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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to rise as a phoenix from the ashes, in allowing myself to let go of the past and start anew burning through and with and in and as self-forgiveness what was before, so as to allow myself to emerge anew

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and fear that the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes is “too big” for me to apply myself within and align myself to, in oneness and equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will see me aligning myself to the phoenix rising from the ashes and judge me for being pretentious in using such a symbol – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have projected my own self-judgment of myself outside myself in separating myself from my own self-judgment and from accepting myself as less than the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a relationship with the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes in polarity of seeing and accepting myself as less than the phoenix and the phoenix as more than me and within defining myself as a phoenix rising from the ashes, have defined myself as more than myself – instead of simply accepting and allowing myself to embrace the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes – removing all definitions of polarity and positive/negative energetic charges and as such align myself here, one and equal to the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes and as such align the symbol of the phoenix rising from the ashes to what is best for all, in and as a living practical application of self-purification and rebirth of self here as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret and understand the phoenix rising from the ashes as a noble and romantic symbol of rebirth, instead of embracing the symbol as a practical and living application of renewing myself through letting go of the past, so as to allow myself to emerge as new

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking into the flames and alighting myself in flames, through, as and within self-forgiveness in purifying myself and letting go of the past, so as to allow the new to emerge

I forgive myself, that I, within resisting, refusing, hesitating and fearing to walk myself into and as the flames of burning away the old, have accepted and allowed myself to remain and exist as a shadow and as an echo, because it is not physically possible to live and exist in the past and thereby by insisting to hold on to myself in and as the past, having allowed myself to separate myself from myself here in and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that to let go of the past, requires that I walk into the flames and burn away the old completely and totally so as to allow myself to emerge as new from the ashes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, refuse and not allow myself to let go of the past, symbolized by and within the phoenix creating its nest from where it lights itself on fire to burn the old and allow the new to emerge from the fire and the ashes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to renew myself within and through self-forgiveness and practical application of living change and to within that have accepted and allowed myself to remain existing in and as the old, as a shadow, as a ghost, not actually living or breathing here, because I have remained and held myself preoccupied with and within the past in my mind as thoughts about what could have been, what should have been, what should not have been instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can only move myself here, through letting go of the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist building the nest of my fire of rebirth as writing and bringing here the relevant words for me to face and forgive, within fearing and anticipating pain and suffering in the actual burning of myself as the past through self-forgiveness and thus within that, have accepted and allowed myself to justify not changing myself, not re-birthing myself, not renewing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not changing myself, not embracing the complete and total letting go of the past as what was so as to renew myself, through, by and within fear of getting burned – which is fear of facing myself in self-honesty  as who, what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and fear of the actual change within letting go and not knowing who or what I will become or emerge as

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot avoid or escape the pain and suffering as the manifested consequence that I have accumulated and required  for myself to walk through as the flames through which I must purify myself to start anew – and that by holding onto the past and myself within it, I am in fact allowing myself to remain in suffering and pain and abuse, instead of simply once and for all walk through the flames and allow myself to burn myself down to the ground as all and everything I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as – so that I can stand myself up anew

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and refuse changing myself by and within holding onto the past, through participating in memories and automated patterns based on memories and past experiences and to within that hold myself enslaved to and within a one-dimensional reality in my mind of and as a delusion about who and what I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can redeem the past by holding onto it, instead of allowing myself to realize and walk through – that what is done, is done and I am here and that I can only walk from here, change myself here, correct myself here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that for me to re-birth myself I must light myself on fire as the letting go of the past through burning away what was and that this will and cannot happen by itself, without me in fact directing myself to change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, as I walk through the day, when I am allowing and have allowed myself to participate here, within walking in and as the past, through directly accessing memories or through walking based on a self-acceptance, definitions and expectancy to myself and the world based on the past – and to within that moment, direct myself to let go of and release myself from the past

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push myself in every moment to let go of and release myself from and as the past and to realize that the past will not go away or disappear or be released unless I directly stop participating in and from the past and bring myself here in, into and as the physical and in through self-forgiveness allow myself to face myself in self-honesty, face the manifested consequences of and as myself as the past, through which I must walk to release and let go of myself as the past

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the very manifestation of fear is to not let go of the past and to believe and accept that without holding onto the past, and myself in and as the past, I cannot exist – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that it is directly the reverse, that within allowing myself to hold onto the past as fear of losing myself, I am in fact missing myself here and now allowing myself to live

