So I went to school yesterday after I had written about the point and applied Self-Forgiveness. My main goal was to not go on ‘autopilot’ and ‘check out’ basically instead of remaining Here in Self-Honesty. It was apparently easier said that done, because already as I was getting dresses, I was following the point of ‘fitting in’ – I was saying to myself ’Wear what feels comfortable’ and yet I was trying to look a certain way, and you know, not even look a certain way – but specifically NOT look how I felt when I was 6 years old and got teased for what I wore. I think that one of the reasons why this is something that has ‘stuck’ in me, is because it was such a shock to me back then, that the world was like this, that I was like this – and so to prevent myself from ever being shocked and ambushed like that again, I have done my hardest to prevent it from happening – yet remaining ‘locked’ in that experience of being ‘off the beat’ and ‘un-cool’. So I dressed and I left and I applied Self-Forgiveness on the bike on my way there – That is something I enjoy very much and I have slowly but surely gotten over the point of Applying Self-Forgiveness in public. This might have something to do with the overall structure of my personality, but I actually find it easier to apply Self-Forgiveness in public than to sit by myself at home saying the sentences. 

I got to school almost two hours too early because I had to catch up on my reading to the day’s lessons. I never finished because people kept coming and I got distracted the whole time. That was a note to myself that it is much better if I read at home. With regards to the point of the auto-pilot of social survival, I did go on it. We had to form study groups and I was anxious and nervous about it. I was afraid that no one would go into a group with me. Same starting point – ‘There is something wrong with me’. Eventually it all worked out. I got in a randomly selected group with 9 other people, mixed men, women and ages so that is actually as cool as it could possibly be. It is easy and almost ‘natural’ for me to take charge in a group – so I was playing with the point of remaining absolutely silent, not saying anything – This is something I have tried to do before in schools and other social situations, with no success. I will tell myself to shut up and two minutes later, I am chatting away. A point of justification is also that I have believed that this is really ‘who I am’ as though it is my ‘natural self-expression’. I Realize that this is part of the Survival System and even more importantly that I have feared giving it up. Okay, well that is cool – because I have reached some kind of partly conclusion on what these points consist of:

Fear of Missing Out – (Also represented in other points like Fear of Death), (also based on specific experiences from the past that I have attempted to avoid, yet which has defined me)
Fear of being alone – connected with the belief that I need other people to exist (as personality)
Fear of giving up (no losing) Personality as Survival – specifically the chatting, ironically a presence that says ‘I am Here’ – even though I am ‘Not Here’ because I am running some fucked up Survival scheme 

I Allow myself to Let Go of myself as Personality
I Allow myself to Let Go of Fear
I Allow myself to Let Go of having to fit in – I Allow myself to be Self-Honest and Self-Supportive
I am not attending these classes or this job to be liked – Fuck being Liked
I Allow myself to Let Go of Fear of not being liked


I am Here to Support myself to Stand up as Life – To Stop All Systems of Separation, Enslavement, Self-Interest, Memory, Mind and Abuse 


I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Exist within and as Systems of Separation, Enslavement, Self-Interest, Memory, Mind and Abuse 


I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Accept myself within and as Systems of Separation, Enslavement, Self-Interest, Memory, Mind and Abuse 


I Forgive myself that I have Accepted and Allowed myself to Believe that I am a System 


I Forgive myself that I have Accepted myself as the thoughts and emotion in my mind and I Forgive myself that I have Accepted myself as subject to the thoughts and emotions in my mind believing that this was all I was


I Forgive myself that I have not Accepted and Allowed myself to Support myself Unconditionally as Life, to Walk this Process of Stopping the Mind in Self-Trust and Self-Love


I Support me as Life