SRA session 15/11/09
Facilitator: Anna
Facilitated: Anna
I am going to work with the fear of it being ’too late’
Within hearing Bernard saying that it is ‘too late’ – ‘you´re too consumed with fear/being possessed by the mind,’ what I have interpreted was that I would inevitably die and either be deleted or remain in a hell-like state in the ‘dimensions’ as a thought and within that I have feared that I would see everything and regret not having stood up.
There is a fear-pattern behind this fear as a primary-pattern. In relation to this, there is an emotional and feeling-pattern of ‘Grief’ – I do experience grief within having regretted submitting myself to the mind, grieving my existence.
There is also the point within this of believing that I have ‘lost’ the opportunity of experiencing Life. There is also within this a desire for experience what it actually means to exist without fear.
The fear-pattern that is the primary pattern behind my fear of it being ‘too late’ is fear of ‘hurting others’. Coming from the belief that I am hurting others, that it is possible to hurt others. Not related to not having forgiven myself for what I have done in the past. It is related to not letting go of the belief and forgive myself for having believed that I am hurting others.
Behind this fear-pattern is a thought-pattern of ‘I want to be important’ – as the core-pattern behind the ‘fear of hurting others’.
Because I was not completely clear on this pattern I asked if there was something that could clarify this. The muscle unlocked on a tarot card where in a specific sentence tested out as relevant:
‘How can you enjoy life if you are continuously feeling guilty’ – I have judged and defined enjoying myself as ‘wrong’ and have judged enjoying myself as self-interest
Wanting to be important and fearing to hurt others are interlinked and in a polarity relationship
Important within a specific definition of the word as I scanned in the dictionary: ‘naturally’
How do I understand being important as ‘naturally’?
Wanting to be naturally – desiring to be naturally as being naturally Here
How have I desired to be important? To be important to others- To nurture and protect them, support them and give them love. I have desired to be a part of process in terms of standing up for life, but as an idea in my mind and not as an actual living statement of who I am.
How does that connect to ‘naturally’?
Within this session the word ‘naturally’ is defined as ‘Equal’ within my understanding of ‘naturally’ as something that is not conditioned by knowledge but is immanent = naturally Here
So I have desired to be important as being naturally Here as Equal, but as an idea in my mind in which I have defined being naturally Here as ‘being important’ and thus desiring to be important
The fear as I see it is related to me knowing That my experience of Standing up as Equal, is conditioned by the desire to be important and thus is reflected by my fear of being ‘too cold’.
Standing Equal with all life and all there is thus still an idea in my mind, in which I have placed value with regards to wanting to experience myself as important
There is a fear-pattern behind this of ‘fear of being too cold’ – I have defined being ‘too cold’ as not caring. I do not fear not caring, I judge myself as not caring
Corrective action: Self-Forgiveness
The patterns require to be forgiven before I can delete and let go of these patterns.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too late
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear owns me
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to forgive my past
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress fear and self-judgment in the belief that I could avoid facing myself in and as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become through and as my participation in fear and self-judgment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as Separate from unconditional love
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of myself as self-judgment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am only giving to others in self-interest to gain something
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only give to others in self-interest to gain something
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having only given to others in self-interest of gaining something
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist Suffering
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and experience as more than Suffering
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and experience myself as less than animals and nature
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed and judging myself as Human
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as Human
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cared when in fact I only cared about getting what I wanted
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience and believe that I am less than my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as less than my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as more than my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, experience and believe that I am more than the physical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control the physical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control the physical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the physical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to control the physical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional pattern of “grief” in which I have regretted having allowed myself to submit to and be Directed by fear and self-judgment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having allowed myself to submit to and be Directed by fear and self-judgment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and experience a reaction of grief
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to Stand up and Stop myself from existing as not Equal
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of expecting myself to fail
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having participated in and Directed myself from and as fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear hurting others and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is possible to hurt others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to fear talking to Bernard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in a pattern of fear of talking to Bernard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Directed by fear of talking to Bernard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify fear of talking to Bernard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to and submit myself to fear of talking to Bernard
I forgive myself that I have not Directed myself when I have experienced fear of talking to Bernard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to fail
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to be dishonest
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and within that allowing myself to judge them and me according to values that I have placed as ‘right and wrong’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being killed by Bernard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being discarded by Bernard
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Stand One and Equal Here with and as Bernard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and resist talking to and touching Bernard and Matti
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to talk to Bernard and Matti
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Bernard and Matti as more than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to and be controlled by fear of talking to and touching Bernard and Matti
I forgive myself that I have not Directed myself to Stop and push through fear of talking to and touching Bernard and Matti
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify wanting to sleep when I am aware that I am in that showing myself that I want to suppress and resist facing myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify sleeping, even though I am aware that I do not actually require sleep
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify sleeping within defining the experience of sleep as comfort and rest, because I do not experience self-judgement when I sleep the same way that I have experienced self-judgment when I am awake
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in a ‘state’ of self-judgment and stress
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in a pattern of waking up in a ‘state’ of self-judgment and stress
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become self-judgment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self-judgment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself for granted as self-judgment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-judgment is who I am, so that when I am judging myself, I do not even notice that I am accessing a pattern, because I have fully accepted myself as that pattern

