I am Responsible for who and What I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be and become. What ever I experience is always experienced through my permission.

Information in relation to the Primary Point within this Point: “quickly” – the only relation I have to this word, is that I experience myself as quickly within the point of fear of being vulnerable – being quick in movements, points and speaking, I have “managed” myself in my Reality. This is also something I have Applied within the chats with Viktor, in experiencing uncomfortability.

Next word is “quality” – this I relate to my experience of wanting to give the chats quality and purpose, having experienced them often as pointless and that I must direct them, which I have identified as another strategy and justification from Facing myself within the experience of uncomfortability – that is Actually me transcending the fear of Self-Intimacy and Vulnerability. So both of these words pertain to the strategy of self-defense in which I have approached the chat, but none of them gives any explanation to the pattern itself – however it is cool to identify these as flag points, to not Allow myself to go into in the Communication with Viktor through this Justification. Next word Osho card “Guidance” – how I see this is multi-facetted, because it is both in relation to Self-Trust and Self-Guidance as well as perceptions about guidance within agreements, beliefs about Viktor and the desire to be guided by another in me – here it is specifically in relation to the last one.

Okay so within my relationships I have found a point in the other, to which I have placed a belief that they could and should guide me, that I am apparently not able (or willing) to guide myself. And then what has happened is that in the specific relationship, I have not seen that this is a pattern, that I have placed a point of Responsibility outside, Separate from me, with the other. In this case it is the belief that Viktor is “more Self-Honest”, “more effective” – and within me a inner conflict arises, which I have then projected onto Viktor, because in this abdication I am “forced” to doubt my own Self-Honesty, “forced” to believe that the other is by implication “right” or “better” and then blamed them for “forcing” this on me – I see how I have done this in all my relationships – and this is obviously something I have created and Allowed as my Starting-Point – and that I am Self-Responsible for Correcting.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to through having Abdicated self-guidance, self-honesty and self-directive and self-responsibility, have projected these onto the person I was in a relationship with, wanting and expecting the other to “be responsible, honest, directive and guiding”, while at the same time projecting blame onto them for having “stripped” me of my self-directive power

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to validate and justify for myself that it is the other who is or should more responsible, more directive, more honest, through presenting, perceiving, accepting, justifying and manipulating myself as “less than” the other, thus having perceived and accepted the other as “more than me”, to abdicate self-responsibility

This is not Acceptable and I will not Allow myself to Abdicate Self-Responsibility or Allow myself to project anger or frustration onto another

I am Self-Responsible – I am Self-Directive – I am Self-Honest – I Live Self-Responsibly – I Live Self-Directive – I Live Self-Honestly

In relation to the past I see two important points that I have actually never written about, which is quite fascinating because they are so prominent. One is about my mother and her inability to take Responsibility for me as well as for herself, experiences where she “betrayed” me, gave up on me. I see how I want to write about this superficially, so I will go more deeply into these experiences, because there is clearly a connection.

Before that there is another Point which is my father, who died when I was 7, who, from when I was 4, was emitted in a psychiatric ward and who I, before that, adored immensely – I actually adored him even after that, but there was very little memories connected to it, it was mostly myths and ideas and emotional attachments to the idea of “my father”. I missed him for many years – my mother also Impulsed this by adoring him as well, and by saying that if he had been here, he would have understood me and known what to do with me. have recently seen that one of the reasons why she portrayed him as a “hero” like a figure from a fairytale was partly for my sake and partly to distance herself from the experiences with him. Over the last few years however, she has opened more up for how it was actually like to live with him. I have also read letters between them, that clearly shows how he was in control in the relationship and also abused her – and also specifically, that it was based on sex and “high-Minded” ideas. He was her hero, he saved her from herself and from a life as a housewife. So I have dreamt about him coming to save me, that maybe he was not really dead, wishing I could talk to him, believing that he would be the only one that would be able to understand me, believing myself to be following in his foot steps of being a “genius” (also supported by my mother) – I even, at some point, where I experienced myself completely disconnected from Reality, talked to him “inside”, wishing that he could hear me, that he still existed somewhere and that the part of me that was “him” was in contact with him.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame my mother for having impulsed the belief, experience, definition and acceptance of my father in me that he was a hero, that he was the only one who would have understood me, thus believing that no one would ever understand me and in this creating a desire in me for my father – instead of taking self-responsibility for having created an image of my father as a hero, to cope with how I experienced myself in and as my reality and within and as creating a polarity relationship towards my father and mother, wherein I adored my father and resented my mother

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that my father would be able to save me from how I experienced myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an image of my father as a hero, because I did not want to face the reality of how it was to live with him and how he experienced himself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to separate myself from myself here, through fantasizing and dreaming about my father and defining myself as “like him” and within this separating myself from my mother, in actually separating myself from my own experience of myself as a child

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fantasize about being rescued by my father, from my experience of and as myself as a child

Later I started fantasizing about being rescued by a boy of my imagination or virtual boys that I saw as “pure” – sort of like the prince from the Disney movies in my own reenactment, clean, good, honest, trustworthy – a hero. This has definitely come from this whole story about my father. What is fascinating about this specific story, is that I have very little actual memories of him and thus his influence on me, is mostly DNA based or a product of my imagination of him. I do remember that I adored him and I did not understand why we had to leave him. I did not understand what happened to him – it was a void and it has been a void ever since, which is why I have never opened up this point. I see now that it was a diversion tactic – pretending like there was nothing there.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create a point as a “void” within the mind towards my father and how this has influenced me and in this having suppressed and denied for myself that there was anything, that I was required to look at in regards to my experiences towards my father and the images and ideals of him that I allowed myself to create

