Finished the first of this years two exams. It has been quite the process writing and reading books alongside working with another. I have enjoyed working with another, collaborating and sparring and it has been cool to see how easily we could work together without any prior experience with each other. We simply focused on getting the job done. There has however been side effects on me working on this project – one of them being that I have been dreaming about the exam every night. It has been like being in a maze of words and points that I had to mathematically put together and fit into an equation. Another point which might be even more revealing is that I have been dropping things. I have stood with something in my hand and dropped it out of nowhere for no appearant reason. I have experienced stiffness in my body and all of this indicates to me that I have been ‘lost’ to some extend in the mind of and as knowledge. What we have been working with, has however been fascinating, because we have written about the point of the State implementing competition into the Danish school system, where they up until a few years ago, have been focusing more on equality and democracy. Now they have realized that they cannot simply sit here in the North collecting the pay, while someone else does all the hard work. Anyways – a lot of points about competition has come up for me in this process. The other point we have worked with, is the point of Common Values which has also been interesting, because it is clear to see that values are being implemented as a strategy to keep people in the Delusion that we are all working together towards a Common Goal – The Good Life. Before I started these exams, whereof the first one is now done, the long written exam paper and I now have the oral exam with a synopsis to come, I announced that I would not be participating as actively online in this period – I see now and I also saw then, the possibility of this being an excuse. Because obviously I am not writing or reading the whole time – and so, I have used the point of these exams to give myself permission to Hide once again. It is fascinating because I see these points that are so clear and straight-forward, yet I have placed some kind of road-blocker in front of me and walking around through my day, I don’t see these road-blocks at all, only the points, there right in front of me and keep wondering why it feels like I am bumping into an invisible wall. That Wall is of course myself, myself as self-accepted limitation and self-deception as always – but it is within Facing the Wall, that I can get to work with the other points. I have thus pushed the point of comparison in practicality, but there are still road-blocks of… beliefs, it seem self-definitions too, that I have Allowed to block me from actually Moving. One thing I do see is that I have expected of myself to be a leader, a front figure. It is absurd – I have within the mind, made these ideas about who I should be, contrasting to my actual experiences of myself, upholding a constant serge of Polarity and energy. I’ve gotta Break down these Walls, realize that they aren’t Walls in the first place.

Cheers.

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