Ranting to Self-Honesty and Self-Realization

Note: Understand that most of my writing is progressive – meaning that I write myself into an understanding – that also means that often the beginning will be more rambling and ranting, whereas the end is much more focused and getting to the actual point of what is going on and what requires re-alignment and correction. So this is a tip where you can as you read, read from the beginning and follow the progress or go straight to the Solution and Self-Realizations that has come up throughout the writings.

What I am active with, both in thoughts and in actions is Desteni-related, do I didn’t realize that it is still energy and that it is still ideas – in which I realize that I have been holding onto/fearing/believing that if I don’t ‘chase after’ and ‘catch up’ – I will ‘fall behind’ again – Wow this is what it is all about. – And that I have been unwilling to let go/stop/face this, because it is ‘all I know’ – in how to ‘pull myself together’, ‘cope’.

overwhelm

1 bury or drown beneath a huge mass. give too much of something to: they were overwhelmed by letters.

2 have a strong emotional effect on.

3 defeat completely; overpower.

Digging into the point

Okay – this is the point I am Standing within and in front of: Limiting myself in any ways, diminishing myself in any ways, denying myself in any ways, pretending not to be Equal in Every way, pretending not to be One in Every way – and why? Because I have Abdicated myself to a fictional and fixed Reality of the Mind – Sorting this Mess out, Here, Once and For Fucking All.

Okay  – the point in Practicality is this: Since I stopped watching the TV-series and Hiding within self-pity and shame, I have been overly-active on the internet and I have seen within myself how I am not in All Moments doing it for What is Best for All as Self Here as Life, but doing it based on Conditioning to and as the Mind. Okay, that is One Point but this has threads and branches into other points as well – the Energy Addiction, Ego and Personality and specifically Self-Compromise. All of this can be scratched down to Self-Compromise. So – I did a Osho Tarot spread. I also did one the other day and they have been immensely Assisting for me in seeing the layers of how belief-systems and conditioning operate within how I have Accepted myself to Exist.

Okay – so first I will lay out the Osho spread and what I saw there and afterwards come back to the Practical outflow of how this is manifesting. Because these existentialistic points are actually less Supportive in terms of getting to Self-Honesty and Self-Responsibility, while the practical actions are specifically revealing in terms of Seeing to What and How I have Abdicated myself.

So – I did the spread on Self-Forgiveness as ‘theme’ because I was experiencing frustration towards myself, within not Applying Self-Forgiveness consistently. This was what was revealed

The Foundation of the Issue is: Compromise – next is Aloneness and this one I had trouble finding out what meant, but what I saw was that I Compromise Aloneness which is what Self-Forgiveness is about. All the things I have having trouble Applying are the ones where it is simply me Here, doing it for and as me, without any Energetic reward or outcome. The unconscious point within this was Morality and the conscious was The Rebel – I am still not 100 % sure how these two are relevant, but they are definitely a polarity-pair. The point I am moving from is Change and the point I am moving to is Participation – That made sense, because that is what I have done. I am Standing as the point of Letting go and the next point was The Burden  and the next was Success – So how I saw that was that I am Standing at the point of Letting go of the burden of desiring success – there is also a definite point within this of denying myself as whole, denying myself as Equal  and based on the belief that ‘there is always something wrong with me’ – I must constantly seek recognition and success outside of me. By the way, Success is bullshit and would not be relevant if it was not for failure. So I have Equally Enslaved myself to Success as to failure. The last point was postponement which is definitely what I have done with Self-Forgiveness. As I started participating Actively again, it was not with Applying myself – but on the internet and in connecting. Why? Because this is what I am good at, what I like doing and where I get an Energetic kick out of being approved of by others. Now this is a point that has previously had immense control over and as me and what I am realizing is that I actually never really did sort it out for myself. The way that I have seen this point being activated is specifically through my association with groups. Being a part of a group. Being welcomed into a group. But that is not the only point – that is like an outflow or trigger point, but not the point itself – because the point is Self-Acceptance through definitions and beliefs – a ‘Who I am’ because that is what have made me desire to be in a group in the first place.

Now – what happens is this: my writings, my videos, my speaking, the clothes I wear – everything is something I do to be accepted and liked by others. What is actually the relevant point here? Is that it? Or is there something behind this point? – The Burden. I experience a strong urge to run away now – to do something else. So that must mean that I am in the right place. What I am seeing and this is going to be a rant in writing this point out for myself so that I can get to what is relevant within this – is an experience of myself as a child. A certain sadness and experience of being rejected and ridiculed for who I am in expression of myself. An experience of not wanting to be me. Of wanting to be anything else than me. Of accepting myself as ultimately less. But where is the self-deception in this. If there is self-deception behind all points, then there is also self-deception behind this point. Okay – so what is the exact experience? I am here and I am writing, but I’d rather be making videos or checking Facebook. Why? Because I don’t accept me – because I have accepted myself as ultimately flawed, but within this as a blame towards others, a resistance because it is apparently others who have made me this way – that I must keep the real me a secret to not get hurt? Not seeing that all of this, is something I have done to myself?

