I have not been posting any blog posts the last couple of days, as I have been working on one single document that has been quite extensive – then yesterday I read a post by Lindsey wherein she describes how it is easy to fuck oneself into making things ”bigger” and more complicated than what they actually are, which made me re-consider the starting-point of my document. One of the reasons why I was allowing myself to let the document be extensive, was because I experienced a “stress” towards publishing it and honoring my commitment of blogging everyday  – but I have actually been writing every day, I simply did not want to publish this document simply for publishing it, because then the Starting-Point would not be me releasing myself and Directing myself in Self-Honesty. Now – last night I could not sleep again. I laid awake until the early morning and the reason why I went to bed in the first place, was because I have an exam on Thursday in the morning – however I do also see within this  still the experience of the daytime being more valuable for working. It is fascinating because once I have gone to bed, I experience it like the day is over and therefore “cannot” simply get out of bed and start working again. These are obviously self-limitations and at the same time there are practical points I must take into consideration such as classes and exams and opening hours of for example the library. I Applied self-forgiveness in bed on all thoughts and I enjoyed it quite a lot. One of the things that I realized was that I had been coming from a starting-point of wanting to push the thoughts away and this was creating a friction/energy/accumulation (Resist = Persist) and so I decided to Embrace the thoughts  – to actually “invite” them or sort of be waiting for them, there is an expression in Danish that I want to use for this, which can be translated into something like “come and meet them” which is basically like two people seeing each other and the one walking forward to greet the other. And so I did this, which was very cool, as an exercise to not resist the thoughts. I had also decided that I wanted to remember my dreams in the morning. Lately I have been having very mind-based scattered dreams that are full of information, but that I do not recall in the morning or see any points within – it is quite superficial as I see it and I have not been satisfied with this, as I have seen it as an indication of “who” I am within process. So I woke up, during the early afternoon (11 am) and I was quite unsatisfied. Instead of Breathing, I went straight into thoughts and I have noticed that I have suppressed the point of being unsatisfied with waking up late (even though I did not sleep long) – because I had seen the point of morality and self-judgment within it – but this has been a point, wherein I’ve allowed myself to not Direct myself immediately and so I have created an extra layer, which is why I was experiencing myself as unsatisfied and otherwise did not have thoughts about waking up too late. I was also unsatisfied with the dreams and so my starting-point of the day was already energized. I had also already in the night (which I took as the reason why I could not sleep) allowed myself to be energized by the internet-point, in which I became obsessed/possessed and enjoyed the “intensity” of it.  So I basically woke up judging myself, but did not see it as such. Then through-out the day, this has been escalating – I have resisted writing or participating effectively and have wanted to sleep and hide. What is however cool is that I am getting faster at recognizing that I am participating within energy, but what I am also seeing is that my most common response to any point of thought or reaction, is to suppress/pretend like it is not there and believe that it will “go away” – while the more I have done that, the more it accumulates and the more unsatisfied I have become. Obviously the Solution is to write, to speak self-forgiveness, to self-move myself out of the experience and back into Self-Support in and as the Physical. I am also starting to see the energy-construct more clearly which is quite cool. I experience dissatisfaction with my participation and I see how I have energized and made myself energy-dependent through judgment upon this point. What is cool is that I have a subtle reference for how it is like to not exist within that pattern, so I know what it is that I should push for – Equal Participation, Stable, Moment to Moment, Specific, Dedicated, Prioritized and Structured based on what is Best for All – it is actually not complicated at all. And I am slightly beginning to “get there”  – but it requires constant Self-Direction, because if I am not Directing me, eyes wide open, Here, Breathing, then I am being Directed by and as the Mind and in this Abdicating Self-Responsibility and thus having Accepted myself as “less than” the Mind. So now Here – I Push myself to write. This is quite stupid, because I already considered writing the moment I woke up as being the priority point at the moment in seeing how I was allowing myself to experience myself, but I allowed myself to Resist – and I see now how stupid that was because I am able to let the experience go, stop the Energy and Direct myself Here.  There are two more points that I want to write about before going to Self-Correction – and they are Mind-Politics and Breathing. Mind-Politics is about this point of seeing what I “should do”, wherein I’ve accepted myself as “less than” Equal Participation and therefore constantly seeing and accepting myself as “being behind” – This is not Acceptable and I will not Allow myself to Participate in such Self-Abuse and ego. The other point is Breathing, which I am experiencing difficulty towards. I have been ashamed of writing/speaking about this and also experienced fear towards getting sick – I have seen this specifically connected to smoking, but I see that it must then be beliefs/guilt about smoking, because it is not the smoking in itself. So I would like to investigate the point of asthma and related experiences and re-watch/read Esteni’s documents on this point. I have decided to quit smoking when I am finished with my exam and I have started to experience fear and doubt towards this point. However I do not see a way around it, I do know I can do it and so what I see is required is that within the next days writing and participating prepare myself to take on this point. The relevant points within these experiences today are:

Idea about myself (as ego) about who I am supposed to be – Seeing Process as Progress – thus I did not Support myself and Judged and Compared myself to where I believed/Desired I “should be”.

