The following is based on Self-Realizations I had today – a day where I had to Push Self-Honesty out of – and into myself, so that I may Walk Here in Self-Honesty. It is about relationships and the transformation of the relationship between man and woman as the epitome of Separation, where we’ve bound ourselves and each other in knots – and so we’re Here releasing these knots, One by One – until no knots are left and we can Move Freely in Self-Expression as Equality.
It started with a sharp pain in my right elbow. What I do when such a specific point of pain emerges and also when the pain is continuous, is that I go and read about the specific point in The Structural Resonance Document
is a dictionary of the Mind Consciousness System’s infusion into and as the Human Physical Body and so each point within and on the body is “represented” and “representing” a specific point of Enslavement and Programming – which is the essence of what we have Allowed ourselves to be and become. Thus when a pain emerges, I can go and cross-reference with the Structural Resonance document to see what point I am assisting myself to sort out, through the Physical pain. In this case it was the elbow which represents “the Choice-System”.
Basically it is about how we as Human Beings existing within and as Mind Consciousness Systems, will walk a pre-programmed “path” and how an “alternative path” is inserted to provide the illusion that we have a choice and that when we walk our pre-programmed path, we are doing so by choice and by our own directive will. It is also explained within the document that these “choices” we make are connected to the relationships we walk in our world and how it is within and through these relationships, that we allow ourselves to remain enslaved and enslaving within and as the Mind.
So – I then ask myself: How do I believe that I am making choices? How do I believe that I am directing myself, when in fact I am being directed by and as the mind? How am I participating in relationships based on pre-programming? Why is this specific point being activated now? What were the thoughts that came before the activation of this pain point? How have I deceived myself into believing that there is an alternative path possible for me to walk?
At first I saw this in relation to my latest experiences in regards to sleep, where I have experienced that I choose to not get up and how I have been “trying to” will myself to get up. But if it is in relation to relationships, it is most definitely in relation to the Agreement I am walking and the changes that are now happening within my life because of it.
Last week we got an apartment and until that happened, I have been waiting for the Agreement to “fall apart”, been waiting for something to happen that would end it. It has both been within fear of losing the relationship (I call it relationship when I see that my starting-point within it is not Agreement, but relationship-based) – but also as a back-door, because there was something else that I preferred to do. Actually when I “weighed” (compared) the two “choices” against each other, I had to remind myself why I am walking this Agreement and what the possibilities are within it – actually as a motivation for myself to keep Walking.
There is no doubt that I am and have allowed myself to be pre-programmed to be in a relationship – and when I have looked at “the possibilities” within this specific relationship, it has actually been those preprogrammed desires that have “motivated” me – to some extend. To be a team, to have fun, to live side by side with someone, to have a house and a dog and perhaps children.
It is so fucking atrocious that we as Human Beings believe that such desires are original and “natural” and that we cannot see that we are merely following the programming like good little system-robots, programmed to reproduce ourselves.
The “alternative route” that I have imagined for myself I see within and as the desire to “go back to” the farm in SA, a desire that has been strong ever since I left.
Yesterday I talked with another Destonian about it and I shared how this desire is actually a desire for experiencing and living myself as I remember myself now, while I was on the farm. I also shared that I am in the process of re-establishing that point for myself, as myself.
If I look at it, I do not particularly want to be in this relationship – the desires within it are clearly “fictional/synthetic” wherein I can literally “feel” the pull towards this as “who I am supposed to be” – which is also what have made me suspicious towards it. I have actually hoped that this relationship would end, so that I could go back to SA, which is what I have experienced as “where I really want to be”. Why? Because I see the farm as special, as more than, as “the right place”, as where process accelerates, where “it all happens”. Yet – this is clearly a point of self-interest in separation, because I am not within this desire looking at what is Best for all in Common Sense Self-Honesty.
When I have been asked if my partner is the right one for me – I have wanted to say “no”. The “no” has been strongest within me and I have rationalized the “yes” based on seeing how it is actually supportive for me to be in this Agreement and how there is a possibility for us to Walk and Transcend within Walking this Agreement.
This is clearly a point of Self-Honesty, because I experience great resistance to writing about this and I have actually felt that I was compromising myself to fit into my pre-programming to be in this relationship – because it was “what I was supposed to do” – and so I have been exited about moving in together, about building the nest, about having sex but actually when I look at it for myself, I do not want to be in this relationship – it is the programming within and as me that do.
I have believed that I needed it to survive. What I want to do is to walk this process 100 % full on and I did not believe that I could do that in this relationship – Obviously, as I am Realizing – because that is what relationships are about. Which is exactly also WHY we are Walking Agreement in the first place – inserting a new program – a program of Life, into a Construct of Enslavement, to Transform it and ourselves from Robotic Zombies to Living Beings of Equality. I have thus believed that all my reasoning for being in this relationship was preprogrammed and dishonest – because that is what it has been up until now.
I believed that to be in a relationship, I must give up and compromise myself and I’ve believed that being on the farm, is the right thing to do because within that I am “choosing” myself and process over sex and relationships. I believed that to be in this relationship was a sign of weakness that I have not yet transcended the “need” for sex and being in a relationship to stand alone and that being on the farm represents the crossing of taking that step fully. Thus within this, I’ve conditioned my Walking and limited myself based on Self-Deception as Manipulation. Cool – It Stops Here. I Stop and I Start Here.
