Anna SRA session 17-Mar-10

Is there a way that I can Assist myself with getting up in the morning?

Correction
Release/Self-Forgiveness
Past/Pattern to be looked at
Other

It checked out as correction and past/pattern – correction of a past pattern
(I want to run away now and do something else, I stay here)
The pattern is self-judgement
Judging my thoughts
Judging myself for thinking
Judging myself for waking up in the mind
Waking up with myself – ‘seeing’ myself – I want to go back to sleep.
(I can’t believe Bernard is keeping me here. He could just as well replace me)
Correction
Breathe
Get right out of bed as I wake up
(The tiredness I experience right now, is mind tiredness, not physical)

Background for this judgment
Not related to expectations

Related to me wanting to be a success – a notability

A memory pops up – it is an image of a roof top a place I was living. It is the experience I had of myself then that is relevant.

I felt uninvited, like an intruder. I felt like a criminal. I was ashamed of myself. I felt like I did not deserve to live there. – This is the same point that is repeating. ( the people doing the course are so good. I am a fraud)

This is a pattern I have adopted from my father. He had this experience unconsciously towards his family.
Wanting to stop thinking – but battling and fighting with myself, in my ego/superior I am much better than everyone else, so when I am not in fact – I drop

Any other points to bring into this session?

No

Is the session complete?

No

Are there more corrections that can be applied?

At the time of waking up, I stretch my body
Specific self-forgiveness on judging myself for thinking- today at 3 – 4
Living Self-Forgiveness

