where I wait in anxiety for the reviews of my writing as a play and where I feel disappointed when I see that there is no review as comments on my blog or people who have shared my writing on Facebook or on Twitter and where I feel the rush of positive energy when there is a comment or my blog is being shared on Twitter or Facebook that is equal and one to standing on stage at the end of the play where the heroine actress receives a standing ovation and flowers for her performance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and be ashamed of exposing myself as a character in my writings – where I have used (and as such abused) my writings and the readers for my own self-interest, where I have made my writings and the readers and my physical body as the instrument of my writing characters in my play of getting attention and appraisal and standing ovations – that was all and only existing in my mind as the relationship between thoughts and energetic experiences, but that I used and abused the physical reality, from my fingers to my eyes, to the computer, to the internet and to others as myself to play out
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT write as an immediate, direct act of supporting myself where I make the decision to write IN and AS the physical and where I write IN and AS the physical to support myself to expose myself as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as characters that I have created, manifested and participated within and as to always keep myself ‘in character’ in and as separation from and of myself here as the physical – where I have made the physical inferior and less to me as the mind, in using and abusing the physical to serve my interest of and as mind to gain energy as the characters that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out as
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in my writings, look for “MORE OF ME” through placing my words in ways that would make me APPEAR as MORE to others as characters that serves no other purpose than to be the characters of the audience for the play I am playing out in my mind, where the entire purpose of the play as my writing is for me to experience myself as MORE ME through the appraisal of others that I perceive myself as getting in my mind and that I directly and indirectly enslave and manipulate others to participate within and as, as the read or share or comment on my writings – where I have not shared with them ‘who I am’ as the character that writes and thus deceive them as I deceive myself into participating in my play as my writing, so that when I perceive them as apprising me, I can use and abuse the attention I am getting, to generate a positive energetic experience through which I feel and experience myself as MORE ME or when I do not get attention, instead give myself attention through generating a negative energetic experience, where I experience myself as LESS ME, which is exactly the same because I still generate energy and now simply look for how I can again make myself MORE ME through getting attention
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand that the reason my writings has SUCKED ASS, in spite of me seeing them as oh so eloquent and lengthy and the reason I have not changed since participating in the Journey to LIFE, is because I have made my writings all about ME – about me getting attention from others through my writings, of me BECOMING MORE through my writings – of me presenting myself as MORE through my writings and that I have initiated and directed more or less every writing from a starting-point of thought, where I would think about what to write about and see that this is relevant for me to write out and walk through, but within the very application of writing – I would accept and allow myself to become enthralled with the anticipation of reception – of ‘who’ I would BECOME through the reception of my writing – thus writing in COMPLETE and TOTAL separation of and from myself here and NOT in fact moving myself anyway whatsoever, because I never left or stepped out of my characters and instead used the writings as a stage from where I could promote and further accommodate and validate my characters as I received appraisal from others in my mind and attention in actuality, which I could then interpret and define and use as ‘appraisal’ in my mind
I forgive myself that I, even within this writing here have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts about what to write about where in I will form the words in my mind and as such once again accept and allow myself to participate in writing based on seeing, defining, experiencing, perceiving and accepting myself as a character only – thus accepting and allowing myself to write in separation of and from myself – and as such not in any way write here in and as the physical to support myself to stand up from and out of the mind, but instead to support myself to remain within and as, as a character of and as the mind – writing only to generate energy to fuel myself as the mind and as such write in self-deception and self-honesty and in self-spite, self-abuse as well as spite of all those who write to support themselves
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize or understand that within being ashamed of exposing myself as a liar and as such be exposed and therefore being unable to continuing presenting myself as a character that writes, I am accepting and allowing myself to participate within yet another character, the character that is ashamed of being exposed, the character that accepts itself as shame
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my writing on me writing myself out as a character, on the memory of another’s writing about themselves as characters and as such create yet another character where I accept and allow myself to present myself as a character based on the character I perceive in and as another as yet another way of writing to gain attention and thus BECOME MORE ME
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a positive energetic reaction of excitement when and as I write a word that I have defined as ‘difficult’ or ‘superior’ or when I write a sentence or write out a point that I have defined a ‘smart’ or ‘superiorly seen’ within and as experiencing perceiving and believing that this word, sentence or point is making my writing as a play BETTER and that it as such will ensure me MORE attention from the readers as the audience and as such ensure that I will experience an positive energetic rush and thus be and become MORE ME through the energetic experience that I generate through the attention I perceive myself as getting from others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own writings through accepting and allowed myself to write in separation of and from myself here in and as physical – through writing FOR SOMEONE/SOMETHING ELSE in and as the desire for a positive energetic rush that I believe that I NEED and REQUIRE to BE and BECOME MORE ME – all because I separated myself from myself in the first place and as such have accepted myself as less than, less than the mind, less than the physical, less than my own idea about myself and about who and what I should and could be – instead of actually and in-fact walk myself out of the mind, breath by breath, point by point and as such stop and delete all characters of separation and that I have manifested myself into and as through my direct acceptance and participation and through and within that stop any and all need and desires to BE and BECOME MORE ME through accepting myself as LESS ME – and as such simply accept myself as HERE
I commit myself to ensure that I write here in the physical and as the physical through not accepting or allowing myself to direct myself through, as and within thoughts, so that when and as I see a thought emerging about what to write about or ‘who’ to write as – I stop and do not allow myself to write based on and within and from this thought and instead direct myself to write in and as breath in making a decision to write here from, in and as the physical
I commit myself to expose and delete all the characters that I have accepted and allowed myself to play throughout my life – that I have accepted as ‘who’ I am and through and within which I have accepted myself to constantly and continuously separate myself from myself and keep myself separate from and as myself within, as and through – so that I at last can stand here in and as the physical with no character to separate myself into or as and simply stand and breathe here as who I am
I commit myself to support all, as myself to expose and delete all characters that we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves into and as and through and within this have accepted and allowed ourselves to support and uphold in ourselves as each other’s and so by supporting each other’s characters, we made sure that we too remained within character and were supported as characters
I commit myself to, when and as I see that I am experiencing a positive or negative energetic experience towards words in writing or towards thoughts about preparing myself to write or as I write or after I have posted my writing – to stop, let go and delete the experience and the thought through which I instigate the experience
I commit myself to support myself through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to get to know myself as all I have accepted and allowed myself to be, become and accept myself as in and as the mind, so that I can delete all characters and all ways in and as which I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself – so that I can stop the search for MORE ME as I support myself to realize that I am Here.
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