Okay so the outflow of this point is postponement  – the beginning is Compromising Aloneness. What does Aloneness mean? Being Alone – being myself alone. If I am Alone, I am with what I have Accepted myself as and I don’t want to be there. I believe that it is who I am and therefore I cannot change it. Okay – so the point within the tarot reading was Self-Forgiveness. And it is Self-Forgiveness I have postponed and compromised. But the compromise doe not only point to self-forgiveness but also to me having compromised me – I don’t want to be alone, because when I am alone, there is only me – who and what I have accepted me as, in self-deception and self-compromise an dishonesty and in not seeing that I have denied myself to exist as expression of me – so what I am ‘left with’ – what I have left myself with is what I have accepted myself in and as. And from the beginning I made everything dependent on other people. It is so absurd because I know, I know that there is no other people, that this is a perception based on Separation and Self-Deception and yet I am still so controlled by it. Because the awareness and knowledge is not enough – the belief that I am separate and all that comes with it. All the little moments where I have split myself even more, are still there – they are in the fucking bones and tissue. I wouldn’t be controlled by it, if I didn’t believe it right? The child that was not accepted and therefore did not Accept herself? Is that what this is about – Morality. This is why I have to control myself to such an extend, present myself in such a way – sensible, kind, nice, strong – because who I am is not acceptable?  It is the only way I know how to exist. To please others to accept myself. And yet I don’t, I never accepted myself because who I am is extreme – believing that I am a rebel, while underneath I am trapped in morality? I see myself as a child, innocent, strong, standing on my own two feet and then something happened – or did it happen already?

Compromise – Compromise is the beginning and the result is postponement. Why don’t I forgive myself? Because I don’t place value into something I am doing with me anymore. Because I have been to occupied and possessed with maintaining a personality. I have compromised myself for personality – I have compromised self-forgiveness for personality?

So – What I had planned yesterday and today, I did not do. I had specifically planned to write and write out Self-Forgiveness on certain points like this one here. Now I’ve seen Roberts vlog on stopping and pausing with self-forgiveness, Lindsey’s vlog on Self-Trust and Sunette’s video about One Life One World. I am finding myself reacting to all of these points because I know that I have not bee diligent. I know that I’ve wasted so much time on bullshit stuff. Even writing this is bullshit it seems. So if I am to move straight to the Solution and not wasting anymore time on petty irrelevant bullshit – what do I do? One of the things I see is that it is often more Supportive for me to simply start applying Self-Forgiveness instead of believing that I have to write the points out for myself first. This is self-limitation – another point of self-limitation that I have been continuously limiting myself with, is going into confusion, stress and feeling overwhelmed with process – it is the perfect excuse for me giving up on myself and I will not Accept it anymore. The Solution for me is to Apply Self-Forgiveness on what is Here in the Moment – not believing that I have to sort everything out at once –  because that is a part of the self-deception within giving up and accumulating emotions and depression towards applying myself. Okay so I fell – I took the easy road of Self-Hell and now that is over and Done. I am Here and I am gonna fucking Apply myself. Another point that has been a source of Self-Limitation is the point of comparison. I also did a tarot spread on that, which I will share after this one.

For Now – I will Direct myself within these points that Have come up Here.

Feeling overwhelmed with self-forgiveness and allowing myself to deceive myself into giving up

1.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to become overwhelmed by thoughts about the vastness of the process of self-forgiveness and self-correction

2.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience myself as overwhelmed when I have thought about the vastness of the process of self-forgiveness and self-correction

3.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to think about the process of self-forgiveness and self-correction as vast and impossible

4.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an experience of it being impossible for me to walk through process and within that validating and justifying for myself giving up on myself

5.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to validate and justify giving up on myself through having allowed myself to think about and define process as vast and impossible

6.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am unable to apply self-forgiveness on every single point

7.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept that I am unable to forgive myself for every single point I have ever participated in

8.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to advise David Robert that he was not required to apply self-forgiveness in every moment within seeing myself as more advanced in process, when in fact I was saying that to him as a justification of me not applying myself in every moment

9.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to take responsibility for supporting another, when I in fact have not been supporting myself

10.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to manipulate myself through feeling overwhelmed and within this:

11.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to rely on what I feel as being real and valid

12.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to generate, create and experience a reaction to thoughts about self-forgiveness being vast and impossible

13.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to see that by accepting myself to think and define process and self-forgiveness as vast and impossible, I have justified and validated giving up on myself

14.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that the solution to my experience of feeling overwhelmed with what I have to do to transcend the mind, is to not apply myself at all and pretend like I am not here

