One of the most important points I have learned from walking with Desteni is what we call: “Bring it back to Self“. It took a long time before I could actually understand what it meant, in practicality and not as an idea in my head. It was only when I started walking an Agreement with another human being that I could see what this point implied in actuality. I kept experiencing that there was something wrong with my partner, that my partner should change this or that behavior. But no matter what I did, I kept having these experiences. And I felt like I was a slave to him, to his mood, his decisions and so I wanted him to change, so that my experience of myself could change. I believed that my experiences could only change, if he changed. I did not even see them as “my experiences” – all I saw was what he was “doing to me”. At a certain point it got so extensive and I could not stand living with myself this way. I started noticing a peculiar correlation: whenever I would get angry at my partner, at the cats, at my physical reality, there was a starting-point of being angry at myself. Through participating in the Desteni I Process I could then start identifying what exactly it was I was doing when I got angry at my partner – that really I was angry at myself.
So I started learning what it in-fact means to “Bring it back to Self.”
What it means, is that when we are looking at other people and at the world, what we see is not the actual physical reality as it exists equally for everyone. What we see, is through our mind, a reflection of ourselves. We do this because we have separated ourselves from ourselves Here and that which we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist in and as – and so we project that separate part out onto the world (because it still is here and we got to do something with it so that we can separate ourselves from it and not take self-responsibility) – and so we come to believe that what we see, when we see the world, is how the world really is. Now – it is tricky, because the world outside of us, is reflecting us as who we are in our minds – so what we are seeing when we look at the world is ourselves. Now, this could be any point; it could be something my partner does and I react to or even a word or a sound or a place. So for example let’s say that every time we go to New Jersey, we get this negative experience and when we think about New Jersey, we hate it because it is so negative. Now in that seeing of New Jersey and seeing that it is negative, there might be some form of truth in that, for whatever reason in how that society is constructed and how the people there live in a certain relationship with themselves and other neighborhoods – however – that is not at all relevant here. Because what is relevant is that we are reacting to it. We are taking it personally – We are not seeing New Jersey (as an example) for what it really is because: what we are essentially seeing is ourselves – as how we are living and accepting yourself.
So as we look at other people, fear their judgments or see them as strong and capable, we are actually showing yourself ‘parts’ of ourselves that we have separated ourselves into and as. And as such in this reflection, we have an opportunity (and a responsibility) to bring those ‘parts’ back to ourselves – so that we can direct yourself as those ‘parts’ and direct how we will live, in seeing in self-honesty whether they are in fact best for all. From there – as we start clearing ourselves, we can start seeing for example why ‘New Jersey’ exist the way it does – but there is no longer a reaction to it, we are not longer taking it personally – and as such, we can in fact start standing equal to ‘New Jersey’ as yourself as we start seeing that exactly as it exists in ‘New Jersey’, it exists equally within and as us.
So – New Jersey is not ‘negative’. It is simply a place on this Earth where people live. That is the initial starting-point. That is common sense. What is here is physical. The entire fuck-up is what happens in and through our minds. From there we can then look at what positive/negative charges e have associated with that place/person/point and bring that back to ourselves in asking: How am I living this? So actually we can replace the word ‘ New Jersey’ with “myself” and see what emerges: “I hate myself because I am so negative.” – for example.
Now, what is interesting here is that hating and being negative is exactly the same. Hate IS negative. Hate is not a common sense, self-supportive best for all application. So in our ‘hate’ towards New Jersey, we were doing exactly that which we saw in and as ‘New Jersey‘: We were being negative. And essentially all such points reflect back to us, the relationship we live and exist within, towards ourselves. And from seeing this, we can start bringing ourselves ‘together’ in a starting-point of self-support, realizing: there is no point in being negative or hating myself for being negative. I am not supporting myself to stop being negative by hating myself. I am not supporting myself to stop experience of myself by projecting it onto some city or person outside of me. I direct myself to stop this projection and take self-responsibility.
And once we take that self-directive responsibility for what we have accepted and allowed: change is possible. Then we can in fact direct ourselves to stop living in ways that are abusive and start living self-support – to treat ourselves as we would want others to treat us – and to treat others (and the world) as we would want to be treated.
So bringing it back to self is the only way to change our experiences of and as ourselves as we move about in this world. It is real ‘power’ from the perspective that, since we created it we can stop it – but first we got to get to understand ourselves in self-honesty and see how we have created ourselves in the first place – and see that we are self-responsible for who and what we accept and allow ourselves to be and become.
Suggested listening and reading for extended perspectives: