I heard the message of Desteni because I had no other choice. I was fucked. I was at a literal dead end in my life where I could not move or go further. I had been practicing spirituality for some years along with various personal development techniques. And in my mind, I was doing this out of a noble purpose of saving humanity and the planet, but really it was because I was trying to simultaneously save and escape from myself.
As most people, I had since I was a child been running and hiding from myself, thrusting myself into the future every time I faced a point that was emotionally painful or difficult, as a self-made survival mechanism to not have to face myself and my actual experience of and as myself. But no matter what I did, I kept catching up with myself. It felt like I had tried EVERYTHING.
Eventually I got (conveniently) convinced that it was my personality and physical body that was the problem along with the world-system and I believed that I had to purify myself, by removing myself from everything that was of “low energy” so that I could raise up to the occasion of ascending myself into the higher realms of which I had absolutely no idea, but which I imagined would be a hell of a lot better than my old fucking self.
So I tried everything to get rid of myself and no matter what I did, I just kept coming back. I tried meditation and I did also have some of those “extraordinary” experiences that make us (conveniently) believe that we are special and chosen and that if we just wait long enough, we will be beamed up to some unknown place of rainbows and eternal sunshine. I dried getting Deekshs that are these blessings given to you by someone that has been enlightened to “oneness” by Amma, a self-proclaimed Indian avatar, every Tuesday. I followed a global ascension group that had its own channeler and was close to travel with them around the world, but eventually I ended up in a group that used psychedelics to transcend. After inner journeys on mushrooms, acid, DMT trips and Ayahuasca, I kept having the same “realization” that we are all one. But no matter how many times I “realized” this, I could not make it real for myself. I could not make myself really One with everything at a physical and fundamental level. I kept experiencing fears and desires and judgments and I kept judging myself and no matter how many visualizations I did and even as I removed myself from the system by selling all my stuff and moving into a wooden caravan, I could not get rid of me.
So one day, I felt frustrated and confused that no matter what I did, I did not seem to move anywhere. All I wanted was to go into the woods and transform myself to a bird and fly away. So I took stock of all the things I had participated in throughout my process since I was 15 and had started the process of what I believed to be my spiritual ascension. I looked at all the techniques and books and crystals and seminars that I had invested in, all the groups and friends and lovers I had talked with for hours and I asked myself: out of all this, what is the one point that has ever made me accelerate the most?
And when I looked back at my time-line, there was only one point that stood out. When I was around 16, I had made the decision for myself to be 100% honest with myself and not allow myself to have any taboos or secrets inside myself. And this – this single decision by a teenager was the one thing that I could see had fundamentally changed me. I was in absolute shock. Here I had spent years searching for the truth, buying all these solutions that never lasted and where I always came back to my old shitty self, no matter how good I tried to be or how enlightened I envisioned myself as. And in the end, simple Self-Honesty that I myself had generated in a moment I had never thought about since was THE one point that I had changed myself through.
So from that day, I decided that from now on, I would walk my own self-honesty. Obviously as for most humans, most of my time went with conjuring up lies and self-deception in my mind, but I was not aware of that at the time, all I knew was that I had found a connection to myself again, but the self that I had connected to, was broken, confused and feeling totally and utterly lost.
All my beliefs had been shattered and all I had to fall back on was spirituality. Because I was sure as hell not going to participate “in the system”, which I blamed for everything that was wrong with me and the world. So I had my back up against the wall. I started to see how fake my environment was, how fake the partying and activism was, how fake my relationship was and how broken I and everything around me was.
One day I was babysitting two of my friends, who were on two different drugs tripping out, one on one bed and the other on another bed. I was merely there to make sure that nothing went wrong. That night I saw and browsed YouTube for the 108th time for DNA activation and ascension videos, ANYTHING that could give me a clue as to what the fuck was going on and how the fuck I could change myself. And I saw the thumbnail of the blond girl, that thumbnail that I had browsed over many times, but never been really interested in seeing, because I thought it had to do with aliens and conspiracy theories which I thought was stupid (lol – while DNA activation was clearly not).
But I was tired of browsing all these videos that I had seen 100 times before, so I clicked on a video called “I was an alien killed on earth” – and from that moment on, my entire life was changed. There was not a shadow in my mind that this was real, that this being is telling it like it is and it was like taking a shower for the first time in 50 years. I was cleansing, fresh and I felt cleaned by it. It spoke directly, no bullshit vague romance shit and it was scary-as-hell-in-your-face and it was exactly matching that realization I had had about self-honesty – that the most important thing to do here, is to be 100 % self-honest. That is how you stop this fucking Paris wheel from spinning.
And what Desteni said, what no one ever had said to me in my entire life was: you are responsible for this. It is because of you and who and how you have allowed yourself to exist that the world is what it is, why you are who you are.
You are responsible.
And it was a shock, but it was also an experience of coming home – coming home to reality – for the first time in my entire life, there would be no more secrets, everything finally made sense, no more mysteries, no more myths or fairytales – all would be revealed – by and as myself.
That night I did not sleep. I watched maybe 40 Desteni videos and when my friends woke up, I felt completely and utterly transformed. On one hand it was like I had no ground under my feet and was floating above the ground, but on the other I felt grounded more so than ever before. And from there I started walking, watching the videos, reading the articles on the website and quickly joined the forum where I was introduced to Self-Forgiveness.
I started realizing that I COULD change myself, but that I had in fact prevented myself to – simply because I did not want to face myself, I was shit scared of facing myself after having been hiding from myself for so many years – and as such, because I did not take self-responsibility for myself, I could not change – because all I was, was a puppet, an organic robot, existing to feed the mind. So now I am walking the Desteni I Process, where I start understanding how I have created myself, so that I can stop, stand up and change – it is really THAT simple. The only catch is that we have to do it ourselves. No one can be Self-Honest for me.
The reason why I listened to Desteni was primarily because Sunette, who I at the time knew as “that blond girl”, constantly popped up on my screen. She was there and she would not go away and she would keep popping up until would Dare to listen. And that is what Desteni is here for. That is why we are Destonians. I am grateful for all the Destonians that have walked before me and that are Walking-with, making sure that the message gets out to all corners of the world, for all beings to have the opportunity to stand up and to get the support and assistance that we have been given and that we are giving each other on a daily basis.
We’ve got a story to tell and it is about all of us, you included and how we have separated ourselves to such an extent from ourselves, that we have created a reality for ourselves of utter brutality, evil and abuse. The mind, to which we have abdicated ourselves exist as an entire system of self-defense, defending that part of ourselves that is fear of losing – and that part will do, say, be, become, feel, kill, fuck anything and anyone to get what it want, because that is all it exists as, all it can ever be.
So it is up to us, to SEE ourselves, to DARE to LISTEN, to FACE ourselves – and to stand up within and as the self-responsibility that WE are the CREATORS of this WORLD, this reality and ourselves. And nothing will change or go away – until we change ourselves.
So if you dare to be self-honest, you can give not only yourself, but all of humanity a gift of a life-time. To change what is here once and for all.
At Desteni – we are going to be in your face, every day humanity, from here on out, until we stop, stand up and change.
We are going to keep popping up, until each and every single human being starts listening.
Because only when all walk together as equal, can we stand as One.
Walk with Desteni – We are not going to walk away.
My name is Anna Brix Thomsen and I am Destonian.