15.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to pretend that I am not here

16.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify not applying self-forgiveness with that everything was going too fast and that I was not able to see the points – instead of slowing down realizing that this experience is exactly the point

17.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept myself to be overwhelmed

18.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be directed by thoughts

19.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to attempt to direct myself through thoughts instead of realizing that all thoughts are deceptive in nature and therefore by trusting and believing and directing myself through thoughts – I have allowed myself to deceive myself and to be deceptive

20.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to take the responsibility of supporting another (David Robert) without being Self-Honest

21.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to say to David Robert that which I thought was ‘correct’ – instead of looking at myself in that moment and stopping

22.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be self-dishonest in believing that I was supporting David Robert, when in fact I was accessing a point of ego  – based on having accepted myself as a failure thus:

23.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to be self-Honest in the moment where I was chatting with David Robert, because it was more important for me to feel that I was ‘getting somewhere’

24.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself let the experience of being overwhelmed direct me

25.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that all and any thoughts, emotions, feelings and reactions are deceptive and designed for me to remain within and as the mind

26.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that the experience of being overwhelmed was real – based on the belief that process is impossible

27.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept that process is impossible

28.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to defend and justify the belief that process is impossible for me based on having defined myself as a failure and through having validated that through comparison

29.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that Process is Equal for everyone and that it is by accepting it as impossible that I have made it impossible for myself

30.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself special through believing that process is especially difficult for me, instead of realizing that this is only so, because I have accepted it as difficult

31.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that I have created the experience of being overwhelmed by thinking about the vastness of process and in having defined it as difficult and that it is not an experience that I am ‘having’ as though it was something being done onto me

32.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as less than my emotions and feelings

33.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept emotions and feelings as more than me  – thus having enslaved myself to emotions and feelings as their servant

34.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to enslave myself to emotions and feelings and for having made myself the servant of emotions and feelings

35.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to limit myself through having accepted the thoughts about process as difficult, impossible and vast

36.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to question, investigate and stop the experience and thoughts about process as vast, difficult and impossible

37.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that self-forgiveness and process can only be here in the Moment, thus it is not something that exists in the future of the Mind and that it is thus self-forgiveness that is real and not the thoughts about it

38.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that process is difficult, vast and impossible

39.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Embrace the point of Process being vast, through Supporting myself One Breath at the time here in the moment

40.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify the experience of feeling overwhelmed by believing that I have to catch up to the others in process, that I am behind

41.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define the experience of feeling overwhelmed as: being overwhelmed instead of realizing that I am only experiencing this, because I have accepted and justified it as real

42.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use the experience of feeling overwhelmed as an excuse for not applying myself in Self-Honesty in every moment

43.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that it is easier to not apply myself based on the belief that I am already too far behind, instead of realizing that because I am Here in every moment of Every Breath, I have the opportunity to Stop and Change myself in every moment of every breath

44.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to let the experience of feeling overwhelmed based on having validated the thoughts about process as overwhelming to take over and accumulate, because I did not direct myself and stop in the moment the thoughts arised

45.   I Forgive myself that I have  not Accepted and Allowed myself to stop the thoughts in Self-Responsibility

46.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience anger towards myself for not having stopped the thoughts in self-responsibility

47.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience sadness towards not having applied myself in every moment of every breath

48.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to trust what I feel as real

49.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I have to catch up, instead of realizing that I have been Here the whole time and that I’ve abdicated myself to thoughts, emotions and feelings instead of remaining Here as who I am

50.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that the experience of feeling overwhelmed based on having allowed myself to think and within that believe and validate for myself that my process is difficult and impossible is generated from a point of Self-Abdication and Self-Deception

51.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Support myself to stop the experience of feeling overwhelmed and the thoughts about process as difficult and impossible

52.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see and define and experience self-forgiveness and process as hard work and that I within that have accepted myself as someone who does not like to or is able to work hard

53.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create an experience of feeling overwhelmed because I did not want to face myself and change and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as and Abdicate myself to Self-Interest, as the mind of feelings, emotions and thoughts – instead of Pushing myself in Common Sense and Self-Honesty to remain Here

  • I stop all thoughts of process being difficult, hard and Impossible
  • I Embrace the Process of Standing Up as Vast within Realizing that what I am doing is untangling everything I have ever believed and accepted myself to be and that it is only within each moment of Breath that I am able to Stand up
  • I let go of the belief that Process is impossible because I realize that this is self-deception
  • I do not allow the mind as thoughts, emotions and feelings to dictate or Direct me
  • I Push myself in Every Moment to remain Self-Honest and Here

Being out-there instead of Being Here

1.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to exist within a constant experience of lack

2.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to exist within a constant experience of being lacking

3.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am lacking

4.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as lacking

5.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as lack

6.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to search outside myself for something to make up for my apparent lack