In seeing Process as “Progress” I have Allowed myself to Create Ideas/Ideals/Comparisons about “How FAR or NOT FAR I am in Process” – the basic foundation of existing in competition as survival.

Instead of Stopping up in the Moment, Applying myself, I “went along for the ride” – this is a very Specific Flag-point. And if I Resist to Write, Speak or Apply Self-Forgiveness, there is “an issue” at Hand. Therefore this is specifically something I am going to take on, within and as the Moment to Moment Application – I see as well how I have Allowed myself to become Obsessed/Possessed with the Specific Point of “How FAR or NOT FAR I am in Process” as a Starting-Point for my Participation in and as this Reality. This has then been “determined” through Comparisons, all kinds of Comparisons and by outside influences. Thus I see how I have Separated myself from Process as myself.

Self-Forgiveness on this Point

1.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Suppress Self-Judgment instead of Facing myself within and as Self-Judgment and Seeing what my Starting-Point is within the Moment of Self-Judgment, in not Accepting the Self-Judgment as something that pertains to “Who I am” – but as an indicator that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Separate myself from myself Here as Self-Support in Self-Honesty

2.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Allow myself to Participate within and as, as well as submitting myself to Self-Judgment and within that Accepting Self-Judgment as Real and Valid, within Accepting myself from and within the Starting-Point of seeing and defining Process as Progress through and as ego of Mind

3.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept Self-Judgment as Real and Valid, within Accepting myself from and within the Starting-Point of seeing and defining Process as Progress through and as ego of Mind

4.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself from and within the Starting-Point of seeing and defining Process as Progress through and as ego of Mind

5.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself Judge myself for not having Lucid or no dreams, within having Allowed myself to Compare myself, within the Image of and as myself as in Process as Progress through and as ego of Mind of “How FAR or NOT FAR I am in Process”, to the Image of and as others in Process

6.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Compare myself, within the Image of and as myself as in Process as Progress through and as ego of Mind of “How FAR or NOT FAR I am in Process”, to the Image of and as others in Process

7.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, judge, define and Accept that there is something wrong with me, if I am not having Lucid or no dreams, and thus having believed that my dreams are indicating that I am NOT FAR in Process, because of having Compared my dreams to the ideal in my mind of having no or lucid dreams in Process as being FAR in Process

8.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that my dreams are indicating that I am NOT FAR in Process, because of having Compared my dreams to the ideal in my mind of having no or lucid dreams in Process as being FAR in Process

9.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Compare my dreams to the ideal in my mind of having no or lucid dreams in Process as being FAR in Process

10.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that everything I experience, such as dream is Self-Support for me to Stop the Mind and Realize myself as Life

11.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Support myself through, in and as dreams and instead having judged and compared my dreams with an ideal image of dreams that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Participate within and as, as well as Create

12.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Create, Accept and Participate within and as an ideal of dreams as “lucid” or “no dreams” and within that having believed that such ideal dream-states indicated how far I was in Process

13.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that my Starting-Point was unaligned with Equality and What is Best for All and that my Starting-Point was ego, fear, separation and survival

14.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Participate within and as, Create, Manifest and Accept Mind-Moral-Politics from and as the Starting-Point of ego, fear, separation and survival, wherein I have seen, experienced, defined and Accepted Process as Progress as “How FAR or NOT FAR I am in Process” and thus as a competition

15.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Validate and Accept my experience of Self-Judgment as Real – as Really saying something about “Who I am” within and as Process

16.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Deceive myself into diminishing myself based on having Accepted Process as Progress as “How FAR or NOT FAR I am in Process” and thus as a competition, wherein I have judged myself as either FAR or NOT far in Process according to Comparisons

17.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, believe, feel, see, define, judge and Accept myself as FAR in Process and as “worth more”, when Marlen contacted me last night

18.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see Marlen contacting me as a sign that I was now “back” as a “leading figure” of Desteni, which I have defined as being FAR in Process

19.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself in Process according to “good” and “bad” signs from the outside that is indicating where I am – within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself and myself in and as process according to outside influences, thus having Allowed myself to Separate myself from myself as Process

20.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Trust myself fully and Unconditionally in and as the Process of Stopping the Mind and Standing up as Life and thus having placed my trust of and as myself in Process on outside, separate influences in and through which I have Allowed myself to Separate myself from myself Here as Process