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear facing the reality of my father, that he was miserable and abusive and instead having created an ideal image of him, which I refused to let go of and thus suppressed within myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be rescued and saved from my experience of myself in and as my reality by a boy that I in the mind depicted as a hero, based on the desire to be saved by my father and the abdication of Self-Responsibility and Self-Direction

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear that I would be manic depressive, bi-polar and crazy like my father and then having suppressed this fear and refusing to face myself within and as it

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, fear and accept myself as a product of my parents

There are three matters of influence of my father that I see as being relevant: 1. His borderline/manic depression condition, which most likely has a lot to do with how I have been charged energetically, 2. The experiences with him when I was an infant and a toddler, which I do not remember consciously, but which my mother has explained as violent and unstable – so that is not necessarily directly about him, but more about being born into an unstable, highly energetically charged and violent environment, as well as the ideas created based on my mother speaking about this and 3. The myths and imaginations about my father that I have created for myself and which my mother also have Impulsed in me: as he was her hero, he became my hero, but as a void, that I could never reach. (I see within this writing, how I have created myself through this story as special, being proud of having had a special, unusual life, actually disconnecting myself from the experiences)

I also see that in my partners, what I have chased has thus not been the image of my father, because the memories were too vague to create an image from – thus I have created this from my mother’s and my own interpretation of my father. He was:  “a genius”, “crazy in a good way”, “boundless”, he “protected” and “saved” my mother, “intense”, “intelligent”, “brutal”, “creative”, “loving”, “naughty”, “world savior”, “philosopher” – as I am looking at these I actually see that this is more how I have defined and wanting to become myself, rather than having sought this is my partners.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to within and as the mind, having created an image and ideal of my father as being “a genius”, “crazy in a good way”, “boundless”, he “protected” and “saved” my mother, “intense”, “intelligent”, “brutal”, “creative”, “loving”, “naughty”, “world savior”, “philosopher” and within this having defined myself accordingly in the belief that I was “like him”, without taking his actual experience of himself into consideration

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself accordingly to a polarity within and as the mind, where I saw, experienced, believed and accepted that my “good qualities” came from my father and my “bad qualities” cam from my mother, when in fact I did this to Separate myself from my actual experience of myself, that I had within living together with my mother

So it is like a mix here, not completely directly –  what I have sought in my partners, was more what I felt as lost in my relationship with my father: someone who accepts me, someone who understands me fully, someone who will be there for me, stable, honest, caring – so what I see is this trying to redeem this relationship, finding what I believed to be missed in not having a father, I sought in a relationship –which explains this heightened level of wanting them to be the Responsible ones, of being disappointed when they are not, unconsciously reacting as: “this is not how a father is supposed to be”. They have also generally been musicians and creative as well as in some way or another “standing out from society”, having visions or ideas about the world, that fits the idea of a “genius” – I have however mostly been disappointed. Another funny thing is that I have been listening to Leonard Cohen – lately it is some of the only music I have wanted to listen to. I remember my mother once telling me that my dad loved Leonard Cohen and after that I decided to start listening to him – so Leonard Cohen is a connection to my father, the soft, deep voice. And al though I do not consciously experience any connection to my father, it is definitely there the connection was made. This is primarily what I see in relation to my father – obviously later my mothers boyfriends only added to the glorification of my father and the desire for him to come and save me.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire and seek that in my partners that I believed was lacking in and as me, because of my father having died and within this not realizing that I had abdicated these points from and as myself through having believed that it was “lost” when my father died and thus having abdicated and separated myself from myself as stable, caring, honest, self-reliant, self-directive thus believing that I could only regain this by being in a relationship wherein the other would give me what I believed I had lost

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I have lost something, that I was lacking something, because I did not have a father, based on having created ideal images of my father in relation to me and my definition of myself, that was then “lost” when he died, when in fact it was ideas that I had created in and as the mind, through believing and accepting myself to be the mind

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience and accept that children who does not have a mother or a father is “missing” or “lacking”, when in fact this belief in itself is what manifests this as “real” as that it is a projection and separation from and as a perceived “self-loss” and “self-lack” manifested through and as the parent-child relationship

In relation to my mother, one thing comes up firstly and that is a chat I had with the Resonances where I told them about an experience I had as a child, where I had to support my mother to get us home on a Christmas eve because she was drunk and the Resonances saying that I had to take Responsibility at a very early age. So basically this experience is that I remember the world not being safe, my world not being safe, that there was no one I could trust, not even my mother. The only one I could trust was my grandmother, who was my fathers mother. (I also see in this a point of Self-Victimization and Martyrism  (mature vampirism) as “poor little me”)

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel sorry for myself, within the experience and definition of myself as “poor little me” and “having no one to care for me” and for having energized myself through and as this self-definition and actually having diminished myself through it

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, believe, define and accept myself as “special” and “more” based on having had to take Responsibility from an early age and in this having seen and defined myself as a martyr, as a victim, instead of facing myself within and as the actual experience of myself as a child and how that has influenced me, so that I can release myself from any and all self-definitions and energetic relationships with memories and self-definitions based on these memories

My first memory of my mother in this perspective is when we moved from my father and she was depressed and hated her work. I don’t remember any conscious thoughts about this, more like a “mood” or an atmosphere of “apathy” and “hopelessness” that sort of seeped into me.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define my experience of and as myself in and as this reality according to how my mother experienced myself and thus having blamed her for how I experienced myself