7.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to because of the belief and acceptance of myself as lacking, believe that I have to find ‘wholeness’ outside myself

8.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to because of the belief and acceptance of myself as lacking, believe that I have to find ‘full-fillment’ outside myself

9.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am not whole

10.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am not full

11.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to become obsessed and possessed with filling myself with the energy of getting attention from others

12.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that there is an outside and an inside of me

13.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept that I have to seek full-fillment of and as myself somewhere outside separate from me and because of the acceptance of myself as not-whole, as lacking and separate I never become actually full

14.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I actually must seek full-fillment of and as myself outside myself

15.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept myself as not enough

16.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept myself as too much

17.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself according to experiences and memories that I have held onto wherein I was expressing myself unconditionally and was met by others with ridicule and rejection and upon that have believed and accepted myself as not-whole and not-acceptable

18.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame others for my acceptance of myself as not-whole and not-acceptable and for within this having abdicated responsibility of myself, thus making myself inferior to my perception of how others see me and the acceptance of myself as not-whole and not-acceptable

19.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to see and Realize within Common Sense that within Accepting something as Real, I make it Real for myself even though it is not

20.   I Forgive myself that I not have Accepted and Allowed myself to See and Realize that it is through me Accepting something as Real, that I make it Real for myself and thus define and limit myself accordingly

21.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to take the other into Consideration in their reactions or responses towards and instead have unconditionally accepted their definition of me as ‘who I am’

22.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that the adult that yelled at me when I was expressing myself, was either too preoccupied within their mind or they were actually reacting to me Expressing myself unconditionally while they had not Allowed themselves to do that since they were a child and therefore the experienced my expression as a threat to their self-dishonesty

23.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that I have said and done things towards children wherein I did not Consider that it might affect them for the rest of their lives

24.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to become possessed and obsessed with checking facebook and emails to see if I have gotten any replies or likes, because I within that experience an energetic reaction that I have defined as me being worth more when I am recognized and when what I do and say is approved of and applauded I have believed that this means that I am good

25.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear being bad

26.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself as bad

27.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to say to myself ‘I am a bad girl’

28.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself as a bad girl

29.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to embrace myself as a bad girl, because I did not know how else to accept myself than to take the negative reactions from adults and turn them into something positive

30.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to secretively desire to be good

31.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to keep secret from myself that I desired to be good, because that would threaten my definition of myself as bad as positive thus I would be faced with the negative definition of myself as bad

32.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that the reason I have defined myself as bad and as a rebel was to accept myself as that which I believed I was as a bad girl based on the way adults reacted to me, as to not have to face myself within this point of not being liked

33.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear that others don’t like me

34.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to become possessed and obsessed with getting others to like me

35.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise Self-Integrity just to be liked because I feared not being liked

36.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge myself for having been pre-occupied and possessed by this point of being liked and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to exist within the opinion and expectation that I must and should be more than who and what I have accepted myself to be and become, instead of realizing that is yet another example of how I have abdicated myself to the belief that I am not enough and that within this self-abdication I have given permission to always experience myself as lacking, as not enough, as not-whole and thus will experience myself from this starting-point until I take back the responsibility of me

37.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself according to whether or not others like me or not

38.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to mold myself into someone that was likable for everyone

39.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to become addicted to the positive feedback of others

40.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to play a polarity game wherein I myself represented the negative where others represented the positive and vice versa

41.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that I have been enslaved to energy and to playing the polarity game

42.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to keep generating and creating positive energy through Impulsing myself in specific ways to get specific positive results from others , even when I knew that what I was doing was participating in energy based on the justification within the mind that I have felt bad for so long so now I have to hold onto this good feeling and make it last

43.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be ashamed of having been addicted to energy within judging myself to accept myself as less than what I believe I should be, instead of realizing that the judgment is a statement of superiority where I see myself as better than being addicted to energy and thus having split myself into two parts based on participation in this polarity-game – stop.

44.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be embarrassed of having been addicted to energy

45.   I Forgive myself that I not have Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that being ashamed and embarrassed is participating in Energy – and so I Stop.

46.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use the Desteni vocabulary to get positive feedback from other Desteni members – thus:

47.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Abuse the Desteni vocabulary for self-interest and ego

48.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel ashamed for having Allowed myself to Abuse the Desteni vocabulary for self-interest and ego

I let go of the judgment and shame towards having allowed myself to abuse the Desteni vocabulary, because I realize that in have within this been consumed with trying to make myself more than what I am based on the acceptance of myself as less than what I am and also within this I let go of judging Desteni as bad and me as good, I let go of separating myself from myself as Desteni – I am Desteni and I Trust myself to Direct myself to not accept myself to abuse any words for self-interest and ego  – ego is not bad, but that does not make it real or acceptable. By taking the Bad out of Ego, I take away it’s reason to exist. When there I no Ego – there is only ECO – the earth and me as an Earthling.