Self-Forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that thinking is bad
2. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge thinking as bad
3. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear thinking
4. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I must judge myself for thinking because it is bad
5. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I must judge myself for that which I consider bad as a way to control and restrain myself from doing bad things and making mistakes
6. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to automate self-judgement with regards to thinking, so that as soon as I wake up, I immediately judge myself for existing within and as the mind, in this case related to dream-thinking and experiences while dreaming
7. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge myself immediately as I wake up in the mornings
8. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in self-judgment as if it is ‘natural’ and ‘necessary’
9. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be addicted to judging myself – within the experience of not being able to stop, even though I see that I am abusing myself by doing it and that it is unacceptable
10. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abdicate my self-direction over thinking, by judging myself for thinking and thus separate myself from myself as thinking and suppress, deny and hide from myself to avoid my own judgment of myself
11. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept judgement as being necessary to prevent myself from making mistakes/getting in trouble/being bad
12. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be willing to do anything to avoid mistakes/getting in trouble/being bad
13. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to within resisting making mistakes/getting in trouble and being bad, are actually allowing it to persist, and creating a polarity within my experience, where I rebel against my own moral standards
14. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to attempt to abuse myself into not thinking, by hating, judging and loathing myself for thinking
15. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define not thinking as the correct/right way to be
16. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself wanting to stop thinking in order to be successful and survive
17. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I have to stop thinking in order to be successful and survive
18. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that my existence is depended on whether I stop thinking or not
19. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make a big issue about not thinking in and through thinking and thus having created a loop hole for myself, that only stops when I actually stop thinking – ironically so
20. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I can stop thinking by telling myself in my mind to stop thinking and within that not realizing that I am creating splits within myself, instead of simply not participate in thoughts – and specifically in self-judgment
21. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Direct myself in Self-Honesty, Self-Forgiveness and Common-Sense in the mornings when I wake up and Support myself in being Here, through Breath and moving myself Physically and instead having allowed myself to create a pattern of self-abuse, where I judge and resent myself for being who I am (EXPAND)
22. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to exist defined by my thoughts and ideas about myself and within that, only Accept myself as that which I think and feel about myself, instead of Actually Accepting myself Here unconditionally without being defined (de-fiend) by thoughts and emotions
23. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge and resent myself for being who I am – when it is in fact not really who I am, but merely an idea that I have accepted myself as and thus have been living as myself
24. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to live an idea as who I am, in self-judgment and self-resentment, instead of Accepting myself Here, unconditionally without ideas about who I am
25. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame myself for not being more effective in stopping my mind
26. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame and judge myself for being weak
27. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resist thinking and in that allow thinking to persist, instead of gently, in self-forgiveness and self-honesty, Direct my thoughts
28. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to recreate a pattern of self-judgment, self-hate and self-abuse instead of stopping and not accepting myself as that image that I have projected onto myself
29. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resist writing this and doing this for myself in unconditional Support and instead having Accepted myself to pity and feel sorry for myself, and within that relationship having allowed myself to Abuse myself.
30. I forgive myself that I have never Accepted and Allowed myself to give myself an actual chance to Stand up and Support myself in Self-Honesty unconditionally Here
31. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to convince myself that what I was doing was in Support of all, when in fact I was still trying to impress people, in order to feel better about myself
32. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Wake up in the morning, Direct myself Here and Support myself in being Here, through Breath and moving myself Physically
33. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify staying in bed, even though it is part of the pattern of self-judgment and self-pity
34. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be Self-Dishonest and Discredit myself, instead of Direct myself to move myself immediately as I wake up
35. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel guilty because I did not get immediately out of bed and instead justified for myself staying in bed
36. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself create a pattern where I think that I should get out of bed and move myself immediately as Bernard have suggested and then don’t do it and feel guilty and judge myself for not doing it
37. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that the self-judgment is part of thinking and of the mind-construct of self-abuse and self-sabotage that I have accepted myself to participate in and as (EXPAND)
38. I forgive myself that I because I have accepted self-judgment unconditionally in and as who I am as a Directive principle of and as me, not have Accepted and Allowed myself to Stop judging myself
39. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge thinking as something that is forbidden and take self-judgment for granted as a ‘natural’ part of ‘who I am’
40. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to challenge myself within self-judgment, and stop judging myself
41. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to defend self-judgment within and as me
42. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to unconditionally Support myself to stop judging myself
43. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself Abusing myself
44. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately Abuse myself
45. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately Sabotage myself, in order to ‘disarm’ myself, so that I would not be able to Stand Up, face myself and take Responsibility
46. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself for having used self-sabotage as a way of containing and trapping myself in the Mind – in Self-Depletion, Self-Judgment and Self-Deception
47. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself without self-integrity and Self-Respect to the point, where it has become difficult for me to actually Change myself within and as this
48. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see and observe myself acting in self-sabotage and self-deception and simply Accept this – instead of Standing up within and as myself as that self-sabotage – STOP and not allow myself to continue participating in self-sabotage
49. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to sabotage myself, by not valuing myself enough to actually push myself to get out of bed, not judging myself, Breathing in Self-Awareness, gentleness and Self-Forgiveness
50. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to sabotage and deliberately act as if I am lazy, because I have not valued myself enough to actually make a change and push myself within that
51. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear giving myself value and respecting myself
52. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to haven gotten so used to abusing and belittling myself, that actually Respecting myself through self-discipline, gentleness and self-forgiveness is scary and I resist giving into myself and actually love and appreciate myself
53. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define loving myself and caring for myself as being bad. (EXPAND)
54. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear loving and caring for myself because I considered it being selfish and self-absorbed – instead of Realizing that within a starting-point of Self-Love, Self-Respect and Self-Acceptance I can actually begin living for All as One as Equal as myself and Support Life in Equality as myself – and not participate in and exist from self-interest in desire and fear only concerned with winning and surviving.
55. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deny and resist loving and caring for myself, because I would within that have to Face myself in Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness and Actually See what I have done and how I have allowed myself to Exist
56. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear Facing myself – within what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as
57. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to pretend like I did not love and care for myself
58. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to interpret and define love and care as rebelling against other people and rules and thus do what I wanted in secret and deliberate deception in spite of other people – instead of realizing that ‘doing what I wanted’ was in most cases self-abusive and self-destructive and thus not self-caring or self-loving
59. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and convince myself that I was doing what was best for me, when I was in fact deliberately sabotaging myself
60. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into actually trusting my experience of doing something for myself, when I am actually Abusing myself