I remember however making a bird in paper to my mother, telling her that whenever she was sad, she should look at it and be happy – it was called the “be happy” bird and she stills has it, so obviously it made a major impact on me that she was so depressed.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself having created a energetic relationship towards the memory of the “be happy” bird and within that having seen and defined myself as a martyr and as brave

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an energetic relationship within and towards the memory of myself as a child towards which I have felt sorry for myself and at the same time felt brave and strong in being able to take care of my mother and make her happy

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to make my mother happy, to change my experience of myself according to how she experienced herself, instead of realizing that I am not defined by another’s experience of and as themselves and that my mother’s experience was not real, but based on how she had experienced, defined and accepted herself

We also had little money and she was very worried about money. The next memory is of my mother telling me as a side note (several times) that she is going travelling tomorrow or in a couple of days and that I will be staying with this or that person. I remember experiencing anger towards this and feeling powerless in not having a choice. I also experienced myself rejected by her.

Next memory is (several times) where my mother got some money and promised me a bicycle or something and then spending the money herself. She also hated going to my school and to the school plays and stuff like this, which made me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame my mother for leaving me, for not caring about me, for caring more about herself and within and through an energetic relationship towards this memory, having defined myself as “rejected”, “betrayed”, “mistreated” and “a victim”

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an energetic relationship towards the memory of my mother going travelling without me and the experience that she left me with random strangers and within and through this having defined myself within and as blame towards my mother and self-pity within and towards myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself according to an energetic relationship towards the memory of being “mistreated” and “unjustly treated” by my mother and for within that, having judged, blamed and resented her for my experience of and as myself, instead of taking Self-Responsibility for how I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and define myself according to memories of my childhood and my relationship with my mother

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to limit and enslave myself, through having defined, accepted and experienced myself towards and in an energetic relationship towards and with memories of myself as a child, wherein I have seen, experienced, justified and accepted myself as “Powerless”, as “a victim”, as “unjustly treated”

I remember her speaking about her experiences very openly and I remember being proud of being able to participate in grown up conversations, but as I look back on it now, it has installed in me this seriousness and not Allowing myself to be a child.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be proud of being able to participate in and listen to grown up conversations about sex, money, relationships and emotions

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be “tough” and “untouchable” and for having believed that if I suppressed my fear and experience of myself, I would become “in control” of and as myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire rather to be an adult than to be a child, based on the experience of and as myself as a child as “powerless” and “not worthy” and thus believing that the only way I could gain “power” and “worth”, where to become an adult and suppress and deny my experience of and as myself as a child

(here my left eye has been twitching and after writing this sentence, I rubbed my eye and it was painful and very dry – I take this as there is something that I am not seeing)

(I had a break in writing here – doing some other things where one of them being my mother calling me on the phone. I usually do not enjoy speaking with her and today I picked up the phone and spoke about what I have been doing, going to the chiropractor. I was anticipating that she would “blow it out of proportion” and within this, I still experience that I must fend off this and so I reply “no it’s not a problem, don’t worry” – In this I see that I have still participated instead of Actually Living what I see is Common Sense. Then another point that also occurs which is one of the main reasons why I do not contact my mother or enjoy speaking with her, is when she says stuff like she misses me or loves me. I do not have a reply for that, but I still experience myself uncomfortable in not replying, which is all I can see that I can do. In the end she called me “my own” which is this Danish expression for “my loved one” – but it is quite a fucked up expression disguised as “love” – and this seems to be the essence of my hesitance to speak up or not speak and reply to my mothers words – that I “owe” her or even that I am to some degree, owned by her. I am not going to look into this in depth right now as I am busy with the other Points and do not want to Digress, but it is quite relevant in the entirety of my relationship with my mother and the general relationship between parents and children. I still experience fear of hurting her feelings, of her feeling lonely or left by me and I see how this actually correlates to the point I am writing about here, which is an aspect of it that I have not yet written about here – me feeling, experiencing, accepting and believing that I am responsible for my mother’s experience of herself and her being responsible for my experience of myself. Okay – I will pick this up.)

I wanted her to guide me, but experience her as being unable to, that she was the child and I was the reasonable one.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience and accept myself as responsible for my mother, for her experience of and as herself, within seeing, defining, experiencing and accepting her as unable to take care or responsibility for me or herself – within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define, see, experience, accept and judge myself as “strong”, “capable” and “superior” towards my mother and seeing, judging, defining, accepting and experiencing my mother as “weak”, “incapable” and “inferior”, through validating her experience of herself as real, and defining myself as “opposite” within Separating myself from the experience, judgment, definition and acceptance of myself as  “weak”, “incapable” and “inferior”

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, define, believe and accept that I am responsible for my mother’s experience of and as herself and thus that I am to blame if she experiences loneliness or inferiority  – within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself having created and accepted within and as myself a manipulating personality based on self-victimization through which I have manipulated others to feel responsible for me, give me attention and validate me as I wanted to be seen as well as a way of getting what I wanted

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, justify and accept my mother as Responsible for how I experience myself