49.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge myself for having Allowed myself to Abuse the Desteni vocabulary for self-interest and ego

50.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge myself for existing within and as points of ego like judgment – I STOP – I DIRECT ME – HERE

51.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify for myself being obsessed and possessed with surfing the internet for positive feedback with ‘I am doing Desteni stuff so it’s okay’  – instead of realizing that by having Accepted myself within this point of Lack and Energy Addiction, it will control and direct everything I participate within and as and thus ‘Desteni stuff’ is no longer Desteni stuff if I am doing it out of self-interest, mind and ego

52.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to ‘forget’ the awesomeness of self-forgiveness

53.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define self-forgiveness from within and as the mind as self-accepted self-abdication of myself as life, as a pressure and an obligation being placed onto me as a request for being good and thus in my pattern of having to accepting myself as bad, as good made it impossible for me to face myself within this point

54.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to try to ‘make the most of it’ and ‘make up for’ the time that I have not applied myself, instead of realizing that I made this process necessary for myself by not being Honest with myself and thus it became necessary – but I am still Here

55.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself experience pleasure and joy within participating online again

56.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify myself  to not push myself, in having deceived myself into believing that I am participating in process by participating on the internet alone and within that justify not standing in Self-Honesty and Self-Support in actually Applying and Pushing myself in every moment of every breath

57.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that I have designed myself to fall through self-deception – and thus in order to not deceive myself into falling, I must take responsibility for having designed myself to fall through self-deception by exposing myself to myself in specificity and diligence and by re-aligning as Life

58.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to exist outside myself

59.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept myself as existing outside myself

60.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make it possible for me to exist outside myself, by accepting it as possible and real to exist outside myself

61.   I Forgive myself that I have Never Accepted and Allowed myself to Actually Face myself within and as myself Alone

62.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that Alone I am nothing

63.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that Alone I am less than nothing

64.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself as shameful

65.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept that who I am I must suppress and keep secret, in fear and belief that others will judge, fear, reject and not accept me – instead of realizing that it is me who have judged, feared, rejected and not accepted me and that by projecting this onto others, I have separated myself from what and who I have accepted myself as, and thus made myself powerless towards Directing myself always having to keep myself secret from myself and suppress myself, to not have to face myself as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – within this: I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that who I am is ultimately bad in having compared and competed myself to how I saw others within and as the system as good

66.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that is other who have made me this way and within that blame others and abdicate self-responsibility and direction of having created myself through self-acceptance and deception

67.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept the obsession and possession with and in being addicted to Face book and emails as ‘natural’ and for deliberately having deceived to accept it as such, because it made me feel good and I did not want to let go of that experience, because within stopping the good feeling, I have believed that all I am left with, is the bad – instead of realizing that the two are interlinked and interdependent and that the only reason why I would be left with the belief, experience and acceptance of myself as bad, is because I have conditioned myself into believing that it is actually who I am

68.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to distract myself from Participating and Existing Here, Support myself as All here as One and Equal

69.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify not pushing myself and allowing myself to be distracted with the belief and acceptance of myself as weak

70.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that the belief and acceptance of myself as weak is Self-Deception and self-manipulation

71.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use the belief and acceptance of myself as weak as an excuse for not Pushing myself

72.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience shame towards having denied myself as Equality

73.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to become and become distracted by and as something that is not even real or relevant and that is actually Abusive and Deceptive in nature

74.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that Self-Deception is the basic premise of what and who I have Accepted myself as and that I thus must challenge and question everything I see, experience, feel and believe to be real

75.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself within and as Self-Deception

76.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself to the point where I forgot who I am

77.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into believing and experiencing that I am powerless, to justify not taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed in and as myself and in and as this world as myself and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as powerless and thus having made and manifested myself as powerless

78.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself into an advertisement for myself

79.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use what others consider cool and good and funny to advertise for myself

80.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience shame towards having manipulated through pretending to care about something, just to get peoples attention and positive feedback

81.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself dependent on the positive feedback of others based on the belief that I am nothing on my own

82.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be more interested in making others like me than in actually liking myself

83.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be more interested in making others accept me in accepting myself

84.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that without others I am nothing

85.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize the mathematical malfunction in this statement that is based on separation – that as long as I accept myself as separate, I will not be whole

86.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to use and abuse others in order to get my positive energy fix

87.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to manipulate and deceive others to get a positive energy fix

88.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself dependent on the positive feedback of others as a balance to the negative self-experience, acceptance and definition I have had of myself

89.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to become enslaved to the polarity of positive and negative

90.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame myself for facing points that I have faced before and that I did not direct myself effectively within

91.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and believe that when others do approve of me and accept me, that I become approvable and acceptable, for a moment, instead of realizing that how another responds to me is never going to change who and what I have accepted myself as and within and therefore focus on me accepting me and not place the responsibility of who I am or how I experience myself on another