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing points
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having missed points
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss points
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat patterns and exist within repeating patterns and accepting and participating in them as real, instead of Realizing that they are just patterns
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that they are talking in the kitchen and the lounge and that I am not there either because I am not worthy or because I am resisting it and therefore not worthy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be paranoid about what people think and say about me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend and justify myself as not worthy by constantly finding and making up ‘proofs’ of my worthlessness and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and participate in a pattern of ‘worthlessness’.
I forgive myself that I have not let go of the belief that I am hurting others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be important
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and experience paranoia towards being deceived by others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is possible for others to deceive me
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself within and as Self-Expression and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, limit, judge and create ideas about what Self-Expression is and what Self-Expression should be
I forgive myself that I within having accepted and allowed myself to desire to be important have conditioned and limited myself within my perception of what being important means
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Realize that I am only as important as I create myself to be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience ‘getting lost’ within my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not Equal with my mind, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow thoughts, emotions, feelings and reactions to control me and thus allowing myself to be Directed by my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and exist within a polarity-experience where I either am very extrovert or introvert
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being naturally Here as an Idea in my mind in which I experience equality as something that I can attain and not something that I already am Here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word “Equality” and “Equal”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace and Stand Equal to what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in ‘too late’
I forgive myself that I have secretively allowed myself to rely on hope
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to escape the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood Life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood Suffering
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood love
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind self-judgment in the belief that if I was already punishing myself, I could avoid the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in enslaving animals and plants
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood enslavement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore Suffering
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having allowing Suffering and enslavement to exist
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand Equal with what I have accepted and allowed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood Equality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge without application and actual living understanding to make myself feel important and to avoid consequences of what I have accepted and allowed
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to dare to Care
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood care
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to believe that I was doing what I was doing, because it was best for All, when I was in fact doing it to satisfy myself, within my accepted and allowed definition of myself as lacking and wanting
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself as Human when I am with an animal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be arrogant towards Existence, everyone and myself in the belief that I could fake myself through process
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood process
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I judged and punished myself enough, I could avoid the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace Suffering
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Stand Equal to Suffering
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was more than Suffering and more than those that Suffer
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having believed and experienced myself as superior towards animals
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cared for all Life, when in fact I only cared about my own little miserable existence in my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Suppress myself within my allowed experience of fear and self-judgment, resulting in me only experiencing the ‘civilized’ version of it and not the actual raw version
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be Equal to my experience of myself in and as fear and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within a polarity-relationship with fear of either being superior or inferior to fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for an invitation or a permission to exist
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Recognize and Realize myself as Care
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Recognize and Realize the Support I am receiving
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Separate myself from Support
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself Support
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not deserve Support or Care
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being Supported
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being Cared for
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Supporting another as myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Caring for another as myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Care and Caring as compromising myself and risking getting hurt
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Care for Matti as myself
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Care for All Life as myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that Bernard would kill me to make an example out of me
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value myself anymore than believing that I deserve to be killed for what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to love myself unconditionally
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was useless and through that allowing myself to be possessed by the desire to be useful
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others reactions towards me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more responsible for Suffering that anyone else
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less responsible for Suffering than anyone else
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Stand One and Equal with what I have accepted and allowed and within that Directing myself to not accept and allow anything that is not Considering and Caring for All Life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel grief over what I have accepted and allowed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not pushing through resistance and suppression in situations where I was aware of what I was doing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that we are all fucked for eternity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood Existence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood the Mind
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the fear that it is too late
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop myself unconditionally from participating in fear and desire
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop myself unconditionally from participating in polarities and patterns
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within facilitating a SRA session
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate and justify judging myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be more than I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as less than I am
I AM HERE
I AM HERE
I AM HERE
I AM HERE
I AM HERE
I AM HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others will hurt and deceive me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will hurt and deceive others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not deserve Care and Support
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Care for and Support myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear silence and darkness in and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being heard
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my definition of myself as less and worthless
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed with being more than I am and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed with Hiding myself from within believing that I am less and more than others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and postpone in order to remain in and control my experience of myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self-expression
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my self-expression is based on ego and therefore not self-honest and that I must suppress myself
I forgive myself that I have only accepted and allowed myself to express myself within my accepted conditioning of what expression should be in terms of not pissing anyone off
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge myself for having wanted to and believing that I was more than others
I forgive myself that I within having accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for believing that I was more than other, not have allowed myself to Stop myself from believing that I am more and less than others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being sick and ill as a consequence and side-effect of not having Directed myself in Self-Honesty and unconditional Self-Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define consequence as punishment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood Consequence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood my body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood physicality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood substance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood animals
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat animals as less than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat animals as more than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to resistance, instead of Realizing that the resistance is showing me, where I am still allowing myself to exist as Separate
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to desires, instead of Realizing that a desire is based on the belief that I am lacking and thereby separate from that which I desire
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can compensate not caring with pretending to care extra much
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understood Self-Honesty
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not caring
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not Equal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and claim that I was being Self-Honest, when in fact I do not know what Self-Honesty really is
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by fearing being Dis-Honest

The self-forgiveness I have applied now is sufficient within this session
There are other corrective actions that would be cool to take: deleting the patterns. On the thought-pattern of ‘ I want to be important’ there was a point on the body-grid on my right knee on the back. I rubbed the point for approximately 1 min and the point was deleted.
Session is complete.

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