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to take Self-Responsibility and to Stand within and as Common Sense as What is Best for All, when I communicate with my mother and instead having allowed myself to be manipulated and directed by the belief that I am responsible for my mother’s experience of herself and thus “owe” her to validate her, so that she does not feel bad about herself, so that I can feel good about myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be directed by fear of making my mother uncomfortable, fearful or sad and within believing, accepting and experiencing that I am responsible for my mother’s experience of herself as sad, fearful or uncomfortable, thus believing that I am “bad” if my mother feels sad, fearful or uncomfortable and thus having validated her so that I would feel better about myself and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to enslave myself within the acceptance of myself within the relationship with my mother, as responsible for her experience of herself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience and accept that my mother is incapable of taking self-responsibility, within defining, seeing, validating and accepting her experience of herself as “weak” as real, thus believing, experiencing and accepting myself as “strong” and thus able and capable of taking responsibility for my mother – and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to enslave myself within and as a personality, wherein I have accepted and honored myself as responsible for my mother’s experience of and as herself and thus having submitted myself to always validate my mother so that she will not feel bad about herself.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, believe, limit, define, justify and accept myself as being “owned” by my mother

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept my mother’s “love” for me as Real, when in fact it is not Real and is based on the validation of both of us so that we can feel better about ourselves and not have to Face who and what we have Accepted and Allowed ourselves to Participate within and as – thus being a relationship of self-deception and manipulation

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to enslave, limit and condition myself as being “owned” and “owing” my mother “love” in return for what she has “given” me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Resist letting go of the belief and acceptance of myself as Responsible for my mother, because I within that had created a personality that I liked to identify and define myself within and as – instead of realizing that none of this has been real and that I within this have accepted myself to be manipulated, manipulating, deceived and self-deceptive within and as believing the “love” between a mother and a child to be real as something that I was not allowed or could not delete – I Here state that I Delete the Relationship based on Manipulation, Guilt and Ego towards and with my mother, within and as the Mind, as who I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be and become. I do not Accept myself to Compromise myself to make me or my mother feel better about ourselves. We are Equally to Face Ourselves within and as what we have Accepted and Allowed Ourselves to be and become. My mother is Self-Responsible, whether or not she like it and whether or not she believes that she is able to or not – I am Responsible for me – and I do not Accept myself to believe that I am not capable or able to take Responsibility for and as me, because within this I have Allowed myself to Deceive and Abdicate Self-Responsibility and Accept myself as Powerless within and as the Mind.

Another memory: when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer I freaked out and believed that now I was supposed to take care of her, even took an honor in this, and then she, for the first time in my life, told me that she could handle herself. I remember a huge relief and a renewed respect for her.

(I see here a slight point of blame towards my mother and also again the point of self-victimization, thinking: “but I was only a child – how could she do this to me” – obviously in this not Considering all the dimensions and how it is like to leave a husband because he is too mentally ill to be with and is hurting himself and being a person in this Reality not having ever learned how to Support Oneself – this is Actually a cool perspective, because it also shows how I have defined myself according to this memory of myself as “vulnerable” and “victimized”.)

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that my mother is an Equal in and as this Reality and that she has Equally not learned or stood up within Self-Responsibility and that my desire, expectation and hope for her to take Responsibility for me is based on the Deceptive nature of the parent-child relationship-construct that we have Equally Participated within and as and Created and through which, I have Allowed myself to Abdicate Self-Responsibility

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hope, expect and desire for my mother to take Responsibility for me and for having blamed her for not taking Responsibility for me, instead of Realizing that my mother was not capable or able to take Responsibility for and as herself and that this desire has been created through the Self-Deception of the parent-child relationship-construct, through which I have abdicated Self-Responsibility

So what I basically gather from this is that I did not experience myself being guided or protected  by adults and that they have never taken responsibility for me, and that they should have – thus I have attempted taking responsibility for myself, but crippled, blindly, and always in the desire for the weight being lifted off my shoulders. This definitely connects to the experience of being quickly, because this is how I have managed myself, always holding myself up, then allowing myself to collapse, then constantly alert, on the mark, nervous, not trusting anyone.

(As I have been looking at this paragraph, I experience myself a little unclear, because it is the adult’s responsibility to guide and take care of the children, but at the same time this relationship of inequality, shows in its nature the abdication of self-responsibility. What I see is that if I simply move straight to the abdication of self-responsibility, I will miss some calculations that are important for the next point below. What I see that I am apt to leave out, is the actual experience of myself as a child, dismissing it as irrelevant because I see the “bigger picture” to some degree, of how I cannot hold the adults responsible for my experience of myself as a child – so there are some layers within this that are overlapping – to which I must slow myself down and un-pack so that I get all the points. I also see within this tendency, actually the pattern of “hardening”, “adulating” myself and being hard on myself and possibly an attempt to avoid facing the experience of myself as a child of being “groundless”, “powerless” and “lost”. So what am I looking at?

There is the blame towards the adults, through which I have separated myself from my self-responsibility for the system as a whole, in which everyone is in fact accepting themselves as powerless, which is why they could not take responsibility for me, because they did not take responsibility for themselves.

Then there was how I responded to that through “hardening” myself as an attempt of regaining “power” over myself – what I am seeing is that there is a energetic relationship towards these memories, wherein the connection is partly feeling sorry for myself, feeling angry at the adults and fear of facing my actual experience of and as myself – this correlates with the post I wrote called “what I fear the most” – because within that I identified my biggest fear as fear of insubstantiality, which is very similar to this experience I had as a child. )

I started experiencing this fear of “groundlessness” and “meaninglessness” around or after the time my father died, so when I was around 8-9. Before that it was more an unconscious point that I did not directly identify or integrate within me is what I am seeing at this moment. Actually what I am seeing is that until then, it had been an internal experience and now I started “becoming aware” of myself.  I experienced that no one cared for me, that the adults hated me, that I was unwanted, that I had no where to go, that I was trapped, I felt “wrong” basically. I feared losing my mother because then I would be all alone in the world and at the same time I experienced her as not being Here with me. I experienced much fear towards all kinds of points and I internalized it and acted out in hardening my physical body, pulling everything inside.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear that my mother would Die and that I would be all alone