(How did this happen? Am I required to source this for myself?
It started in my childhood – I have not inherited from my mother
But she have the pattern as well – I’ve learned it from her – it is a survival strategy
I am to source it in relation to myself – not to her – write about specific experiences)

Specifically in relation to food:

Age 5 I would eat ice cream at birthday parties even though it made me sick – it really made me feel good. Like I was finally free. I liked being naughty and doing naughty things
Age 9 I would steal cheese and salami and keep it hidden – I really experienced it as though, I was doing it for myself
Age 12 I would eat and eat the same kind of bread with the same kind of spread. I never stopped. It made me feel safe.

61. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately sabotage my own self-support as a way of abusing myself and showing myself how little I value myself – instead of Stopping this Self-Abuse and not allowing myself to participate in that bullshit any longer
62. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately lie and cheat myself so to sabotage myself into not respecting and honouring myself and thus not respecting or honouring anyone or anything else
63. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am not worthy of loving myself, of being intimate or vulnerable with and as myself
64. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear being intimate and vulnerable with and as myself
65. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself within an image of myself of being superior, in which I expect myself to be better than everyone else in everything and when I am not, become disappointed and furious at myself
66. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel ashamed for not having stopped myself from thinking
67. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am a failure because I have not yet stopped myself from thinking
68. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear stopping thinking, when I am thinking
69. When I am not thinking, it becomes clear to me that thinking is of a nature of ‘fear’ – meant to lock me in and lock me down in a delusional self-abusive and self-prerogative mental Reality.
70. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be my thoughts
71. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abdicate my Responsibility for myself within and as my thoughts
72. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel ashamed for still participating in emotions
73. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel ashamed for experiencing that I am not able to stop experiencing emotions and thinking
74. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am not able to stop emotions and thinking
75. I’’’’’’ forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am different and more fucked than everyone else and by that justify for myself, why I do not Direct myself to not participate in thoughts
76. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create a relationship within me towards that of me ‘which thinks’ or which are ‘thoughts’ and because I feel ‘sympathy’ for it/myself as that – I allow it to continue to control and Direct me – and by separating myself from myself as thoughts and thinking, I have justified why it is the thoughts that are Directive and not me
77. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify not stopping thinking, by believing that it is too hard
78. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I must defend myself towards those that judge me and is out to get me, while all along it is myself within self-judgment that I fear and have created a conflict with, within me, but because I have partly abdicated self-Direction to this self-judgment and partly because I have separated myself from it – I have accepted it as valid, as Real and as the Directive Principle that I experience as ‘who I am’. Yet I hide from myself in fear of being judged for being bad, which in this specific interpretation is ‘thinking’ – in which case I will then defend ‘thinking’ and perceive thinking to be the innocent child and essentially allow thinking to control – which obviously also is self-judgment and then I have locked myself up and swallowed the key. – Now it is time to shit it out.
79. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be without thoughts
80. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I have to fight myself not to think
81. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define thinking as an enemy
82. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in self-abusive thoughts
83. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to extend thinking, by giving it energy through fighting thinking
84. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that thinking is not bad or evil, but it is simply a systemized program that I have created myself and by accepting is as who I am – allowed it to become the Directive Principle of me, without considering that I within doing so, Abdicating not only the Responsibility and Power of myself as the Source, but also of thinking in the first place
85. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I understand what thinking is
86. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I understand who I as thought, am without taking everything into consideration
87. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to submit and enslave myself to thoughts, instead of Standing up and taking Responsibility for myself and what I participate in.
88. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that the conscious thoughts that I experience/participate in as words and images is the totality of the Mind
89. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resist sorting myself out as thoughts, and instead having done anything possible to escape from having to Face myself in and as who I have become as thoughts, because I feared my own self-judgment and resentment
90. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to brainwash myself with religious and moral beliefs, that has fucked extensively with me – mostly in order to either attain success/win in the System (world/my life) or simply to assist me in Surviving
91. I forgive myself that I have never Accepted and Allowed myself to be intimate and vulnerable with myself
92. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to insist on something being wrong with me, and do anything to prove this to myself and to others
93. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to defend the beliefs that I have accepted within me as guidelines and premises for my survival and success in the system and essentially as ‘who I am’
94. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise myself extensively to the point of completely depleting and diminishing myself, within the strategy and promise, that that was the only way I could win
95. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to diminish myself deliberately to hide myself from other people, within defining and judging myself as dominant, loud mouthed and bad
96. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to diminish myself as a way of balancing/make up for/ justify myself for being dominating/bossy/ego/selfish/diva-like
97. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abdicate myself to myself as self-judgment and expect self-judgment to take care of me as a parent or a Directive Principle, instead of Realizing that I within judging myself am diminishing and abusing myself – and thus abdicate my self-responsibility for who I am and what and how I participate, instead of being the Directive Principle in Totality as Who I am
98. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hide behind self-judgment
99. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame self-judgment and give self-judgment the Responsibility for me not stopping my thoughts, when it is in fact me that have allowed myself to judge myself and me that has not Directed myself in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty to simply not participate in thoughts
100. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Direct my thoughts, because I have deemed them as dangerous and bad and thus instead have ignored and abdicated them as myself
101. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to take Responsiblity for my thoughts as myself

