We were on a field on the Desteni farm, everyone was there. I had a mango in my hand and fed it to a seagull. In the moment of throwing it to the seagull I thought about the seed inside the mango and if I should have not thrown the mango to the bird. In that moment the bird broke its beak on the mango and the image of the bird with the broken beak was horrific, similar to seeing a very violent and graphic scene in a movie – I was in absolute shock and immediately felt extensive guilt and shame for having been inconsiderate. E came and said that now we had to take the bird in so that we could support it because it would not be able to take care of itself. I was seeing all these pieces of beak lying on the ground and in desperation suggested/thought that we could glue it back together onto the birds beak. E was clearly irritated with me and expressed that I was no help (in my state). I felt useless and worthless and inferior in that moment. E told me to go and get seeds so that we could catch the bird. I went to get seeds (here the dream diverted into another point that I will not add here as it is not relevant for this specific context) in my room and when I got there, I could not find the right seeds. I had lots of seeds but I could not find the right ones that E had asked me to get. I looked and looked and in the end decided to take a mix of seeds that could work. (I heard B and M talk in the background about seeds and that when we came home from the farm that we should plant seeds and that this was our responsibility and what was best for all – I experienced them as strict and the planting of seeds as an obligation with pressure and that I would probably not do it. I thought to myself that I had planted seeds last time I went home from the farm but they plants died. When I came back to E, she said that a night had passed while I was gone and the bird had died because it was left alone with the wild animals.
I very often dream about animals and they represent Life, Process, Innocence and Purity to me, both in my daily life and in dreams. The seagull is a specific symbol because I have connected an energetic relationship to them. Everyday I see them flying outside my house, playing with the wind, expressing themselves in freedom – is what I see. Furthermore the dream is not about something literal, but is revealing a specific interpretation of and relationship with reality and myself that I have created and living in, in and as the mind. So the first point is the polarity of animals as Innocence that I experience and believe myself to be Separate and Excluded from – the next point is how I see/experience/accept myself within and in relation to this perception. First there is my perception of Process of Life as Innocence (in this specific case) – and also as a polarity to that, as my Responsibility, as vulnerable as weak – then there is the desire to feed/support this Point, wherein I rush and do not Consider all relevant Points with the result that I Break/Fall within and lose Innocence – to this I react within fear/shame/guilt/inferiority and self-judgment and Allow this to Direct me to try to fix what is apparently “broken” – I Accept myself as completely inferior to the Self-Judgment and thus it becomes the Directive Principle that “shows me” how to fix the situation. Then I have to go get the seeds, which Viktor and I had a long discussion about and which I still do not see clearly what represents. We talked about knowledge and information or opportunity. I could also be the tools of Process that we utilize to Bring ourselves Back to Innocence. I then cannot find the right tools – because my Starting-Point is based on guilt and fear and my Direction is based on Self-Judgment – Then there is the middle-segment where I confirm my worthlessness and Acceptance thereof (again through seeing everything through self-judgment) I comparison with how I believe I should be, but am not, as strict honor that I perceive as a pressure of obligation to “plant the seeds” – (This is referring to my perception of myself since I returned from the farm. And the point of the dream being located on the farm itself is another layer of the same – seeing the farm as Innocence of Life as Process – as broken that I have to fix.) In the last part of the dream, time has passed and there is manifested consequence – my Innocence has been killed (because it could not protect or support itself and was thus also to a certain extend seen as vulnerable as weak) due to my negligence, uselessness and inability to find the right tools to fix what I had broken. The bird had died – Instead of Living Innocence Here Realizing that Innocence is Here, I went into Personality to “fix” innocence – and while doing so, “killed” myself as Innocence.
After that I looked at how I could correct the dream to Common Sense and what is Best for All. The first Point I saw is that it is unrealistic for a bird to break its beak on a mango-seed – therefore the creation of this element in the dream was made out of fear as fuzzy logic of the mind in and instant reaction to having been inconsiderate in feeding the bird something that might be harmful to it.
So I have reacted to my own inconsideration instead of simply correcting it and through that have created an unnecessary process in order to fix myself and through that a manifested consequence.
The entire segment with the actual breaking of the beak was all about fear/panic and then guilt and shame. Thereafter what I also saw that I could have done is stop myself in the moment of wanting to feed the bird, and if the mango seed would in deed have been harmful, I could have cut the seed out and simply fed the bird the rest. Thereby the rest of the dream would be irrelevant and thus reveals that the rest of the dream was a reaction to the first segment, in relation to trying to fix what I had broken and how I reacted towards myself within this.
- I do not need to feed innocence as something Separate from me or inferior to me as weak – I can simply Share myself as Innocence in Self-Support and Self-Care.
- Innocence is not fragile and cannot be broken, lost or falling – however self-abuse is possible within acting within inconsideration of the consequences of One’s actions.
- I Allow myself to Stop in the Moment and take All into Consideration and Care and Act according to what is Best for All within the Moment.
- When I do make a mistake, I Allow myself to Stop, Forgive and Place the required practical Correction. I make mistakes so that I can fully understand how to Act according to what is Best for All in Every Moment.
- I cannot fix myself with Self-judgment as Self-Judgment is me against myself and not in Support of myself
- Self-Judgment is not the Directive Principle of me and is not an Superior Authority of me. I am not Inferior to Self-Judgment, as I can Direct myself in Common Sense Consideration of what is Best for All in the Moment.
- If I allow myself to be Directed by and as Self-Judgment, I am Lost in a mind-created one dimensional reality of Fear and I create unnecessary Processes for myself to walk through to get to a Point of Self-Correction. When I am Here in and as the Physical in Equality, I am able to see what is Best for me and what is Best for Everyone Here.