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel sorry for myself within and as an energetic relationship towards the memory of me imagining myself being all alone if my mother died

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an energetic relationship towards the memory of me imagining myself being all alone if my mother died and thus having enslaved myself in and as this memory within and as an experience of fear and self-pity

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that I am Self-Reliant

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself according to my experience of how others see or saw me and within this having defined and accepted myself as “wrong”, “bad”, “unwanted” and  “not cared for”

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an energetic relationship towards the memory of being mistreated by the adults in my commune, wherein I have justified an experience of blame, self-pity and hatred projected towards these adults for making me accept, define and experience myself as “wrong”, “bad”, “unwanted” and  “not cared for”, while in Fact it was I who experienced, defined and Accepted me as “wrong”, “bad”, “unwanted” and  “not cared for”

Through this whole pattern I have tugged myself away as vulnerability, as self-enjoyment, as innocence, because I believed that if I were to give up control, I would be back in that state of powerlessness that I experienced as a child because that is what the Child Stands for: Vulnerability and Innocence. But I contorted these expressions and miss-took them as weakness.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define vulnerability as weakness

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define innocence as naivety and powerlessness

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to want to rid myself of vulnerability and innocence within the belief that I would then be in control over myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define self-control and self-power as being  tough

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be tough and within that having deliberately suppressed, judged and denied all of myself that I did not define as tough

The fear of being abused I see fit in with how I was to handle this alone as a child, being manipulated as well, in being told that there was something wrong with me and there being no one to show me Common Sense.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an energetic relationship within and as the memory of being manipulated, judged and abused by adults and other children in my childhood within and as an experience of blame, self-pity and hatred and thus having enslaved myself within and as the memory of being manipulated, judged and abused by adults and other children in my childhood within and as an experience of blame, self-pity and hatred

So it is basically only having had myself to trust, and then even not trusting myself. The only way out I saw was to become an adult – and what I saw as desirable in being an adult, was all the forbidden things – lol – because that was where I saw the adults enjoying themselves, playing, letting go, having fun: sex, drugs, alcohol. Fascinatingly enough I saw a job as a constraint, because most of the adults around me were depleted, hated their jobs and worked only to make money – so I did not see this as a liberating aspect of being an adult. (I will pick up on this at another time)

Okay this is about what I see in relation to this point: the desire for my father, the void and the myth, the experience of having the burden/responsibility of myself and not being able to trust myself within this, take this on fully – and thus the desire for the other to be the guide of me. Oh another memory: my mother told me that when I was maybe 3 days old my father threatened to throw me out of the window because he was manic and jealous at me. In this is also the story about how I was supposed to be an abortion as well as the story about how my mother had to choose between me and my father. All of these are stories my mother have told me with a specific purpose – of me feeling better about myself, of her feeling better about herself, the dramatic effect – and it have had the exact opposite influence on me, even though I have convinced myself that I through these stories, was special.

Because through these stories – the basic foundation of my existence was questioned. First by my mother who is laying there ready to get the abortion (blame still) and then in a second changing her mind and telling me this to show me that I was wanted.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame my mother for having wanted to abort me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that it is a mistake that I exist

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel special because my mother almost aborted me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame my mother for having created myths about me, my father, herself and my childhood instead of realizing that I have wanted and defined myself according to those myths

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an energetic relationship towards the story of how my mother almost aborted me, within and as an experience of being special, lucky to be here and self-pity/self-victimization in creating a point of uncertainty and invalidity about my existence and I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to enslave myself within and as this story, through having defined myself according to it

And the story of my father wanting to throw me out of the window, I have catalogued as “being special”, but actually it is pretty fucked up that my father wanted to throw me out of the window and my mother casually telling me this to suck the energy out of the drama of it and then me having sucked energy out of this drama as well for years in the Mind.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to created an energetic relationship toward the story my mother told me about how my father wanting to throw me out of the window within an as an experience of “drama” and “sensation”, wherein I have experienced myself as special and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to enslave myself in and as an energetic relationship as the experience of “drama” and “sensation” that I have created an energetic relationship towards, within and as the memory of the story of my father wanting to throw me out of the window – I Release this memory and the energetic relationship and experience

So the basic foundation of my existence as I have perceived it to be has been quite unstable. Regarding the story of my mother having to choose between my father and me, she has also told me this to show me how she cared for me, but inside me it created doubt and uncertainty as to where my place was in this world, if it was safe and secured and if my mother loved me or if she would ditch me for a man again, which she did later as well.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame my mother for having chosen my father over me, when he was abusive towards both of us – this is actually based on a story my mother told me of how a nurse told her to chose between me and him

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself, my mother and my experience of myself according to stories my mother have told me about my childhood

I also see why I have been holding onto the resentment and fear towards Viktor, insisting within myself that he is Abusive, Deceiving and a liar – because this is the only way I have learned to deal with Abuse – is by Standing against, for example my mother or other adults – by being contrary and resentful and secretive myself. And so because I have not learned to Trust myself and Stand firm within what I will Accept and Allow and what not, I have believed that the only possible way for me to avoid abuse is to Stand against the perceived Abuser. Not realizing that I Allowed myself to be Abused, that I Allowed myself to experience myself as Abused because I Allowed myself to believe and experience that I was Powerless and a victim and because I Accepted that I could not Trust myself in Self-Honesty, within the definition given to me by others and myself of being “sensitive” and “emotional”. (pain in lower back area right site – structural acceptance of Powerlessness/giving Power away) – I see within this writing as well that the point of Self-Victimization is still influencing me – which I Will not Accept or Allow.

Self-Forgiveness

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience and accept that I am unable to protect myself from being abused, within the experience of feeling powerless and there is no one to take care of me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and being abused is the one that is abusing responsibility and within that having allowed myself to abdicate self-Power, self-direction, self-trust and self-responsibility and thus having accepted and allowed myself to be abused, to feel abused, to believe and accept that I can be abused and allowing another to abuse me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, define and accept myself as powerless towards abuse and thus that my only option is to stand against the abuse to not allow it

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and fear that if I do not stand against the one that I experience is abusing me or another, I am allowing it and thus making myself powerless towards the abuse

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, accept and experience that I am powerless, within accepting myself as “vulnerable” and that someone else requires to take care and responsibility for me, within the belief that I cannot take care of myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience and accept that the only way I could take care of myself was by standing against those that I experienced abused me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience and accept that the only way I could take care of myself and have power over myself, was by becoming an adult and doing the things that I saw adults experience as liberating such as drinking, doing drugs, smoking and having sex

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, define and accept myself as Powerless

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, define and accept the basic foundation of my existence as unstable and untrustworthy

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that being adult means having Power and Control over oneself and in this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that the adults in my childhood had power and control over themselves and thus accepting them to have power and control over me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to design and create myself as personality in such a way that I am always alert and ready to be abused and mistreated our of fear of losing power over myself and becoming powerless and thus abused

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that it is the adult’s responsibility to take care of the child, instead of realizing that adults are fucked and thus not capable of taking responsibility or care for another unless they become Self-Honest and take Self-Responsibility – which is what I am doing Here

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame and resent the adults around me, and especially my mother, for not protecting me, for hurting and abusing me, when they were supposed to be the one’s that were responsible and in control  (limitation point under left shoulder blade painful) instead of realizing that we are all equally Here in this Reality and that no one actually has control or power over themselves

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be abused by adults, through not Trusting myself and my Self-Honesty, through desiring to be part of the System and through accepting myself  as inherently powerless as a child

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that someone else, outside separate from me has abused me, when in fact only self-abuse exists and thus I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abuse myself through making myself believe that I am powerless towards the power that I have abdicated myself through and as, depicted in and as the child-adult relationship

(a Realization that pertains to another point but which is connected: I have been wondering why or how I have separated innocence from sexuality and I can see that I saw my innocence and vulnerability as a weakness that I could eradicate with sexuality – fascinating)

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hold another responsible and accountable for me experiencing myself as abused and powerless

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire for my partner to take responsibility for me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire for someone else, anyone else to take responsibility for me, within the belief and acceptance of myself as powerless as a child and within having believed that I could regain power by becoming an adult, yet never experiencing this power, because I had already abdicated myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Separate myself from and as myself as Self-Power, Self-Direction, Self-Trust and Self-Honesty

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I should and must doubt my own Self-Honesty and in this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abdicate and deny my own Self-Honesty through having submitted myself to the fear of being rejected and cast out by others

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define, judge, experience, limit, believe and accept myself as “sensitive” and “emotional” and in this judging “sensitive” and “emotional” as being weak and loser-like

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that others would call me sensitive and emotional partly because I was sensitive and emotional within taking everything personally and too close and partly as a defense for themselves towards me exposing them to themselves and me allowing myself to be self-honest and vulnerable

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that it is “bad” and “wrong” and “dangerous” to be vulnerable and self-exposing

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to invent and design a fake vulnerability and a fake self-exposure that I presented to others and within this actually hiding myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame others and for having held them accountable and responsible for me not “being able” to “be who I am” and express myself, when in fact it was me limiting and suppressing me in abdication of myself to fear

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire for my father to come save and rescue me and for having transferred this desire to my relationships in desiring for my partner to save and rescue me, protect and take care of me – based on the experience, belief and acceptance of myself as powerless

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create myths and ideas about my father in the Mind, that I have defined and perceived myself according to, through which I believed that the reason no one understood me was because I was like him and that he was the only one who would ever have understood me, thus leaving in myself a feeling of being alone in the world, when in fact this idea and myth is something I have created in and as the mind and understanding each other is impossible as long as we are Separating ourselves from ourselves and from each other as ourselves

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define, perceive, design, experience, believe and accept myself according to the words that I had associated with and as my father in and as the mind, as memories, fantasies and through my mothers words as: “hero, naughty, here to save the world, genius, madman, free, loving, boundless” and within this believing that I was more like my father than my mother in idealizing him in my mind and demonizing my mother

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am more like my father than my mother, because I did not want to associate myself with the definitions, perceptions and judgments that I had projected onto my mother as : weak, egotistical, manipulating, powerless and vulgar

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to perceive, define, judge and accept my parents from a polarity of my father being the ideal and that which I wanted to be and my mother being the failure and everything I did not want to be like

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to try to become to be like I perceived and desire my father to me, thus believing that I was getting closer to him and carrying on his legacy as a “system crusader”

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to take pride in carrying on my fathers legacy of being a “system crusader” and in this not considering that I did not actually know the man, that he was mentally ill and that my ideas about him comes from my mothers stories about him, through which she wanted to make herself feel better as well as my own ideas about my father, that I created to make myself feel better

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Face my father as mentally ill – because I feared that I had inherited his illness and would become “mad” myself and instead having created an ideal image of him in and as the mind of him being “a hero”, “a system crusader” and “a genius”

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear becoming “mad” and because of this, have tried to keep myself controlled and suppressed

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to become “ a system crusader”, “a hero”, “a genius” within and as having created this ideal about my father  and as way to separate myself from my mother and her experience of herself as “trapped” and “weak”

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to develop, design and make an ideal of myself within and as the Mind of being “a system crusader”, “a hero”, “a genius” so that I did not have to associate, become and define myself as that which I saw in my mother and other adults, which was “powerlessness”, “fear” and the experience of “being trapped” in a life that they did not chose or wanted

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear becoming what I perceived, defined and judged my mother to be as “weak”, “a loser”, “socially inhibited”, “manipulating”, “blaming others”, “trapped” and not enjoying herself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to design and define myself according to being the opposite of what I perceived, defined and judged my mother to be: “weak”, “a loser”, “socially inhibited”, “manipulating”, “blaming others”, “trapped” and not enjoying myself and through this actually doing the exact opposite

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that by believing, defining, perceiving and accepting my mother as “weak”, “a loser”, “socially inhibited”, “manipulating”, “blaming others” and “trapped”, I have accepted myself as that as well

(Resistance to continue writing)

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define, judge, perceive, believe, experience and accept myself as “weak”, “a loser”, “socially inhibited”, “manipulating”, “blaming others” and “trapped”

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be guided, controlled, supported and cared for by another within the experience of myself as powerless, untrustworthy, unstable and also within the experience of myself as “carrying too much” and desiring for someone else to lift this burden from my shoulders

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am not allowed to enjoy myself and relax and be vulnerable and innocent, because of memories of experiences where I have done this and have experienced myself being attacked and abused and powerless towards the one who was abusing me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to doubt myself within this and the effectiveness of this self-forgiveness and for having judged myself for not seeing the points from a One-and-Equal Perspective – I Stop and I Allow myself to Release these Points – I Allow myself to be Effective within this writing and I do not Allow myself to doubt myself – I Direct me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to participate in and experience an emotional reaction towards this writing, which I see as either being nervousness towards meeting Viktor on the chat or that I am facing points here that I have never Allowed myself to Face

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to run away from myself, through distracting myself, keeping myself busy and occupied whenever I get to an experience of vulnerability – within the justification that I can get hurt

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to copy my mothers experience of being able to be hurt and abused by other’s judgment, within me Accepting her experience of herself as Real and thus adopting it myself and also in having seen it as a tactic to avoid taking Self-Responsibility , being able to manipulate others and basically submitting myself to fear as though fear is here to protect me

(I experience much Resistance – and at the same time I experience myself as inferior to others in process, believing that my self-forgiveness is not effective, that I am not effective, that I am wrong – I see how this is a manipulation/diversion tactic from Facing myself in Self-Honesty – So I PUSH)

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that the only way to Accept myself as being able to be Abused and hurt, is by Accepting myself as Separate and within this believing that I must fight to exist

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame Viktor for being untrustworthy and for having validated and justified this within myself through perceiving Viktor’s actions according to this fear and belief of him being untrustworthy and an abuser and within this I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to let go of blaming Viktor for being untrustworthy and an abuser – in this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hide behind and abdicate Self-Responsibility for having Accepted and believed myself to be Powerless towards Viktor

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I know where Viktor was coming from and what he was doing, when I read his blog, saw his vlog and his email and in this not Actually Slowing myself down to read and hear what he is saying and thus having made assumptions that validate my fear and belief that Viktor is untrustworthy and an Abuser

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear and believe that it is my fault if the Agreement ends and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame Viktor for seeing it as my fault if the Agreement ends and thus having Abdicated Self-Responsibility and Self-Honesty within Facing what I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and abdicate myself to and as

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, justify, define, judge and accept that everything is my fault – and for within this having defined, experienced and accepted myself as a martyr within the belief that I was taking responsibility, when in fact I was victimizing myself instead of Actually taking Self-Responsibility for who and what I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Exist in and as

WHAT IS IT I RESIST WITHIN THIS WRITING? – I experience that I want to insist of being incapable of taking Self-Responsibility – I see that I have believed that by “flying under the radar” I could avoid being held Accountable and thus in this writing I am Actually Emancipating myself and to my surprise I experience unwillingness and resistance towards that.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resist emancipating myself to Self-Power, Self-Trust, Self-Worth, Self-Acceptance, Self-Honesty, Self-Direction and Self-Responsibility

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that if I emancipate myself and make myself independent on others, I will be alone, vulnerable and unable to take care of myself – lol – this is so illogical – because obviously only as Self-Emancipated and Independent can I Actually Stand up and Care for myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, define and accept that the foundation of my existence is unstable and untrustworthy – instead of Realizing that I as I am writing this, and Standing up, am Creating myself as the foundation of my own Existence and that it is by Willing myself that I create a Stable Foundation for me to Stand on and Walk from – I Dedicate myself to this!