Alright – so this is actually what it comes down to: I’ve experienced and feared that being in this relationship is compromising myself. So – where does the elbow come in? Why is it triggered or activated now?
The elbow point is revealing the belief that there is a choice – and that is created through the illusion of an alternative route. So basically I’ve been in this relationship because that is what I am programmed to do and the farm thus represents the illusion of an alternative route through which I believe that I am choosing to be in this relationship. Thus I Simply Change my starting-point – Look at Common Sense. Look with and as Common Sense – Look at Practicality. Look at – and Stand by what is in Fact best for all.
My desire to be on the farm is a desire to live in a specific way, with specific people and experience myself a specific way = special, conditioned and based on made-up-memories. “The good old times” – Such bullshit.
I have already clarified for myself that this is possible anywhere. The difference is that with the farm, heaven on earth, to a certain extend, is already created – while here, I have to Create it myself, I have to Create myself.
I’ve seen this relationship as “the second best choice” and felt trapped within the preprogrammed desire for sex and relationship. But how is the desire to be on the farm any different? To be in a loving family, a beautiful house with animals and birds singing – sort of thing. To experience myself at peace.
The first self-dishonesty and compromise of what is best for all is to submit myself to the belief that there is and that I have a choice. It is luxurious really to even be able to believe that there is a choice. The question thus is: where, as who, how – am I best for me? Where, as who, how – am I what is Best for all?
There is also a point within this, where my partner does not “fulfill my ideal” of how a relationship should be – because he is focusing on his own walking and not “with me” according to my pre-programmed fantasies about what a relationship should be like.
I’ve experienced my partner as immature, secretive and not supporting – yet these are smoke-screens and excuses of fear. And they are clearly indicating the desire for “the man” to take responsibility – which means refusing to stand at the position that I am capable and able of standing within and as. It is not up to him to support me or carry me – and by believing that I require a man’s support and care, I have diminished and enslaved myself to the exact system that I am preprogrammed to submit myself to.
However this is a bunch of utter crap, because what he is doing within walking his own process and not “mixing us together” – is actually the most assistance he could possible “provide” – because it “leaves me” with no where else to go but to myself. It Supports and Pushes me to Stand up within and as myself. So – I – within having submitted myself to pre-programming and choice, am my own only obstacle.
I am in the most fortunate position possible – and it is time that I embrace that in humbleness, determination and dedication. I’ve feared that I am not able to support my partner, that I have nothing to “offer” him. I’ve feared that the relationship will fall and break apart and that it will be because of my inadequacies. That is how I experienced the fall of my previous relationship. And it was. Because it was only when that relationship ended that I was able to “Stand up” alone – even for a moment. However I was not standing up alone – I was “standing up” with the support of “an army” – that is how it feels like – I was literally carried or supported like with someone placing pillars behind my back or with strings through my body – because otherwise I would have collapsed like a sack of meat. And this is what I have desired to “get back to” – this is what have been “missing” from my relationship. A strong many that will carry me. And within submitting myself to that desire – I have abdicated myself as power, as strength, as Self-Will and I have denounced my own Authority to Stand firm within and as myself.
What I have started realizing lately within walking an Agreement is that all discrepancies are originated in and as Fear – and that it is within accepting myself in and as fear as the Starting-Point of and as myself, that I have allowed discord or discrepancy to manifest. It is quite a fuck-up that Fear is the basis for spite and judgment and blame and resentment and anger, all these abusive actions as Living-Words – not realizing that the starting-point was fear all along and that All I “had to do” – was to Face the Fear in Self-Honesty, Realizing that I’ve been holding onto something that was/is not even real and that “all I have to do” – is to let go and Allow myself to be Vulnerable.
Who the fuck cares where I am or who I am with or what I do? All that matters is that we walk, work and push for what is best for all. Which is: to re-educate ourselves to Self-Honesty. To stop the Mind. To Support all as one as Equal as Life to Stand up. To place ourselves within the system in positions where we are able to make a difference. To create openings for people to be able to walk with. Being on the farm, is my own little fantasy of self-interest. And what I desire – is to Stand firm within myself. How I am best for all – is to stand firm within myself as the Living proof of and as this Process.
Why do I walk this Agreement? Because it is supporting me to stand up within myself. Because we must Transform all current Directives – all Directives that are currently in control of Man, to Living Directives of What is Best for All – and within this the foundation of relationships is one of the most basic forms of Enslavement and Separation. Because I am not clear in relation to sex and I require myself to live this point out and through, to Walk myself to Self-Honesty and Equality – with a partner that is walking the same Process. Because we can call ourselves out in the Face of another and Support each other as Ourselves to Live and Walk what is Best for All.
Alright – this Ends Here. I am Here to Walk – to Stand up and Stop – so that we can Bring a New World to Life.
Join The Desteni I Process to Walk Ourselves to Self-Honesty and to End all Self-Compromise and Submission to Pre-Programmed Fears and Desires
By our own Hands in Writing and by our own Feet we Walk, Step by Step, Breath by Breath