21.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Separate myself from myself Here as Process

22.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience an energetic reaction of relief, joy and happiness when Marlen contacted me, and within this I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Stop up, See Common Sense, Apply Self-Forgiveness on this and Re-Breathe myself Here

23.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Stand Equal to Marlen

24.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Stand Equal to my dreams as Self-Support

25.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, experience, validate and accept that it is something/someone outside Separate from me that determines “where” I am in Process  thus having seen, defined, experienced and accepted process as How FAR or NOT FAR as Progressing competition where I can either win or lose

26.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Allow outside, Separate influences that I have identified and validated within me, as “good” and “bad” signs, influence how I see, experience and Accept myself within and as Process

27.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that the reason for why I have conditioned, deceived and limited myself to define, determine, experience, believe and validate my experience of myself in and as Process through outside, separate influences, is because I did not Trust myself Unconditionally and because I had Allowed myself to Separate myself from myself as Process within and as having seen, defined, limited and Accepted Process and my Starting-Point within and as Process as “How FAR or NOT FAR” I am in Process as Progressing competition where I can either win or lose

28.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Judge myself for having experienced joy, happiness, relief and Superiority within and as an Energetic reaction towards the Point of Communicating with Marlen and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Suppress and Refuse to Face myself within having Allowed myself to experience joy, happiness, relief and Superiority within and as an Energetic reaction towards the Point of Communicating with Marlen, because I was Ashamed

29.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and Participate in Shame towards having Allowed myself to experience joy, happiness, relief and Superiority within and as an Energetic reaction towards the Point of Communicating with Marlen, instead of Realizing that Energetic Addiction within and as Ego as Personality within and as Comparison and Competition in Separation of and as myself Here as Life, is One of the Basic Foundations of who and what I have Accepted myself to Exist in and as and therefore that it is through Facing myself in Self-Honesty in and as these Points, within taking Self-Responsibility for, in and as, that I Stop the Mind and Realize myself as Life

30.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Face myself in Self-Honesty in and as the points of having Allowed myself to experience joy, happiness, relief and Superiority within and as an Energetic reaction towards the Point of Communicating with Marlen

31.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Create an entire experience of “a day”, wherein I Allowed myself to Participate in and from Self-Judgment, Self-Suppression, Self-Anger, Self-Hate, Self-Spite and Self-Abuse, instead of Simply Facing myself in Self-Honesty in and as these Points, within taking Self-Responsibility in the Moment

32.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Separate myself from myself within and as the Moment of having Allowed myself to judge myself and believing that the judgment is “Who I am”

33.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Suppress that I have Participated within and as the Starting-Point of seeing, defining, experiencing and Accepting Process as “How FAR or NOT FAR I am in Process” as Progressing competition where I can either win or lose, instead of Stopping and Investigating myself in the Moment and Stopping All Separation from and as myself Here as Life

34.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to want to hold onto the experience I had of myself in and as energy of feeling Superior and “on top” through having seen the point of Marlen contacting me as “a good sign” that I was now “FAR in Process”, instead of Realizing that this is experience is not Real and that I within and as having Allowed myself to Participate in and as is, Allowed myself to Diminish myself, Separate myself from myself and submit myself to the Energetic experience

35.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself diminish myself within and as having Allowed myself to Participate within and as, as well as hold onto the experience I had of myself in and as energy of feeling Superior and “on top” through having seen the point of Marlen contacting me as “a good sign” that I was now “FAR in Process”

36.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that the experience of last night of being Energized, Superior and “FAR in Process” was a direct Polarity of how I experienced myself this Morning as depleted, Inferior and “NOT FAR in Process

37.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to enslave and submit myself to energetic experiences

38.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as inferior to energetic experiences and for having Allowed energetic experiences to determine, direct and define Who I am within Process

39.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to within having allowed myself to Accept myself as inferior to energetic experiences, have accepted Life as inferior to energetic experiences

40.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create a energetic relationship towards, in and as, the definition of and as myself within and as Comparison through the self-made symbols of “good” and “bad” signs of How FAR or NOT FAR I am in Process” through outside, separate influences that are not even Real, but that I have perceived and validated as Real through and as the experience and acceptance of and as myself in and as The Mind in Separation of and as myself Here as Life

41.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Support myself effectively within identifying, investigating, stopping and correcting myself from having Allowed myself to Participate within and as Process, within and as my Reality, within and as my experience of and as myself in, as and through the Mind in Separation of and as myself Here as Life to Correcting and Aligning myself Here in Equality

I am not Separate from Process – I am The Process and I Live and Walk the Process of Stopping The Mind, to Birth myself as Life from and as The Physical

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