SRA Session 14.October 09

Facilitator: Matti
Facilitated: Anna

The point that I wanted to muscle test on was this experience in and as me of “uncomfortability”,
which I experienced as a physical “energy” located in my lower stomach, solar plexus and chest.

I have had this experience of “uncomfortability” for a long time and I have experienced it as simply “Being uncomfortable in my body.” Usually it is not that difficult for me to find out which thought patterns a experience is related to, but with this one it was simply a physical experience that did not seem to have any specific relation. I got more and more frustrated because I could not seem to Stop the experience, as I had nothing to relate or explain it to or with.

I ended up concluding that it was when I was “in the mind” thinking and feeling that I would simply experience myself as this “anxiety”, “shaking” and thereby being “uncomfortable” within being in the body.
I could not just stop the experience and I started judging myself for not being able to define or stop it.

We found out that it was related to “Self-Movement” and “Self-Beliefs” and “Self-Judgments” within that but it just seemed to keep going in circles. The session showed that it was very unclear.

Finally we tested to see if there was a word or a sentence in the dictionary that would clarify the point. It tested out as “heritage” and we found that this “experience” was a emotional/feeling-pattern that I had inherited from my father.
I did not know my father and so I have no experiences of him as to how we was, but I knew that he was severely bi-polar and had tried to kill himself many times. It was thus unconsciously infused in me at a physical level.

When we found that this was the “origin” for my experience, I felt a huge release and started crying.

I had thought that I had created the experience myself and that I for some reason just couldn’t get to the core of what the point was about. I then started judging myself for that and when it became clear that this was simply a pattern that had infused in me from my father, it all started making sense,
because my experience was simply physical uncomfortability and anxiety.

It was like a “beingness” inside me and I interpreted as “who I am”, because there was no clear points within it that I could relate to anything.

After wards we deleted it and found that there was a point on the body-grid that needed diffusion. In this specific point on the left side of the lower back, I have experienced pain for years.
What I Realized within this session was the actuality of how we are programmed within and as “energy-patterns” and that this shit simply “happens” to us.

I have been focusing on the point that “I have created everything myself – so I should be able to stop it”. But in this case I had no chance in hell of writing myself through the point, finding and deleting the point myself because it was directly transferred from my father and since I had not known him or experienced being with him that I can remember, I would not have been able to see the relation to how I experienced myself.

We tested the emotional point and the word that came up was “fiery” and that it was related to “Self-Movement” within “work”.

See my father was bi-polar which means that he was in a constant conflict and friction within himself – living as a manifested “polarity-construct”. He had extensive depressions and manic “episodes” as well. It could last for months without end. So I can see how that has manifested a emotional-pattern of being “fiery”

So my experience of this “shaking”, “uncomfortability” and “anxiety” within and as me seems related to his general experience of himself within this world or simply as an “energy” that he might have inherited as well.

The “fiery” emotional pattern is something I recognize in me as well. It makes sense in terms of experiencing this uncomfortability within Self-Movement, where I have experienced myself as constantly under pressure and literally “on fire”. We also found that it was specifically related to “work”. The relation to “work” is more within my experience of myself as “working” as myself as Life and then the Self-Judgments within that, more than it is related to actual specific work.

We deleted and diffused the point. After wards I experienced it as if there was “room” for me in my body.

That I could finally let go.

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