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that for me to let go of the past, I must bring the past here and face myself in and as all points of the past, so that I can directively through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application burn the past to the ground and from there emerge from the ashes anew

“Understand that the mind is used to program responses into the physical that then is accepted as the personality called self. First one removes these programs to get to the point where you were born originally and then only allow that which is best to become integrated in the body.” – Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I cannot renew myself, without facing and releasing myself from the old, as a purifying fire set alight by my very being as I move through the layers and patterns formed in and by the past to release myself from the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and accept that if I do not hold onto the past, as my memories about myself and the definitions I have made of myself because of it and the memories of past hurts through which I specifically have designed patterns to avoid experiencing by suppressing myself, and through emotional and energetic relationships with words, people, sounds, smells, forms, tastes – I will lose myself, I will not exist – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I am existing as in this here moment, because I have conditioned myself to and as the past only, is the past – not living here, not existing in any way whatsoever than in and through the past, as a shadow, an echo

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse and resist to let go of the past as all that I have accumulated myself into and as, as experiences, memories, personalities, relationships, patterns and stories – within fearing that if I allow myself to let go of the past, I will not know who to be, how to live in such a way that I can avoid danger as I perceive it as and within fear of not surviving in believing , accepting and experiencing that who and what I have become, is effective surviving – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have created, formed and designed my entire existence upon the fear of losing myself, not ever stopping up and seeing that I am here, that I was never separate and that I created a separation of myself and from myself through the abdication of myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and accept that the only way I can effectively direct myself in the future to gain life and avoid death, is by calculating myself, my relationships, my world, what I see according to memories and past experiences instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I within living through the past, am re-creating the past over and over and never actually living or participating here and as such existing as death from the moment I was born, in the certainty that I will die, yet in the refusal to accept death and to take responsibility for how I have created and manifested myself into and as death only, never actually living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, accept, define and experience myself only as an accumulation of memories, of knowledge, of sensory experiences that I have logged within my mind as a map that I guide myself through – but never to live, always and only to ensure that I survive, that I avoid that which I have perceived as dangers to my life – to ensure that I do not lose myself – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have lived my entire existence within the acceptance of myself as lost through separating myself from myself here, into and as a mental delusion from which I have believed that I could regain myself, if I held onto myself, and never allowed myself to realize that it was within letting go of myself as fear, in letting go of myself as the past that I have held onto – that I could bring myself back here and realize that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on memories of past experiences, thoughts, emotions and feelings to guide myself through my participation in the world and never have allowed myself to stop up and ask myself what I am doing and if what I am doing is an effective way of living that is in fact best for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity to rise from the ashes of the delusions that have been burned through self-honesty and self-realization and specifically through the support of others in assisting me to walk through the point of the manifested consequence that I had created for myself in not facing myself in self-honesty, so that I could face myself as the delusion that I had accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the fire of burning the delusion of and as myself, personally and fearing it, as the ego fears the confrontation with the brutal truth of self as what self has accepted and allowed self to be and become – and such not allowed myself to embrace the point of fire or falling – as an opportunity to rebirth myself through the purification of the fire as myself in walking through the manifested consequence of my acceptances and allowances in self-honesty – and to take responsibility for who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and as such walk myself into the fire of purification so that I may rebirth myself here as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to walk through the fire of purification as the self-realization, self-honesty and self-forgiveness in letting go and releasing the past and through self-responsibility stand up anew, in giving myself the gift of rebirthing myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to directly and indirectly participate in, create and accept hell on earth, through my refusal to walk into the fire of self-purification and the death of myself as ego, as the relationships I have created to, with and towards the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate and confirm for myself that all I am is ego as the accumulation of all past fears into and as a single point as a personality through which I have found an “effective” way of surviving that I now believe to be life – through refusing to create the fire, through writing and absolute self-purification in every moment – that I can burn myself in the flames of self-forgiveness and self-honesty to stand up anew and rebirth myself in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience, believe and accept myself to be incapable of releasing myself from the past and renewing myself, instead of seeing ,realizing and understanding that releasing the past and renewing myself is a self-honest, self-directed, common sense practical application in every moment, that I through consistency slowly but surely place myself into and as and as such change myself moment by moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto and for having automated this holding-on-to an image/definition/experience/memory and acceptance of myself as “bad” and “evil” and “not good enough” contrasted in polarity to an equal image/definition/experience/memory and acceptance of myself as “superior”, “good” and “benevolent” and as such define myself and condition myself to only accept myself as one of these polarity definitions, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that I am all and everything and that who I am, within these polarity definitions is the creation, design and manifestation of polarity in itself – as I have designed to generate energy through friction so as to keep myself locked-into and as the mind – in fear that if I allowed myself to stop and let go of the mind, I would no longer exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use all my resources, focus and energy on holding onto myself as the past in order to “Live”, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that only by letting go of myself as the past, as manifested into and as ego as a single personality-entity that I have defined myself according to and as, can actually begin Living here – because I am simply here, not existing dependent upon or defined through relationships with and in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate within and as an experience of frustration in experiencing that I am not effectively letting go of the past, that there is something I am missing in my self-realizations as I write out this point, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that frustration can only exist in and of the past – as all that is not in the past, is Here, as a living, physical direct manifestation with no residue of definitions according to relationships of the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately hold onto myself in and as the past – in a belief and an acceptance that if I don’t, I will not be able to calculate and calibrate my actions according to my desired and feared outcome effectively – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have not in any way directed myself effectively within and as living in and as the past – as all I have existed as was memories and reactions upon and towards the past