92.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and accept and thereby manifest as real that another outside separate from me can influence me and change how I see and experience and define myself more than I can change myself and that I therefore much lay my focus for how I want to be and who I want to be seen as outside of me

93.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to stand self-responsible for having allowed myself to be influenced, directed and having defined and experienced myself according to my interpretation within and through the mind, of how others saw me, instead of realizing that this was an interpretation within and through accepting myself as the mind and that I did not take everything into consideration in that moment in Common Sense and Self-Honesty

94.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to diminish and enslave myself to only be able move, motivate and change myself according to the feedback that I have interpreted that I am getting from others

95.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that for me to accept myself as not-whole and not enough and too much I must already have accepted that within me or otherwise I would not have been influenced by how I interpret that others see me

96.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to place more-value into the minds interpretation of how others see me and for having defined myself according to this, instead of being Here as myself in every moment of every breath

97.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I require others to move, motive, change, define and accept me

98.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself by believing that if it is up to others to change me, then I am not responsible for who and what I have become and who and what I have accepted myself as

99.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that it is not possible for me to Stand as myself, Alone

100.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I know myself and that I know who I am, when it is clear that all I have accepted myself to be, has been according to an interpretation of how others saw me and how I wanted to be seen

101.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be good

102.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be bad

103.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see, define and experience good as restraint, force, a threat

104.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see, define and experience bad as free, safe, danger

105.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that good is something that I must be and that I am not and because I am not, I am bad

106.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that bad is who I am and because bad is who I am, I am not able to be good

107.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be secretively obsessed with wanting to be good, but within this having created a conflict and a split within and as me, because good represented a moral being forced onto me by others in which I had accepted myself as lacking and I started seeing good as bad and dangerous and bad as good and safe, because within be bad I believed that I accepted myself as who I was, instead of realizing that I had defined myself according to morality and the polarity of good and bad and that I had accepted myself within the starting point of lacking

108.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept myself within the starting-point of the belief that there is something wrong with me

109.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify and defend how I have taken how I have interpreted that others see and respond to me as real and valid through taking it personally, within defining myself as ‘sensitive’

110.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame my mother for having made me define myself as ‘sensitive’ by her articulating that I was ‘sensitive’ instead of realizing that this is yet another way I have abdicated self-responsibility of who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become to another outside separate from me, that is not even real because it is within the illusion of the mind

111.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept, see, define and experience myself according to the acceptance of myself as separate from others as myself

112.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself accept that if I were to survive in the world as I saw it, I had to define and accept myself according to the interpretation within the mind of how others saw me according to how I have defined myself according to defining everything into good and bad

113.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear Standing Alone based on the fear on not surviving in the world as I saw it

114.                   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to see that I had to force myself into believing the lie of the world as I saw it, because otherwise I would not have been able to function in the world as I saw it and thus I abdicated and diminished myself to the fear of not surviving

115.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I was special as a child in being ‘more open’ and more self-honest instead of realizing that this is what all children go through, being forced to abdicate ourselves to the systems we are born into, in order to survive and function

116.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see being bad as the only way to remain free and as ‘who I am’ instead of realizing that this was merely a reaction to already having accepted the system as good and myself as bad and that I was thus equally enslaved and not free because I was still defining myself according to the system being good

117.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept the systems of the world as good

118.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept that I had to submit myself to the systems as I experienced the world and the reality I was in, within believing that if I did not do that, I would not be able to survive and function in the world, instead of standing stable in self-honesty within and as myself

119.                   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept, see, define and experience the systems of the world as good and within this having desired to become integrated within them and functioning and successful within them

120.                   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that I have sacrificed myself as self-honesty, self-acceptance, self-trust and self-expression to be able to function and survive within the system that I was born into

121.                   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that my defining myself as a rebel and as rebelling towards the system and towards the system as being good, was based on me already having accepted the systems as more than me and thus immanently accepting myself as not-whole as always striving to be good, as always having to hide myself because I believed that who I was, was a threat to the system and thus I perceived, accepted, defined and experienced myself as a threat to my own survival

  • I do not Accept myself as lacking – I realize that the acceptance and experience of myself as lacking within the acceptance of me as being bad, not-whole, not good enough, is based on having abdicated myself to the system of the mind within and as me and within and as this world, as something separate, outside me,  within comparing myself to and accepting the system as good and myself as wrong and bad and not-whole in order to survive in the system, because I accepted and believed that who I was, was a threat to my own survival

  • I challenge, question and stop all definitions, experiences, beliefs, feelings, emotions, reactions, thoughts – because I realize that these are all originated through me having deceived myself and abdicated myself through participating and accepting the fear of not surviving as a basic premise for existing in this world and thus having made and accepted myself as less than the system, thus abdicating and separating myself from and as myself as creator and responsible for the system and thus I take back Authority of myself within and as everything that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and I do not accept myself to separate myself from myself as the system in accepting myself as less or more than who I am

