Having Accepted and Allowed Ourselves to exist within and as Self- Enslavement, within and as Self-Limitation and Self-Deception, it is no wonder that it takes some getting used to doing things differently. It is important to have a balance of sorts, where it does not become an excuse to be patient, but where I also do not pressure myself. Because that it is what have happened in the past and I can see how that has not been assisting at all, because within it, I have gone from one extreme point of energy to another. I am seeing more and more how I have limited myself and how I have boxed myself in and as a box, but what is important right now, is how I have and how I will sort this out. Because one of the prominent ways I have reacted towards myself, when I see a point of self-dishonesty, of self-limitation, is to judge myself, feel bad about it and then get lost in that experience and basically allow things to continue the way it is, instead of saying; “Hey – what is going on here?”.

So this is, along with focusing on Breathing, on Self-Support and on Structuring myself to Stability and Consistency, what I will work with for the next while. This means that when I see something, that I immediately take the point to Self-Support, that I do not take it personally or react to what I see. Okay here is a practical example, because I am actually having an experience now that is projected towards Viktor: I fear that Viktor is angry at me and that he will reject and leave me because I did something bad (reacted). So the way that I would usually react to such an experience is by either going with it, which I also have been about to do here now, which is to either reject back, wanting to leave as spite or to make him happy again by trying to be more – the other option is to be angry, ashamed and judge myself that I have even allowed myself to create/accept such an experience which is a very typical reaction that spins and spins. So what I have to do instead is to stop up as soon as something “changes me”, that I am no longer Directing myself in the Moment (in the beginning it might be all the time) – and then the Point is to be able to investigate what is going on, without any form of reaction or suppression. At this stage this is best done through writing or speaking out loud. Okay so what happens now that I am looking at the point and which is also quite a common experience is that I experience that I see way too much. So at that moment I am seeing that there is lots of points in this point and that there are other points as well and the general overall experience is that of feeling overwhelmed. Then there is also the point, which I just realized that maybe Viktor is for example experiencing a point of depression or whatever – it is not really relevant in this context, but what is relevant is that if that is so, then I have taken a point in another of allowed self-possession into and as energy, have validated it as real for myself and even reacted to it by taking it personally. What is uncool about that is that then I am not able to Support another and might be creating points and problems where there aren’t any to begin with. So if I look at this experience in and through Common Sense, this is what happened. But what also happened, was that I exposed a point of “weakness” to myself within the experience firstly of feeling ashamed that I have reacted and that I did not direct myself in the moment of reaction, next is the belief that this signifies that I am not good enough, next that I have made myself dependent on the relationship – who cares if I am good enough for myself? That is not even a consideration. So there is the belief that it is bad to react and that I am dependent on being in a relationship to exist and that the relationship is dependent on me being good. What I require of myself in such a moment is to check whether or not I am having an experience, if I am not having an experience, it might be the other and then I can either assist them or leave them be to sort themselves out, depending on what is required and relevant in the moment. The other points, this with relationships and how I have reacted to Viktor, what I see is that it requires to be released through self-forgiveness and through practically walking through it in the moment.

I have been visiting Viktor the last couple of days and while I have been here, I have not taken a shit once. This is something that has often happened, when I’ve been out or together with other people – I see it as a point of self-compromise and fear, holding on instead of letting go. I decided to go and see Viktor in a moment after having had two weeks of giving up and saw it would be assisting to change my environment. This is had been in deed, but it has now taken me three days to sit down and write and apply self-forgiveness. And within the first ten minutes of writing self-forgivingness, the release of the shit is on its way. I also stopped smoking now 5 days ago. The first two days it was not so bad, maybe it was the newness of it, but yesterday and today has been quite intense, the emotional reactions I do not experience directly in relation to stopping smoking, but the physical uncomfortability, sweating, freezing and wanting to sleep however does. It is interesting to be around Viktor – it is quite comfortable, yet a lot of reactions also come up the whole time. I have also noticed an interesting reaction to Viktor’s room mate that I’d like to take on here – this is all based on perception: she is one of those women/girls/people who move around in specificity and perfection. I noticed that I was reacting to it/her, even though I was not in the same room with her, but could only hear her moving around. What I realized is that when she makes food or tea, she does it slowly, enjoying herself because she is doing it to support herself, it is a moment of self-enjoyment. And I reacted to that, basically in jealousy, because that is what I have not allowed myself to live. So this is what I’d like to push myself to live: specificity, self-support and self-enjoyment in the moment of participating in my world and reality, meaning whether I walk, talk, eat or sleep.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, perceive, experience and accept myself to be worthless and inadequate