Self-Corrective Actions
When I wake up in the morning, I Breathe, I move and Direct myself Immediately.
I do not allow myself to be Directed by thoughts or emotion. I apply self-forgiveness for any thoughts, any self-judgments or emotions and thus Direct myself Here accordingly in Self-Support.
As I walk my day in Breath and Self-Support, I correct and Support myself to not Allow myself to go into self-judgment
I am the Directive Principle of me and I do not Accept myself to Exist in and as Self-Judgment and Self-Abuse

Self-Corrective Statements

I do not expect myself to Stop thinking, as it requires me as Directive Principle to Stop myself as thinking as me and so I Stop myself in the moment of Breath and not as a pressure, expectation or idea about who and how I want to be according to morality and ideas
I am Responsible for my thoughts – they are in and as me because I have Accepted and Allowed them in and as me, as who I am
I do Accept myself to judge my thoughts – Because by Judging my thoughts, I am judging me
I do not Accept myself to judge me
I Accept me Here
My thoughts are reflecting as what, how, where and who I have Allowed myself to Exist as in Self-Judgment/Judgment and Separation with Everything that is Here, as I am Here
I Allow myself to Unconditionally Direct my thoughts, as I take Responsibility for my thoughts as I take Responsibility for myself
I Support myself to Stop Accepting myself within and as Self-Judgment as the Mind as Who I am – in Realization that it is not who I am, yet what I have Accepted myself as
I do not Accept myself as Self-Judgment
I do not Accept myself as Thoughts
Yet I am Responsible for what I participate in, what I experience and what I Accept within and as me and thus I Support and Direct myself accordingly
I Support myself in every Moment to Breathe myself Here, in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty, to be intimate and gentle with myself, to Allow myself to look at and Direct my experiences
I do not Accept myself to Expect more of and as myself – than what I am able to do and be in a moment of Breath
I Allow myself to be Here without Self-Judgment as the Directive Principle of Who I am, because I Trust me Here to Care and to Consider what is Best for All, as me, as One and Equal
I Release, forgive and let go of Self-Judgment
I Direct my thoughts, in Self-Responsibility and Self-Support with gentleness and self-discipline in Self-Honesty and Self-Respect
I am One and Equal With Everyone and Everything else – I do not Accept myself as Separate or Judging of myself as All there is
I Support myself as All as One as Equal to Live Here Unconditionally without judgments or fear
I Support myself to End the Existence of myself in and as Separation, Fear, Desire, Greed, Control and Judgment to Allow myself to Accept myself in Self-Trust and Self-Expression
I do not fear or judge thoughts – I am one and Equal with thoughts and I Support myself to End all Self-Abuse, Separation and judgment within and as me as who and what I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Exist asAnna SRA session 17-Mar-10

Is there a way that I can Assist myself with getting up in the morning?