  • I let go of all beliefs, definitions, perceptions, judgments and acceptances of myself as lacking, not-whole, bad, wrong, inferior, immanently not enough or too much – because I realize that these are coming from me having accepted the system as more than me, having accepted the mind as more than me, having accepted emotions, feelings and thoughts as more than me and within that having accepted myself as less than who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become – thus abdicating self-responsibility and authority of myself as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

  • I stop and let go of all desires, beliefs, definitions, perceptions, judgments and acceptances of myself of having to strive to be good, to be more because I realize that within doing so, I have already accepted myself as less and as bad, through abdicating and separating myself from the system of the world as myself – I am the system and I stand responsible for the system within who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

Compromising myself (ALL-ONE) for the desire to succeed

1.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself compromise and diminish myself for the desire to succeed

2.       I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that behind the desire to succeed, is the fear of failure

3.       I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that behind the desire to succeed, I have tacitly accepted myself as failure

4.       I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that the entire world and the systems within it, has been set up so that some would win and succeed, while others would lose and fail and that it is as such not about me personally, unless I accept it as such and thus abdicate myself to this system of competition

5.       I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that I have been competing with everyone else in my mind my whole life to survive

6.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe, take for granted and accept that in order to survive I had to compete with everyone else

7.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be and become consumed with the fear of not surviving

8.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear life

9.       I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear death

10.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to place value and worth into winning over others in my mind

11.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to try to win over others

12.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I could win over others

13.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I was winning over others

14.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel good when I believed that I was winning over others

15.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise self-integrity to win over others

16.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I was not competing against others, in the mind and manifested into action

17.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be directed by competing with others in my mind

18.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept competition as a basic premise of life

19.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to win

20.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that in order for me to win, I had to either be beautiful or intelligent

21.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to See and Realize that by accepting myself within competition to survive and within accepting competition as a base premise of life, I have accepted and allowed myself to accept, create and manifest the division  between rich and poor, between those that have and don’t have, between winners and losers and thus I have accepted, created and manifested starvation, poverty, greed and fear as a base premise of life

22.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept, create and manifest starvation, poverty, greed and fear as base premises of life, by accepting competition for survival as ‘natural’ and given and without questioning it’s validity within myself, I have accepted it to continue and to exist within and as this world, within and as me

23.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compete with others in my mind on intellect, because I have believed myself to be losing in the beauty-contest

24.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and accept that alone I am nothing, because it is through competing with others and winning that I am able to survive in this world

25.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself dependent on competing with others

26.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to gladly accept that someone else was losing as long as I was winning

27.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to allow someone else to lose so that I could win

28.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that every time, I believed that I won, I have tacitly accepted that someone else was losing and I have been okay with this because all that mattered was my survival

29.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be and become a slave and for having accepted myself to enslave myself to the survival game through competition

30.   I Forgive myself that I have  not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that it is through standing alone, all one, that I can stop accepting myself as a slave to survival and fear and competition and thus stop all abuse and compromise

31.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Stand Alone, All One

32.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that it is through the acceptance, validation and applause by others that I become a winner, instead of realizing that winning and losing are two sides of the same coin and so by desiring to win, I will fear to lose and I will accept myself as a loser equally as a winner

33.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that it is by having been a loser in this world, that I have allowed myself to see and realize what is going on

34.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to embrace myself as a loser

35.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept and believe wining and losing to exist

36.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and accept that winning and losing is real

37.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to participate in winning and losing and thus having accepted, created and manifested winning and losing as real, within and as me, within and as this world

38.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to participate in success and failure and thus having accepted, created and manifested success and failure as real, within and as me, within and as this world

39.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and accept that success and failure exists

40.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and accept that success and failure is real

41.   I Forgive myself that I have never Accepted and Allowed myself to consider myself in all of this, because all that mattered was surviving in the world

42.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that because I have accepted survival through competition within separation of all as it exists as the base premise of life, I have participated within everything from a starting-point of trying to survive and fearing not to, without realizing that even though I did not have to fight to survive physically, the survival through competition in social situations or in relationships is still based on the belief that I must survive at all costs, through winning over others, through as human win over nature and the animals, as woman win over man, as child win over adult, as white man win over those with dark skin

43.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Allow Suffering to exist because of my acceptance, creation and manifestation of survival as a base premise of life

44.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself less than survival

45.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make myself as slave to survival

46.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept survival through competition as the master and directive principle of me

47.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that everything what I have been doing has been trying to survive, and that I have not realized this, because I have abdicated everything to survival and accepted it without question

48.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to accept and force myself to compromise based on having accepted survival through competition as the base premise of my existence