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that what I experience is real

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, perceive and accept that I am not able to stop and change my experience of and as myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be and become consumed and possessed by, as and in emotion

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I cannot stop emotional experiences

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to give in and give up to and as the mind and within that give up on myself as Life

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to participate in and experience anger towards myself for having participated within and as the mind as energy, reactions, emotions and thoughts

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to participate in and experience shame towards myself for having participated within and as the mind as energy, reactions, emotions and thoughts

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, judge and accept myself as bad for having participated within and as the mind as energy, reactions, emotions and thoughts

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to give up on myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to not be willing to Push through and Change myself and for within that having created an experience of and as myself of resistance and reaction

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that this was all about me giving in/giving up on myself and not about any of the experiences in themselves being real

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate within and as shame towards myself for having believed, experienced and accepted emotional experiences as real

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to project my own experience of and as myself onto another and within that believe that what I see and perceive the others as, is real, when in fact all I am seeing is my own projection

I Forgive myself that I have  not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that the experience I have had of and as myself of worthlessness and inadequate is not real, but in fact experiences that I have created and allowed myself to participate within and as, as real, in and as having allowed myself to give in and give up on myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, fear, experience and accept that I will never be able to stop experiencing myself as I experience myself now, when in fact I have proven to myself that it is possible to stop any and all experiences of and as self and when I know that no matter what I experience, I have created it myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive and manipulate myself into believing that I cannot change how I experience myself and that how I experience myself, is who I really am

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to change my experience of and as myself, through Breathing, Forgiving myself, writing and Supporting myself in Common Sense and Self-Honesty

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to give in and up to an experience of Process as being overwhelming

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that I have created my own experience of myself and instead having believed that my experience of myself is what is creating me

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that I am Responsible for everything I experience and participate within and as

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abdicate and deny self-responsibility within and as the experience of myself as worthless and inadequate thus having justified and validated to myself, why I am not capable of taking full self-responsibility

TILL HERE NO FURTHER – I STAND HERE BEFORE MYSELF – I STAND UP

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to be silent and still

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself believe that I would experience panic and fear where I to be silent and still, when in fact I find myself in the silence and stillness as stability and self-intimacy

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to discipline myself to not participate whatsoever in thoughts and emotions and instead having allowed myself to be directed by and as thoughts and emotions

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to exist as energy and emotion only

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel guilty for not having posted a blog in over a week

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel obligated towards the community for writing and posting blogs and vlogs, when in fact I am doing this for myself and not in Separation with or as anyone or anything

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be influenced by and define myself according to another’s experience, judgment, definition, perception of me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to allow who I am to be determined, directed and defined by, as and through the mind as thoughts, emotions, reactions and memories

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deny myself as strength, power, decisiveness and self-direction

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to remain within and as an experience of being weak and worthless, instead of stopping and realizing that this is not who I am

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that I am all as one as equal as life and that my experience of and as myself as a separate entity is who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as and that I am here to Amalgamate myself and bring myself back to Earth and to Life as Self-Expression

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to manipulate and deceive myself into defining, experiencing, perceiving and accepting myself as weak and unable to change or stand up

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to allow this experience of and as myself as weak and inadequate to accumulate into a full blown state of possession, where I have locked myself down and into

1.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to project my own self-created and self-accepted experience onto Viktor within and as believing that it is Viktor who is experiencing or doing this to me and thus abdicating self-responsibility and power of who and what I experience myself within and as

2.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to participate within and experience fear that Viktor will leave and reject me if I am not good enough, which specifically means if I do not please him and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept myself as inherently inferior in relationships  and I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself inferior to relationships by seeing, defining, experiencing and accepting the relationship as more than me

3.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to take another’s experience of and as themselves personally, believing that I am responsible for and the source of their experience of and as themselves and I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that another is responsible for and the sources of my experience of and as myself

4.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself dependent on another’s experience of and response to me, thus having defined myself according to the interpretation that I have made of another’s experience of and response to me

5.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define, experience, perceive and accept myself through, in and as self-judgment  and for having believed that who I have seen and experienced myself as through, in and as in and as self-judgment is who I really am

6.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be influenced by and define myself according to another’s experience of and as themselves and how they respond to me

7.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience and define another’s experience and response to and as me, as defining for who I am

8.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself according to outside, external and separated influences instead of remaining here within and as Breath, in and as Simplicity as Who I am Here

9.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I must fix and change another’s experience of and as themselves, so that I can feel better about myself

10.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to limit and restrain myself to defining myself according to outside, separate influences instead of Allowing myself to remain Here, comfortable with and as myself

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