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, believe and accept that I was lacking a stable foundation of existing due to experiences from my childhood and expecting families and parents and adults to provide safety and support for the Children, when in fact this whole existence is base on Self-Dishonesty and Separation and thus it is I who have Accepted and Allowed myself to base instability of the foundation of my existence on comparing my parents and family with what I perceived and believed that parents and family should be, which is in itself a Self-Deception because the image of a supportive and safe family is fake and deceptive in its nature as no one is safe or protected in this reality, the way that we until now have Accepted and Allowed Ourselves to exist

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to base, define and experience my stability on others, outside separate from me, instead of Standing Stable within and as myself in Self-Honesty as Self-Support and Self-Love as myself Here as Life, as All as One as Equal

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hold onto the belief and experience of my foundation of existing being unstable instead of Directing myself and Embracing myself as Stability within the Silence of Breath and Self-Honesty

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that my mother was supposed to be different, to be loving and supporting and thus experiencing, believing, defining, limiting and accepting myself as lacking within a stable foundation of existing , instead of Realizing that we are All Equally Fucked in this Reality, which is why parents are not able to Support their Children, because they are not able to Support themselves  – which is what we are Here to Change

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create stories and memories about my life and childhood in which I have presented and perceived myself to be “special” in the definition of having had an “extreme” and “rough” and “crazy” childhood experience, as a way of hiding from myself the Actual Experience of myself as a Child of Instability and uncertainty towards my world and myself

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hide my Actual Experience of myself of instability and uncertainty towards my world and myself, through presenting and perceiving my “life-story” as “special” within the definitions attached to that of an “extreme” and “rough” and “crazy” childhood

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to associate the words “extreme” and “rough” and “crazy” with being “special” and having had “a special life” – thus in and as the Mind, making myself more than how I Actually experienced myself and presenting this to others in the hope and they would be impressed/intrigued and thus like and accept me

I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Live with and as myself Here in the Simplicity of Breath and Self-Acceptance, Self-Love, Self-Enjoyment and Self-Honesty

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Separate myself from myself as the Simplicity of Breath and Self-Acceptance, Self-Love, Self-Enjoyment and Self-Honesty

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define, believe, perceive, validate, experience, justify and accept myself as unstable and through this having Allowed myself to make excuses for myself of not Participating within Points that I experienced fear or resistance towards, thus Actually Suppressing myself and holding myself back from Living Here

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Separate myself from Desteni as myself as the Standing and Walking of myself in Amalgamation of and as myself Here as Life as All as One as Equal – I am Desteni – Desteni is me

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to want to be done with this Self-Forgiveness so that I can publish this document, within the fear that I have not published a document today, as a commitment to Desteni – instead of Realizing that the Commitment I have made, is a Commitment to myself and as I can see that this Point is not done – I continue writing until I am satisfied and not to please anyone else or to get others approval

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself having participated within, experienced and accepted guilt within and as me for not having written or posted today, as though it is a commitment I have made to another, outside, Separate from me – when in fact I am not Separate from this commitment – it is a commitment I have made to myself and thus I Dedicate myself to myself within this commitment – not to satisfy or please someone else or to show or prove to another where I Stand. I allow myself to finish what I am writing as I recognize that this is a big point to write about and that it requires for me to be diligent, specific and self-Directive, so that I can Actually Release the Systems within it, that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be and become, in Self-Honest Self-Support.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, define, justify and accept this writing as a “big point” and within that having justified for myself the Resistance I experience to going through it again and Applying Self-Forgiveness on all the Points that I have not yet given Direction, specifically within the experience of having to hurry to get it done, so that I can post it and thus not be “behind” on my blogging – I do not Accept or Allow myself to Resist myself – I do not Accept or Allow myself to be Directed or Dictated by the Mind as fear of what others will think of me or the dependency on others to show me “where I Stand” – I prove to myself in and as this writing and these words, that I Support myself in Self-Honesty and that I Walk a Point through in Self-Direction, no matter what it takes.

I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, participate within and as and accept and experience of “stress” and “rushing” towards getting this writing done, so that I can publish and post it and thus feel that I have “done my part” and feel better about myself for having done “the right thing” – This is Bullshit, as my commitment is to myself in Self-Honesty and not to the Energy of feeling better about myself for whatever reason I have conjured up in and as Accepting the Mind to Direct and influence me. I DIRECT ME – within this I also forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use the experience of “stress” and the fear of what others will think of me and the Resistance to this writing as being “too big” to Hide from myself the Resistance towards Facing myself within and as this Point, specifically Points regarding my mother, my relationship with my mother and what I have Accepted and Allowed within that. I Realize that I have Resisted Facing myself within and as these Points, because I was partly judging myself for and being ashamed of having blamed my mother and also within wanting to hold onto the blame towards her and thus holding on to the Self-Abdication of Self-Responsibility that is manifested through and as this point – This is not Acceptable and I Will not Accept myself to Dictate, Direct, Deceive or Manipulate myself, through and as the Mind to remain within Abdication of myself Here as Life.

I Let Go of all memories and I let go of all definitions of myself within and as memories

I Let Go of all Energetic Relationships with and towards specific memories of and as myself, that I have connected to as specific experience that I have defined myself within and towards

I Let Go of the Desire to be Saved

I Let Go of the Desire for my father to come Save me

I Let Go of the Blame towards my mother

I Let Go of the Blame towards the Adults and other Children that I perceived, judged and blamed as Abusers

I Stop Defining myself according to experiences of how others See or Define me

I Stop Defining myself according to stories about “my life” as I Realize that this is not Who I am – That I am Here

I Let Go of my father

I Let Go of my mother

I Let go of the Memory of myself as a Child

I Stop Defining myself as a Victim

I Allow myself to Trust myself and Explore Self-Intimacy and Vulnerability within and as myself, within and as my Agreement with Viktor, within and as Living Self-Intimacy and Vulnerability

I Let Go of the belief, experience and Acceptance of myself as Powerless

I Let Go of the belief, experience and Acceptance of myself as Weak

I Let Go of the definition of myself as tough

I Let Go of the Fear of not being in Control of myself

I Let Go of All Self-Defense

I Let this Writing Go

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