49.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to realize that I have accepted survival through competition as the base premise for my existence

50.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I was free of the system, that I was a rebel against the system and that I therefore were winning over the system, instead of realizing that I have been the perfect slave because I accepted survival through competition as the base premise of life, without ever questioning its validity

51.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise and diminish myself because I have accepted myself as a threat to my own survival as the mind

52.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise myself through having accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate in guilt and from having accepted that as my starting-point, have believed that I must make it up by pushing myself extra hard, instead of realizing that I am still participating in energy through creating an inner split and conflict within and as me, that is in essence not real

53.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience, participate in and feel guilty for having ‘chosen’ self-interest over life

54.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame myself and experience anger and sorrow for having have taken a step that I cannot rebuke, no matter how hard I try

55.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to care about me alone, but only care about me as mind within energy, as self-delusion, dishonesty and destruction

56.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to attempt to make up for the ‘bad’ that I believe I have done, by attempting to push myself to be extra self-honest and extra effective, having the complete opposite effect because my starting-points has still been that I am bad

–          I feel guilty towards something else – something that is not inside and as me. This is only possible in Separation of myself isn’t it? Because otherwise it does not exist. Only me Here exist. I am all that is Here. Me and the rest of the physical surrounding me. There is no other, there is no addition to what is Here. We can only operate with the past through the mind – and the only proof of the past is the accumulated ourselves from it – A body does not feel guilt or anger or sadness. Currently the body is existing as subject to the mind, so it will feel what they mind tells it to feel – therefore crying, aching solar plexus  and as such the mind  have been able to make the physical live for it. It is Cruel to let that which is not Real believe that it can be. The Mind cannot be real because it is created as a substitute for us, when we were to scared of facing ourselves.

–          So when I think about smoking, then feel an emotion  in the lower stomach, it is not real and when I then play along I start experiencing it physically, even though it is actually not. When I experience guilt, I do not experience it ‘anywhere’ but the more I have allowed the mind to occupy the body, the more I have experienced guilt for example as being ‘somewhere’ within me, maybe even at a specific or several specific locations. Before the guilt must necessary come something else – which is: thoughts about the past compared to the present and the future in a virtual reality movie in and as the mind, where the mind itself plays the movie critic, the audience and the characters.

–          At the same time, from a Self-Support perspective, the experience of for example guilt must also point to the fact that something is un-aligned. By the mere fact that I am even experiencing this – (we are not having the experiences – the experiences are having us)

There must be a point wherein I have diluted myself. What I see in relation to this specific point is that the guilt actually points to a self-dishonesty that requires immediate correction – and so from a Self-Support perspective, the guilt becomes a pop up notice that something is going on that requires re-alignment. I ‘left’ myself at that point by allowing myself to deceive myself as so the guilt is there to tell me that. From a Self-Deceptive perspective the guilt is there to be used as an excuse for not being self-honest, because the guilt is an unpleasant experience and so I have suppressed myself and have attempted to satisfy it instead, to make myself not-guilty, but with already having CON-victed myself never actually being able to, because I’ve given myself a mark of the beast – actually become a mark of the beast.

57.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself for having become consumed of guilt with having allowed myself to deceive and lie to myself, instead of realizing that the guilt was merely there to let me know what I was doing – so that I could stop and correct myself

58.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that because I deceived myself from a point of awareness and understanding, what I have done is unforgivable, because I knew what I was doing, instead of realizing that this is what I have done the entire time and that all I am asking of myself is to correct it, not repent – because if I were to feel bad and guilty for having allowed myself to knowingly deceive myself, as oppose to deceiving myself unknowingly – I would never been done and I would never be able to change or correct myself, and so it would seem that I have always known what I was doing, even if I cannot remember it and even if I cannot remember myself.

Therefore – I allow the guilt to show me that there is something going on – but I do not participate with the guilt. And as I become Self-Honest, the guilt is thus not required to show me what I am doing – and there is no need to use it to Hide from myself, because with Self-Forgiveness. I Correct the Nature of myself wherein I have Accepted myself in and as Self-Deception.

59.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that all that matters is the mind, what is going on with the mind, how the mind sees things and that the physical simply need to subordinate as a lower life form than the mind

60.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that the physical is a lower life form that has to subordinate itself to the mind

61.   I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Compromise Aloneness specifically within Self-Application based on having invalidated myself and having accumulated that invalidation into manifestation – instead of question everything that is not physically here.

62.   I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to stop the Addictions to being stimulated by outside influences, because I did not want them to stop – and within this I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see and speak and reason from within the addictions, where obviously all that matters is the addiction – instead of pushing and assisting myself to realize that as long as I allow the Mind to Direct me, I will be its slave and that it is only by taking Responsibility through self-forgiveness and self-honesty that I can un-do what I have done as the mind as my own creation of and as myself in self-abdication.

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