Correction
Release/Self-Forgiveness
Past/Pattern to be looked at
Other

It checked out as correction and past/pattern – correction of a past pattern
(I want to run away now and do something else, I stay here)
The pattern is self-judgement
Judging my thoughts
Judging myself for thinking
Judging myself for waking up in the mind
Waking up with myself – ‘seeing’ myself – I want to go back to sleep.
(I can’t believe Bernard is keeping me here. He could just as well replace me)
Correction
Breathe
Get right out of bed as I wake up
(The tiredness I experience right now, is mind tiredness, not physical)

Background for this judgment
Not related to expectations

Related to me wanting to be a success – a notability

A memory pops up – it is an image of a roof top a place I was living. It is the experience I had of myself then that is relevant.

I felt uninvited, like an intruder. I felt like a criminal. I was ashamed of myself. I felt like I did not deserve to live there. – This is the same point that is repeating. ( the people doing the course are so good. I am a fraud)

This is a pattern I have adopted from my father. He had this experience unconsciously towards his family.
Wanting to stop thinking – but battling and fighting with myself, in my ego/superior I am much better than everyone else, so when I am not in fact – I drop

Any other points to bring into this session?

No

Is the session complete?

No

Are there more corrections that can be applied?

At the time of waking up, I stretch my body
Specific self-forgiveness on judging myself for thinking- today at 3 – 4
Living Self-Forgiveness

