My world is closing up on me. I wake up feeling annoyed and frustrated. There is truly nowhere left to run. I try, as hard as I can, to use things to distract me from myself, but it is not working very well. It is like the world outside me has become so very small. There is nothing OUT THERE. Instead my inner world seems bigger and bigger, and sometimes the issues come tumbling down so I feel like I am drowning in them. I cannot breathe, or rather, I do not! There is nothing inside me, except for all the lies I have build up as a wall around me. What will happen when the lies are gone? What will happen if I do not confront myself, if I do not push myself through this? So the only thing I can do, is to deal with all the lies one lie after another, and it seems as if that will take me at least a lifetime. Then what?
In a way I do not care anymore. I would rather remove myself instead of continuing to withhold the lie for myself and for everyone else.
What would happen if I actually stood up as LIFE? The way I see it right now, I would reject the most of my world. I would become so terribly alone. What am I now? A lie, a coward.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for not standing up for myself
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand up for myself
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am a coward
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wanting to give up
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for trying to run from myself through food, sleep and TV
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for trying to hide from myself through food, sleep and TV
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel powerless
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel angry at myself for not standing up
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel hate against myself
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from what I believe to be other people
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use other people as a mirror because I refuse to see these things inside myself
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot change what I have become
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to identify the mind as who I am, and therefor become a slave to my mind
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to keep postponing the inevitable, that I myself created myself like this
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to take responsibility for the world I created
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live out of fear and guild
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for living in fear and guild

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