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that only I can let go of the past as myself – and that when I don’t, I accept and allow myself to accept the unacceptable as the system of abuse and separation that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – in and as greed as fear of losing myself as manifested into and as the money-system as it currently exist based on debt

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in debt as guilt and revenge towards the past, in and as a relationship with my memories that I have held onto deliberately to keep me reminded of the fears of the past that I have accepted and allowed myself to in every moment, define and control me – believing that I cannot survive without this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, fear and believe that I will be burned and in pain if or when I walk into the fire of self-purification through self-forgiveness and brutal self-honest self-realization and as such justify why I have not accepted or allowed myself to direct myself to walk into the fire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, fear and believe the burning of myself as self-purification and within that allowing myself to let go of the past and allow the past to return as ashes to the earth – within fearing that I will then have lost myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understand that all I have let go of, is the delusion of myself in and as the past, the conditioning and constraint and enslavement of and as myself into and as the past and such understand and realize that I can in fact only give life to myself and myself as life, by allowing myself to burn the past in a process of self-purification, wherein and through I, as the ashes, return to the earth to rebirth myself as life anew

The question I am asking myself is: how do I renew myself? How do I walk into the fire as the manifested consequences of my total accumulation of the past, of what I have accepted and allowed – so as to burn the past and purify myself through the flames of self-honesty and self-forgiveness into and as the self-corrective application of living change through standing up from the ashes?

I commit myself, to as I live and breathe here, to identify and investigate all parts and points from and in which I am allowing myself to live, see, breathe through and as the past only and to as such stop – forgive and release myself from the past, and in that walking directly to the self-corrective application of living the change of stopping myself as living in, by and through the past

I commit myself to create for myself the fire upon which I will burn myself as the past as ego, as memories through a process of purification in writing, where every writing I place and direct and every word I write to purify myself as the past, is the practical formation of the fire that I will burn myself through – without fear – walking straight into the fire of purification as self-forgiveness and brutal self-honesty

I commit myself to walk the living change and application of the realization that all that is not simply me here participating directly in and as the physical reality here, then I am participating in, as and from my mind – and as such from a starting-point of self-delusion and enslavement – and as such when and as I see and realize that I am participating in a point/experience that is not physical – I stop. I breathe and I bring myself back here.

I commit myself to walk into and through the fire of self-purification in and as self-forgiveness and brutal self-honesty and to allow myself to let go of the past as myself, as ego, as memories in allowing myself as the past to burn and once again return to the ashes of the earth that I am one and equal with here

I commit myself to rise from the ashes of my fire of self-purification and to stand up anew and to apply for, as and within myself this process of self-purification as self-rebirth until I have purified all memories, the past in and as its totality and I stand here as a completely new being birthed from the fire of my self-purification

I commit myself to let go of the past – to let go of all definitions, images, ideals, beliefs, ideas, feelings, emotions, reactions, memories, knowledge, experiences that I have defined and confined myself within and through – one by one practically here in my daily participation as I see and realize each pattern and each layer of myself as the past as who and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and such release myself from the past as myself – in facing myself and in taking self-responsibility for who and what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I commit myself to dare myself to walk into the fire of self-purification and to support myself in doing so, by building the fire for myself through writing and seeing myself here in self-honesty

I commit myself to live as a phoenix through and within which I specifically and directively rebirth myself through the fire of purification that is self-forgiveness and self-honesty and to through from the ashes, walk myself into and as self-correction as the living change

 

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