Self-Forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that thinking is bad
2. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge thinking as bad
3. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear thinking
4. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I must judge myself for thinking because it is bad
5. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I must judge myself for that which I consider bad as a way to control and restrain myself from doing bad things and making mistakes
6. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to automate self-judgement with regards to thinking, so that as soon as I wake up, I immediately judge myself for existing within and as the mind, in this case related to dream-thinking and experiences while dreaming
7. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge myself immediately as I wake up in the mornings
8. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in self-judgment as if it is ‘natural’ and ‘necessary’
9. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be addicted to judging myself – within the experience of not being able to stop, even though I see that I am abusing myself by doing it and that it is unacceptable
10. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abdicate my self-direction over thinking, by judging myself for thinking and thus separate myself from myself as thinking and suppress, deny and hide from myself to avoid my own judgment of myself
11. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept judgement as being necessary to prevent myself from making mistakes/getting in trouble/being bad
12. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be willing to do anything to avoid mistakes/getting in trouble/being bad
13. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to within resisting making mistakes/getting in trouble and being bad, are actually allowing it to persist, and creating a polarity within my experience, where I rebel against my own moral standards
14. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to attempt to abuse myself into not thinking, by hating, judging and loathing myself for thinking
15. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define not thinking as the correct/right way to be
16. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself wanting to stop thinking in order to be successful and survive
17. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I have to stop thinking in order to be successful and survive
18. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that my existence is depended on whether I stop thinking or not
19. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to make a big issue about not thinking in and through thinking and thus having created a loop hole for myself, that only stops when I actually stop thinking – ironically so
20. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I can stop thinking by telling myself in my mind to stop thinking and within that not realizing that I am creating splits within myself, instead of simply not participate in thoughts – and specifically in self-judgment
21. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Direct myself in Self-Honesty, Self-Forgiveness and Common-Sense in the mornings when I wake up and Support myself in being Here, through Breath and moving myself Physically and instead having allowed myself to create a pattern of self-abuse, where I judge and resent myself for being who I am (EXPAND)
22. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to exist defined by my thoughts and ideas about myself and within that, only Accept myself as that which I think and feel about myself, instead of Actually Accepting myself Here unconditionally without being defined (de-fiend) by thoughts and emotions
23. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge and resent myself for being who I am – when it is in fact not really who I am, but merely an idea that I have accepted myself as and thus have been living as myself
24. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to live an idea as who I am, in self-judgment and self-resentment, instead of Accepting myself Here, unconditionally without ideas about who I am
25. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame myself for not being more effective in stopping my mind
26. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame and judge myself for being weak
27. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resist thinking and in that allow thinking to persist, instead of gently, in self-forgiveness and self-honesty, Direct my thoughts
28. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to recreate a pattern of self-judgment, self-hate and self-abuse instead of stopping and not accepting myself as that image that I have projected onto myself
29. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resist writing this and doing this for myself in unconditional Support and instead having Accepted myself to pity and feel sorry for myself, and within that relationship having allowed myself to Abuse myself.
30. I forgive myself that I have never Accepted and Allowed myself to give myself an actual chance to Stand up and Support myself in Self-Honesty unconditionally Here
31. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to convince myself that what I was doing was in Support of all, when in fact I was still trying to impress people, in order to feel better about myself
32. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Wake up in the morning, Direct myself Here and Support myself in being Here, through Breath and moving myself Physically
33. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify staying in bed, even though it is part of the pattern of self-judgment and self-pity
34. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be Self-Dishonest and Discredit myself, instead of Direct myself to move myself immediately as I wake up
35. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel guilty because I did not get immediately out of bed and instead justified for myself staying in bed
36. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself create a pattern where I think that I should get out of bed and move myself immediately as Bernard have suggested and then don’t do it and feel guilty and judge myself for not doing it
37. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that the self-judgment is part of thinking and of the mind-construct of self-abuse and self-sabotage that I have accepted myself to participate in and as (EXPAND)
38. I forgive myself that I because I have accepted self-judgment unconditionally in and as who I am as a Directive principle of and as me, not have Accepted and Allowed myself to Stop judging myself
39. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to judge thinking as something that is forbidden and take self-judgment for granted as a ‘natural’ part of ‘who I am’
40. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to challenge myself within self-judgment, and stop judging myself
41. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to defend self-judgment within and as me
42. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to unconditionally Support myself to stop judging myself
43. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself Abusing myself
44. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately Abuse myself
45. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately Sabotage myself, in order to ‘disarm’ myself, so that I would not be able to Stand Up, face myself and take Responsibility
46. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself for having used self-sabotage as a way of containing and trapping myself in the Mind – in Self-Depletion, Self-Judgment and Self-Deception
47. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself without self-integrity and Self-Respect to the point, where it has become difficult for me to actually Change myself within and as this
48. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to see and observe myself acting in self-sabotage and self-deception and simply Accept this – instead of Standing up within and as myself as that self-sabotage – STOP and not allow myself to continue participating in self-sabotage
49. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to sabotage myself, by not valuing myself enough to actually push myself to get out of bed, not judging myself, Breathing in Self-Awareness, gentleness and Self-Forgiveness
50. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to sabotage and deliberately act as if I am lazy, because I have not valued myself enough to actually make a change and push myself within that
51. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear giving myself value and respecting myself
52. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to haven gotten so used to abusing and belittling myself, that actually Respecting myself through self-discipline, gentleness and self-forgiveness is scary and I resist giving into myself and actually love and appreciate myself
53. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define loving myself and caring for myself as being bad. (EXPAND)
54. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear loving and caring for myself because I considered it being selfish and self-absorbed – instead of Realizing that within a starting-point of Self-Love, Self-Respect and Self-Acceptance I can actually begin living for All as One as Equal as myself and Support Life in Equality as myself – and not participate in and exist from self-interest in desire and fear only concerned with winning and surviving.
55. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deny and resist loving and caring for myself, because I would within that have to Face myself in Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness and Actually See what I have done and how I have allowed myself to Exist
56. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear Facing myself – within what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as
57. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to pretend like I did not love and care for myself
58. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to interpret and define love and care as rebelling against other people and rules and thus do what I wanted in secret and deliberate deception in spite of other people – instead of realizing that ‘doing what I wanted’ was in most cases self-abusive and self-destructive and thus not self-caring or self-loving
59. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe and convince myself that I was doing what was best for me, when I was in fact deliberately sabotaging myself
60. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deceive myself into actually trusting my experience of doing something for myself, when I am actually Abusing myself

(How did this happen? Am I required to source this for myself?
It started in my childhood – I have not inherited from my mother
But she have the pattern as well – I’ve learned it from her – it is a survival strategy
I am to source it in relation to myself – not to her – write about specific experiences)

Specifically in relation to food:

Age 5 I would eat ice cream at birthday parties even though it made me sick – it really made me feel good. Like I was finally free. I liked being naughty and doing naughty things
Age 9 I would steal cheese and salami and keep it hidden – I really experienced it as though, I was doing it for myself
Age 12 I would eat and eat the same kind of bread with the same kind of spread. I never stopped. It made me feel safe.

61. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately sabotage my own self-support as a way of abusing myself and showing myself how little I value myself – instead of Stopping this Self-Abuse and not allowing myself to participate in that bullshit any longer
62. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to deliberately lie and cheat myself so to sabotage myself into not respecting and honouring myself and thus not respecting or honouring anyone or anything else
63. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am not worthy of loving myself, of being intimate or vulnerable with and as myself
64. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear being intimate and vulnerable with and as myself
65. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define myself within an image of myself of being superior, in which I expect myself to be better than everyone else in everything and when I am not, become disappointed and furious at myself
66. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel ashamed for not having stopped myself from thinking
67. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am a failure because I have not yet stopped myself from thinking
68. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to fear stopping thinking, when I am thinking
69. When I am not thinking, it becomes clear to me that thinking is of a nature of ‘fear’ – meant to lock me in and lock me down in a delusional self-abusive and self-prerogative mental Reality.
70. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to be my thoughts
71. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abdicate my Responsibility for myself within and as my thoughts
72. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel ashamed for still participating in emotions
73. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to feel ashamed for experiencing that I am not able to stop experiencing emotions and thinking
74. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am not able to stop emotions and thinking
75. I’’’’’’ forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I am different and more fucked than everyone else and by that justify for myself, why I do not Direct myself to not participate in thoughts
76. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to create a relationship within me towards that of me ‘which thinks’ or which are ‘thoughts’ and because I feel ‘sympathy’ for it/myself as that – I allow it to continue to control and Direct me – and by separating myself from myself as thoughts and thinking, I have justified why it is the thoughts that are Directive and not me
77. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to justify not stopping thinking, by believing that it is too hard
78. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I must defend myself towards those that judge me and is out to get me, while all along it is myself within self-judgment that I fear and have created a conflict with, within me, but because I have partly abdicated self-Direction to this self-judgment and partly because I have separated myself from it – I have accepted it as valid, as Real and as the Directive Principle that I experience as ‘who I am’. Yet I hide from myself in fear of being judged for being bad, which in this specific interpretation is ‘thinking’ – in which case I will then defend ‘thinking’ and perceive thinking to be the innocent child and essentially allow thinking to control – which obviously also is self-judgment and then I have locked myself up and swallowed the key. – Now it is time to shit it out.
79. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to desire to be without thoughts
80. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I have to fight myself not to think
81. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to define thinking as an enemy
82. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to experience and participate in self-abusive thoughts
83. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to extend thinking, by giving it energy through fighting thinking
84. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Realize that thinking is not bad or evil, but it is simply a systemized program that I have created myself and by accepting is as who I am – allowed it to become the Directive Principle of me, without considering that I within doing so, Abdicating not only the Responsibility and Power of myself as the Source, but also of thinking in the first place
85. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I understand what thinking is
86. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that I understand who I as thought, am without taking everything into consideration
87. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to submit and enslave myself to thoughts, instead of Standing up and taking Responsibility for myself and what I participate in.
88. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to believe that the conscious thoughts that I experience/participate in as words and images is the totality of the Mind
89. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to resist sorting myself out as thoughts, and instead having done anything possible to escape from having to Face myself in and as who I have become as thoughts, because I feared my own self-judgment and resentment
90. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to brainwash myself with religious and moral beliefs, that has fucked extensively with me – mostly in order to either attain success/win in the System (world/my life) or simply to assist me in Surviving
91. I forgive myself that I have never Accepted and Allowed myself to be intimate and vulnerable with myself
92. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to insist on something being wrong with me, and do anything to prove this to myself and to others
93. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to defend the beliefs that I have accepted within me as guidelines and premises for my survival and success in the system and essentially as ‘who I am’
94. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to compromise myself extensively to the point of completely depleting and diminishing myself, within the strategy and promise, that that was the only way I could win
95. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to diminish myself deliberately to hide myself from other people, within defining and judging myself as dominant, loud mouthed and bad
96. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to diminish myself as a way of balancing/make up for/ justify myself for being dominating/bossy/ego/selfish/diva-like
97. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to abdicate myself to myself as self-judgment and expect self-judgment to take care of me as a parent or a Directive Principle, instead of Realizing that I within judging myself am diminishing and abusing myself – and thus abdicate my self-responsibility for who I am and what and how I participate, instead of being the Directive Principle in Totality as Who I am
98. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to hide behind self-judgment
99. I forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to blame self-judgment and give self-judgment the Responsibility for me not stopping my thoughts, when it is in fact me that have allowed myself to judge myself and me that has not Directed myself in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty to simply not participate in thoughts
100. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Direct my thoughts, because I have deemed them as dangerous and bad and thus instead have ignored and abdicated them as myself
101. I forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to take Responsiblity for my thoughts as myself

Self-Corrective Actions
When I wake up in the morning, I Breathe, I move and Direct myself Immediately.
I do not allow myself to be Directed by thoughts or emotion. I apply self-forgiveness for any thoughts, any self-judgments or emotions and thus Direct myself Here accordingly in Self-Support.
As I walk my day in Breath and Self-Support, I correct and Support myself to not Allow myself to go into self-judgment
I am the Directive Principle of me and I do not Accept myself to Exist in and as Self-Judgment and Self-Abuse

Self-Corrective Statements

I do not expect myself to Stop thinking, as it requires me as Directive Principle to Stop myself as thinking as me and so I Stop myself in the moment of Breath and not as a pressure, expectation or idea about who and how I want to be according to morality and ideas
I am Responsible for my thoughts – they are in and as me because I have Accepted and Allowed them in and as me, as who I am
I do Accept myself to judge my thoughts – Because by Judging my thoughts, I am judging me
I do not Accept myself to judge me
I Accept me Here
My thoughts are reflecting as what, how, where and who I have Allowed myself to Exist as in Self-Judgment/Judgment and Separation with Everything that is Here, as I am Here
I Allow myself to Unconditionally Direct my thoughts, as I take Responsibility for my thoughts as I take Responsibility for myself
I Support myself to Stop Accepting myself within and as Self-Judgment as the Mind as Who I am – in Realization that it is not who I am, yet what I have Accepted myself as
I do not Accept myself as Self-Judgment
I do not Accept myself as Thoughts
Yet I am Responsible for what I participate in, what I experience and what I Accept within and as me and thus I Support and Direct myself accordingly
I Support myself in every Moment to Breathe myself Here, in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty, to be intimate and gentle with myself, to Allow myself to look at and Direct my experiences
I do not Accept myself to Expect more of and as myself – than what I am able to do and be in a moment of Breath
I Allow myself to be Here without Self-Judgment as the Directive Principle of Who I am, because I Trust me Here to Care and to Consider what is Best for All, as me, as One and Equal
I Release, forgive and let go of Self-Judgment
I Direct my thoughts, in Self-Responsibility and Self-Support with gentleness and self-discipline in Self-Honesty and Self-Respect
I am One and Equal With Everyone and Everything else – I do not Accept myself as Separate or Judging of myself as All there is
I Support myself as All as One as Equal to Live Here Unconditionally without judgments or fear
I Support myself to End the Existence of myself in and as Separation, Fear, Desire, Greed, Control and Judgment to Allow myself to Accept myself in Self-Trust and Self-Expression
I do not fear or judge thoughts – I am one and Equal with thoughts and I Support myself to End all Self-Abuse, Separation and judgment within and as me as who and what I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Exist as

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